hundred natives, salaaming, tom-tomming, and praying Mahadeo to soften sahib's heart, and induce him to listen to them, and come and kill the white tiger. I promised to do what I could, if they would supply beaters,' and would be ready at the jungle next day with their usual heathenish and unsportsmanlike paraphernalia of native drums, bells, horns, and metal pans with stones in them. Off they went throwing somersaults, and shouting like children, calling me every blessed name they could lay their tongues to, and promising to muster in force at the place appointed. * "The rest of that day I spent in preparing for the tiger campaign at Moonje. I put on my red-brown shooting-coat, made of stuff of that peculiar deadleaf colour usually worn by Indian tiger-hunters, and which I was the first to introduce into the Presidency. The plan of this coat was my own invention; it had fourteen pockets, each destined for a special purpose, and never used for any other. It held caps, gun-picker, tigers' fat for greasing locks, spare nipples, gun-screw, a small boot-jack a knife with sixteen blades, greased patches, iron bullets, cartridges, a pocket-revolver, a brandyflask, a hunting-knife as strong as a bill-hook, a dried tongue, a cigar-case, a powder-horn, fusees, a sketch-book, a small key-bugle, a camp-stool, and a few other items useful to a man of resources. "As this white tiger I was to fight had escaped the native pitfalls, poison, spring-guns, and other stratagems of the crafty natives of the jungle village, I felt that at last I had met a foeman worthy of my arm, and I prepared for a gigantic effort. I filled Ramchunder's howdah with tulwahs (native swords), double-barrelled guns, rockets, and boar-spears; so that, keeping that sagacious animal near me fastened to a tree, I could return to him at any time for fresh weapons and for lunch; for, even in my enthusiasm for the chase, I did not forget some cold fowls and two or three bottles of champagne, &c. My khansamah (or butler) was to sit in the howdah and attend to the commissariat and general stores. "The day came. I felt a strange glow of pleasure, mingled with a strange presentiment of danger which I could not shake off, by Jove, sir, do what I might. However, I said nothing to Twentyman, who wished me every success, and off I went on Ramchunder, who seemed proud to share in the adventure; which was more than the cowardly khansamah was, for his teeth shook like castanets, and, by Jove, sir, he dropped a bottle of bitter beer in sheer nervousness in packing. At last we were ready. Juhlde jao' (Go quick), cried I to the mahout; and off trotted old Ramchunder to this side of the Moonje jungle, where all the beaters had assembled. "If you'll believe me, even at the taking of Mooltan there wasn't such a gol-mol (by Jove, sir, I am talking Hindostanee again-I mean in pure English, 'row') as when about two hundred native fellows began to break into the jungle of praus-trees and korinda-shrubs, firing match-locks, yelling like fiends broke loose, rattling metal pans, ringing bells, and blowing horns; while half a dozen of the boldest and most active of the beaters were sent on to climb trees and give notice if the man-eater stole away in their direction. It was arranged that I was to lie in wait, with Ramchunder, opposite to "I had been particularly careful with Dostee Pooloo, the captain of the beaters, as to the direc tion in which he was to drive the tigers; for these rascals generally frequent the same spot, and I had every reason to suppose that I should soon have my hands full. "Dostee Pooloo, my boy,' said I, handing him a cheroot (for the niggers like you to be civil to them), be sure and drive everything that is in the jungle sou'-westerly, for if I am far away from Ramchunder and the guns when they break covert, by Jove, sir, there'll be a blank space left for me at the mess-table to-morrow.' When I said this, Dostee Pooloo showed all his box of teeth, and I saw that he was game to do just what I wished, so long as he hadn't to fight the tiger himself. "Having planted my old khansamah with Ramchunder and the cold fowls, champagne, and the double-barrelled rifles, near an old palm-tree, with strict injunctions not to move, I stole off down the nullah whish-whish, as the natives say which means very gently. "I suppose I had not gone more than three hundred yards from where I left the khansamah and Ramchunder, before a path to the right, trodden down as if by wild boars through a tract of tall, dry, dusty jungle grass, burnt by the sun to a pale straw colour, attracted my attention. The beaters seemed