De Jar. Never, but when Monsieur le Baron is very great beggar, and le bourgeoise has damued deal de guinea. Poul. That is none of our case. Flint. No, no-Mynheer, do your people never make up such matches? Sour Crout. Never, never-what, a German dishonour his stock! why, Mester Flint, should Mistress Linnet bring you de children for de ten generations to come, they could not be chose de canons of Strasburgh. Flint. No? SCENE II. Enter MISS LINNET. Miss Lin. Heigh ho! what a sacrifice am I going to make! but it is the will of those who have a right to all my obedience, and to that I will submit. [Loud knocking at the door.] Bless me! who can that be at this time of night! Our friends may err; and projects, the most prudentially pointed, may miss of their aim; but age and experience demand respect and attention, Poul. So, squire, take it which way you will, and the undoubted kindness of our parents' dewhat dreadful danger you run! Flint. I do. Poul. Loss of friends But. Pipe and afternoon's nap Sour Crout. Your famille gone to de dogsDe Jar. Your peace of mind to de devilPoul. Your health But. Your wealth Poul. Plate, money, and manors— Flint. Enough, dear neighbours, enough-I feel it, I feel it too well. Lord have mercy, what a miserable scrape am I in! and here, too, not an hour ago, it has cost me, the Lord knows what, in making her presents! Poul. Never mind that; you had better part with half you are worth in the world. Flint. True, true-well, then, I'll go and break off all matters this minute. Poul. The wisest thing you can do. Flint. No doubt, no doubt, in the-and yet Button, she is a vast pretty girl-I should be heartily sorry to lose her-dost think one could not get her on easier terms than on marriage? But. It is but trying, however. Flint. To tell truth, Billy, I have always had that in my head; and, at all events, I have thought of a project that will answer my purpose. But. Ay, squire, what is it? Flint. No matter-and, do you hear, Billy? should I get her consent, if you will take her off my hands, and marry her, when I begin to grow tired, I'll settle ten pounds a-year upon you, for both your lives. But. Without paying the taxes? Flint. That matter we will talk of hereafter. [Exit. Poul. So, so, we have well settled this business, however. But. No more thoughts of his taking a wife. Poul. He would sooner be tied to a gibbet; but, Billy, step after him, they will let you in at Sir Christopher Cripple's; and bring us, Bill, a faithful account. But. I will, I will: but where shall you be? Poul. Above, in the Phoenix; we won't stir out of the house; but be very exact. But. Never fear. [Exeunt. signs claims, on our parts at least, a grateful and ready compliance. Enter NANCY. Miss Lin. Nancy, who was that at the door? Nan. Mr Flint, miss, begs the favour of speaking five words with you. Miss Lin. I was in hopes to have had this night, at least, to myself-Where is my mother? Nan. In the next room with lady Catharine, consulting about your clothes for the morning. Miss Lin. He is here-very well, you may go. [Exit. Enter FLINT. Flint. She is alone, as I wished-Miss, I beg pardon for intruding at this time of night, but Miss Lin. Sir! Flint. You can't wonder that I desire to enjoy your good company every minute I can. Miss Lin. Those minutes, a short space will place, Mr Flint, in your power; if, till then, you had permitted me to Flint. Right. But, to say the truth, I wanted to have a little serious talk with you of how and about it. I think, miss, you agree, if we marry, to go off to the country directly? Miss Lin. If we marry! Is it, then, a matter of doubt? Flint. Why, I tell you, miss; with regard to myself, you know, I am one of the most ancientest families in all the country round Miss Lin. Without doubt. Flint. And, as to money and lands in these parts, I believe few people can match me. Miss Lin. Perhaps not. Flint. And as to yourself-I don't speak in a disparaging way-your friends are low folks, and your fortune just nothing. Miss Lin. True, sir; but this is no new discovery; you have known this Flint. Hear me out now!-as I bring all these good things on my side, and you have nothing to give me in return but your love, I ought to he pretty sure of the possession of that. Miss Lin. I hope, the properly discharging all the duties of that condition, which I am shortly to owe to your favour, will give you convincing proofs of my gratitude. Flint. Your gratitude, miss!