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No XXIII. TUESDAY, MARCH 27.

SEVIT ATROX VOLSCENS, NEC TELI CONSPICIT USQUAM AUCTOREM, NEC QUO SE ARDENS IMMITTERE POSSIT.

VIRG. EN. IX. 420.

FIERCE VOLSCENS FOAMS WITH RAGE, AND GAZING ROUND
DESCRY'D NOT HIM, WHO GAVE THE FATAL WOUND;
NOR KNEW TO FIX REVENGE,

HERE is nothing that more be

than the giving of fecret ftabs to a man's reputation. Lampoons and fatires, that are written with wit and fpirit, are like poisoned darts, which not only inflict a wound, but make it incurable. For this reafon I am very much troubled when I fee the talents of humour and ridicule in the possession of an ill-natured man. There cannot be a greater gratification to a barbarous and inhuman wit, than to ftir up forrow in the heart of a private perfon, to raise uneafinefs among near relations, and to expofe whole families to derifion, at the fame time that he remains unfeen and undifcovered. If, befides the accomplish ments of being witty and ill-natured, a man is vicious into the bargain, he is one of the most mischievous creatures that can enter into a civil fociety. His fatire will then chiefly fall upon thofe who ought to be the moft exempt from it. Virtue, merit, and every thing that is praifeworthy, will be made the fubject of ridicule and buffoonery. It is impoffible to enumerate the evils which arife from these arrows that fly in the dark; and I know no other excufe that is or can be made for them, than that the wounds they give are only imaginary, and produce nothing more than a fecret fhame or forrow in the mind of the fuffering perfon. It must indeed be confeffed, that a lampoon or fatire do not carry in them robbery or murder; but at the fame time, how many are there that would not rather lofe a confiderable fum of money, or even life itself, than be fet up as a mark of infamy and derifion? and in this case a man fhould confider, that an injury is not to be mcafured by the notions of him that gives, but of him who receives it.

Those who can put the best counte. nance upon the outrages of this nature which are offered them, are not without their fecret anguish. I have often ob

DRYDEN,

ferved a paffage in Socrates's behaviour the critics have confidered it. That excellent man, entertaining his friends a little before he drank the bowl of poifon, with a difcourfe on the immortality of the foul, at his entering upon it, fays, that he does not believe any the moft comic genius can cenfure him for talking upon fuch a fubject at fuch a time. This paffage, I think, evidently glances upon Ariftophanes, who writ a comedy on purpose to ridicule the difcourfes of that divine philofopher. It has been obferved by many writers, that Socrates was fo little moved at this piece of buffoonery, that he was feveral times present at it's being acted on the stage, and never expreffed the leaft refentment of it. But with submission, I think the remark I have here made fhews us, that this unworthy treatment made an impreffion upon his mind, though he had been too wife to difcover it.

When Julius Cæfar was lampooned by Catullus, he invited him to a fupper, and treated him with fuch a generous civility, that he made the poet his friend ever after. Cardinal Mazarine gave the fame kind treatment to the learned Quillet, who had reflected upon his eminence in a famous Latin poem. The cardinal fent for him, and after fome kind expoftulations upon what he had written, affured him of his esteem, and difiniffed him with a promife of the next good abbey that should fall, which he accordingly conferred upon him in a few months after. This had fo good an effect upon the author, that he dedicated the fecond edition of his book to the cardinal, after having expunged the paffages which had given him offence.

Sextus Quintus was not of fo generous and forgiving a temper. Upon his being made pope, the ftatue of Pafquin was one night dreffed in a very dirty fhirt, with an excufe written under it, that he was forced to wear foul linen,

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because

because his laundress was made a princess. This was a reflection upon the pope's fifter, who, before the promotion of her brother, was in thofe mean circumstances that Pafquin reprefented her. As this pafquinade made a great noise in Rome, the pope offered a confiderable fun of money to any perfon that should difcover the author of it. The author relying upon his Holiness's generofity, as alfo on fome private overtures which he had received from him, made the difcovery himself; upon which the pope gave him the reward he had promised, but at the fame time, to disable the fatirift for the future, ordered his tongue to be cut out, and both his hands to be chopped off. Aretine is too trite an inftance. Every one knows that all the kings in Europe were his tributaries. Nay, there is a letter of his extant, in which he makes his boasts that he had laid the Sophi of Perfia under contribution.