to rouse nothing, and I began to think the story of the white tiger all a humbug and a flam. 66 The path led on past a little tope of cocoa-nut palm, strung with fruit. Curiosity carrying me on, I followed it for some hundred yards, till I saw the path a few yards before me open out into a sort of natural amphitheatre, beyond which lay the dry bed of a small watercourse, the surface of which, if you'll believe me, sir, was one vast tangle of enormous jungle flowers, by Jove, sir; great crimson fellows, big as teacups (what do I say)-big as my hat, and smelling of musk and patchouli. * "In a small open space surrounded by deep Moonje grass, and only visible from the higher clump of ground where they sunned themselves, strutted half a dozen peacocks. I had just knelt down and covered the biggest of them with my rifle-a splendid fellow, with a great fan-tail, all green and purple-when, lo and behold! what should come skipping from tree to tree but a whole tribe of monkeys, chattering, chasing each other, holding each other's tails, and cutting such capers, that it was all I could do to keep from laughing out and spoiling the whole game. "I had scarcely readjusted my aim, which these monkeys had thrown out, before, from out of the jungle, close to me, ran three little spotted deer and a wild hog, and began racing about as if that MAJOR MONSOON'S TIGER STORY. spot was their regular playground, and yet with a sort of fascinated stare and alarm that made me suspect mischief. I determined, however, coûte qui coute, to see the thing out, so I drew the brandyflask from my No. 13 pocket, and took a sup to steady my hand. Before I had put it back, sure enough, out between the two champa-trees came a tremendous beast of a boa-constrictor, as large round as a bolster, and seventy feet long if he was an inch-his scales wet and shining with the dew, and he writhing and undulating like an enormous caterpillar. "If you'll believe, me, sir, surprised as I was, I had still presence of mind enough to aim firm and steady at his nearest eye, thinking what a triumph it would be to take him home to poor Twentyman; when what should I see, by Jove, sir, about twenty feet beyond this beast, but some strange object waving in the grass! I covered it with my rifle, and was just going to press the trigger with my forefinger, when I heard a rush, and an enormous tiger, clearing the boa-constrictor, leaped a space of nearly forty feet (as I afterwards measured), and struck me to the ground before I could readjust my piece. "It was the white tigerthe man-eater! by Jove, sir, I felt sure of it at the first glance: a splendid fellow, full thirteen feet long, of a pale tawny cream-colour striped with dark brown, his chest almost white. "If you'll believe me, sir, as he held me and shook me in his mouth, I felt no pain and no terror, but a sort of almost pleasant benumbed drowsiness, and a strange curiosity as to how the brute would eat me. I could hear the deer, monkeys, and snake scuttle off as he shook me, as a cat does a mouse, or a terrier a rat. Then I remember I tried to get a pistol from pocket No. 13, and fainted. * * "Before I came-to, full half an hour must have elapsed. There I lay in a nest of dry Moonje grass. I felt that the monster was still over me; I felt his pestilential breath on my face even in my swcon. Yes, there he was, his enormous length reclining beside me, his striped tail sweeping across my face at every vibration-his head was turned from me. If you'll believe me, sir, he had actually munched and chewed the whole of my left leg from the toe to the knee; by Jove, he had eaten about three feet of it, sir (pardon the awkwardness of the expression), during my swoon." "Chewed, Major Monsoon?" I cried, in an angry expostulatory voice. "Why, there are your two legs this very minute, and as sound as mine!" "Pooh! pooh! my dear sir," said he, without a smile and quite unruffled, holding out his left leg to me to pinch, "the leg he munched was cork then, as it is cork now, and as it has been ever since a cannon-ball took off its fleshly predecessor at the siege of Mooltan. One happy result of its being cork, as you may imagine, was that it took the beast 179 some time to get through, and that the beast didn't hurt me much. "I opened my eyes quietly when I found what he was at, for he kept growling and snarling over the rather indigestible meal, and I began to look round me to see where my rifle was. If you'll believe me, sir, there it lay, full-cocked, not three inches from my right hand. "My first thought was to steal my hand along and get hold of my rifle, but the