Say that friend Davy, when he was
Inspir'd with his oraculous gas,

the wisdom of a philosopher. One of the most scientifick nations that ever existed, renowned alike for its refinements in the arts, and prowess in war, has been compelled to yield the palm to the superiour attainments of a horse, and acknowledge its inability to achieve what he most readily effected. Ten long years was the whole power of Greece engaged in an ineffectual siege of far-famed Troy. The bravest of armies, commanded by heroes allied to the gods, assailed the foe in vain. At this disheartening period stepped forth a wooden horse, and propromised a victory, provided his plans were adopted. Aware of the horse's great capacity, which enabled him to comprehend a great number of subjects, the sagacious Greeks entered into his measures, and Troy was levelled in the dust.

If all this could have been accomplished by a wooden horse, none but a Perkinite will be so absurd as to pretend that one composed of flesh and blood, like man, does not enjoy far greater privileges, among which are those of receiving as many cures by the influence of imagination as he pleases.

Now then, gentlemen, I trust that if any man will con over, digest, comprehend, and admit this my ingenious and learned exposition of the fallacy of the arguments in favour of the tractors, so much harped upon by our adversaries, which are drawn from the circumstance of their having cured crows and infants, dogs and horses, he will with great facility be enabled to confound and overthrow them on all occasions, provided he enforce and proclaim it with the ardency its importance deserves.

Utter'd this solemn truth, that nought
E'er had existence, only thought!"

2 May trust the younkers under Coleman.

Search the field of science, and you will not find labourers more in want of employment than the above gentry. For so prolifick is this Alma Mater in qualifying the rising generation of veterinarians, that three months looking on, and twenty guineas fee to the ingenious professor, will convert the veriest dunce into a veterinarian of the first water, to the no small discomfiture of every farrier within many miles of his range.

But I would by no means recommend your trusting to the professor himself for any aid in this business. No; he has no interest in the affair. Let the tractors cure all the infirm horses in England, and what cares the professor? Why he has only to put up his petition, as he has done already several times, under the dome of St. Stephen's, and all wants are satisfied. Fifteen hundred a year, besides cheese-parings to twice the amount, are no inconsiderable matters in the estimation of a garreteer, like Dr. Caustick. Were parliament to reward me for my discoveries and labours for the good of the human, in proportion to their munificence to the professor of the caballine race, I should have had a dozen dukedoms, and the clerkship of the Pells, which was lately given, by his provident sire to master Addington, into the bargain.

Trust, therefore, the younkers under Coleman; for they, being actuated by the same spirit which impels me to attack Perkinism, will prove powerful allies in our glorious cause.

What though they say, why to be sure,

If we by Fancy's aid can cURE,
Then why not use imagination,

A cheap and simple operation?

SAY NATURE THROUGH HER WORKS INTENDS ALL THINGS TO ANSWER SOME GREAT ENDS: THUS SHE FORM'D DRUGS TO PURGE AND SHAKE,

THEN MAN, OF COURSE THOSE DRUGS то TAKE. 5

3 For pain itself is all ideal.

So said the learned bishop Berkley, in a scientifick treatise called Principles of Human Knowledge, in which his reverence makes it apparent, to those who have a clue to his metaphysical labyrinth, that there is no such thing as matter, entity, or sensation, distinct from the mind which perceives, or thinks it perceives, such ideas or substances. The bishop's authority being so pat in point, I cannot but admire that it has not more frequently been adduced in opposition to the tractors.

4 E'er had existence, only thought!

For the particulars of this important discovery turn back to note 16. canto i.

5 THEN MAN, OF COURSE, THOSE DRUGS TO TAKE.

This CAPITAL argument, that it might make a CAPITAL figure, I have ordered my printer to put in CAPITAL letters,

That learn'd physicians pine with hunger,"
The while a spruce young patent-monger

6

and I hope it will make a CAPITAL impression on your worshipful intellects. But still I have not given it half that pre-eminence which its importance claims, under existing circumstances. A great hue and cry has been raised by the Perkinites, by which some of the less penetrating part of the profession have been awed into silence, respecting the duty of medical practitioners. They say that it is the duty of a medical man to employ only such means as will cure his patient in the most safe, cheap, and expeditious, manner. This infamous pretension takes its origin from no other person than Perkins himself. That you may individually be aware of the effrontery with which it is brought forward, I shall, in this note, copy from Perkins's book his manner of treating the subject. Your worships will form some idea of the magnitude of this objection of our adversaries, in their own estimation, and the mischief it has already occasioned, not only in Great Britain, but abroad, when I inform you that it has been echoed in both the English and foreign journals, and in many of them treated as a complete refutation of the arguments of Dr. Haygarth, and of all who object against the tractors, on account of their curing diseases merely by operating on the imagination. Among other foreign publications, I observe that the 21st volume of the Bibliotheque Britannique, printed at Geneva, closes a long account (40 pages) of “ Perkinisme" with this "petite histoire de Mr. Perkins."

"A gentleman came from the country to London, for the advantage of medical assistance, in a complaint of peculiar obstinacy and distress. After being under the care of an eminent physician several weeks, and paying him upwards of thirty guineas, without any relief, he was

Contrives to wheedle simple ninnies,
And tractorize away our guineas.

induced to try the tractors. To be short, they performed a remarkable cure; the person was perfectly restored in about ten days. The physician, calling soon after, was informed of the circumstance. He began lamenting that so sensible a person as the patient should be caught in the use of so contemptible a piece of quackery as the tractors. After assuring the patient that he had thrown away his five guineas, for that it was well established by Dr. Haygarth, that a brick-bat, tobacco-pipe, goose-quill, or even the bare finger, would perform the same cures, he was interrupted by his patient: And are you sincere in your belief that you could have produced, by those means, the same effects upon me, which I have experienced from the tractors? Do I believe it? Ay, I know it; and that a thousand similar cures might be effected by means equally simple and ridiculous.' And sir,' interrupted the gentleman again, in a more stern and serious tone, why did you not cure me then by those simple means? Remember I have paid you thirty guineas, under the supposition that you were exerting your utmost endeavours to cure me, and that in the most safe, cheap, and expeditious manner. You now in substance acknowledge, that, although in possession of the means of restoring me to health, for the dis honourable purpose of picking my pocket, you continued. me upon the bed of sickness! Who turns out to be the impostor? Let your own conscience answer.' The justness of the retort, it will be easily believed, precluded the possibility of an exculpation.”