fays of Palamedes, that he invented dice "to ferve fometimes inftead of a dinner. "It is therefore wifely contrived by nature, that children, as they have the "keenest appetites, are moft addicted to plays. From the fame caufe, and from "the unprejudiced and incorrupt fimplicity of their minds, it proceeds, that the plays of the ancient children are pre"ferved more entire than any other of their "cuftoms. In this matter I would recom"mend to all who have any concern in my "fon's education, that they deviate not in "the leaft from the primitive and simple " antiquity. "To fpeak firft of the whistle, as it is "the firft of all play-things. I will have "it exactly to correfpond with the ancient "fiftula, and accordingly to be compofed feptem paribus disjuncta cicutis. 66 "I heartily with a diligent fearch may "be made after the true crepitaculum or " rattle of the ancients, for that (as Archi"tas Tarentinus was of opinion) kept the children from breaking earthen-ware. "The China cups in thefe days are not "at all the fafer for the modern rattles; "which is an evident proof how far their crepitacula exceeded ours. 66 "I would not have Martin as yet to "fcourge a top, till I am better informed "whether the trochus, which was recom"mended by Cato, be really our present tops, or rather the hoop which the boys "drive with a ftick. Neither crofs and ple among the Thracians, who hung up "one of their companions in a rope, and "gave him a knife to cut himfelf down ; "which if he failed in, he was fuffered to hang till he was dead; and this was only "reckoned a fort of joke. I am utterly against this, as barbarous and cruel. "I cannot conclude, without taking no"tice of the beauty of the Greek names, "whofe etymologies acquaint us with the "nature of the fports; and how infinitely, "both in fenfe and found, they excel our "barbarous names of plays.' pile, nor ducks and drakes, are quite fo« "ancient as handy-dandy, though Macro"bius and St. Auguftine take notice of the firft, and Minutius Foelix defcribes the "latter; but handy-dandy is mentioned by Ariftotle, Plato, and Ariftophanes. "The play which the Italians call cinque, "and the French mourre, is extremely an"cient; it was played at by Hymen and Cupid at the marriage of Pfyche, and "termed by the Latins digitis micare. Julius Pollux defcribes the omilla or "chuck-farthing: though fome will have "our modern chuck-farthing to be nearer "the aphetinda of the ancients. He also " mentions the bafilinda, or King I am; "and mynda, or hoopers-hide. "But the chytrindra, defcribed by the "fame author, is certainly not our hot"cockles; for that was by pinching, and "not by ftriking; though there are good "authors who affirm the rathapigifmus to "be yet nearer the modern hot-cockles. My fon Martin may ufe either of them Notwithstanding the foregoing injunctions of Dr. Cornelius, he yet condefcended to allow the child the ufe of fome few modern play-things; fuch as might prove of any benefit to his mind, by inftilling an early notion of the fciences. For example, he found that marbles taught him percuffion, and the laws of motion; nut-crackers, the ufe of the lever; fwinging on the ends of a board, the balance; bottle-fcrews, the vice; whirligigs, the axis and peritrochia; bird-cages, the pully; and tops the cen trifugal motion. Others of his fports were farther carried to improve his tender foul even in virtue and morality. We fhall only inftance one of the most useful and inftructive, bob cherry, cherry, which teaches at once two noble virtues, patience and conftancy; the firft in adhering to the purfuit of one end, the latter in bearing a disappointment. Befides all thefe, he taught him, as a diverfion, an odd and fecret manner of ftealing, according to the cuftom of the Lacedæmonians; wherein he fucceeded fo well, that he practifed it to the day of his death. MUSIC. The bare mention of mufic threw Cornelius into a paffion. "How can you dig"nify (quoth he) this modern fiddling "with the name of mufic? Will any of your best hautboys encounter a wolf "now-a-days with no other arms but their "inftruments, as did that ancient piper "Pithocaris? Have ever wild boars, ele 66 66 phants, deer, dolphins, whales, or tur"bots, fhew'd the leaft emotion at the "moft elaborate ftrains of your modern scrapers; all which have been, as it were, "tamed and humanized by ancient mufi"cians? Does not Ælian tell us how the Lybian mares were excited to horfing "by mufic? (which ought in truth to be "a caution to modeft women against frequenting operas and confider, brother, "you are brought to this dilemma, either "to give up the virtue of the ladies, or "the power of your mufic.) Whence pro"ceeds the degeneracy of our morals? Is "it not from the lofs of an ancient mufic, "by which (fays Ariftotle) they taught "all the virtues? elfe might we turn Newgate into a college of Dorian musicians, "who should teach moral virtues to thofe "people. Whence comes it that our pre"fent diseases are so stubborn? whence is "it that I daily deplore my fciatical pains? "Alas! because we have loft their true "cure, by the melody of the pipe. All "this was well known to the ancients, as "Theophraftus affures us (whence Calius "calls it loca dolentia decantare), only in"deed fome fmall remains of this skill are "preferved in the cure of the tarantula. "Did not Pythagoras ftop a company of drunken bullies from ftorming a civil "houfe, by