Host. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. Caius. By gar, den I have as mush mockvater as de Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat ! Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Caius. By gar, me do look he shall clapperde-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it. Host. And I will provoke him to 't, or let him wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat. 70 Page, Shal. and Slen. Adieu, good Master doctor. Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest, for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. Host. Let him die. Sheathe thy impatience: throw cold water on thy choler. Go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a-feasting, and thou shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well? 91 Caius. By gar, me tank you vor dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host. For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page: said I well? Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said. Cuius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. ACT III. SCENE I-A Field near Frogmore. 100 Exeunt. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. Evans. I pray you now, good Master Slender's servingman, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic? Sim. Marry, sir, the pitty-ward, the parkward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way, Erans. I most fehemently desire you you will also look that way. Sim. I will, sir. Retiring. 10 Erans. Pless my soul! how full of cholers I am, and trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his urinals about his knave's costard Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. Sim. Coming forward. Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh. Evans. He's welcome. To shallow rivers, to whose falls— 30 Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he? Sim. No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. Evans. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Shal. How now, Master parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful. 40 Slen. Aside. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Page. Save you, good Sir Hugh! Evans. Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! Shal. What, the sword and the word! do you study them both, Master parson ? Page. And youthful still in your doublet and hose! this raw rheumatic day! Evans. There is reasons and causes for it. Page. We are come to you to do a good oflice, Master parson. Evans. Fery well: what is it? 51 Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw, Shal, I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect. Evans. What is he? Shal. So do you, good Master doctor. Host. Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep their limbs whole and hack our English. 80 Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: verefore vill you not meet-a me? Evans. Aside to CAIUS. Pray you, use your patience in good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Mrs. Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife is she at home? Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company. I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry. Mrs. Page. Be sure of that, -two other husbands. Ford. Where had you this pretty weathercock? Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of. What do you call your knight's name, sirrah ? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. 21 Erans. Aside to CAIUS. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends. Aloud. I will knog Mrs. Page. He, he; I can never hit on 's name. your urinals about your knave's cogscomb for There is such a league between my good man and missing your meetings and appointments. 92 he! Is your wife at home indeed? Caius. Diable! Jack Rugby; mine host de Jartiere; have I not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? Evans. As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the place appointed. I'll be judgment by mine host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say! Gallia and Guallia, French and Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer. Caius. Ay, dat is very good: excellent. 101 Host. Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the noverbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace; follow, follow, follow. 114 Shal. Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow. Slen. Aside. O! sweet Anne Page. Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us? ha, ha! Evans. This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I desire you that we may be friends, and let us knog our prains together to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart. He promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too. Evans. Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow. Exeunt. 129 SCENE II.-A Street in Windsor. Enter Mistress PAGE and ROBIN. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant: you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels? Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man than follow him like a dwarf. Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy: now I see you'll be a courtier. Enter FORD. Ford. Indeed she is. Mrs. Paje. By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her. Exeunt Mistress PAGE and ROBIN. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as easy as a cannon will shoot pointblank twelve score. He pieces out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind: and Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots! They are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actæon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. Clock strikes. The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Falstaff. I shall be rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is there: I will go. 50 Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host, Sir HUGH EVANS, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Page, Shal., etc. Well met, Master Ford. Ford. Trust me, a good knot. I have good cheer at home, and I pray you all go with me. Shal. I must excuse myself, Master Ford. Slen. And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. 60 Slen. I hope I have your good will, father Page. Page. You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you: but my wife, Master doctor, is for you altogether. Caius. Ay, by gar; and de maid is love-a me : my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Host. What say you to young Master Fenton ? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will carry 't, he will carry 't; 'tis in his buttons; he will carry 't. 71 Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild prince and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too much. No, he shall Ford. Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger you? 10 of my substance: if he take her, let him take Mrs. Ford. I warrant. What, Robin, I say! Enter Servants with a basket. Mrs. Page. Come, come, come. Mrs. Ford. Here, set it down. Mrs. Page. Give your men the charge; we must be brief. Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause or staggering, take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side. Mrs. Page. You will do it? Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction. Be gone, and come when you are called. Exeunt Servants. 20 Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin. Enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Have I caught my heavenly jewel?' Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the period of my ambition. O this blessed hour! Mrs. Ford. O sweet Sir John! Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead. I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady. Mrs. Ford. I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady. 54 Fal. Let the court of France show me such another. I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance. Mrs. Ford. A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. Fal. By the Lord, thou art a tyrant to say so: thou would'st make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature thy friend: come, thou canst not hide it. Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page. 80 Fal. Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln. Mrs. Ford. Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one day find it. Fal. Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do, cr else I could not be in that mind. Rob. Within. Mistress Ford! Mistress Ford! here's Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. 92 Fal. She shall not see me. I will ensconce me behind the arras. Mrs. Ford. Pray you, do so: she's a very tattling woman. FALSTAFF hides himself. Re-enter Mistress PAGE and ROBIN. What's the matter? how now ! Mrs. Page. O Mistress Ford! what have you done? You're shamed, you are overthrown, you 're undone for ever! 100 Mrs. Ford. What's the matter, good Mistress Page? Mrs. Page. O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! Mrs. Ford. What cause of suspicion? Mrs. Page. What cause of suspicion! Out upon you! how am I mistook in you! Mrs. Ford. Why, alas! what's the matter? Mrs. Page. Your husband's coming hither, Mrs. Page. Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here! but 'tis most certain your husband's coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one: I come before to tell you. If you know yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be not amazed; call all your senses to you: defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever. 124 Mrs. Ford. What shall I do? There is a gentleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were out of the house. Mrs. Page. For shame! never stand 'you had rather,' and 'you had rather': your husband's here at hand; bethink you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot hide him. O! how have you deceived me. Look, here is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking: or, it is whiting-time, send him by your two men to Datchet-mead. Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there. What shall I do? 139 Re-enter FALSTAFF. Evans. This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies. 180 Caius. By gar, 'tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen: see the issue of his search. Exeunt PAGE, CAIUS, and EVANS. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in this? Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better; that my husband is deceived, or Sir John. Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in when your husband asked who was in the basket! Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. 191 Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same strain were in the same distress. Mrs. Ford. I think my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till row. Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. 200 Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment? Mrs. Page. We'll do it: let him be sent for to-morrow, eight o'clock, to have amends. Re-enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and Sir HUGH EVANS. Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass. Mrs. Page. Heard you that? Mrs. Ford. You use me well, Master Ford, do you? Ford. Ay, I do so. 211 Mrs. Ford. Heaven make you better than your thoughts! Ford. Amen! Mrs. Page. You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford. Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it. Evans. If there pe any pody in the house, and Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect within the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the out cause, why then make sport at me, then presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of let me be your jest; I deserve it. How now! judgment! whither bear you this? Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buckwashing. 162 Ford. Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck! Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck, and of the season too, it shall appear. Exeunt Servants with the basket. Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night: I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers; search, seek, find out: I'll warrant we'll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first: Locking the door. so, now uncape. 172 222 Caius. By gar, nor I too, dere is no bodies. Page. Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not ha' your distemper in this kind for the wealth of Windsor Castle. Ford. 'Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it. Evans. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as honest a 'omans as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too. 231 Caius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. Ford. Well; I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter make known to you why I have done this. Come, wife; come, Mistress Page: I pray you pardon me; pray heartily, pardon me. SCENE IV. A Room in PAGE'S House. Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE. I should love thee but as a property. 10 Anne. I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me? Slen. Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing with you. Your father and my uncle have made motions: if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be his dole! They can tell you how things go better than I can: you may ask your father; here he comes. Enter PAGE and Mistress PAGE. Page. Now, Master Slender! love him, daughter Anne. 70 Pent. No, heaven so speed me in my time to Why, how now! what does Master Fenton here ? come! You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house: Page. She is no match for you. No, good Master Fenton. 80 In such a righteous fashion as I do, Mrs. Page. I mean it not; I seek you a better husband. Quick. That's my master, Master doctor. Anne. Alas! I had rather be set quick i' the earth, And bowl'd to death with turnips. Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself. Good I will not be your friend nor enemy: Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress. Farewell, Nan. Exeunt Mistress PAGE and ANNE. Quick. This is my doing, now. 'Nay,' said I, 'will you cast away your child on a fool, and a |