--but we talk of your love! and of that, if I marry, I must have plain and positive proofs. Miss Lin. Proofs ! of what kind? Enter LADY CATHARINE and MRS LINNET. Lady Cath. How's aw wi you within?--Gad's mercy! what's the matter wi miss? I will hope, Flint. To steal away directly with me to my Maister Flint, it is na you, wha ha set her a waillodgings. Miss Lin. Your lodgings! ing? Mrs Lin. Kitty, my love! Miss Lin. A modest proposal of that gentlemaking Flint. There pass the night, and in the morning, the very minute we rise, we will march awayman's to the abbey. Lady Cath, Of what kind? Miss Lin. Only this moment to quit my father and you, and take up my lodging with him. Lady Cath. To night! aw, that is quite out of the order of things; that is ne'er done, Maister Flint, till after the ceremony of the nuptials is said. Flint. No? Then, I can tell your ladyship, it will never be done. Lady Cath. How? Enter MAJOR RACKET, SIR CHRISTOPHER Sir Chris. We beg pardon for taking the liberty to come in, Mrs Linnet, but we were afraid some accident might have happened to missMrs Lin. There has, sir. Rac. Of what kind? Mrs Lin. That worthy gentleman, under pre pride, could fall a victim to such a contemptible-tence of friendship to us, and honourable views Flint. Why, but, missto my daughter, has hatched a treacherous design to inevitably ruin my child! Miss Lin. It is true, in compliance with the earnest request of my friends, I had consented to sacrifice my peace to their pleasure; and, though reluctant, would have given you my hand. Flint. Vastly well! Miss Lin. What motive, but obedience to them, could I have had in forming an union with you? Did you presume I was struck with your personal merit, or think the sordidness of your mind and manners would tempt me? Flint. Really, miss, this is carryingMiss Lin. You have wealth, I confess; but where could have been the advantage to me, as a reward for becoming your drudge? I might, perhaps, have received a scanty subsistence, for I can hardly suppose you would grant the free use of that to your wife, which your meanness has denied to yourself. Flint. So, so, so!-by and by she will alarm the whole house! Miss Lin. The whole house! the whole town shall be told. Sure the greatest misfortune, that poverty brings in its train, is the subjecting us to the insults of wretches like this, who have no other merit but what their riches bestow on them. Flint. What a damnable vixen! [Aside. Miss Lin. Go, sir! leave the house! I am ashamed, sir, you have had the power to move me: and never more let me be shocked with your sight. Sir Chris. What, he? Flint? Mrs Lin. Even he. -Billy, lead Sir Chris. An impudent son of a-me up, that I may take a peep at the puppyYour servant, young gentleman! what, is it true that we hear? A sweet swain this, to tempt a virgin to sin! Why, Old Nick has made a mistake here; he used to be more expert in his angling; for what female on earth can be got to catch this bait? Lady Cath. Haud, haud you, sir Christopher Cripple, let Maister Flint and I have a short conference upon this occasion-I find, Maister Flint, you ha made a little mistake, but marriage will set aw matters right in the instant. I suppose you persevere to gang wi miss to kirk in the morning? Flint. No, madam, nor the evening neither. Lady Cath. Mercy a Gad! what, do you refuse to ratify the preliminaries? Flint. I don't say that neither. Sir Chris. Then name the time in which you will fulfil them—a week? Lady Cath. A fortnight? Flint. I won't be bound to no time. Rac. A rascally evasion of his, to avoid an action at law. Sir Chris. But, perhaps, he may be disappointed in that. Lady Cath. Well; but, Maister Flint, are you | Miss Kitty? Come hither, my chicken: Faith, I willing to make miss a pecuniary acknowledgment for the damage? Flint. I have done her no damage, and I'll make no reparation. Rac. Twelve honest men of your country may happen to differ in judgment. Flint. Let her try, if she will. Sir Chris. And, I promise you, she shan't be to seek for the means. Lady Cath. If you be nae afraid of the laws, ha you nae sense of shame? Rac. He sense of shame! am heartily glad you are rid of this scoundrel; and, if such a crippled old fellow as me was worthy of your notice-but hold, Kate, there is another chap I must guard you against Miss Lin. Another, sir! Who? Sir Chris. Ay, you; come, come, major, don't think you can impose upon a cunning old sportsman like me. Rac. Upon my soul, sir Christopher, you make me blush. Lady Cath. Gad's