MISCELLANEA.

A HINT TO CRITICS.

A SAILOR, who had been many years absent from his mother, who lived in an inland county, returned to his native village, after a variety of voyages to different parts of the globe, and was heartily welcomed home by the good old woman, who had long considered him as lost. Soon after his arrival, the old lady became inquisitive, and desirous to learn what strange things her son John had seen upon the mighty deep. Amongst a variety of things that Jack recollected, he mentioned his having frequently seen flying fish. "Stop, Johnny," says his mother, "don't try to impose such monstrous impossibilities on me, child; for, in good truth, I could as soon believe you had seen flying cows; for cows, you know, John, can live out of the water. Therefore, tell me honestly what you have seen in reality, but no more falsehoods, Johnny."

Jack felt himself affronted; and turning his quid about, when pressed for more information, he said, prefacing it with an oath, "Mayhap, mother, you won't believe me when I tell you, that casting anchor once in the Red Sea, it was with difficulty we hove it up again; which was occasioned, do you see, mother, by a large wheel hanging on one of the flukes of the anchor. It appeared a strange old Grecian to look at, so we hoisted it in; and our captain, do you mind me, being a scholar, overhauled him, and discovered it was one of Pharaoh's chariot wheels, when he was capsized in the Red Sea." This suited the meridian of the old lady's understanding. "Ay, ay, Johnny," cried she, "I can believe this, for we read of this in the Bible; but never talk to me of flying fish."

ECCENTRICITIES

OF THE LATE REV. TIMOTHY PRIESTLEY.

This reverend gentleman was brother to the celebrated Dr. Priestley, and formerly minister of the dis

senting chapel in Canon-street, Manchester, from the pulpit of which he uttered many eccentricities, which have been attributed erroneously to other preachers. Observing one of his congregation asleep, he called to him (stopping in his discourse for this purpose), "Awake, I say, George Ramsay, or I'll mention your name.' He had an unconquerable aversion to candles which exhibited long wicks; and often in the midst of his most interesting discourses, on winter evenings, he would call out to the man appointed for that purpose, Tommy, Tommy, top these candles." He was a man of great humour, which he even carried into the pulpit. He was the preacher, though others have borne the credit or odium of the circumstance, who pulled out of his pocket half-a-crown, and laid it down upon the pulpit cushion, offering to bet with St. Paul, that the passage where he says he could do all things" was not true; but reading on "by faith," put up his money, and said, "Nay! nay! Paul, if that's the case, I'll not bet with thee." It is known that his principles were decidedly Calvinistic, of course diametrically opposite to those of his brother, who was an Unitarian. He once paid him a fraternal visit at Birmingham, and, in the course of it, wished to preach in room of the doctor, who objected, in consequence of their difference of opinion, and the principles of the congregation. Mr. Priestley, however, overcame these scruples, by promising to keep clear of doctrinal points, and to confine himself to the general duties of Christianity. However, when he mounted the pulpit, he laid by his promise, and commenced thus:- "I have been guilty of an honest fraud to gain your attention, which I was determined to have at any price. My brother Joseph's pulpit has never had the gospel of Christ preached from it; for once, however, having possession of it, I am determined you shall hear it; so here goes!" and he preached a furious sermon, in which he insisted on all the peculiar tenets of Calvinism, and his own views of the Christian dispensation. He left Manchester many years ago to reside and preach in the metropolis, where he was very

popular, as minister of the independent chapel in Jewin-street. He published a work, entitled "The Christian's Looking-glass," &c. &c. against which the late rev. William Huntingdon published "The Barber, or Timothy shaved a second time;" in which he says, "the title of Timothy's book should have been Opium for foolish Virgins !”

THE UNEXPECTED DISCOVERY.

Contained in a Letter from a Young Lady at Brighton to her Cousin in London.

