one great group of orators, in which will be exhibited specimens of every branch of the art. You will have, at one view, the choleric, the placid, the voluble, the frigid, the frothy, the turgid, the calm, and the clamorous; and as a proof of our exquisite skill, our subjects are not such as a regular education has prepared for the reception of this sublime science, but a set of illiterate mechanics, whom you are to suppose assembled at the Robin-Hood in the Butcher-row, in order to discuss and adjust the various systems of Europe; but particularly to determine the separate interest of their own mother country. END OF THE SECOND ACT. ACT III. SCENE, The Robin-Hood. The PRESIDENT. Dermot O' Droheda, a Chairman; Tim Twist, a Taylor; Strap, a Shoemaker; Anvil, a Smith ; Sam Slaughter, a Butcher; Catch pole, a Bailiff. All with pewter pots before them. President. SILENCE, gentlemen; are your pots replenished with porter? All. Full, Mr. President. President. We will then proceed to the business of the day; and let me beg, gentlemen, that you will, in your debates, preserve that decency and decorum that is due to the importance of your deliberations, and the dignity of this illustrious assembly-Gets up, pulls off his hat, and reads the motion.— Motion made last Monday to be debated to-day, "That, for the future, instead of that vulgar potation called porter, the honourable members may be supplied with a proper quantity of Irish usquebaugh. "Dermot O'Droheda † his mark." O'Droheda. [Gets up] That's I myself. President. Mr. O'Droheda. O'Droheda. Mr. President, the case is this; it is not becase I am any great lover of that same usquebagh that I have set my mark to the motion; but becase I did not think it was decent for a number of gontlemen that were, dy'e see, met to settle the affairs of the nation, to be guzzling a pot of porter; to be sure the liquor is a pretty sort of a liquor enough when a man is hot with trotting between a couple of poles; but this is another guess matter, becase why, the head is concerned; and if it was not for the malt and the haps, dibble burn me but I would as soon take a drink from the Thames as your porter. But as to usquebagh; ah, long life to the liquor-it is an exhilirator of the bowels, and a stomatic to the head; I say, Mr. President, it invigorates, it stimulates, it-in short it is the onliest liquor of life, and no man alive will die whilst he drinks it. [Sits down. Twist gets up, having a piece of paper, containing the heads of what he says, in his hat. President. Mr. Timothy Twist. Tim. Twist. Mr. President, I second Mr. O'Droheda's motion; and, sir, give me leave-I say, Mr. President-[looks in his hat.]-give me leave to observe, that, sir, tho' it is impossible to add any force to what has been advanced by my honourable friend in the straps; yet, sir,-[looks in his hat again.]—it may, sir, I say, be necessary to obviate some objections that may be made to the motion; and first, it may be thought-I say, sir, some gentlemen may think, that this may prove pernicious to our manufacture-[looks in his hat, and the duty doubtless it is of every member of this illustrious assembly to have a particular eye unto that; but Mr. President -sir-looks in his hat, is confused, and sits down.] President. Mr. Twist, O pray finish, Mr. Twist. Twist. [Gets up.] I say, Mr. President, that, sir, if, sir, it be considered that-as-I say-[looks in his hat. I have nothing farther to say. [Sirs down, and Strap gets up. President: Mr. Strap. Strap. Mr. President, it was not my intention to trouble the assembly upon this occasion, but when I hear insinuations thrown out by gentlemen, where the interest of this country is so deeply concerned, I own I cannot sit silent; and give me leave to say, sir, there never came before this assembly a point of more importance than this; it strikes, sir, at the very root of your constitution; for, sir, what does this motion imply? it implies that porter, a wholesome, domestic manufacture, is to be prohibited at once. And for what, sir? for a foreign pernicious commodity. I had, sir, formerly the honour, in conjunction with my learned friend in the leather apron, to expel sherbet from amongst us, as I looked upon lemons as a fatal and foreign fruit; and can it be thought, sir, that I will sit silent to this? No, sir, I will put my shoulders strongly against it; I will oppose it manibus totibus. For should this proposal prevail, it will not end here fatal, give me leave to say, will, I foresee, be the issue; and I shan't be surprised, in a few days, to hear from the same quarter, a motion for the expulsion of gin, and a premium for the importation of whisky. He [4 hum of approbation, with significant nods President. Mr. Anvil. Anvil. Mr. President, sir [The members all blow their noses, and cough; Anvil talks all the while, but is not heard. President. Silence, gentlemen; pray, gentlemen. A worthy member is up. Anvil. I say Mr. President, that if we consider this case in its utmost extent-[All the members cough and blow their noses again,]-I say, sir, I will. Nay; I insist on being heard. If any gentleman any thing to say any where else, I'll hear him. has [Members all laugh, and Anvil sits down in a passion, and Slaughter gets up. President. Mr. Samuel Slaughter. Slaughter. Sir, I declare it, at the bare hearing of this here motion, I am all over in a sweat; for my part I can't think what gentlemen mean by talking in that there manner; not but I likes that every man should deliver his mind; I does mine; it has been ever my way; and when a member opposes me I like him the better for it; it's right; I am pleased; he can't please me more; it is as it should be; and tho' I differ from the honourable gentleman in the flannel night-cap, over the way, yet I am pleased to hear him say what he thinks; for, sir, as I said, it is always my rule to say what I think, right or wrong-[a loud laugh.-Ay, ay, gentlemen may laugh, with all my heart, I am used to it, I don't mind it a farthing; but, sir, with regard to that there motion, I entirely agree with my worthy friend with the pewter-pot at his mouth. Now, sir, I would fain ask any gentleman this here question; Can any thing in nature be more natural for an Englishman, than porter? I declare, Mr. President, I think it the most wholesomest liquor in the world. But if it must be a change, let us change it for rum, a wholesome palatable liquor, a liquor that-in short, Mr. President, I don't know such a liquor. Ay, gentlemen may stare; I say, and I say it upon my conscience, I don't know such a liquor. Besides, I think there is in this here affair a point of law, which I shall leave to the consideration of the learned, and for that there reason, I shall take up no more of your time. [He sits down, Catchpole gets up. And President. Mr. Catchpole. Catchpole. I get up to the point of law. though, sir, I am bred to the business, I can't say I am prepared for this question. But though this usquebagh, as a dram, may not (by name) be subject to a duty, yet, it is my opinion, or rather belief, it will be considered, as in the case of horses, to come under the article of dried goods-But I move that another day this point be debated. |