BOOK-PEDANTS 363 Un Pêdant enyvré de sa vaine science, THE SPECTATOR BUDGELL, STEELE AND ADDISON EUSTACE BUDGELL Menalcas, the absent Man MONSIEUR BRUYÈRE has given us the Character of an absent Man, with a great deal of Humour, which he has pushed to an agreeable Extravagance; with the Heads of it I shall conclude my present Paper. Menalcas (says that excellent Author) comes down in a Morning, opens his Door to go out, but shuts it again, because he perceives that he has his Night-cap on; and examining himself further finds that he is but half shaved, that he has stuck his Sword on his right side, that his Stockings are about his Heels, and that his Shirt is over his Breeches. When he is dress'd he goes to Court, comes into the Drawing-room, and walking bolt upright under a branch of Candle-sticks his Wigg is caught up by one of them, and hangs dangling in the Air. All the Courtiers fall a laughing, but Menalcas laughs louder than any of them, and looks about for the Person that is the Jest of the Company. Coming down to the Court-gate, he finds a Coach, which taking for his own, he whips into it, and the Coachman drives off, not doubting but he carries his Master. As soon as he stops, Menalcas throws himself out of the Coach, crosses the Court, ascends the Staircase, and runs thro' all the Chambers with the MENALCAS, THE ABSENT MAN 365 greatest Familiarity, reposes himself on a Couch, and fancies himself at home. The Master of the House at last comes in, Menalcas rises to receive him, and desires him to sit down; he talks, muses, and then talks again. The Gentleman of the House is tired and amazed; Menalcas is no less so, but is every moment in hopes that his impertinent Guest will at last end his tedious Visit. Night comes on, when Menalcas is hardly undeceived. When he is playing at Backgammon, he calls for a full Glass of Wine and Water; 'tis his turn to throw, he has the Box in one Hand and his Glass in the other, and being extreamly dry, and unwilling to lose Time, he swallows down both the Dice, and at the same time throws his Wine into the Tables. He writes a Letter and flings the Sand into the Ink-bottle; he writes a second, and mistakes the Superscription: A Noble-man receives one of them, and upon opening it reads as follows. I would have you, honest Jack, immediately upon the Receipt of this, take in Hay enough to serve me the Winter. His Farmer receives the other, and is amazed to see in it, My Lord, I received your Grace's Commands with an intire Submission to If he is at an Entertainment, you may see the Pieces of Bread continually multiplying around his Plate: 'Tis true, the rest of the Company want it, as well as their Knives and Forks, which Menalcas does not let them keep long. Sometimes in a Morning he puts his whole Family in an hurry, and at last goes out without being able to stay for his Coach or Dinner; and for that Day you may see him in every part of the Town, except 366 BUDGELL, STEELE AND ADDISON the very Place where he had appointed to be upon a Business of Importance. You would often take him for every thing that he is not; for a Fellow quite Stupid, for he hears nothing; for a Fool, for he talks to himself, and has an hundred Grimaces and Motions with his Head, which are altogether involuntary; for a proud Man, for he looks full upon you, and takes no notice of your Saluting him: The Truth on't is, his Eyes are open, but he makes no use of them, and neither sees you, nor any Man, nor any thing else. He came once from his Country-House, and his own Footmen undertook to rob him, and succeeded: They held a Flambeau to his Throat, and bid him deliver his Purse; he did so, and coming home told his Friends he had been robbed; they desire to know the Particulars, Ask my servants, says Menalcas, for they were with me.' ADDISON Will Wimble WILL. WIMBLE is younger Brother to a Baronet, and descended of the ancient Family of the Wimbles. He is now between Forty and Fifty; but being bred to no Business and born to no Estate, he generally lives with his elder Brother as Superintendent of his Game. He hunts a Pack of Dogs better than any Man in the Country, and is very famous for finding out a Hare. He is extremely well versed in all the little Handicrafts of an idle Man : He makes a May-fly to a Miracle; and furnishes the whole Country with Angle-Rods. As he is a good-natur'd officious Fellow, and very much esteemed upon Account of his Family, he is a welcome Guest at every House, and keeps up a good Correspondence among all the Gentlemen about him. He carries a Tulip-Root in his Pocket from one to another, or exchanges a Puppy between a couple of Friends that live perhaps in the opposite Sides of the County. Will. is a particular Favourite of all the young Heirs, whom he frequently obliges with a Net that he has weaved, or a Setting-dog that he has made himself: He now and then presents a Pair of Garters of his own knitting to their Mothers or Sisters, and raises a great deal of Mirth among them, by enquiring as often as he meets them how they wear? These Gentleman-like Manufactures and obliging little Humours, make Will. the Darling of the Country. RICHARD STEELE A Devotée A Devotée is one of those who disparage Religion by their indiscreet and unseasonable Introduction of the mention of Virtue on all Occasion: She professes she is what no Body ought to doubt she is, and betrays the Labour she is put to, to be what she ought to be with Chearfullness and Alacrity. She lives in the World, and denies her self none of the Diversions of it, with a constant Declaration, how insipid all things in it are to her. She is never her self but at Church; there she displays her Vertue, and is so fervent in her Devotions, that I have frequently seen her Pray her self out of Breath. While other young Ladies in the House are dancing, or playing at Questions and Commands, she reads aloud in her Closet. She |