N° XXX. WEDNESDAY, APRIL 4. SI, MIMNERMUS UTI CENSET, SINE AMORE JOCISQUE HOR. EP. I. VI. 56. IF NOTHING, AS MIMNERMUS STRIVES TO PROVE, NE common calamity makes men they differ in every other particular. The paffion of love is the most general concern among men; and I am glad to hear by my last advices from Oxford, that there are a fet of fighers in that univerfity, who have erected themselves into a fociety, in honour of that tender paffion. Thefe gentlemen are of that fort of inamoratos, who are not fo very much loft to common fenfe, but that they understand the folly they are guilty of; and for that reafon feparate them felves from all other company, because they will enjoy the pleasure of talking incoherently, without being ridiculous to any but each other. When a man comes into the club, he is not obliged to make any introduction to his difcourse, but at once, as he is feating himself in his chair, fpeaks in the thread of his own thoughts She gave me a very obliging glance, fhe never looked 'fo well in her life as this evening;' or the like reflection, without regard to any other member of the fociety; for in this affembly they do not meet to talk to each other, but every man claims the full liberty of talking to himfelf. Instead of fnuff boxes and canes, which are ufual helps to difcourfe with other young fellows, these have each fome piece of ribbon, a broken fan, or an old girdle, which they play with while they talk of the fair perfon remembered by each refpective token. According to the reprefentation of the matter from my letters, the company appear like fo many players rehcarfing behind the fcenes; one is fighing and lamenting his destiny in beseeching terms, another declaring he will break his chain, and another in dumb-fhow-ftriving to exprefs his pallion by his gesture. It is very ordinary in the aflembly for one of a fudden to rife and make a difcourfe con CREECH. cerning his paffion in general, and de manner, as that the whole company fhalt join in the defcription, and feel the force of it. In this cafe, if any man has declared the violence of his flame in more pathetic terms, he is made prefident for that night, out of respect to his fuperior paffion. We had fome years ago in this town a fet of people who met and dreffed like lovers, and were diftinguished by the name of the Fringe-glove Club; but they were perfons of fuch moderate intellects, even before they were impaired by their paffion, that their irregularities could not furnifh fufficient variety of folly to afford daily new impertinencies; by which means that inftitution dropped. Thefe fellows could exprefs their paflion in nothing but their drefs; but the Oxonians are fantastical now they are lovers, in proportion to their learning and understanding before they became fuch. The thoughts of the ancient pocts on this agreeable phrenzy, are tranflated in honour of fome modern beauty; and Chloris is won to-day by the fame compliment that was made to Lefbia a thousand years ago. But-as far as I can learn, the patron of the club is the renowned Don Quixote. The adventures of that gentle knight are frequently mentioned in the fociety, under the colour of laughing at the paffion and themselves; but at the fame time, though they are fenfible of the extravagances of that unhappy warrior, they do not obferve, that to turn all the reading of the beft and wifeft writings into rhapsodies of love, is a phrenzy no lefs diverting than that of the aforefaid accomplished Spaniard. A gentleman who, I hope, will continue his correfpondence, is lately admitted into the fraternity, and fent me the following letter. SIR, SINCE I find you take notice of clubs, I beg leave to give you an account of one in Oxford, which you have no where mentioned, and perhaps never heard of. We diftinguith ourfelves by the title of the Amorous Club, are all votaries of Cupid, and admirers of the fair-fex. The reafon that we are fo little known in the world, is the fecrecy which we are obliged to live under in the university. Our conftitution runs counter to that of the place wherein we live; for in love there are no doctors, and we all profefs fo high paffion, that we admit of no graduates in it. Our prefident hip is bettowed according to the dignity of paffion; our number is unlimited; and our statutes are like thofe of the Druids, recorded in our own breasts only, and explained by the majority of the company. A miltrefs, and a poem in her praife, will introduce any candidate; without the latter no one can be adinitted; for he that is not in love enough to thyme, is unqualified for our fociety. To fpeak difrefpectfully of any woman is expulsion from our gentle fociety. As we are at prefent all of us gown-men, instead of duelling when we are rivals, we drink together the health of our miltrefs. The manner of doing this fometimes indeed creates debates; on fuch occafions we have recourfe to the rules of love among the ancients. Naevia fex cyathis, feptem Juftina bibatur. MART. EFIG. 1. 