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for if I know my own heart, I was never except for its long sitting. Those vivacious, selfish,-never possessed a luxury which I long-continued meals of the latter Romans, did not hasten to communicate to others ; indeed, I justly envy ; but the kind of fare but my food, alas ! was none; it was an which the Curii and Dentati put up with, I indispensable necessary ; I could as soon could be content with. Dentatus I have have spared the blood in my veins, as have been called, among other unsavoury jests. parted that with my companions.
Doublemeal is another name which my Well, no one stage of suffering lasts for acquaintance have palmed upon me, for an ever: we should grow reconciled to it at innocent piece of policy which I put in length, I suppose, if it did. The miseries of practice for some time without being found my school-days had their end; I was once out ; which was-going the round of my more restored to the paternal dwelling. The friends, beginning with the most primitive affectionate solicitude of my parents was feeders among them, who take their dinner directed to the good-natured purpose of about one o'clock, and so successively dropconcealing, even from myself, the infirmity ping in upon the next and the next, till by which haunted me. I was continually told the time I got among my more fashionable that I was growing, and the appetite I dis- intimates, whose hour was six or seven, I played was humanely represented as being have nearly made up the body of a just and nothing more than a symptom and an effect complete meal (as I reckon it), without of that. I used even to be complimented taking more than one dinner (as they account upon it. But this temporary fiction could of dinners) at one person's house. Since I not endure above a year or two. I ceased to have been found out, I endeavour to make grow, but, alas ! I did not cease my demands up by a damper, as I call it, at home, before for alimentary sustenance.
I go out. But alas ! with me, increase of Those times are long since past, and with appetite truly grows by what it feeds on. them have ceased to exist the fond conceal- What is peculiarly offensive to me at those ment—the indulgent blindness—the delicate dinner-parties is, the senseless custom of overlooking—the compassionate fiction. I cheese, and the dessert afterwards. I have and my infirmity are left exposed and bare a rational antipathy to the former; and for to the broad, unwinking eye of the world, fruit, and those other vain vegetable substiwhich nothing can elude. My meals are tutes for meat (meat, the only legitimate scanned, my mouthfuls weighed in a balance; aliment for human creatures since the Flood, that which appetite demands is set down to as I take it to be deduced from that perthe account of gluttony,-a sin which my mission, or ordinance rather, given to Noah whole soul abhors-nay, which Nature her- and his descendants), I hold them in perfect self has put it out of my power to commit. contempt. Hay for horses. I remember a I am constitutionally disenabled from that pretty apologue, which Mandeville tells, very vice ; for how can he be guilty of excess who much to this purpose, in his Fable of the never can get enough? Let them cease, Bees :—He brings in a Lion arguing with a then, to watch my plate ; and leave off their Merchant, who had ventured to expostulate ungracious comparisons of it to the seven with this king of beasts upon his violent baskets of fragments, and the supernaturally- methods of feeding. The Lion thus retorts : replenished cup of old Baucis : and be "Savage I am ; but no creature can be thankful that their more phlegmatic stomachs, called cruel but what either by malice or not their virtue, have saved them from the insensibility extinguishes his natural pity. like reproaches. I do not see that any of The Lion was born without compassion ; we them desist from eating till the holy rage of follow the instinct of our nature ; the gods hunger, as some one calls it, is supplied. have appointed us to live upon the waste Alas! I am doomed to stop short of that and spoil of other animals, and as long as continence.
