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dignity, he must be of very great quality to be exempt from raillery; the best expedient therefore is to be pleafant upon himself. Prince Harry and Falstaff, in Shakespeare, have carried the ridicule upon fat and lean as far as it will go. Faitaff is humorously called Woolfack, Bedpreifer, and Hill of Refh; Harry, a Starveling, an Elves-fkin, a Sheath, a Bow-cale, and a Tuck. There is, in feveral incidents of the converfation between them the jeft ftill kept up upon the perfon. Great tenderness and fenfibuity in this point is one of the greatest weakneffes of felflove. For my own part, I am a little unhappy in the mould of my face, which is not quite to long as it is broad: whether this might not partly arife from my pening my mouth much feldomer than other people, and by confequence not fo much lengthening the fibres of my vitage, I am not at leifure to determine. However it be, I have been often put out of countenance by the fhortness of my face, and was formerly at great pains in concealing it by wearing a periwig with an high foretop, and letting my beard grow. But now I have thoroughly got over this delicacy, and could be contented with a much fhorter, provided it might qualify me for a member of the Merry Club, which the following letter gives me an account of. I have received it from Oxford; and as it abounds with the spirit of mirth and good-humour which is natural to that place, I fhall fet it down word for word

as it came to me.

MOST PROFOUND SIR,

HAVING been very well entertained in the laft of your Speculations that I have yet feen, by your fpecimen upen Clubs, which I therefore hope you will continue, I fhall take the liberty to furnish you with a brief account of fuch a one as perhaps you have not feen in all your travels, unless it was your fortune to touch upon fome of the woody parts of the African continent, in your voyage to or from Grand Cairo. There have arofe in this univerfity (long fince you left us without faying any thing) feveral of thefe inferior hebdomadal focieties, as the Punning Club, the Witty Club, and, amongst the reft, the Handfome Club; as a burlefque upon which, a certain merry fpecies,

kein to have come into the world

in masquerade, for fome years laft paft have affociated themselves together, and affumed the name of the Ugly Club., This ill-favoured fraternity confifts of á Prefident and twelve Fellows; the choice of which is not confined by patent to any particular foundation, (as St. John's men would have the world believe, and have therefore erected a feparte fociety within themselves) but liberty is left to elect from any school in Great Britain, provided the candidates be within the rules of the Club, as fet forth in a table, intituled, The A of Deformity. A claufe or two of which I fhall tranfmit to you.

1. That no perfon whatsoever shall be admitted without a visible queerity in his afpect, or peculiar caft of countenance; of which the prefident and officers for the time being are to determine, and the prefident to have the cafting voice.

11. That a fingular regard be had, upon examination, to the gibbofity of the gentlemen that offer themselves as founders kinfmen; or to the obliquity of their figure, in what fort foever.

III. That if the quantity of any man's nofe be eminently mifcalculated, whether as to length or breadth, he fhall have a just pretence to be elected.

Lastly, That if there fhall be two or more competitors for the fame vacancy, cateris paribus, he that has the thickest fkin to have the preference.

Every fresh member, upon his first night, is to entertain the company with a difh of cod-fifh, and a speech in praise of Efop; whofe portraiture they have in full proportion, or rather difproportion, over the chimney; and their defign is, as foon as their funds are fufficient, to purchase the heads of Therfites, Duns Scotus, Scaron, Hudibras, and the Old Gentleman in Oldham, with all the celebrated ill faces of antiquity, as furniture for the Club-room.

As they have always been profeffed admirers of the other sex, so they unanimoufly declare that they will give all poffible encouragement to fuch as will take the benefit of the ftatute, though none yet have appeared to do it.