724 Six cups to Naevia, to Juftina feven letter This method of a glafs to every of her name, occafioned the other night a dispute of fome warmth. A young ftudent, who is in love with Mrs. Eliza. beth Dimple, was fo unreafonable as to begin her health under the name of Elizabetha; which fo exasperated the club, that by common confent we retrenched it to Betty. We look upon a man as no company, that does not figh five times in a quarter of an hour; and look upon a member as very abfurd, that is fo much himfelf as to make a direct anfwer to a question. In fine, the whole affembly is made up of abfent men, that is, of fuch perfons as have loft their locality, and whofe minds and bodies never keep company with one another. As I am an unfortunate member of this diftracted fociety, you cannot expect a very regular account of it; for which reafon, I hope you will pardon me that I fo abruptly fubfcribe myself, Sir, your molt obedient humble fervant, T. B. I forgot to tell you, that Albina, who has fix votaries in this club, is one of your readers, L N° XXXI. THURSDAY, APRIL 5. SIT MIHI FAS AUDITA LOQUI VIRG. EN. VI. 266. WHAT I HAVE HEARD, PERMIT ME TO RELATE. AST night, upon my going into a coffee-house not far from the Haymarket theatre, I diverted myfelf for above half an hour with overhearing the discourte of one, who, by the fhab-. binefs of his dress, the extravagance of his conceptions, and the hurry of his fpeech, I difcovered to be of that fpecies who are generally diftinguifhed by the title of Projectors. This gentleman, for I found he was treated as fuch by his audience, was entertaining a whole table of lifteners with the project of an opera, which he told us had not coft him above two or three mornings in the contrivance, and which he was ready to put in execution, provided he might find his account in it. He faid, that he had obferved the great trouble and inconvenience which ladies were at, in travelling up and down to the feveral fhows that are exhibited in different quarters of the town. The dancing monkies are in one place; the puppetfhow in another; the opera in a third; not to mention the lions, that are almoft a whole day's journey from the politer part of the town. By this means people people of figure are forced to lofe half the winter after their coming to town, before they have feen all the ftrange fights about it. In order to remedy this great inconvenience, our projector drew out of his pocket the fcheme of an opera, entitled, The Expedition of Alexander the Great;' in which he had difpofed all the remarkable fhows about town among the scenes and decorations of his piece. The thought, he confeffed, was not originally his own, but that he had taken the hint of it from several performances which he had feen upon our ftage; in one of which there was a rareefhow; in another, a ladder-dance; and in others a posture-man, a moving picture, with inany curiofities of the like nature. The Expedition of Alexander opens with his confulting the Oracle at Delphos, in which the dumb conjurer, who has been visited by fo many perfons of quality of late years, is to be introduced as telling him his fortune: at the fame time Clinch of Barnet is reprefented in another corner of the temple, as ringing the bells of Delphos, for joy of his arrival. The tent of Darius is to be peopled by the ingenious Mrs. Salmon, where Alexander is to fall in love with a piece of wax-work, that reprefents the beautiful Statira. When Alexander comes into that country in which Quintus Curtius tells us the dogs were fo exceeding fierce that they would not lofe their hold, though they were cut to pieces limb by limb, and that they would hang upon their prey by their teeth when they had nothing but a mouth left, there is to be a fcene of Hockley in the Hole, in which is to be reprefented all the diverfions of that place, the Bull-baiting only excepted, which cannot poffibly be exhibited in the theatre, by reafon of the lowness of the roof. The feveral woods in Afia, which Alexander must be fuppofed to pafs through, will give the audience a fight of monkies dancing upon ropes, with many other pleafantries of that ludicrous fpecies. At the fame time, if there chance to be any ftrange animals in town, whether birds or beafts, they may be either let loofe among the woods, or driven across the ftage by fome of the country people of Afia. In the laft great battle, Pinkethman is to perfonate King Porus upon an elephant, and is to be encountered by Powell, reprefenting Alexander the Great, upon a dromedary, which nevertheless Mr. Powell is defired to call by the name of Bucephalus. Upon the clofe of this great decifive battle, when the kings are thoroughly reconciled, to fhew the mutual friendship and good correspondence that reigns between them, they both of them go together to a puppet-fhow, in which the ingenious Mr. Powell, junior, may have an opportunity of difplaying his whole art of machinery, for the diverfion of the two monarchs. Some at the table urged, the puppet-show was not a fuitable