CHAPTER XXIX.

OF THE TRICK THAT GUZMAN PLAYED UPON A CAPTAIN AND A LAWYER, WHO CAME TO DINE AT THE AMBASSADOR's without HAVING BEEN INVITED.

NOTHING afforded my master more pleasure than seeing his genteel acquaintance at his table, and he was often willing even to tolerate parasites, provided their wit compensated for their entertainment; but he was always much vexed at the appearance of the latter, when it so happened that he had a select party to dine with him. This being the case, you may well conceive that it was not without considerable pain that he saw two of these hangers-on enter his room one day when he expected the French ambassador and other persons of distinction to dine with him. One of these was a captain, and the other a lawyer, neither of whom wanted merit in his own line; but as they could talk on no other subject but their respective professions, they had become quite a nuisance in the house.

The ambassador could not help bowing as he saw them enter, of which, however, they took not the slightest notice; and, so far from taking their leave after this cold reception, they seemed determined to stay, and joined the rest of the company accordingly. My master looked at me, and I understood in an

instant that it would not displease him if I could in any way divert the company at the expense of these gentlemen. Thus, then, I set about it.

You must be informed, in the first place, that the lawyer, who was a grave, formal man, had a pair of huge whiskers, of which he took such particular care that he scarcely dared even to smile for fear of discomposing them. I observed that he often took a sly peep at them, with great delight, in a little mirror which he drew out of his pocket with his handkerchief, pretending all the while to be blowing his nose. Having taken particular notice of this manoeuvre of his, I waited patiently until the dessert was placed on the table, when, the conversation becoming lively, I soon had an opportunity of putting my plan in execution. I then went up to the captain and whispered something to him which made him laugh. He answered me in the same tone, and so I continued laughing and whispering with him for a considerable time, always taking pains to look at the lawyer, to make him think that we were talking of him. At length, when I thought it was time, I assumed a more serious air, and said aloud, as if still continuing the conversation, "No, no, captain, I am your most humble servant, but I protest I can take no part in this joke; the respect that I owe my master, and his friend the lawyer, will not permit me to take such a liberty."

"What's the matter, Guzman?" said my master, hearing this.

"Truly, sir," answered I, "the captain can tell you

better than I. He has been cracking jokes upon the lawyer's whiskers for some time past, and now wishes me to amuse the company with them."

"Come, come, Guzman," said the French ambassador, "let us know the whole of it."

"Since my master and you command it," said I, "it is my duty to tell you. The captain has been informing me that Mr. Lawyer keeps a wench to comb and dye his whiskers every morning, that they may not turn grey, and always sleeps on his back for fear of rumpling them. In short, he has been amusing me on this subject for this quarter of an hour, trying to persuade me to repeat the jokes as though they were of my own invention; but it is not for a boy like me to rally so venerable a personage in this manner."

The captain, instead of denying what I asserted, laughed heartily, and all the company followed his example, without knowing whether I spoke truth or falsehood. The lawyer hesitated for some moments how to take the joke, but not being able any longer to withstand the noble captain's immoderate laughter, Rascal," said he, in a rage, "you have good cause, truly, to rally me upon my age, you who boast of your services under Charles V., whom you never saw but in a picture! But I degrade myself by putting myself in comparison with a man of your stamp."

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“Very fine, Mr. Lawyer," interrupted the captain, growing warm, "you forget the company we are in. Were I not more reasonable than you

"More reasonable!" cried the lawyer in his turn,

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'why there is not a greater fool on the face of the earth."

The captain had now entirely lost all temper, and would doubtless have answered his friend the lawyer by throwing one of the plates at his head, had not the company interfered and appeased them both. Neither of them, however, ventured to come to the house again; and thus I freed my master of two other most troublesome guests.

CHAPTER XXX.

THE AMBASSADOR FALLS IN LOVE WITH A ROMAN LADY; GUZMAN UNDERTAKES TO ASSIST HIM IN HIS AMOUR; HIS SUCCESS.

I HAVE already informed you, gentle reader, that the only blemish in the character of the ambassador was his libertine principles respecting the fair sex. He had seen, though by what accident I never knew, the wife of a Roman knight, and speedily became violently enamoured of her. He had already put an old beldame on the scent, who was trained to the seduction of young women, but, however dexterous his agent might be, all her pains and exertions had hitherto proved useless, and my master was driven to despair. At last he opened his mind to me, and expressed the more surprise at Fabia's withstanding his advances, as this lady, in the flower of her youth, was united to a husband who had all the disagreeable infirmities of old age. The design of this confidence was to engage

me to assist him in this intrigue, which he had but little difficulty to accomplish. I undertook this honourable employment which my master conferred upon me, and on my informing him that I was particularly intimate with the waiting-maid of that lady, he conceived the most flattering hopes. He could not contain his joy on learning this circumstance, but embraced me, and said that, having her attendant and myself in his interest, he did not doubt that with our assistance he should, sooner or later, obtain the object of his desires. In the next conversation that I had with Nicoleta (which was the name of the lady's maid) I contrived to engage her in my master's favour. She spared no pains to ingratiate him with her mistress, by taking every opportunity of praising him, and of saying something in disparagement of the old husband. Nevertheless, after losing a great deal of time in attacking Fabia's virtue by every sort of discourse the most likely to stagger it, she began to despair of success, when one morning that lady, putting on of a sudden a smiling air, said to her, "My dear Nicoleta, I will unfold to you the inmost recesses of my soul; I can no longer dissemble with you, so wholly devoted as you are to all my wishes. Learn, then, that I think the Spanish ambassador every way worthy of the love of a woman of quality. I can no longer continue to treat him so harshly. But you know my character; you know that I am a slave to reputation. Find out some method to compromise my inclination for him with my delicacy, and if you can discover one that proves satisfactory, I shall no