instant I moved even a limb, by Jove, sir, the beast of a man-eater' began to growl, and evinced a dangerous disposi tion to leave my cork leg and settle on the more valuable one of flesh. I therefore, for the moment, abandoned the attempt, and resigned myself to death; for it seemed certain that when the beast had finished the cork leg, and began to taste my blood, he would turn round and devour me. "I was sufficiently cool, even in this horrible emergency, to cast my eyes round to see if I was wounded. I found no wound, but discovered that the tiger had, in seizing me, torn off and probably de youred the tenth and eleventh pockets of my shooting-jacket. I listened for the beaters, but could hear no voice or sound. They had either gone so far off that they were out of hearing, or, what was more likely, they had been alarmed by the tiger, and had fled; for they're poor creatures, the niggers, in any real danger. "I now, therefore, gave myself up as lost; the tiger was still gnawing my cork knee, and had one paw lying as heavy as lead on my other leg, when suddenly, if you'll believe me, sir, the beast yawned twice, nodded his head, and fell fast asleep. I saw it all in a moment. By Jove, sir, he had swallowed in my No. 10 pocket a large bottle of morphine-the bi-meconate of morphine, an American preparation of great strength-that I always carried with me when I went tiger-hunting, in case of an attack of neuralgia, to which I was subject after I had two-thirds of my teeth carried away by a matchlock bullet at Bundelcore. Now was my opportunity. There lay the great striped beast fast asleep. I stole my hand gently towards my rifle. I grasped it. I cocked it. I looked at the clean copper cap, held the muzzle close to the brute's ear, and fired. With a yell-a groan-the beast fell. I leaped up at the same moment to avoid his fatal claws, and gave him the second barrel behind the right paw, close to the heart. He groaned, stretched out his legs, tore the earth in long scratches you might lay your hands in, and fell dead. I took out my repeater; it was exactly three minutes past two p.m. I had started from the bungalow at Kollywallah at seven a.m. Then a giddiness came over me, and I fainted again. * * * "I was awoke by something soft touching my face. I looked up. By Jove, sir, it was Ramchunder, with that beast of a khansamah dead drunk in the howdah, and with one of my silver-topped cham The next morning when I called at the major's lodgings, I found to my astonishment he had left by the six a.m. train, desiring the landlady to send in his bill to his brother at No. Twenty-four. His brother! But I felt bound in honour to pay it. On closely considering the story of Major Mon. soon's remarkable escape from the tiger, I found several alarming discrepancies that led to doubts in my mind as to its entire veracity. Breech. loaders were not, I think, invented twenty years ago; and, now I think of it, I regret I did not pinch his leg hard, to make sure that it really was cork. "THE sea-serpent has been seen in Kinsale Roads," said a traveller. What!" exclaimed Paddy, "is he coming to Cork by land, then ?" SOME One was telling an Irishman that somebody had eaten ten saucers of ice cream; whereupon Pat shook his head. "So you don't believe it!" With a nod Pat answered, "I belave in the crame, but not in the saucers." 66 Paddy got his money and gave the "resate" when the doctor reached his destination. AN Irish guide told Dr. James Johnson, who wished for a reason why echo was always of the feminine gender that " Maybe it was because she always had the last word." 66 AN Irish orange-seller offered his fruits for sale, and warranted them sweet. How will I find out they are sweet unless I taste them ?" inquired a purchaser. Sure," said Pat, "if you take a dozen you may eat them, and if they aren't good uns I'll change 'em." 66 66 the rope might be tied under his arms, instead of AN Irishman going to be hanged begged that round the throat; for," said Pat, "I am so reAN Irishman one day met his priest at a mile-markably ticklish in the throat, that if tied there stone. Arrah, your riverence, saving your pre- I'll certainly kill myself with laughter." sence, there's a praist," said he, pointing to the milestone. "A priest! why do you call that a priest, Mike?" Why, your riverence, 'tis at least like a praist, for it points the road it never goes itself." 