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BODLEY.

I dreamt a dream, as people sometimes do In Newdegates and College chapels too, For by this dodge of dreams the veriest dunce

Can plunge in medias res' you see, at

once;

I dreamt a dream, and if the wise can tell The import of my dreaming, then 'tis well. I saw well what I saw was this, a man Who stood upon his head and drew a plan, What's termed by architects an elevation, Then chuckled and resumed his pedal station;

A smile came o'er his features as he said, "I do these little things upon my head; One thing shall link my name to endless glory,

A ground-floor room above the second storey."

So spake the architect; then spake to him

An old gray man with glistening eyes and dim.

I recognised the spirit of the place,
I recognised the founder's iron face,
Or iron founder's, as the case may be;
And this was his complaint as made to

me

'In youth a rake I was, in age more godly,

I'll introduce myself as Thomas Bodley.
I have been treated shockingly of late,
Committees have reported on my state,
They've called me wooden, said I wanted
strength,

66

man,

In husky accents thus his tale beganYoung man," (B. trembled) "none of these here larks,

You know I'm a curator of the Parks, My dear old Bodley,"-here his tone grew sweet,

"Your home is really far too near the street;

You've undesirable neighbours too
A low museum's no fit friend for you;
O rural life, O rural life's the thing-"
And here he asked the architect to sing.
The architect began, he sang the praise
Of bricks and mortar and of woodland

ways,

He turned his lyre and struck up a ditty Entitled "Ode to an effete Committee."

O library, O library,

O come and roam with me, And I will take thee for a change Where hums the honey bee, And I will set thee in a spot

Where dons and daisies bloom, And if thou wilt not come with me Then I'll pronounce thy doom.

O library, O library,

You have an ancient quad,

But came reveller's cry,

ON KREMASHUN. A

I hev jist Reternd 2 the Buzum of mi famerly after a suxessfool Toor with mi onparalleld Wax figgers & sagashus Bestes of Pray oing 2 a dispensin Provijince & trooly apprechativ aujinces.

Mi Spekoolashuns howiver hev bin somewat Mard by thos Axidents too which Flesh is air on2 them. (This Fraze is not erriginal with the undersined, But was borrod from A parsin who denounct mi Sho as unmorril becos I declind 2 let him lecter in my Tint & his wife tek the cenz. In the Cors of his remarx he sed, "Awl Flesh is grars & varis other nonsins, Yis I replid fixin mi Egle I on2 him, & it air a considerable lot of shoddy sumtimes, it air erkashunally a Lode of Donkymeet. He qualed Bneeth mi bitin Sarkusms & Dparted with a grone, likewise with a cote Blongin too mi Wax figger of Presidunt Linkin. N.B. He furgot to pa fur admittuns.

The axident refurd 2, previs on2 these digresshun, were the Fact, thet mi sagashus Tiger Broke loos, & with karakteristik Pierty, commened ontoo Wurriyin mi Wax figger of Judis Iskariat, & was only Secoord arter makin Free with thet hily Interestin Individorul His hed.

The red hare of the A4sed not ergreeing

POSTHUMOUS PAPER.

with the Sagashus Broot, I wos savd in Vittls fore (4) das, wich he etes 1 dollar a da.

Howiver I did a Strok of Bizniss bi substitooting in the place of the Mootilatid Feechers of J. I. a wax similitood of the Hed of Theodoor Tiltin, who were then Ingaged in sturrin up Filthy Warter & walloin in the same Luxoorously & makin an egrejis ass of Himself in variis intrestin Was. Wen I retoornd 2 Baldinsville, I diskiverd the Hole plase in Tremenjis Xcitement. I ses werun 2 these Xtasees? They replid Kremashun.' I ses xactly so, thinkin that thos Infooreated feemals hed Bust in 2 a noo faze of the Wisky War. They sez Wil yu B kremated? I sez Not Bing a kandidate fur the Presijency of a Loonatik Asilim I ken safly sa Nary kremate. I remarkd Hev yu awl bin krematid becos It Apeers 2 ergre ontoo

yu.

Thay Larfd and a suspichun krorst me thet sum 1 sed Ignerrunt Old Fule. But I restrand my feelins & tuk no Notis, as the Speker was an Individooal of Imposin Statoor. I fund Betsey Jane & mi famerly in the same Xcitment. They informd Me thet they wer goin 2 a Lektoor on Kremashun. I replied, "As dos the

undersind if ther is no kollecshun at the Dors."

On mi errival I found the Baldinsville Temperinc Room ful onto xess.

The lektoorer enlitend me as 2 the Objekts of Kremashun & purseeded 2 sa thet he hed met with the most Trooly Serprizin suxess in thes Parts. He hed, he remark, reseeved offurs of meny Thousind (1000) karkisses of Muthersinlor & Ajid Parients, & other Inkumbrinces, & he sed the Jenrus Bins who Offurd them Told him to kum & git them to onct & not wate fur there Diseas. I was abowt to sa "Heer Heer" 2 the Muthersinlor, but refraned on Purseevin Betsy Jane who Sot Beside onto me, wettin her Nales, with a voo to mi hed. I thort praps she wood make me Vext. So I subscided.

The lectoorer then went on 2 Sa, thet Kremashun wad kost nuthin to signeify. Evry 1 cood B burnt 4 the triflin sum of too (2) dollers. (Yis, I sez 2 myself, I kalkerlate thur is Sum 1 waitin fur yu belo who will Do it fur yu gratis & serply yu with koles 4 nuthin.)

He torked a grate Deel more nonsince About Anshunt Grease, of which I thort he cood Projuce a considerabl amount on Bing kremated, & conclooded by saing that it was Xpected in kors of Time to serply lite from the gas givn off in the prosiss of kremashun, wen it bekame moor jinral.

I thin Rose & sed, thur air Fules & Fules & yu air 1 of them, Beside the Fact thet sum of yu air a deel More likly to serply

Perpetooal Ilesprings then Gas, (Fixin a surkustic I upon the korpulint Figger of the Lectoorer,) I rekin thet there Air surtin Individooals who wood giv orf Gas of a hily dangrus karakter in Kombinashun. Think, I sez, of the trooly orful consekences of a meetin of Muther-in-lor & sun-in-lor in a Gassy stait. Their wood B an Xploshun suffishunt 2 anniherlait a Stait.

(Heer their purseedid sum Alarmin Simtims frum Betsey Jane, who wos fornitly preventid from Hoomiliatin Hur Spouz B4 the augince.) I purseedid, "2 or 3 sich exploshuns wood Bring our Gloriis Egle in Sorrer 2 kremashun, & the oder of Bernt fethurs is Onplesint.

& who nose I konklooded, Thet when reternin 66 from the Festiv Bord" we reklin fur Support Agin the Lamp post, thet the Berning I of owr Ansisters wood not B gazin doun Onto us.

Take thet on 2 yurselves & Medditat on it. Adoo mi ga & festive Krematurs. A. Ward hes sed his sa.

I konkloodid Amid uprooris Aplors. But mi durmestik peace is Brokn bi the erlushun to Muthers-in-lor, I shall not knead a Barbur fur Munths.

N.B. The follerin Airy epitarf is writ bi the undersind agin His kremashun. Heer in these Urn

Lies awl thet won't Burn
Of the Corps of the Late
Mr. Artemus Ward,

2 oz. his wate

& Awates his reward.

A. WARD.