we can meet with dead ones, we never hunt What am I to do? I am by disposition after the living ; 'tis only man, mischievous inclined to conviviality and the social meal. man, that can make death a sport. Nature I am no gourmand : I require no dainties: I taught your stomach to crave nothing but should despise the board of Heliogabalus, vegetables.-(Under favour of the Lion, if he
meant to assert this universally of mankind, Rather let me say, that to the satisfaction it is not true. However, what he says of that talent which was given me, I have presently is very sensible.)—Your violent been content to sacrifice no common expectfondness to change, and greater eagerness ations ; for such I had from an old lady, a after novelties, have prompted you to the near relation of our family, in whose good destruction of animals without justice or graces I had the fortune to stand, till one necessity. The Lion has a ferment withiu fatal evening You have seen, Mr. him, that consumes the toughest skin and Reflector, if you have ever passed your time hardest bones, as well as the flesh of all much in country towns, the kind of suppers animals, without exception. Your squeamish which elderly ladies in those places have stomach, in which the digestive heat is weak lying in petto in an adjoining parlour, next and inconsiderable, won't so much as admit to that where they are entertaining their of the most tender parts of them, unless periodically-invited coevals with cards and above half the concoction has been performed muffins. The cloth is usually spread some by artificial fire beforehand; and yet what half-hour before the final rubber is decided, animal have you spared, to satisfy the whence they adjourn to sup upon what may caprices of a languid appetite ? Languid, I emphatically be called nothing ;-a sliver of say; for what is man's hunger if compared ham, purposely contrived to be transparent with the Lion's ? Yours, when it is at the to show the china-dish through it, neighworst, makes you faint ; mine makes me bouring a slip of invisible brawn, which mad : oft have I tried with roots and herbs abuts upon something they call a tartlet, as to allay the violence of it, but in vain ; that is bravely supported by an atom of nothing but large quantities of flesh can any marmalade, flanked in its turn by a grain of ways appease it.”—Allowing for the Lion potted beef, with a power of such dishlings, not having a prophetic instinct to take in minims of hospitality, spread in defiance of every lusus naturæ that was possible of the human nature, or rather with an utter human appetite, he was, generally speaking, ignorance of what it demands. Being engaged in the right; and the Merchant was so at one of these card-parties, I was obliged to impressed with his argument that, we are go a little before supper time (as they facetold, he replied not, but fainted away. O, tiously called the point of time in which Mr. Reflector, that I were not obliged to they are taking these shadowy refections), add, that the creature who thus argues was and the old lady, with a sort of fear shining but a type of me! Miserable man! I am through the smile of courteous hospitality that Lion ! “Oft have I tried with roots that beamed in her countenance, begged me and herbs to allay that violence, but in vain; to step into the next room and take somenothing but
thing before I went out in the cold, -a Those tales which are renewed as often as proposal which lay not in my nature to deny. the editors of papers want to fill up a space Indignant at the airy prospect I saw before in their unfeeling columns, of great eaters,— me, I set to, and in a trice despatched the people that devour whole geese and legs of whole meal intended for eleven persons, mutton for wagers,—are sometimes attempted fish, flesh, fowl, pastry,—to the sprigs of to be drawn to a parallel with my case. garnishing parsley, and the last fearful This wilful confounding of motives and custard that quaked upon the board. I need circumstances, which make all the difference not describe the consternation, when in due of moral or immoral in actions, just suits the time the dowagers adjourned from their sort of talent which some of my acquaintance cards. Where was the supper :—and the pride themselves upon. Wagers !—I thank servants' answer, Mr. had eat it all. Heaven, I was never mercenary, nor could --That freak, however, jested me out of a consent to prostitute a gift (though but a good three hundred pounds a year, which I left-handed one) of nature, to the enlarging afterwards was informed for a certainty the of my worldly substance ; prudent as the old lady meant to leave me. I mention it necessities, which that fatal gift have involved not in illustration of the unhappy faculty me in, might have made such a prostitution which I am possessed of; for any unlucky to appear in the eyes of an indelicate world. wag of a schoolboy, with a tolerable appetite,
could have done as much without feeling shall have ceased their importunity, be any hurt after it,-only that you may judge cut up also (horrible suggestion !) to deterwhether I am a man likely to set my talent mine in what system of solids or fluids this to sale, or to require the pitiful stimulus of original sin of my constitution lay lurking. a wager.