66 "WHEN Wilkie came to Edinburgh," said his landlady," he rented one of my attics, and I had an Irishman in the first floor; but in course of time they changed places. And so I always find it. The Irishmen begin in the first floor and end in the garret, while the Scotchmen begin in the garret and end in the first floor." MR. BARON PLATT, at the Westmoreland Assizes, in a colloquy with an Irish thief, asked, “Why did you not stay in your own country, and rob there?" Mr. Serjeant Murphy, with ready wit, answered for his countryman, "Because, my lord, there is nothing to steal there." is, that his house is not large enough to contain MALONY says, the reason he don't get married the consequences. "DID you ever know anybody to be killed by lightning?" Never by lightning," replied Pat, in an undertone. "It's thunder, shure, as knocks A LADY made a Christmas present to an old'em to pieces in the ould counthry." servant a few days before it might have been expected. It was gratefully received, with the following Hibernian expression of thanks :-" I am very much obliged to you indeed, ma'am; and wish you many returns of the season before it comes!" A WESTERN physician was riding in an omnibus, when an Irishman stepped in, and recognising the doctor, said—“ Och, an' sure, an' it's Dochtor JI persave." "That's my name, sir, but I haven't the pleasure of knowing you," responded the polite doctor. "Indade! but I'm the felly what made yer last boots, and which yer honour forgot to get a resate for the payment ov!" The ladies tittered, the doctor's memory was refreshed, and "JUST put that back where you took it from!" as the Irish lass said when young Rory snatched a kiss. TEDDY O'FLANNIGAN, with his uncle, being at sea in a great storm, he waked his uncle, who was asleep, told him he was afraid he would be drowned, and know nothing at all, at all, of the matter, and then when he waked in the other world, he would be angry with him for not telling him. AN Irish footman, who got a situation at the West-end of London, on entering a room where there was a vase with golden fish, exclaimed, "Well, this is the first time I ever saw red herrings alive." SOME folks accuse pigs of being filthy in their habits, and negligent in their personal appearance. But whether food is best eaten off the ground, or in a China plate, is, it seems to us, merely a matter of taste and convenience, on which pigs and men may honestly differ. They ought, then, to be judged charitably. At any rate, pigs are not filthy enough to chew tobacco, nor poison their breath by drinking whiskey. As to their personal appearance, you don't catch a pig playing the dandy, nor picking his way up the muddy streets in kid slippers. Pigs have some excellent traits of character. If one chances to wallow a little deeper in some mire-hole than his neighbour, and so carries off and comes in possession of more of the earth than his brethren, he never assumes an extra importance on that account; neither are his brethren stupid enough to worship him for it. Their only question seems to be, is he still a hog? If he is, they treat him as such. And when a hog has no merits of his own, he never puts on any aristocratic airs, nor claims any particular respect on account of his family connections. They understand full well the common-sense maxim, "Every tub must stand upon its own bottom."Jerrold. TWO PICKINGS THAT Coachman, of all the swells that ever flourished a whip, professionally, might have been elected an emperor. He didn't handle his gloves like another man, but put them on-even when he was standing on the pavement quite detached from the coach-as if the four greys were, somehow or other, at the ends of his fingers. It was the same with his hat. He did things with his hat which nothing but an unlimited knowledge of horses and the wildest freedom of the road could ever have made him perfect in. Valuable little parcels were brought to him with particular instructions, and he pitched them into his hat, and stuck it on again, as if the laws of gravity did not admit of such an event as its being knocked off, and nothing like an accident could befal it. The FROM DICKENS. guard, too! Seventy breezy miles a day were written in his very whiskers. His manners were a canter; his conversation a round trot. He was a fast coach upon a down-hill turnpike-road; he was all pace. A wagon couldn't have moved slowly with that guard and his key-bugle on the top of it.-Martin Chuzzlewit. In front of a big bookcase, in a big chair, be hind a big table, and before a big volume, sat Mr. Nupkins, looking a full size larger than any one of them, big as they were. The table was adorned with piles of papers: and above the farther end of it appeared the head and shoulders of Mr. Jinks, the clerk, who was busily engaged in looking as busy as possible.-Pickwick. |