wull! it shall cum to the Sir Chris. Oh! you are devilish modest, I know proof; you mun ken, good folk, at Edinburgh, last-but to come to the trial at once. I have some winter, I got acquainted with Maister Fout the reason to believe, major, you are fond of this play-actor-I will get him to bring the filthy loon girl; and, that her want of fortune mayn't plead on the stageyour excuse, I don't think I can better begin my plan of reformning, than by a compliment paid to her virtue-then take her, and, with her, two thousand guineas in hand. Sir Chris. And expose him to the contempt of the world? he richly deserves it. Flint. Ay, he may write, you may rail, and the people may hiss, and what care I? I have that at home, that will keep up my spirits. Lady Cath. At hame? Rac. The wretch means his money. Flint. And what better friend can any man have? Tell me the place where its influence fails? Ask that gentleman how he got his cockade? Money! I know its worth; and, therefore, can't too carefully keep it. At this very instant, I have a proof of its value; it enables me to laugh at that squeamish impertinent girl, and despise the weak efforts of your impotent maliceCail me forth to your courts when you please, that will procure me able defenders, and good witnesses, too, if they are wanted. [Exit. Sir Chris. Now, there's a fellow that will never reform. Rac. You had better let him alone; it is in vain to expect justice or honour from him! What a most contemptible cur is a miser! Sir Chris. Ten thousand times worse than a highwaymau; that poor devil only pilfers from Peter or Paul, and the money is scattered as soon as received; but the wretch, that accumulates for the sake of secreting, annihilates what was intended for the use of the world, and is a robber of the whole human race. Rac. And of himself, too, into the bargain. But. For all the world; like a magpye, he steals for the mere pleasure of hiding. Rac. Well observed, little Bill! But. Why, he wanted to bring me into his plot yes; he made proposals for me to marry miss, after his purpose was served! Sir Chris. How! But. But he was out in his man-let him give his cast clothes to his coachman. Billy Button can afford a new suit of his own. Rac. I don't doubt it at all. But. Fellow-I am almost resolved never to set another stitch for him as long as I live. Sir Chris. Right, Button, right; but where is Mrs Lin. How, sir! Sir Chris. And expect another good spell when Monsieur le Fevre sets me free from the gout. But. Please your worship, I'll accept her with half Lady Cath. Gi me leave, sir Christopher, to throw in the widow's mite on the happy occasion; the bride garment, and her dinner shall be furnished by me. in Sir Chris. Cock-a-leeky soup? Lady Cath. Sheep's head singed, and a haggies plenty. Sir Chris. Well said, lady Catharine! Miss Lin. How, sir, shall I acknowledge this goodness? Sir Chris. By saying nothing about it-Well, sir, we wait your answer. Rac. I think the lady might first be consulted: I should be sorry a fresh persecution should follow so fast on the heels of the Sir Chris. Come, come, no trifling; your resolution at once. Rac. I receive, then, your offer with pleasure. Miss Lin. Sir, there is a little account to be first settled between this, gentleman and an old unhappy acquaintance of mine. Sir Chris. Who? Miss Lin. The major can guess-the unhappy Miss Prim. Sir Chris. You see, major, your old sins are rising in judgment. Rac. I believe, madam, I can satisfy that. Miss Lin. I sha'n't give you the trouble-but, first, let me return you all my most grateful thanks for your kind intentions towards me. I know your generous motives, and feel their value, I hope, as ought; but might I be permitted to chuse, I beg to remain in the station I am; my little talents have hitherto received the public protection; nor, whilst I continue to deserve, am the least afraid of losing my patrons. [Exeunt WHITTLE, a dotard, in love with the Widow. WIDOW BRADY, the Irish Widow. KECKSEY, his friend. THOMAS, servant to WHITTLE. BATES, a civil old bachelor. SIR PATRICK O'NEAL, father to the Widow. NEPHEW, in love with the Widow. Scene-London. SCENE I-WHITTLE's house. Enter BATES and Servant. ACT I. Bates. Is he gone out? his card tells me to come directly-I did but lock up some papers, take my hat and cane, and away I hurried. Ser. My master desires you will sit down, he will return immediately; he had some business with his lawyer, and went out in great haste, leaving the message I have delivered. Here is my young master. [Exit Servant. Enter NEPHEW. Bates. What, lively Billy!