entertainment for Alexander the Great; and that it might be introduced more properly, if we suppose the conqueror touched upon that part of India which is faid to be inhabited by the pygmies. But this objection was looked upon as frivolous, and the propofal immediately over-ruled. Our projector further added, that after the reconciliation of these two kings, they might invite one another to dinner, and either of them entertain his gueft with the German Artift, Mr. Pinkethman's Heathen Gods, or any of the like diverfions, which fhall then chance to be in vogue. This project was received with very great applaufe by the whole table. Upon which the undertaker told us, that he had not yet communicated to us above half his design; for that Alexander being a Greek, it was his intention that the whole opera should be acted in that language, which was a tongue he was fure would wonderfully pleate the ladies, efpecially when it was a little raised and rounded by the Ionic dialect; and could not but be acceptable to the whole audience, because there are fewer of them who understand Greek than Italian. The only difficulty that remained, was how to get performers, unless we could perfuade fome gentlemen of the univer fities to learn to fing, in order to qualify themselves for the ftage, but this objection foon vanished when the projector informed us that the Greeks were at prefent the only musicians in the Turkifh empire, and that it would be very eafy for our factory at Smyrna to furnish us every year with a colony of musicians, by the opportunity of the Turkey fleet; Befides,' fays he, if we want any fingle voice for any lower part in the opera, Lawrence can learn " to fpeak Greek, as well as he does. 'Italian, in a fortnight's time.' 6 The thousand pound every winter, I would, undertake to fetch him over, and oblige him by articles to fet every thing that should be fung upon the English ftage. After this he looked full in my face, expecting I would make an anfwer; when by good luck, a gentleman that had entered the coffee-houfe fince the projector applied himself to me, hearing him talk of his Swifs compofi tions, cried out with a kind of laugh'Is our music then to receive farther im The projector having thus fettled mat. ters, to the good liking of all that heard him, he left his feat at the table, and planted himself before the fire, where I had unluckily taken my ftand for the convenience of overhearing what he faid. Whether he had obferved me to be more attentive than ordinary, I cannot tell, but he had not flood by me above a quarter of a minute, but he turned fhort upon me on a sudden, and catching me by a button of my coat, attacked me very abruptly after the following man-provements from Switzerland?' This ner. Befides, Sir, I have heard of a ' very extraordinary genius for mufic ⚫ that lives in Switzerland, who has fo 'ftrong a fpring in his fingers, that he can make the board of an organ 'found like a drum; and if I could but 'procure a subscription of about ten ΤΗΣ alarmed the projector, who immediately let go my button, and turned about to anfwer him. I took the opportunity of the diverfion which feemed to be made in favour of me, and laying down my penny upon the bar, retired with fome precipitation. N° XXXII. FRIDAY, APRIL 6. NIL ILLI LARVA AUT TRAGICIS OPUS ESSE COTHURNIS. HE WANTS NO TRAGIC VISOR TO INCREASE HE late difcourfe concerning the ftatutes of the Ugly Club, having been fo well received at Oxford, that, contrary to the strict rules of the fociety, they have been fo partial as to take my own teftimonial, and admit me into that felect body; I could not restrain the vanity of publifhing to the world the honour which is done me. It is no small fatisfaction, that I have given occafion for the prefident's fhewing both his invention and reading to fuch advantage as my correfpondent reports he did: but it is not to be doubted there were many very proper hums and paufes in his harangue, which lofe their uglinefs in the narration, and which my correfpondent, begging his pardon, has no very good talent at reprefenting. I very much approve of the contempt the fociety has of beauty: nothing ought to be laudable in a man, in which his will is not concerned; therefore our fociety can follow nature, and where he has thought fit, as it were, to mock herself, we can do' so too, and be merry upon the occafion, HOR. SAT. I. v. 64. C I meet at the coffee-house door the other night, but my old friend Mr. Prefident? I faw fomewhat had pleased him; and as foon as he had caft his eye upon me- Oho, Doctor, rare news from London,' fays he; the Spectator has 'made honourable mention of the club, (man) and published to the world his fincere defire to be a member, with a recommendatory defcription of his 'phiz: and though our constitution has made no particular provision for short faces, yet, his being an extraord nary 'cafe, I believe we shall find an hole for him to creep in at; for I affure you he is not against the canon; and if his fides are as compact