changing the ftrain of the pipe to the fober fpondæus? and yet your "modern muficians want art to defend "their windows from common nickers. "It is well known, that when the Lace"dæmonian mob were up, they common"ly fent for a Lefbian musician to appeafe them, and they immediately grew calm " "as foon as they heard Terpander fing: yet I don't believe that the pope's whole "band of mufic, though the beft of this age, could keep his holinefs's image " from being burnt on the fifth of Novem"ber." "Nor would Terpander himself "(replied Albertus) at Billingsgate, nor "Timotheus at Hockley in the Hole, have any manner of effect; nor both of them together bring Horneck to common civility." That's a grofs mistake" (faid Cornelius very warmly);" and, to prove "it fo, I have here a fmall lyra of my "own, framed, ftrung, and tuned, after "the ancient manner. I can play fome сс 66 66 fragments of Lefbian tunes, and I wish "I were to try them upon the most paf"fionate creatures alive."- "You ne"ver had a better opportunity (fays Al"bertus), for yonder are two apple-women "fcolding, and just ready to uncoif one "another." With that Cornelius, undreffed as he was, jumps out into his balcony, his lyra in hand, in his flippers, with his breeches hanging down to his ancles, a ftocking upon his head, and waistcoat of murrey-coloured fattin upon his body: He touched his lyra with a very unusual fort of an harpegiatura, nor were his hopes fruftrated. The cdd equipage, the uncouth instrument, the strangeness of the man, and of the mufic, drew the ears and eyes of the whole mob that were got about the two female champions, and at laft of the combatants themselves. They all approached the balcony, in as close attention as Orpheus's first audience of cattle, or that of an Italian opera, when fome favourite air is just awakened. This fudden effect of his music encouraged him mightily; and it was obferved he never touched his lyre in fuch a truly chromatic and enharmonic manner, as upon that occafion. The mob laughed, fung, jumped, danced, and used many odd gettures; all which he judged to be caused by the various ftrains and modulations. "Mark (quoth he) in this, the power of "the Ionian; in that you see the effect of "the Æolian." But in a little time they began to grow riotous, and threw ftones: Cornelius then withdrew, but with the greatest air of triumph in the world. "Bro"ther (faid he) do you obferve I have perform fuch wonders, what muft it not "have done in those of a Timotheus or a "Terpander?" Having faid this, he retired with the utmost exultation in himself, and contempt of his brother; and, it is faid, behaved that night with fuch unusual haughtiness to his family, that they all had reafon to wish for fome ancient Tibicen to 'calm his temper. LOGIC. Martin's understanding was fo totally immerfed in fenfible objects, that he demanded examples, from material things, of the abftracted ideas of logic: as for Crambe, he contented himself with the words; and when he could but form fome conceit upon them, was fully fatisfied. Thus Crambe would tell his inftructor, that all men were not fingular; that individuality could hardly be predicated of any man, for it was commonly faid, that a man is not the fame he was; that madmen are befide themfelves, and drunken men come to themfelves; which fhews, that few men have that most valuable logical endowment, individuality. Cornelius told Martin that a fhoulder of mutton was an individual, which Crambe denied, for he had feen it cut into commons. That's true (quoth the tutor), but you never faw it cut into fhoulders of mutton: If it could (quoth Crambe) it would be the most lovely individual of the univerfity. When he was told, a substance was that which was fubject to accidents; then foldiers (quoth Crambe) are the most fubftantial people in the world. Neither would he allow it to be a good definition of accident, that it could be prefent or abfent without the deftruction of the fubject; fince there are a great many accidents that deftroy the fubject, as burning does a house, and death a man. But, as to that, Cornelius informed him, that there was a natural death, and a logical death; that though a man, after his natural death, was not capable of the leaft parish-office, yet he might ftill keep his ftall amongst the logical predicaments. Cornelius was forced to give Martin fenLible images. Thus, calling up the coachman, he asked him what he had feen in the bear-garden? The man anfwered, he faw two men fight a prize : one was a fair man, a ferjeant in the guards; the other black, a butcher: the ferjeant had red breeches, the butcher blue: they fought upon a ftage about four o'clock, and the ferjeant wounded the butcher in the leg. Mark (quoth "Cornelius) how the fellow runs through "the predicaments. Men, fubftantia; "two, quantitas; fair and black, qualitas'; ferjeant and butcher, relatio; wounded "the other, actio et paffio; fighting, fitus; "ftage, ubi; two o'clock, quando; blue "and red breeches, babitus." At the fame time he warned Martin, that what he now learned as a logician, he must forget as a natural philofopher; that though he now taught them that accidents inhered in the fubject, they would find in time there was no fuch thing; and that colour, tafte, fmell, heat, and cold, were not in the things, but only phantafms of our brains. He was forced to let them into this fecret, for Martin could not conceive