Though in the various examples which I have here drawn together, thefe feveral great men behaved themfelves very differently towards the wits of the age who had reproached thein; they all of them plainly thewed that they were very fenfible of their reproaches, and confequently that they received them. as very great injuries. For my own part, I would never truft a man that I thought was capable of giving these fecret wounds; and cannot but think that he would hurt the perfon, whofe reputation he thus affaults, in his body or in his fortune, could he do it with the fame fecurity. There is indeed fomething very barbarous and inhuman in the ordinary fcribblers of lampoons. An innocent young lady fhall be expofed, for an unhappy feature. A father of a fa mily turned to ridicule, for fome domeftic calamity. A wife be made uneafy all her life, for a mifinterpreted word or action. Nay, a good, a tem

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perate, and a juft man, shall be put out of countenance by the reprefentation of thofe qualities that should do him honour. So pernicious a thing is wit, when it is not tempered with virtue and humanity.

I have indeed heard of heedlefs inconfiderate writers, that without any malice have facrificed the reputation of their friends and acquaintance, to a certain levity of temper, and a filly ambition of diftinguishing themfelves by a fpirit of raillery and fatire; as if it were not infinitely more honourable to be a good-natured man, than a wit. Where there is this little petulant humour in an author, he is often very mischievous without designing to be fo. For which reafon I always lay it down as a rule, that an indiscreet man is more hurtful than an ill-natured one; for as the latter will only attack his enemies, and thofe he wishes ill to, the other injures indifferently both friends and foes. I cannot forbear, on this occafion, tranfcribing a fable out of Sir Roger l'Eftrange, which accidentally lies before me. A company of waggish boys were watching of frogs at the fide of a pond, and ftill as any of them put up their heads, they would be pelting 'them down again with ftones. "Chil "dren," fays one of the frogs, " you "never confider, that though this may "be play to you, it is death to us."

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As this week is in a manner fet apart and dedicated to serious thoughts, I shall indulge myself in fuch fpeculations as may not be altogether unfuitable to the feafon; and in the mean time, as the fettling in ourselves a charitable frame of mind is a work very proper for the time, I have in this paper endeavoured to expofe that particular breach of cha tity which has been generally overlooked by divines, becaufe they are but few who can be guilty of it.

N° XXIV. WEDNESDAY, MARCH 28.

ACCURRIT QUIDAM NOTUS MIHI NOMINE TANTUM;
ARREPTAQUE MANU, QUID AGIS, DULCISSIME RERUM?
HOR. SAT. I. IX. 3.

COMES UP A FOP (I KNEW HIM BUT BY FAME)
AND SEIZ'D MY HAND, AND CALL'D ME BY MY NAME-
MY DEAR! HOW DOST?

HERE are in this town a great number of infignificant people, who are by no means fit for the better

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If you walk in the Park, one of them will certainly join with you, though you are in company with ladies; if you drink a bottle, they will find your haunts. What makes fuch fellows the more burdenfome, is, that they neither offend nor pleafe fo far as to be taken notice of for either. It is, I prefume, for this reafon, that my correfpondents are willing by my means to be rid of them. The two following letters are writ by perfons who fuffer by fuch impertinence. A worthy old bachelor, who fets in for his dofe of claret every night at fuch an hour, is teazed by a fwarm of them; who, because they are fure of room and good fire, have taken it in their heads to keep a fort of club in his company; though the fober gentleman himself is an utter enemy to fuch meetings.

MR. SPECTATOR,

THE averfion I for fome years have had to clubs in general, gave me a perfect relifh for your fpeculation on that fubject; but I have fince been extremely mortified, by the malicious world's ranking me amongst the fupporters of fuch impertinent affemblies. I beg leave to ftate my cafe fairly; and that done, I fhall expect redress from your judicious pen.

I am, Sir, a bachelor of fome ftanding, and a traveller; my business, to confult my own humour, which I gratify without controlling other people's; I have a room and a whole bed to myfelf; and I have a dog, a fiddle, and a gun; they pleafe me, and injure no creatare alive. My chief meal is a fupper, which I always make at a tavern. I am conftant to an hour, and not ill-humoured; for which reafons, though I invite nobody, I have no fooner fupped, than I have a crowd about me of that fort of good company that know not whither elfe to go. It is true every man pays his hare; yet as they are intruders, I have an undoubted right to be the only ipeaker, or at leaft the loudeft; which I maintain, and that to the great emolu. ment of any audience. I fometimes tell them their own in pretty free language; and fometimes divert them with merry tales, according as I am in humour. I am one of those who live in taverns to a great age, by a fort of regular intem, perance; I never go to bed drunk, but always fluffered; I wear away very gently, am apt to be prevish, but never an

gry. Mr. Spectator, if you have kept various company, you know there is in every tavern in town fome old humourist or other, who is master of the house as much as he that keeps it. The drawers are all in awe of him; and all the cuftomers, who frequent his company, yield him a fort of comical obedience. I do not know but I may be fuch a fellow as this myfelf. But I appeal to you, whether this is to be called a club, because fo many impertinents will break in upon me, and come without appointment? Clinch of Barnet has a nightly meeting, and fhows to every one that will come in and pay; but then he is the only actor. Why fhould people mifcal things? If his is allowed to be a concert, why may not mine be a lecture? However, Sir, I fubmit it to you, and am, Sir, your most obedient, &c.