The worthy prefident, who is their moft devoted champion, has lately fhewn me two copies of verfes compofed by a gentleman of this fociety; the first, a congratulatory ode infcribed to Mrs. Touchwood. upon the Jofs of her two

fore.

fore-teeth; the other, a panegyric upon Mrs. Andiron's left-fhoulder. Mrs. Vizard, he fays, fince the fmall-pox, is grown tolerably ugly, and a top loaft in the club; but I never heard him fo lavifh of his fine things, as upon old Nell Trot, who conftantly officiates at their table; her he even adores and extols as the very counter-part of Mother Shipton. In fhort, Nell,' fays he, 'is of the extraordinary works of nature; but as for complexion, fhape, and features, fo valued by others, they are all mere outfide and fymmetry, which is his averfion. Give me leave to add, that the prefident is a facetious, pleafant gentleman, and never more fo,

I

one

than when he has got (as he calls 'em) his dear Mummers about him; and he often protefts it does him good to meet a fellow with a right genuine grimace in his air (which is fo agreeable in the generality of the French nation;) and, as an inftance of his fincerity in this particular, he gave me a fight of a litt in his pocket-book of all of this clafs, who for thefe five years have fallen under his obfervation, with himself at the head of 'em, and in the rear (as one of a promifing and improving afpect,) Sir, your obliged and humble fervant, ALEXANDER CARBUNCLE.

OXFORD,
MARCH 12, 1710.

N° XVIII. WEDNESDAY, MARCH 21.

EQUITIS QUOQUE JAM MIGRAVIT AB AURE VOLUPTAS
OMNIS AD INCERTOS OCULOS, ET GAUDIA VANA.

HOR. EP. II. v. 187.

BUT NOW OUR NOBLES TOO ARE FOPS AND VAIN,
NEGLECT THE SENSE, BUT LOVE THE PAINTED SCENE.

'T is my design in this paper to deliver down to pofterity a faithful account of the Italian opera, and of the gradual progrefs which it has made upon the English ftage; for there is no question but our great grand-children will be very curious to know the reason why their forefathers used to fit together like an audience of foreigners in their own country, and to hear whole plays acted before them in a tongue which they did not understand.

Arfinoe was the firit opera that gave us a taste of Italian mufic. The great fuccefs this opera met with produced fome attempts of forming pieces upon Italian plans, which fhould give a more natural and reasonable entertainment than what can be met with in the elaborate trifles of that nation. This alarmed the poetafters and fiddlers of the town, who were used to deal in a more ordinary kind of ware; and therefore laid down an established rule, which is received as fuch to this day, That nothing is capable of being well-fet to mufic, that is not nonfenfe.

This maxim was no fooner received, but we immediately fell to tranflating the Italian operas; and as there was no great danger of hurting the fenfe of thofe

CREECH.

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the other. I remember an Italian verfe that runs thus, word for word

And turn'd my rage into pity;

which the English for rhyme fake tranflated

And into pity turn'd my rage.

By this means the foft notes, that were adapted to Pity in the Italian, fell upon the word Rage in the English; and the angry founds, that were tuned to rage in the original, were made to exprefs pity in the tranflation. It oftentimes happened likewife, that the finest notes in the air fell upon the moft infignificant words in the fentence. I have known the word And purfued through the whole gamut, have been entertained with many a melodious The, and have heard the most beautiful graces, quavers, and divifions bestowed upon Then, For, and From; to the eternal honour of our English particles.

The next step to our refinement, was the introducing of Italian Actors into our opera; who fung their parts in their own language, at the fame time, that our countrymen performed theirs in our native tongue. The king or hero of the play generally fpoke in Italian, and his flaves answered him in English: the lover frequently made his court, and gained the heart of his princefs, in a language which the did not understand. One would have thought it very difficult to have carried on dialogue after this manner, without an interpreter between the perfons that converfed together; but this was the ftate of the Englifh ftage for about three years.

At length the audience grew tired of understanding half the opera; and therefore, to ease themfelves entirely of the fatigue of thinking, have fo ordered it at prefent, that the whole opera is performed in an unknown tongue. We no longer understand the language of our own ftage; infomuch that I have often been afraid, when I have feen our Italian performers chattering in the vehemence of action, that they have been calling us names, and abufing us among themselves; but I hope, fince we do put fuch an entire confidence in them, they will not talk against us before our faces, though they may do it with the fame fafety as if it were behind our backs. In the mean time, I cannot forbear thinking how naturally an hiftorian who

writes two or three hundred years hence, and does not know the tafte of his wife forefathers, will make the following reflection: In the beginning of the eighteenth century, the Italian tongue was fo well understood in England, that the operas were acted on the public ftage in that language.'