Dear Jenny,

On parting I gave you my word to write an account of whatever occurred at Brighton, deserving your ladyship's ear, and thus I begin :-In the first place, my dear, if you mean to come down, book your place in the Dart; a coach which is not only dashing and smart in its look, but exceeds every one on the road in quickness of going. So much for the mode.-Now as to the friends and acquaintance you'll meet when once you come down, I should never complete a list of them all; however, your friend, fat Deputy Dump, and his wife, from Mileend, are both of them here; and, of course, such a pair are sure to occasion a general stare; for there is not a soul in the place who beholds this corpulent dealer in rushlights and moulds without being struck by his little chip hat-his stomach rotunda-his coloured cravat-his apple-green frock, drawn carefully in at the back, that his beautiful shape may be seen-his Wellington trowsers, and bootlings provided with spurs. You will certainly fancy, as I did at first, that the tale of his spurs is invention, but I have seen him accoutred in all that I mention. His equestrian deeds, I was perfectly sure, were confined to a chamber-horse, kept as a cure for the gout; so I made a fine quiz of his spurs. So much for the deputy's dress: as to hers, imagine her elephant waist (if you can) screwed and riveted down in stays à la Diane; an Oldenburgh bonnet, and carbuncle face, like a coal-skuttle holding a melona brace of fat fubsy arms, all pucker and puff-her

petticoats scolloped with flounces enough to cover her knee-and, to finish the whole, conceive an umbrageous red parasol, with a fringe of pea-green.

But Brighton appears to level all ranks, all distinctions of years: the black-leg and rustic, the peer and the cit, all gladly conspire to exhibit their wit in killing the general enemy Time. To accomplish this object, some cheerfully climb up the neighbouring hills in the heat of the day; some, mounted in donkey-carts, listlessly stray to the villages round; some, sweltering, ride on Jerusalem ponies, and all coincide that, when they have toiled to the object in view, it was not worth seeing. An indolent few lounge the whole of their morning away on the Steyne-or skim a romance in a bathing machine -or wager at billiards-or lollop about in the library rooms, whence they seldom come out till they have got all the papers by heart.

Thus it is clear (at least to my judgment) that pleasure is here the greatest of torments: the tyrant ennui throws a gloom over all. It is easy to see that the killers of time (as they vainly conceive) are themselves being killed; and indeed I believe there is a great deal of truth in the common remark, that the busiest people are always thebut, hark-the ringing of bells, and the firing of guns, proclaim that the king is come down, and, for once, his majesty is welcomed with shouts of applause. A reception like this is an adequate cause for my breaking off short, as you know such a sight may never return. Perhaps I may write another epistle tomorrow, till when, always

Yours, faithfully,

W. N.

P. S. O such a discovery, Jenny! just now brother Tom (who is a bit of a poet, you know), looking over my letter, exclaimed with an oath, that it was written in numbers, and though I was loth to think I could scribble my nonsense in rhyme, and never observe it the whole of the time, yet I find it will run in the Ansteyan measure; so pray lay it by as a wonderful

treasure!

1

THE VIPPING MAN.

It happened one morning, whilst doctor Busby was at his desk, hearing a class, that a stone came suddenly through the window, and fell very near him; on which, knowing that some of the boys were without, he despatched two of the larger boys of the class he was hearing to bring in the culprit, for whom he, in the mean time, took out his instrument of flagellation.

The boys being, however, unwilling to bring in their offending comrade, who was soon discovered, they laid their hands upon a meagre looking Frenchman, who happened to pass by at the time: they brought him in, and accused him of the trespass, upon which, without hearing what he had to say for himself, the doctor said, "Take him up ;" and gave him just such a flogging as he would one of his own boys. The Frenchman, thinking it in vain to show his resentment for the unexpected chastisement he had received to a master surrounded by his scholars, and exposed to their hootings, indignantly retreated; but at the first coffeehouse he came to, stopped, wrote the doctor a challenge, and sent it by a porter. Having read this billet-doux, he ordered in the messenger, on whose appearance, says the doctor again, "Take him up," and served him exactly as he had done his employer. It was now the porter's turn to be wrathful, who returned growling and swearing that the Frenchman should make him full amends for the treatment he had exposed him to; from whom, however, all the redress he got was a shrug of the shoulders, accompanied with the exclamation, 66 Ah, sure he be de vipping man: he vip me, vip you, and vip all de world."

THE PEER AND THE SHEEP-STEALER.

Lord Kaimes used to relate a story of a man who claimed the honour of his acquaintance on rather singular grounds. His lordship, when one of the justiciary judges, returning from the north circuit to Perth, happened one night to sleep at Dunkeld. The next