1st Gentleman. Puppy! Mr. H. A Baronet at the table, seeing my dilemma, jogged my elbow; and a good-natured Duchess, who does every thing with a grace peculiar to herself, trod on my toes at that instant : this brought me to myself, and-covered with blushes, and pitied by all the ladies-I withdrew. 1st Lady. How charmingly he tells a story. 2d Lady. But how distressing! Mr. H. Lord Squandercounsel, who is my particular friend, was pleased to railly me in his inimitable way upon it next day. I shall never forget a sensible thing he said on the occasionspeaking of absence of mind, my foible—says he, my dear Hogs Several Ladies. Hogs-what-ha Mr. H. My dear Hogsflesh-my name-(here an universal scream)-O my cursed unfortunate tongue!-H. I mean-Where was I? 1st Lady. Filthy-abominable! 2d Lady. Unutterable! 3d Lady. Hogs—foh! 4th Lady. Disgusting! 5th Lady. Vile! 6th Lady. Shocking! 1st Lady. Odious! 2d Lady. Hogs-pah! 3d Lady. A smelling bottle-look to Miss Melesinda. Poor thing! it is no wonder. You had better keep off from her, Mr. Hogsflesh, and not be pressing about her in her circumstances. 1st Gentleman. Good time of day to you, Mr. Hogsflesh. 2d Gentleman. The compliments of the season to you, Mr. Hogsflesh. Mr. H. This is too much-flesh and blood cannot endure it. 1st Gentleman. What flesh ?-hog's-flesh? 2d Gentleman. How he sets up his bristles! Mr. H. Bristles! 1st Gentleman. He looks as fierce as a hog in armour. Mr. H. A hog! -Madam!- -(here he severally accosts the ladies, who by turns repel him.) 1st Lady. Extremely obliged to you for your attentions; but don't want a partner. 2d Lady. Greatly flattered by your preference; but believe I shall remain single. 3d Lady. Shall always acknowledge your politeness; but have no thoughts of altering my condition. 4th Lady. Always be happy to respect you as a friend; but you must not look for any thing further. 5th Lady. No doubt of your ability to make any woman happy; but have no thoughts of changing my name. 6th Lady. Must tell you, Sir, that if by your insinuations, you think to prevail with me, you have got the wrong sow by the ear. Does he think any lady would go to pig with him? Old Lady. Must beg you to be less particular in your addresses to me. Does he take me for a Jew, to long after forbidden meats? Mr. H. I shall go mad!-to be refused by old Mother Damnable-she that's so old, nobody knows whether she was ever married or no, but passes for a maid by courtesy; her juvenile exploits being beyond the farthest stretch of tradition!-old Mother Damnable ! [Exeunt all, either pitying or seeming to avoid him. SCENE.-The Street. BELVIL and another Gentleman. Belvil. Poor Jack, I am really sorry for him. The account which you give me of his mortifying change of reception at the assembly, would be highly diverting, if it gave me less pain to hear it. With all his amusing absurdities, and amongst them not the least, a predominant desire to be thought well of by the fair sex, he has an abundant share of good nature, and is a man of hoNotwithstanding all that has happened, Melesinda may do worse than take him yet. But did the women resent it so deeply as you say? nour. Gentleman. O intolerably-they fled him as fearfully when 'twas once blown, as a man would be avoided, who was suddenly discovered to have marks of the plague, and as fast; when before they had been ready to devour the foolishest thing he could say. Belvil. Ha! ha! so frail is the tenure by which these women's favourites commonly hold their envied pre-eminence. Well, I must go find him out and comfort him. I suppose, I shall find him at the inn. Gentleman. Either there or at Melesinda's. Adieu. SCENE.-MR. H- -'s Apartment. [Exeunt. Mr. H. (solus) Was ever any thing so mortifying? to be refused by old Mother Damnable !— with such parts and address, and the little squeamish devils, to dislike me for a name, a sound.-O my cursed name! that it was something I could be revenged on! if it were alive, that I might tread upon it, or crush it, or pummel it, or kick it, or spit it out-for it sticks in my throat and will choak me. My plaguy ancestors! if they had left me but a Van or a Mac, or an Irish O', it had been something to qualify it.-Mynheer Van Hogsflesh,or Sawney Mac Hogsflesh,-or Sir Phelim O' Hogsflesh, but downright blunt If it had been any other name in the world, I could have borne it. If it had been the name of a beast, as Bull, Fox, Kid, Lamb, Wolf, Lion; or of a bird, as Sparrow, Hawk, Buzzard, Daw, Finch, Nightingale; or of a fish, as Sprat, Herring, Salmon; or the name of a thing, as Ginger, Hay, Wood or of a colour, as Black, Grey, White, Green; or of a sound, as Bray; or the name of a month, as March, May; or of a place, as Barnet, Baldock, Hitchin; or the name of a coin, as Farthing, Penny, Twopenny; or of a profession, as Butcher, Baker, Carpenter, Piper, Fisher, Fletcher, Fowler, Glover; or a Jew's name, as Solomons, Isaacs, Jacobs; or a personal name, as Foot, Leg, Crookshanks, Heaviside, Sidebottom, |