views of preferment were deliberately giving up, and, with an increasing family, I was left, as far as mere human prudence could discern, with little other prospect, than that of poverty and distress. My scruple was, as I now see, a mistaken one; much selfsufficiency, undue warmth of temper, and obstinacy, were betrayed in the management of this affair, for which I ought to be humbled. But my adherence to the dictates of my conscience, and holding fast my integrity in such trying circumstances, I never did, nor, I trust, ever shall repent

of.

No sooner was my determination known, than I was much blamed by many of my friends. They all, I am sensible, did it out of kindness to me, but they used arguments of different kinds. And though I was confirmed in my resolution by the reasonings used to induce me to alter it; yet were they at length made instrumental in bringing me to this important determination: "not so to believe what any man said, as to take it upon his authority; but to search the word of God with this single intention, to discov

er, whether the articles of the church of England in general, and this creed in particular, were, or were not, agreeable thereto." I had studied the scriptures in some measure before, for the sake of becoming acquainted with the original languages, and in order to fetch thence detached texts to support my own system, and I had a tolerable acquaintance with the historical, and preceptive parts of them: but I had not searched this precious repository of divine knowledge, with the express design of discovering the truth in controverted matters of doctrine. I had very rarely been troubled with suspicions, that I was, or might be mistaken; and now rather thought of becoming better qualified upon scriptural grounds to defend my determination, than of being led to any change of sentiments.

However, I set about the inquiry; and the first passage, as I remember, which made me suspect, that I might be wrong, was James i. 5. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who giveth to all

men liberally, and upbraideth not, and it

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shall be given him." On considering these words with some attention, I became conscious, that, though I had thought myself wise, yet certainly I had obtained none of my wisdom in this manner; for I had never offered one prayer to that effect in my life: and I also perceived, that this text contained a suitable direction, and an encouraging promise in my present inquiry: and from this time, in my poor manner, I began to ask God to give me this promised wisdom.

Shortly after I meditated upon, and preached from John vii. 16, 17. "My doctrine is not mine, but his that sent me; if any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself." I was surprised, that I had not before attended to such remarkable words. I discovered, that they contained a direction, and a promise, calculated to serve as a clue, in extricating the sincere inquirer after truth, from that labyrinth of controversy, wherein, at his first setting out, he is like to be bewildered. And though my mind was too much leav

ened with the pride of reasoning, as yet to reap that benefit from this precious text, which it is capable of affording to the soul, that is humbly willing to be taught of God; yet, being conscious, that I was willing to risque every thing, in doing what I thought his will, I was encouraged with the assurance, that if I were under, a mistake, I should sometime discover it.

I was further led to suspect, that I might possibly be wrong, because I had not hitherto sought the truth in the proper manner, by attending to Proverbs c. iii. v. 5, 6. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to thine own understanding : in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Evidently I had not hitherto trusted in the Lord with all my heart, nor acknowledged him in all my ways, nor depended on his directions in all my paths; but in my religious speculations, had leaned wholly to my own understanding.

But though these passages, and some others, made for the present a great impression upon me, and influenced me to make

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it a part of my daily prayers, that I might be directed to a right understanding of the word of God; yet my pride and addictedness to controversy, had, as some desperate disease, infected my whole soul, and I was not to be cured all at once. I was far from being like a little child, sitting humbly, and simply at the Lord's feet, to learn from him the very first rudiments of divine knowledge. I had yet no abiding suspicion, that all which I had heretofore accounted wisdom, was foolishness, and must be unlearned, and counted loss, before I could attain to the excellency of the true knowledge of Jesus Christ for though I began to allow it probable, that in some few matters I might have: been in an error, yet in the main, I still was confident my scheme of doctrine was true. When I was pressed with objections, and arguments against any of my sentiments, and when doubts began to arise in my mind, to put off the uneasiness thereby occasioned, my constant practice was to recollect, as far as I could, all the reasonings, and interpretations of scripture, on the other side of the