how a habit of dancing inhered in a dancing-mafter, when he did not dance; nay, he would demand the characteristics of relations. Crambe used to help him out, by telling him, a cuckold, a lofing gamefter, a man that had not dined, a young heir that was kept fhort by his father, might be all known by their countenance; that, in this laft cafe, the paternity and filiation leave very fenfible impreffions in the relatum and correlatum. The greateft difficulty was when they came to the tenth predicament; Crambe affirmed that his habitus was more a fubftance than he was; for his clothes could better fubfift without him, than he without his clothes. The Seat of the Soul. In this defign of Martin to investigate the difeafes of the mind, he thought nothing fo neceffary as an enquiry after the feat of the foul; in which, at first, he laboured under great uncertainties. Some. times he was of opinion that it lodged in the brain, fometimes in the ftomach, and fometimes in the heart. Afterwards he thought it abfurd to confine that fovereign lady to one apartment; which made him infer, that the shifted it according to the feveral functions of life: The brain was her ftudy, the heart her state-room, and the ftomach her kitchen. But, as he saw feveral offices of life went on at the same time, he was forced to give up this hypothefis also. He now conjectured it was more for the dignity of the foul to perform several operations by her little minifters, the animal fpirits; from whence it was natural to conclude, that the refides in different parts, according to different inclinations, fexes, ages, and profeffions. Thus, in epicures he feated her in the mouth of the ftomach; philofophers have her in the brain, foldiers in their heart, women in their tongues, fidlers in their fingers, and rope-dancers in their toes. At length he grew fond of the glandula pinealis, diffecting many fubjects to find out the different figure of this gland, from whence he might difcover the caufe of the different tempers in mankind. He fupported that in factious and reftlefs-fpirited people, he fhould find it fharp and pointed, allowing no room for the foul to repofe herfelf; that in quiet tempers it was flat, fmooth, and foft, affording to the foul, as it were, an eafy cushion. He was confirmed in this by obferving, that calves and philofophers, tygers and ftatefmen, foxes and fharpers, peacocks and fops, cockfparrows and coquettes, monkeys and players, courtiers and fpaniels, moles and mifers, exactly refemble one another in the conformation of the pineal gland. He did not doubt likewife to find the fame refemblance in highwaymen and conquerors: In order to fatisfy himself in which, it was, that he purchafed the body of one of the firft fpecies (as hath been before related) at Tyburn, hoping in time to have the hap pinefs of one of the latter too under his anatomical knife. The Soul a Quality. This is eafily anfwered by a familiar inftance. In every jack there is a meatroafting quality, which neither refides in the fly, nor in the weight, nor in any particular wheel in the jack, but is the refult of the whole compofition: fo, in an animal, the self-consciousness is not a real quality inherent in one being (any more than meat-roafting in a jack) but the refult of feveral modes or qualities in the fame fubject. As the fly, the wheels, the chain, the weight, the cords, &c. make one jack, fo the feveral parts of the body make one animal. As perception or confcioufnefs is faid to be inherent in this animal, so is meat-roafting faid to be inherent in the jack. As fenfation, reafoning, volition, memory, &c. are the feveral modes of thinking; fo roafting of beef, roafting of mutton, roafting of pullets, geefe, turkeys, &c. are the feveral modes of meat-roast ing. And as the general quality of meatroafting, with its feveral modifications, as to beef, mutton, pullets, &c. does not inhere in any one part of the jack; fo neither does confcioufnefs, with its feveral modes of fenfation, intellection, volition, &c. inhere in any one, but is the refult from the mechanical compofition of the Pope. whole animal. $34. Diverfity of Geniuses. I shall range these confined and lefs copious geniufes under proper claffes, and (the better to give their pictures to the reader) under the names of animals of fome fort or other; whereby he will be enabled, at the first fight of fuch as fhall daily come forth, to know to what kind to refer, and with what authors to compare them. 1. The Flying Fishes: Thefe are writers who now and then rife upon their fins, and fly out of the profund; but their wings are foon dry, and they drop down to the G. S. A. H. C. G.. bottom. 