What work will they make with their acids I have read in Pliny, or in some author of and alkalines, their serums and coagulums, that stamp, of a. reptile in Africa, whose effervescences, viscous matter, bile, chyle, venom is of that hot, destructive quality, and acrimonious juices, to explain that cause that wheresoever it fastens its tooth, the which Nature, who willed the effect to punish whole substance of the animal that has been me for my sins, may no less have determined bitten in a few seconds is reduced to dust, to keep in the dark from them, to punish crumbles away, and absolutely disappears : them for their presumption ! it is called, from this quality, the Annihilator. You may ask, Mr. Reflector, to what Why am I forced to seek, in all the most purpose is my appeal to you ; what can you prodigious and portentous facts of Natural do for me? Alas ! I know too well that my History, for creatures typical of myself ? case is out of the reach of advice,out of the I am that snake, that Annihilator: "wherever reach of consolation. But it is some relief I fasten, in a few seconds —"
to the wounded heart to impart its tale of O happy sick men, that are groaning under misery ; and some of my acquaintance, who the want of that very thing, the excess of may read my case in your pages under a which is my torment ! O fortunate, too borrowed name, may be induced to give it a fortunate, if you knew your happiness, more humane consideration than I could invalids! What would I not give to ever yet obtain from them under my own. exchange this fierce concoctive and digestive Make them, if possible, to reflect, that an heat, this rabid fury which vexes me, original peculiarity of constitution is no which tears and torments me,- for your crime ; that not that which goes into the quiet, mortified, hermit-like, subdued, and mouth desecrates a man, but that which sanctified stomachs, your cool, chastened comes out of it, —such as sarcasm, bitter inclinations, and coy desires for food ! jests, mocks and taunts, and ill-natured
To what unhappy figuration of the parts observations; and let them consider, if there intestine I owe this unnatural craving, I be such things (which we have all heard of) must leave to the anatomists and the as Pious Treachery, Innocent Adultery, &c., physicians to determine : they, like the rest whether there may not be also such a thing of the world, have doubtless their eye upon as Innocent Gluttony. me; and as I have been cut up alive by the
I shall only subscribe myself, sarcasms of my friends, so I shudder when I contemplate the probability that this
Your afflicted servant, animal frame, when its restless appetites
EXTRACTED FROM A COMMON-PLACE BOOK,
WHICR BELONGED TO ROBERT BURTON, THE FAMOUS AUTHOR OF THE ANATOMY OF MELANCHOLY.
with great content upon the Venetian Rialto,
as he describes diffusedly in his book the I DEMOCRITUS Junior, have put my finish- World's Epitome, which Sannazar so being pen to a tractate De Melancholia, this praiseth, e contra our Polydore can see noday, December 5, 1620. First, I blesse the thing in it; they call me singular, a pedant, Trinity, which hath given me health to pro- fantastic, words of reproach in this age, which secute my worthlesse studies thus far, and is all too neoterick and light for my
humour. make supplication, with a Laus Deo, if in any One cometh to me sighing, complaining. case these my poor labours may be found in- He expected universal remedies in my Anastrumental to weede out black melancholy, tomy ; so many cures as there are distemcarking cares, harte-grief, from the mind of peratures among men. I have not put his Sed hoc magis volo quam ex pecto.
affection in my cases. Hear you his case. I turn now to my book, i nunc liber, goe My fine Sir is a lover, an inamorata, a Pyraforth, my brave Anatomy, child of my brain- mus, a Romeo ; he walks seven years dissweat, and yee, candidi lectores, lo! here I consolate, moping, because he cannot enjoy give him up to you, even do with him what his miss, insanus amor is his melancholy, you please, my masters. Some, I suppose, the man is mad; delirat, he dotes ; all this will applaud, com mmend, cry him up (these while his Glycera is rude, spiteful, not to be are my friends), hee is a flos rarus, forsooth, entreated, churlish, spits at him, yet exceeda none-such, a Phoenix, (concerning whom ing fair, gentle eyes (which is a beauty), hair see Plinius and Mandeuille, though Fienus de lustrous and smiling, the trope is none of Monstris doubteth at large of such a bird, mine, Æneas Sylvius hath crines ridentes— whom Montaltus confuting argueth to have in conclusion she is wedded to his rival, a been a man malæ scrupulositatis, of a weak boore, a Corydon, a rustic, omnino ignarus, he and cowardlie faith : Christopherus a Vega is can scarce construe Corderius, yet haughty, with him in this). Others again will blame, fantastic, opiniâtre. The lover travels, goes hiss, reprehende in many things, cry down into foreign parts, peregrinates, amoris ergo, altogether my collections, for crude, inept, sees manners, customs, not English, converses putid, post cænam scripta, Coryate could write with pilgrims, lying travellers, monks, herbetter upon a full meal, verbose, inerudite, mits, those cattle, pedlars, travelling gentry, and not sufficiently abounding in authorities, Egyptians, natural