rance? Have not I been bleffed and chaflifed, finitten and smiled upon, by providence; and yet fill an outrageous enemy to God, a flagrant rebel, fill? Have not I hardened myself, both by mercies and judgments; made my heart, my "face, harder than a rock, and refused to return?" What drofs have I gathered even in the hot furnace of my late affliction! What a precious feafon of grace, a concur rent time of youth, trouble, and of the ftriving of God's Spirit, have I irrecoverably loft!

แ

"THE clock ftrikes five." It is the knell of my departed hours; it informs me, that fixty more minutes of my time are departed from ine; gone to the judgment-feat of God, to bear witnefs against my floth and wickedness: Alas! how many millions had before pofled thither, on the fame errand? Now my time is fhorter; and yet my work of preparation for eternity is, by my countless crimes, larger than ever. "Though the flumbers of the night have flopt my hearing of the hours, yet neither the clock, nor "time her foundation, have a moment retarded their "courfe." Are there no midnight flumbers of time? Alas! in this ftate, whether I flept, or waked, now of a long time my judgment lingereth not, and my damnation flumbereth not t. Hark, the morning "bell rings, to roufe mortals from their lazy couch.' Prefage this, to me, of the mighty angel's uttering his awful voice, and fwearing that time fhall be no longer :" memorial to me, of the great archangel's fummoning me up from the grave, to receive the juft fentence of my eternal damnation. Make it, my foul, a prefent alarm, to caufe me haften to escape for my life; and tarry no where in the plain of a natural flate, left I be confumed. Oh that I knew

what to da to be faved!

66

"Now I have got up from my bed; hard and un"eafy have I lien on it." Is this a prelude of an uneafy, an eternal bed of flaming fire in hell for me; who, inftead of lying with Jefus, in his bed of everlafting love, on his green bed of the well-ordered, ever-pleasant, and flourishing new covenant, have all my life lien in the arms of a fiery law, and a deceiving devil? How unwillingly doth this polluted, this natural bed, fo long bear her corrupt burden,an enemy to God! How often would fhe have gladly cleft in twain, to drop me quick into infernal flames! How astonishing, that the patience, of an abufed, an angry God, fhould fo long bear with me! "Now the foles of my feet, and no more stand upon, 66 or touch the ground." But, woes me, the earth, the world, fills my heart and is fixed in it; there it is touched, loved, chofen, and delighted in, as my God and portion -The Spirit of life from God never entered into me, to make me ftand on my feet, ready to walk in his way; never made me ftand on Jesus' righteousness, that fea of glass mingled with fire, before the throne of God.

"My clothes are put on, and the nakedness of my body is covered." But the filthy nakedness of my foul ftill appears: never did I put on the Lord Jefus for righteousness and strength; never did I put on the new man of a holy nature; never was I clothed with humility, but am wrapt in filthy rags of felf-righteoufnefs, abominable corruptions, and fearful curfes. Who knows, how foon I may be dragged out of life; dragged from the grave to the judgment-feat of Christ in this condition; and driven from his bar clothed with fhame, confufion, and curfes; to be fet up an everlasting spectacle of wickedness and wo, to angels and men! Oh! it is heartless work to adorn a dung† Song i, 16, and iii. 7, 8. 1 John v. 19.

hill body and deck it for eternal fire! Clothes, you monuments of my fin, had I never tranfgreffed against God, I had never needed, never worn you: memorials of my meannefs, what are you, but the offspring of the dung-hill, the old caftings of the flock, or the excrements of the filk-worm? Why then fhould I be proud of you? Why adore you, as my God? Why make you my great care and honour? How often, within thefe twelve years, have I changed my clothes! but never my fins, my curfed evil heart of unbelief!

