To chant the dulcified squeakissimo,
And eke to trill the grand squallissimo.

By bare inspecting, though months a'ter,
A place where patient had made water,
We could divine, with skill unfailing,
Of what disorder he was ailing!

And you'll allow, sans hesitation,
On score of vast accommodation,
That few discoveries this can equal,
When

you have heard us through the sequel.

For bottled urine has, no doubt,
In publick mails been frank'd about;

31 And eke to trill the grand squallissimo.

I anticipate the being idolized by amateurs of Italian operas for this my beautiful invention. Surely it must be allowed I have herein far exceeded even what my friend Doctor Anderson would have supposed possible. As soon as this my invention is made publick (which shall take place whenever I have by patent, or parliamentary donation, secured to myself the emoluments thereunto belonging) John Bull may gratify his delicate taste for refined musick, without the trouble and expense of importing from Italy those pretty things, whose delicious warblings compose the soul of true melody.

(A thing there must be mighty trouble in) To London as it were, from Dublin, 3*

That such a man as Doctor Mayersbach,
(Such things took place not many years back) "

38

32 To London as it were from Dublin.

Contemplate for a moment, gentlemen, the extreme inconvenience attending the present mode of conveying, for the purpose of medical scrutiny, the singular contents of these bottles, to and fro, from Dan to Beersheba. Besides, our patients cannot all be Lord Lieutenants of Ireland. They cannot all enjoy the privilege of franking, per mail, all sorts of commodities; and unless by particular act of parliament, allowing bottles of urine, like stamped almanacks, a free passage per mail, to any part of his majesty's dominions, I confess I do not see how Dr. Mayersbach can exercise, so often as could be wished, his soothsaying sagacity on the precious contents of such bottles.

33 Such things took place not many years back.

I was at the house of Dr. M. when the postman, besides the usual budget of letters, brought a huge bottle franked from Dublin Castle. I have particular satisfaction, however, in stating, for the information of those ladies and gentlemen who by the same mail may have received either love letters, or state letters, that I have no reason to apprehend (as there was no apparent leakage or fissure in the bottle) that those letters were actually p-d upon.

Might view this urick oxyd's basis, 34
And rightly understand the cases.

But I've a plan by which our betters
May make a few drops on their letters; 35

I wish it may not be inferred, from my adopting the term Urick Oxyd, that I propose to take any part in the controversy between Doctor Pearson and that blustering Fourcroy; though I have no hesitation in asserting (in privato) that my countryman is right. But I would sub

mit to any brother poet, who knows that

"Rhyme the rudder is of verses,

"By which, like ships, they steer their courses,"

and who sometimes, like myself, is non-plussed for want of a proper expression to convey an important idea, whether there need be any other proof of the existence of the Urick Oxyd than the genteel gingle thereby introduced in this my incomparable poem, and the happy opportunity thereby afforded for mentioning an indelicate matter in so delicate a manner, that the most delicate person in existence (myself for instance) may express the thing, and preserve his, or her cheek, as free from a blush as a snow-ball. Supposing I had said, "Lithick Acid," as Scheele and Fourcroy would have had me; not a soul would have understood it.

35 May make a few drops on their letters.

You will please, gentlemen, to take particular notice, that my mode of consecrating e-pist-olary favours intended

And though it be but "monstrous little,"
I'll tell what ails them to a tittle:

And since I ought, as well as Jenner,
To have some pence to buy a dinner,
I shall solicit cash and thanks
From parl❜ment, for preventing franks.

Oft have I quench'd man's vital spark :
"The soul's old cottage," cold and dark,
Again, in spite of Death, our grand ill,
Illum'd as one would light a candle. 36

the Esculapian fraternity, will effectually preclude the risk of any accident happening to a whole mail of letters, many of which are frequently neatly folded, and addressed to as modest and delicate persons as any in the kingdom.

36 Illum❜d as one would light a candle.

In my younger days I lived on terms of intimacy with Doctor Franklin, highly honourable to both parties, as it showed we were both men of discernment in choosing each a great man for his friend.

In a letter from that venerable sage, afterwards printed (See Franklin's Works, p. 115, vol. ii. third edition) he told me that toads buried in sand, shut up in hollow trees, &c. would live forever, as it were; and, among other things, informed me of certain curious facts about flies, which I will relate in his own words. "I have seen an instance of common flies preserved in a manner somewhat similar. They had been drowned in Madeira wine, apparently about

F

And we can drown your worships in,
Suppose we say a pipe of gin,

the time when it was bottled in Virginia, to be sent to London. At the opening of one of the bottles, at the house of a friend where I was, three drowned flies fell into the first glass which was filled. Having heard it remarked that drowned flies were capable of being revived by the rays of the sun, I proposed making the experiment upon these. They were therefore exposed to the sun upon a sieve, which had been employed to strain them out of the wine. In less than three hours two of them began by degrees to recover life. They commenced by some convulsive motions of the thighs, and at length they raised themselves upon their legs, wiped their eyes with their fore feet, beat and brushed their wings, with their hind feet, and soon after began to fly, finding themselves in Old England, without knowing how they came thither. The third continued, lifeless until sun-set, when, losing all hopes of him, he was thrown away.

"I wish it were possible, from this instance, to invent a method of embalming drowned persons, in such a manner that they might be recalled to life, at any period, however distant; for having a very ardent desire to see and observe the state of America a hundred years hence, I should prefer to an ordinary death the being immersed in a cask of Madeira wine, with a few friends, until that time, then to be recalled to life by the solar warmth of my dear country. But since, in all probability, we live in an age too early, and too near the infancy of science, to see such an art brought in our time to perfection, I must, for the present, content myself with the treat which you are so kind as to promise me, of the resurrection of a fowl or turkey cock.”

Now, if your worships will be so obliging as to make