2. The Swallows are authors that are eternally skimming and fluttering up and down; but all their agility is employed to catch flies. L. T. W. P. Lord H. 3. The Oftriches are such, whose heavinefs rarely permits them to raise themselves from the ground; their wings are of no ufe to lift them up, and their motion is between flying and walking; but then they run very fast. D. F. L. E. The Hon. E. H. 4. The Parrots are they that repeat another's words, in fuch a hoarfe odd voice, as makes them feem their own. W. B. W. H. C. C. The Reverend D. D. 5. The Didappers are authors that keep themselves long out of fight, under water, you leaft and come up now and then where expected them. L. W. G.D. Esq. The Hon. Sir W. Y. 6. The Porpoifes are unwieldy and big; they put all their numbers into a great turmoil and tempeft: but whenever they appear in plain light (which is feldom) they are only fhapeless and ugly monsters. I. D. C. G. I. O. 7. The Frogs are fuch as can neither walk nor fly, but can leap and bound to admiration: they live generally in the bottom of a ditch, and make a great noise whenever they thruft their heads above water. E. W. L. M. Efq. T. D. Gent. 8. The Eels are obfcure authors, that wrap themselves up in their own mud, but are mighty nimble and pert. L. T. P. M. General C. L. W. 9. The Tortoifes are flow and chill, and, like paftoral writers, delight much in gardens: they have for the most part a fine embroidered fhell, and underneath it, a 3 B 2 z heavy heavy lump. A. P. W. B. L. E. The Right Hon. E. of S. : Thefe are the chief characteristics of the Bathos and in each of these kinds we have the comfort to be bleffed with fundry and manifold choice fpirits in this our ifland. The Advancement of the Bathos. Thus have I (my dear countrymen) with incredible pains and diligence, difcovered the hidden fources of the Bathos, or, as I may fay, broke open the abyffes of this great deep. And having now established good and wholesome laws, what remains but that all true moderns, with their utmost might, do proceed to put the fame in execution? In order whereto, I think I fhall, in the fecond place, highly deferve of my country, by propofing fuch a fcheme, as may facilitate this great end. As our number is confeffedly far fuperior to that of the enemy, there feems nothing wanting but unanimity among our felves. It is therefore humbly offered, that all and every individual of the Bathos do enter into a firm affociation, and incorporate into one regular body; whereof every member, even the meaneft, will fome-way contribute to the fupport of the whole; in like manner as the weakeft reeds, when joined in one bundle, become infrangible. To which end our art ought to be put upon the fame foot with other arts of this age. The vast improvement of modern manufactures arifeth from their being divided into feveral branches, and parcelled out to feveral trades: for inftance, in clock-mak ing, one artist makes the balance, another the fpring, another the crown-wheels, a fourth the cafe, and the principal work-man puts all together: to this economy we owe the perfection of our modern watches; and doubtless we alfo might that of our modern poetry and rhetoric, were the feveral parts branched out in the like manner. Nothing is more evident than that divers perfons, no other way remarkable, have each a strong difpofition to the formation of fome particular trope or figure. Ariftotle faith, that the hyperbole is an ornament fit for young men of quality; accordingly we find in thofe gentlemen a wonderful propensity towards it, which is marvellously improved by travelling: fo!diers alfo and feamen are very happy in the fame figure. The periphrafis or circumlocution is the peculiar talent of country farmers; the proverb and apologue of old men at clubs; the ellipfis, or speech by half words, of ministers and politicians; the apofiopefis, of courtiers; the litotes, and diminution, of ladies, whisperers, and backbiters; and the anadiplofis, of common criers and hawkers, who, by redoubling the fame words, perfuade people to buy their oyfters, green haftings, or new ballads. Epithets may be found in great plenty at Billingfgate, farcasm and irony learned upon the water, and the epiphonema or exclamation frequently from the beargarden, and as frequently from the Hear him' of the Houfe of Commons. Now each man applying his whole time and genius upon his particular figure, would doubtless attain to perfection: and when each became incorporated and fworn into the fociety (as hath been proposed) a poet or orator would have no more to do but to fend to the particular traders in each kind; to the metaphorift for his allegories, to the fimile-maker for his comparisons, to the ironift for his farcafms, to the apophthegmatist for his fentences, &c.; whereby a dedication or fpeech would be composed in a moment, the fuperior artist having nothing to do but to put together all the materials. I therefore propofe that there be contrived, with all convenient difpatch, at the public expence, a rhetorical cheft of drawers, confisting of three ftories; the highest for the deliberative, the middle for the de monftrative, and the loweft for the judicial. Thefe fhall be fubdivided into loci or places, being repofitories for matter and argument in the feveral kinds of oration or writing; and every drawer thall again be subdivided into cells, resembling thofe of cabinets for rarities. The apartment for peace or war, and that of the liberty of the prefs, may in a very few days be filled with feveral arguments perfectly new; and the vituperative partition will as easily be replenished with a most choice collection, entirely of the growth and manufacture of the prefent age. Every compofer will foor be taught the ufe of this cabinet, and how to manage all the registers of it, which will be drawn out much in the manner of those in an organ. The keys of it must be kept in honeft hands, by fome reverend prelate, or valiant officer, of unquestionable loyalty and affection to every prefent establishment in church and ftate; which will fufficiently guard against any mifchief which might otherwife be apprehended from it. And |