as his joles, he need not difguife himself to make one of us.' I prefently called for the paper, to fee how you looked in print; and after we had regaled ourselves a while upon the pleafant image of our profelyte, Mr. President told me I fhould be his ftranger at the next night's club: where we were no fooner come, and pipes brought, but Mr. Prefident began an harangue upon your introduction to my epiftle, fetting forth with no less volubility of fpeech than ftrength of reafon, that a fpecusation of this nature was what had been long and much wanted; and that he doubted not but it would be of inestimable value to the public, in reconciling even of bodies and fouls: in compofing and quieting the minds of men under all corporal redundancies, deficiencies, and irregularities whatfoever; and making every one fit down content in his own carcafe, though it were not perhaps fo mathematically put together as he could wish. And again, how that for want of a due confideration of what you first advance, viz. that our faces are not of our own choofing, people had been transported beyond all good-breeding, and hurried themfelves into unaccountable and fatal extravagances: as, how many impartial looking-glaffes had been cenfured and calumniated, nay, and fometimes shivered into ten thousand fplinters, only for a fair representation of the truth? How many headftrings and garters had been made acceffary, and actually forfeited, only becaufe folks must needs quarrel with their own fhadows? And who,' continues he, but is near half a tun. On the other hand, there is Squire Lath, a proper gentleman of fifteen hundred pounds per annum, as well as of an unblameable life and converfation; yet would not I be the efquire for half his eftate; for if it was as much more he would freely part with it all for a pair of legs to his mind: whereas in the reign of our first King Edward of glorious memory, nothing more modish than a brace of your fine taper fupporters; and his Majefty, with an inch of calf, ma'naged affairs in peace and war as laudably as the bravest and most politic ' of his ancestors; and was as terrible to his neighbours under the royal name of Long-fhanks, as Cœur de 'Lion to the Saracens before him. If we look farther back into hiftory, we 'fhall find that Alexander the Great wore his head a little over the left 'fhoulder; and then not a foul stirred out until he had adjusted his neckbone; the whole nobility addreffed the prince and each other obliquely, and 'all matters of importance were con certed and carried on in the Macedo'nian court with their polls on one fide. " deeply fenfible, that one great fource of the uneafinefs and mifery of human life, efpecially amongst thofe of dif tinction, arifes from nothing in the world elfe, but too fevere a contemplation of an indefeafible contexture of our external parts, or certain na⚫tural and invincible difpofitions to be fat or lean? When a little more of Mr. Spectator's philofophy would take off all this; and in the mean time let them obferve, that there is not one of their grievances of this fort, but perhaps, in fome ages of the world, has ⚫ been highly in vogue; and may be fo again; nay, in fome country or other, ten to one is fo at this day. My Lady. Ample is the moft miferable woman • in the world, purely of her own making; the even grudges herfelf meat and drink, for fear the fhould thrive by them; and is conftantly crying out-" "In a quarter of a year more I fhall be quite out of all manner of "fhape!" Now the lady's misfortune feems to be only this, that he is plant⚫ed in a wrong foil; for go but to the other fide of the water, it is a jeft at Harlem to talk of a fhape under eighteen ftone. Thefe wife traders regulate their beauties as they do their butter, by the pound; and Mifs Crofs, when the arrived in the Low-Countries, was not computed to be fo handfome as Madam Van Brisket by For about the first century nothing 'made more noife in the world than Roman nofes, and then not a word of them until they revived again in eightyeight. Nor is it fo very long fince Richard the Third fet up half the 'backs of the nation; and high shoulders, as well as high nofes, were the top of the fashion. But to come to ourfelves, gentlemen, though I find by my quinquennial obfervations, that we shall never get ladies enough to make a party in our own country, yet might we meet with better fuccefs among fome of our allies. And what think you if our board fat for a Dutch piece? Truly I am of opinion, that as odd as we appear in flesh and blood, we thould be no fuch strange things in metzo-tinto. But this project may reft until our number is complete; and this being our election night, give me leave to propofe Mr. Spectator. You fee his inclinations, and perhaps we may not have his fellow.' I found most of them (as is ufual in all fuch cafes) were prepared; but one of the feniors (whom by the bye Mr. Prefident had taken all this pains to bring over) fat ftill, and cocking his chin, which feemed only to be levelled at |