penfive; but now, phyfic is cheaper than food. Lint. Marry, heaven forbid ! Sir Jac. No, no; your effences, elixirs, emetics, fweats,drops, and your paftes, and your pills, have filenced your peftles and mortars. Why a fever, that would formerly have cost you a fortune, you may now cure for twelve penn'orth of powder. Lint. Or kill, Sir Jacob. Sir Fac. And then as to your fcurvies, and gouts, rheumatifms, confumptions, coughs, and catarrhs, tar-water and turpentine will make you as found as a roach. Lint. Noftrums! Sir Jac. Specifics, fpecifics, mafter Lint. Lint. I am very forry to find a man of your worship'sSir Jacob, a promoter of puffs; and encourager of quacks, Sir Jacob. Sir Jac. Regulars, Lint, regulars; look at their names-Roger, bring me the news -not a foul of them but is either P. L. or M. D. Lint. Plaguy liars! Murderous dogs! Sir Jac. Liars! Here, look at the lift of their cures. The oath of Margery Squab, of Ratcliff-Highway, fpinster. Lint. Perjuries. Sir Jac. And fee here, the churchwardens have figned it. Lint. Fictitious, Sir Jacob. Sir Jac. Sworn before the worshipful Mr. Juftice Drowfy, this thirteenth day of Lint. Forgery. Sir fac. Why, harkye, firrah, do you think Mr. Justice Drowfy would fet his hand to a forgery? Lint. I know, Sir Jacob, that woman; fhe has been cured of fifty diseases in a fortnight, and every one of 'em mortal. Sir Jac. You impudent Lint. Of a dropfy, by West- Lint. A cancer, by Cleland Sir Jac. Arrogant Lint. A pally, by Walker Sir Fac. Impertinent Lint. Gout and sciatic, by Rock. Lint. Confumption, by Stevens's drops. Lint. And fquinting, by the Chevalier Taylor Sir Jac. Pill-gilding puppy! Lint. And as to the Juftice, fo the affidavit brings him a fhilling Sir Jac. Why, harkye, rascal, how dare you abuse the commiffion ?-You bloodletting, A 4 ting, tooth-drawing, corn-cutting, wormkilling, bliftering, gliftering Lint. Blefs me, Sir Jacob, I did not think to Sir Jac. What firrah, do you infult me in my office? Here, Roger, out with him -turn him out. Lint. Sir, as I hope to be Sir Jac. Away with him. You fcoundrel, if my clerk was within, I'd fend you this inftant to Bridewell. Things are come to a pretty pafs, indeed, if after all my reading in Wood, and Nelfon, and Burn; if af ter twenty years attendance at turnpikemeetings, feffions petty and quarter; if after fettling of rates, licencing ale-houses, and committing of vagrants-Butall refpe&t to authority is loft, and Unus Quorum nowa-days is no more regarded than a petty conftable. [Knocking.] Roger, fee who is at the gate? Why the fellow is deaf. Rog. Juftice Sturgeon, the fifhmonger, from Brentford. Sir Jac. Gad's my life! and Major to the Middlefex militia. Ufher him in, Roger. Enter Major Sturgeon, Sir Fac. I could have wish'd come a little fooner, Major Sturgeon. you had Major Major. Why, what has been the matter, Sir Jacob? Sir Jac. There has, Major, been here an impudent pill-monger, who has dar'd to fcandalize the whole body of the bench.. Major. Infolent companion! had I been here, I would have mit.imus'd the rafcal at once. Sir Jac. No, no, he wanted the Major more than the Magiftrate; a few fmart ftrokes from your cane would have fully anfwer'd the purpofe-Well, Major, our wars are done; the rattling drum, and fqueaking fife, now wound our ears no more. Major. True, Sir Jacob, our corps is difembodied, fo the French may fleep in fecurity. Sir Jac. But, Major, was it not rather late in life for you to enter upon the profeffion of arms? Major. A little aukward in the beginning, Sir Jacob the great difficulty they had was, to get me to turn out my toes; but ufe, ufe reconciles all them kind of things why, after my first campaign, I no more minded the noife of the guns than a flea-bite. Sir Fac. No! Major. No. There is more made of these matters than they merit. For the general good, indeed, I am glad of the peace; but but as to my fingle felf-And yet, we have had fome defperate duty, Sir Jacob. Sir Jac. No doubt. Major. Oh! fuch marchings and counter-marchings, from Brentford to Elin, from Elin to Acton, from Acton to Uxbridge; the duft flying, fun fcorching, men fweating-Why, there was our laft expedition to Hounflow, that day's work carried off Major Moloffas. Bunhill-fields never faw a braver commander! He was an irreparable loss to the service. Sir Jac. How came that about? Major. Why, it was partly the Major's own fault; I advised him to pull off his Spurs before he went upon action; but he was refolute, and would not be rul'd. Sir Jac. Spirit; zeal for the fervice. Major. Doubtlefs-But to proceed In order to get our men in good fpirits, we were quartered at Thiftleworth the evening before; at day-break, our regiment formed at Hounflow town's end, as it might be about here. The Major made a fine difpofition on we march'd, the men all in high fpirits, to attack the gibbet where Gardel is hanging; but turning down a narrow lane to the left, as it might be about there, in order to poffefs a pig's ftye, that we might take the gallows in flank, and, at all events, fecure a retreat, who fhould come by but a drove of fat |