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One fcarce knows how to be serious in the confutation of an abfurdity that fhews itfelf at the firft fight. It does not want any great measure of fenfe to fee the ridicule of this monftrous practice; but, what makes it more attonithing, it is not the tafte of the rabble, but of perfons of the greatest politeness, which has established it.

If the Italians have a genius for mufic above the English, the English have a genitis for other performances of a much higher nature, and capable of giving the mind a much nobler entertainment. Would one think it was poffible (at a time when an author lived that was able to write the Phedra and Hippolitus) for a people to be fo ftupidly fond of the Italian opera, as fcarce to give a third⚫ day's hearing to that admirable tragedy? Mufic is certainly a very agreeable entertainment; but if it would take the entire poffeffion of our ears, if it would make us incapable of hearing fenfe, if it would exclude arts that have a much greater tendency to the refinement of human nature; I must confels I would allow it no better quarter than Plato has done, who banishes it out of his commonwealth.

At prefent, our notions of mufic are fo very uncertain, that we do not know what it is we like; only, in general, we are tranfported with any thing that is not English; fo be it of a foreign growth, let it be Italian, French, or High-Dutch, it is the fame thing. In fhort, our English mufic is quite rooted out, and nothing yet planted in it's ftead.

When a royal palace is burnt to the ground, every man is at liberty to prefent his plan for a new one; and though it be but indifferently put together, it may furnifh feveral hints that may be of ufe to a good architect. I shall take the fame liberty, in a following paper, of giving my opinion upon the fubject of mufic; which I fhall lay down only in a problematical manner, to be confidered by thofe who are mafters in the art.

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No XIX. THURSDAY, MARCH 22.

DI BENE FECERUNT, INOPIS ME QUODQUE PUSILLI
FINXERUNT ANIMI, RARO ET PER PAUCA LOQUENTIS.
HOR. SAT. IV. I. 17.

THANK HEAVEN THAT MADE ME OF AN HUMBLE MIND;
TO ACTION LITTLE, LESS TO WORDS INCLIN'D!

BSERVING one perfon behold
another, who was an utter ftranger
to him, with a caft of his eye, which,
methought, expreffed an emotion of
heart very different from what could be
raised by an object so agreeable as the
gentleman he looked at, I began to con-
fider, not without fome fecret forrow,
the condition of an Envious Man. Some
have fancied that envy has a certain
magical force in it, and that the eyes of
the envious have by their fafcination
blafted the enjoyments of the happy.
Sir Francis Bacon fays, fome have been
fo curious as to remark the times and
feafons when the stroke of an envious
eye is most effectually pernicious, and
have obferved that it has been when the
perfon envied has been in any circum-
itance of glory and triumph. At such
a time the mind of the profperous man
goes, as it were, abroad, among things
without him, and is more expofed to
the malignity. But I fhall not dwell
upon fpeculations fo abftracted as this,
or repeat the many excellent things
which one might collect out of authors
upon this miferable affection; but, keep-
ing in the road of common life, con-
fider the envious man with relation to
thefe three heads, his pains, his reliefs,
and his happiness.

The envious man is in pain upon all occafions which ought to give him pleafure. The relifh of his life is inverted; and the objects which adminifter the highest fatisfaction to those who are exempt from this paffion, give the quickest pangs to perfons who are fubject to it. All the perfections of their fellow-creatures are odious; youth, beauty, valour, and wifdom, are provocations of their difpleafure. What a wretched and apoftate itate is this! To be offended with excellence, and to hate a man becaufe we approve him! The condition of the envious man is the most emphatically miferable; he is not only incapable of rejoicing in another's merit or fuc

cefs, but lives in a world wherein all mankind are in a plot against his quiet, by ftudying their own happiness and advantage. Will Profper is an honeft tale-bearer; he makes it his bufinefs to join in converfation with envious men. He points to fuch an handfome young fellow, and whifpers that he is fecretly married to a great fortune; when they doubt, he adds circumftances to prove it; and never fails to aggravate their diftrefs, by affuring them, that, to his knowledge, he has an uncle will leave him fome thoufands. Will has many arts of this kind to torture this fort of temper, and delights in it. When he finds them change colour, and fay faintly they with fuch a piece of news is true, he has the malice to speak fome good or other of every man of their acquaint

ance.