GOOD SIR,

THO. KIMBOW.

You and I were preffed against each

other laft winter in a crowd, in which uneafy pofture we fuffered toge ther for almoft half an hour. I thank you for all your civilities ever fince, in being of my acquaintance wherever you meet me. But the other day you pulled off your hat to me in the Park when I was walking with my mistress. She did not like your air, and said she wondered what ftrange fellows I was acquainted with. Dear Sir, confider it is as inuch as my life is worth, if the should think we were intimate; therefore I earneftly intreat you for the future to take no manner of notice of, Sir, your obliged humble fervant,

WILL. FASHION.

A like impertinence is also very troublefome to the fuperior and more intelligent part of the fair-fex. It is, it feems, a great inconvenience, that thofe of the meaneft capacities will pretend to make vifits, though indeed they are qualified rather to add to the furniture of the houfe, by filling an empty chair, than to the converfation they come into when they vifit. A friend of mine hopes for redrefs in this cafe, by the publication of her letter in my paper; which the thinks thofe fhe would be rid of will take to themselves. It feems to be written with an eye to one of thofe pert giddy ur thinking girls, who upon the recommendation only of an agreeable perfon, G 2

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and a fashionable air, take themselves to be upon a level with women of the greatest merit.

MADAM,

Take this way to acquaint you with what common rules and forms would never permit me to tell you otherwife; to wit, that you and I, though equals in quality and fortune, are by no means fuitable companions. You are, it is true, very pretty, can dance, and make a very good figure in a public affembly; but, alas, Madam, you must go no further; diftance and filence are your best recommendations; therefore let me beg of you never to make me any more vifits. You come in a literal fenfe to fee one, for you have nothing to fay. I do not fay this, that I would by any means lofe your acquaintance; but I would keep it up with the strictest forms of good breeding. Let us pay vifits, but never fee one another. If you will be fo good as to deny yourself always to me, I shall return the obligation by giving the fame orders to my fervants. When accident makes us meet at a third place, we may mutually lament the misfortune of never finding one another at home, go in the fame party to a benefit-play, and fmile at each other, and put down glasses as

we pafs in our coaches. Thus we may enjoy as much of each other's friendship as we are capable: for there are fome people who are to be known only by fight, with which fort of friendship I hope you will always honour, Madam, your moft obedient humble fervant, MARY TUESDAY.

P. S. I fubfcribe myself by the name of the day I keep, that my fupernumerary friends may know who I am.

ADVERTISEMENT.

To prevent all mistakes, that may happen among gentlemen of the other end of the town, who come but once a week to St. James's Coffee-house, either by mifcalling the fervants, or requiring fuch things from them as are not properly within their respective provinces; this is to give notice, that Kidney, keeper of the book-debts of the outlying cuftomers, and obferver of thofe who go off without paying, having refigned that employment, is fucceeded by John Sowton; to whofe place of enterer of mesfages and first coffee-grinder, William Bird is promoted; and Samuel Burdock comes as fhoe-cleaner in the room of the faid Bird.

N° XXV. THURSDAY, MARCH 29.

AGRESCITQUE MEDENDO.

VIRG. ÆN. XII. 46.

AND SICKENS BY THE VERY MEANS OF HEALTH.

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Title, and needs no apology.
HE following letter will explain

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STR,

Am one of that fickly tribe who are commonly known by the name of Valetudinarians; and do confefs to you, that I first contracted this ill habit of body, or rather of mind, by the ftudy of phyfic. I no fooner began to perufe books of this nature, but I found my pulfe was irregular; and fcarce ever read the account of any difeafe that I did not fancy myself afflicted with. Doctor Sydenham's learned Treatife of Fevers threw me into a lingering hectic, which hung upon ine all the while I was reading that excellent piece. I then applied myself to the ftudy of feveral authors, who have written upon phthifical diftempers, and by that means

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fell into a confumption; till at length, growing very fat, I was in a manner fhamed out of that imagination. Not long after this I found in myself all the fymptoms of the gout, except pain; but was cured of it by a Treatise upon the Gravel, written by a very ingenious author, who (as it is ufual for phyficians to convert one diftemper into another) eafed me of the gout by giving me the ftone. I at length ftudied myself into a complication of diftempers; but accidentally taking into my hand that ingenious difcourfe written by Sanctorius, I was refolved to direct myself by a fcheme of rules, which I had collected from his obfervations. The learned world are very well acquainted with that gentleman's invention; who, for the better carrying on of his experimeuts, contrived a certain mathematical

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