""

"Now I have read a portion of God's word, and "faid my prayers. Alas! I have but SAID, not from the heart poured forth, my prayer: and fince I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will nothear me my facrifice is an abomination to him;" how much more when I bring it with this wicked heart? I have fet up the fumbling block of beloved lùfts in my heart, and of monftrous deeds in my life; therefore fhall the Lord wrathfully answer me by him felf. I wash myfelf. Unhappy hands, and head; to little purpofe, and with fmall pleasure, do I wash you, for unceafing wo, for endlefs fire; while my inward parts remain filled with all unrighteoufnefs, uncleannefs, pride, deceit, debate, malignity, hatred of God, and every other abominable luft! Corrupt heart, wilt thou not be made clean? when shall it once be? How long, by attempts to felf-righteoufnefs, fhall I wash my felf into deeper ftains, greater filth! I can neither perform felf-righteoufnefs, nor fice from it. Oh! Jefus, canft thou not wafh me in thy blood, that cleanfeth from all fin?:

"My mirror, thou fheweft me a youthful counte-"nance, fparkling eyes, and rofy cheeks." But beauty is vain: quickly fhall thefe eye-holes be the

beaten path of noisome vermine: quickly fhall the lothfome worm crawl, lodge, and feed upon these lovely cheeks: then fhall " my comelinefs be turned into corruption."-Unhappy face! how have I efteemed and looked at thee more than at JEнOVAH'S countenance, and the brightness of his glory ;and as my reward, muft the abominable infect, the flames of Tophet, and the inward anguifh of my foul, hereafter deform thee? "My countenance falls." No wonder: I am condemned to have my everlasting portion with the devil and his angels; "He that believeth not, is condemned already; and the wrath of God abideth on him." Already I feel myself in the cafe of Cain; the Lord hath no respect to me, or to mine offsprings: already I am under his curfe, driven out from the prefence of the Lord. "How "often have I examined the fkin of my face, and "adjusted my hair and mine apparel, in this glafs." But have I ever examined the ftate and frame of my heart, and the courfe of my life, and adjusted thefe by the mirror of the divine word; the holy law of the most high God? If I had, ah! what an awful and abominable appearance should I make to myself?

Alas! I never beheld the glory of the Lord Jefus, in the gospel-glafs, to be changed into the fame image, from glory to glory, as by the Spirit of the Lord." Ah! how death and hell will bring down my welldreffed head, and stain all my raiment. "This medicinal juice of herbs, I drink for my health; how bitter; but ufeful!" Happy they, who drink the bittereft convictions, the bittereft cups of tribulation, for the healing of their foul! But woes me, I never drank the healing juice of the Plant of Renown, to make me whole unto falvation.-If I remain in this curfed, this Chriftlefs ftate, what avails it, whether my body die or live? The fooner I go to hell, I fhall go with the lefs guilt; and the more quickly know

the

the extent of my future mifery: If my days are lengthened, I but ripen myself for deeper damnation, -Alas!" is mine iniquity greater than it can be forgiven?" Doth my unparalleled guilt confine the choice of God!-of INFINITE LOVE, to wrath alone? Better I had never been born; or had been formed a toad, or a ferpent; that I might have been huddled up in everlasting forgetfulness. But I have been made for the day of evil. Ah!-Stop, my racked, my grieved foul! righteous is the Lord, and righteous are his judgments, though this moment I fhould defcend to the pit. -Oh! may not I, with

the forcerer, " pray God, if PERHAPS the thoughts of my heart may be forgiven me?—IT MAY BE the Lord will be gracious."

"I fit down to breakfast." Surprising, that God gives me a crumb of bread to eat, or a drop of water to quench my thirst! But, alas! though it is a bleffing in itself, it is curfed already, because I lay not to heart the one thing needful: my provifion is but the food of the condemned; it fattens me for the flaughter of eternal wrath. How often, how plentifully, have I nourished my body, but never, never tafted of the bread which came down from heaven? Is not this to live as a beast; a devil?

"Now the worship of our family hath been ef"fayed." But how can they prosper, how can their prayers be heard, while fuch an Achan, a Beelzebub, is among them? Alas! I am an offence to God, a curfe, a plague to all around me !

"WITHOUT staff, or horfe, I depart from this " house." Oh houfe! fo often polluted with my filth fo often witness to my guilt! how gladly wouldst thou crush me in thy ruins, and caft me

forth