The reliefs of the envious man are thofe little blemishes and imperfections that difcover themselves in an illuftrious character. It is matter of great confolation to an envious perfon, when a man of known honour does a thing unworthy himfelf; or when any action which was well executed, upon better information appears fo altered in it's circumftances, that the fame of it is divided among many, instead of being attributed to one. This is a fecret fatisfaction to thefe malignants; for the perfon, whom they before could not but admire, they fancy is nearer their own condition as foon as his merit is shared among others. I remember fome years ago there came out an excellent poem without the name of the author. The little wits, who were incapable of writing it, began to pull in pieces the fuppofed writer. When that would not do, they took great pains to fupprefs the opinion that it was his. That again failed. The next refuge was to fay it was overlooked by one man, and many pages wholly written by another. An honeft fellow, who fat among a cluster

of

of them in debate on this fubject, cried eut-Gentlemen, if you are fure none of you yourselves had an hand in it, you are but where you were, whoever writ it. But the moft ufual fuccour to the envious, in cafes of nameless merit in this kind, is to keep the property, if poffible, unfixed, and by that means to hinder the reputation of it from falling upon any particular perfon. You fee an envious man clear up his countenance, if, in the relation of any man's great happiness in one point, you mention his unealinefs in another. When he hears fuch a one is very rich he turns pale, but recovers when you add that he has many children. In a word, the only fure way to an envious man's favour, is not to deferve it.

But if we confider the envious man in delight, it is like reading the feat of a giant in a romance, the magnificence of his house confiits in the many limbs of men whom he has flain. If any who promifed themselves fuccefs in any uncommon undertaking mifcarry in the attempt, or he that aimed at what would have been useful and laudable, meets with contempt and derifion, the envious man, under the colour of hating vainglory, can smile with an inward wanLonnefs of heart at the ill effect it may

have upon an honest ambition for the future.

Having thoroughly confidered the nature of this paffion, I have made it my study to avoid the envy that may accrue to me from thefe my fpeculations; and if I am not mistaken in myself, I think I have a genius to escape it. Upon hearing in a coffee-houte one of my papers commended, I immediately apprehended the envy that would fpring from that applaufe; and therefore gave a defcription of my face the next day; being refolved, as I grow in reputation for wit, to refign my pretenfions to beauty. This, I hope, may give fome ease to thofe unhappy gentlemen, who do me the honour to torment themselves upon the account of this my paper. As their cafe is very deplorable, and deferves compaffion, I fhall fometimes be dull, in pity to them, and will from time to time administer confolations to them by further difcoveries on my perfon. In the mean while, if any one fays the Spectator has wit, it may be fome relief to them to think that he does not fhew it in company. And if any one praifes his morality, they may comfort themfelves by confidering that his face is none of the longest.

N° XX. FRIDAY, MARCH 23.

ΚινΘ. ὅμματ ἔχων.

THOU DOG IN FOREHEAD!

AMONG the other hardy under

takings which I have propofed to myfclf, that of the correction of Impudence is what I have very much at heart. This in a particular manner is my province as Spectator; for it is generally an offence committed by the eyes, and that against fuch as the offenders would perhaps never have an opportuniy of injuring any other way. The following letter is a complaint of a young lady, who fets forth a trefpafs of this kind, with that command of herself as befits beauty and innocence, and yet with fo much fpirit as fufficiently expreffes her indignation. The whole tranfaction is performed with the eyes; and the crime is no lefs than employing them in fuch a manner, as to divert the eyes of others from the beft ufe they

HOM. IL. 1. 225.

Port.

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can make of them, even looking up to Heaven.

SIR,

THERE never was, I believe, an ac

ceptable man but had some aukward imitators. Ever fince the Spectator appeared, have I remarked a kind of men, whom I chufe to call Starers; that, without any regard to time, place, or modefty, diflurb a large company with their impertinent eyes. Spectators make up a proper aflembly for a puppetfhow or a bear-garden; but devout fupplicants and attentive hearers are the audience one ought to expect in churches. I am, Sir, member of a fmall pious congregation near one of the north gates of this city; much the greater part of us indeed are females, and ufed

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