wonders, unicorns (though dogmata, sentences of learneder writers which Aldobrandus will have them to be figments), have been before me, when as that first- satyrs, semi-viri, apes, monkeys, baboons, named sort clean otherwise judge of my curiosities artificial, pyramides, Virgilius his labours to bee nothing else but a messe of tombe, relicks, bones, which are nothing but opinions, a vortex attracting indiscriminate, ivory as Melancthon judges, though Cornugold, pearls, hay, straw, wood, excrement, an tus leaneth to think them bones of dogs, exchange, tavern, marte, for foreigners to cats, (why not men ?) which subtill priests congregate, Danes, Swedes, Hollanders, Lom- vouch to have been saints, martyrs, heu bards, so many strange faces, dresses, saluta- Pietas! By that time he has ended his tious, languages, all which Wolfius behelde course, fugit hora, seven other years are
expired, gone by, time is he should return, he and wild parsley, good in such cases, though taketh ship for Britaine, much desired of his Avicenna preferreth some sorts of wild fowl, friends, favebant venti, Neptune is curteis, teals, widgeons, beccaficos, which men in after some weekes at sea he landeth, rides Sussex eat. He flies out in a passion, ho! ho; post to town, greets his family, kinsmen, and falls to calling me names, dizzard, ass, com potores, those jokers his friends that were lunatic, moper, Bedlamite, Pseudo-Demowont to tipple with him at alehouses ; these critus. I smile in his face, bidding him wonder now to see the change, quantum be patient, tranquil, to no purpose, he still mutatus, the man is quite another thing, he is rages : I think this man must fetch his redisenthralled, manumitted, he wonders what medies from Utopia, Fairy Land, Islands in so bewitched him, he can now both see, hear, the Moone, &c. smell, handle, converse with his mistress, single by reason of the death of his rival, a widow having children, grown willing, prompt, amorous, showing no such great
** Much disputacyons of fierce dislike to second nuptials, he might have wits amongst themselves, in logomachies, her for asking, no such thing, his mind is subtile controversies, many dry blows given changed, he loathes his former meat, had on either side, contentions of learned men, liever eat ratsbane, aconite, his humour is to or such as would be so thought, as Bodinus die a bachelour ; marke the conclusion. In de Periodis saith of such an one, arrident this humour of celibate seven other years amici ridet mundus, in English, this man his are consumed in idleness, sloth, world's plea- cronies they cocker him up, they flatter him, sures, which fatigate, satiate, induce weari- he would fayne appear somebody, meanwhile nesse, vapours, tædium vitæ : When upon a the world thinks him no better than a dizday, behold a wonder, redit Amor, the man zard, a ninny, a sophist. * * is as sick as ever, he is commenced lover * * * Philosophy running mad, madness upon the old stock, walks with his hand philosophizing, much idle-learned inquiries, thrust in his bosom for negligence, moping what truth is ? and no issue, fruit, of all he leans his head, face yellow, beard flowing these noises, only huge books are written, and incomposite, eyes sunken, anhelus, breath and who is the wiser ?
* * Men sitwheezy and asthmatical, by reason of over-much ting in the Doctor's chair, we marvel how sighing : society he abhors, solitude is but a they got there, being homines intellectús pulhell, what shall he doe? all this while his verulenti as Trincavellius notes ; they care mistresse is forward, coming, amantissima, not so they may raise a dust to smother the ready to jump at once into his mouth, her he eyes of their oppugners ; homines parvulishateth, feels disgust when she is but men- simi, as Lemnius, whom Alcuin herein taxeth tioned, thinks her ugly, old, a painted Jesa- of a crude Latinism ; dwarfs, minims, the beel, Alecto, Megara, and Tisiphone all at least little men, these spend their time, once, a Corinthian Lais, a strumpet, only not and it is odds but they lose their time and handsome ; that which he affecteth so much, wits too into the bargain, chasing of nimble that which drives him mad, distracted, phre- and retiring Truth: Her they prosecute, her netic, beside himself, is no beauty which still they worship, libant, they make libalives, nothing in rerum naturâ (so he might tions, spilling the wine, as those old Romans entertain a hope of a cure), but something in their sacrificials, Cerealia, May-games : which is not, can never be, a certain fantastic Truth is the game all these hunt after, to opinion or notional image of his mistresse, the extreme perturbacyon and drying up of that which she was, and that which hee the moistures, humidum radicale exsiccant, as thought her to be, in former times, how Galen, in his counsels to one of these wearbeautiful! torments him, frets him, follows wits, brain-moppers, spunges, saith. him, makes him that he wishes to die. and for all this nunquam metam attingunt,
This Caprichio, Sir Humourous, hee cometh and how should they? they bowle awry, to me to be cured. I counsel marriage with shooting beside the marke; whereas it should his mistresse, according to Hippocrates his appear, that Truth absolute on this planet of method, together with milk-diet, herbs, aloes, ours is scarcely to be found, but in her stede