-hold, I beg your pardon-melancholy William, I think-Here's a fine revolution-I hear your uncle, who was last month all gravity, and you all mirth, have changed characters; he is now all spirit, and you are in the dumps, young man. Neph. And for the same reason. This jour ney to Scarborough will unfold the riddle. Bates. Come, come, in plain English, and before your uncle comes, explain the matter. Neph. In the first place, I am undone. Bates. In love, I know-I hope your uncle is not undone, too-that would be the devil! Neph. He has taken possession of him in every sense. In short, he came to Scarborough to see the lady I had fallen in love with Bates, And fell in love himself? Neph. O, Mr Bates! when I thought my hap piness complete, and wanted only my uncle's consent, to give me the independence he so often has promised me, he came to Scarborough for that purpose, and wished me joy of my choice; but, in less than a week, his approbation turned into a passion for her: he now hates the sight of me, and is resolved, with the consent of the father, to make her his wife directly. Bates. So he keeps you out of your fortune, won't give his consent, which his brother's foolish will requires, and he would marry himself the same woman, because right, title, conscience, nature, justice, and every law, divine and human, are against it! Neph. Thus he tricks me at once both of wife and fortune, without the least want of either. Bates. Well said, friend Whittle! but it can't be, it shan't be, and it must not be !-this is murder and robbery in the strongest sense, and he shan't be hanged in chains, to be laughed at by the whole town, if I can help it. Neph. I am distracted, the widow is distressed, and we both shall run mad! Bates. A widow too! 'gad a mercy, threescore and five! Enter THOMAS. Bates. Mr Thomas, I am glad to see you; upon my word, you look charmingly-you wear well, Mr Thomas. Tho. Which is a wonder, considering how times go, Mr Bates-they'll wear and tear me too, if I don't take care of myself-my old master has taken the nearest way to wear himself out, and all that belong to him. Bates. Why, surely this strange story about town is not true, that the old gentleman is fallen in love? Tho. Ten times worse than that! Tho. And his horns-going to be married! Tho. You never saw such an altered man in Neph. But such a widow! She is now in town your born days !-he's grown young again; he with her father, who wants to get her off his frisks, and prances, and runs about, as if he had hands; 'tis equal to him who has her, so she is a new pair of legs-he has left off his brown provided for I hear somebody coming-I inustcamlet surtout, which he wore all the summer, away to her lodgings, where she waits for me to execute a scheme directly for our delivery. Bates.. What is her name, Billy? Neph. Brady. and now, with his hat under his arm, he goes open breasted, and he dresses, and powders, and smirks, so that you would take him for the mad Frenchman in Bedlam--something wrong in his Bates. Brady! Is not she daughter to sir Pat- upper story---Would you think it?--he wants rick O'Neale ! Neph. The same. She was sacrificed to the most senseless drunken profligate in the whole country: He lived to run out his fortune; and the only advantage she got from the union was, he broke that and his neck before he had broke her heart. Bates. The affair of marriage is, in this country, put upon the easiest footing; there is neither love or hate in the matter; necessity brings them together; they are united at first for their mutual convenience, and separated ever after for their particular pleasures-O rare matrimony!Where does she lodge? Neph. In Pall Mall, near the hotel. Bates. I'll call in my way, and assist at the consultation; I am for a bold stroke, if gentle methods should fail. Neph. We have a plan, and a spirited one, if my sweet widow is able to go through it-pray let us have your friendly assistance-ours is the cause of love and reason. Bates. Get you gone, with your love and reason! they seldom pull together now-a-days. I'll give your uncle a dose first, and then I'll meet you at the widow's-What says your uncle's privy counsellor, Mr Thomas, to this? Neph. He is greatly our friend, and will enter sincerely into our service-he is honest, sensible, ignorant, and particular; a kind of half coxcomb, with a thorough good heart-but he's here. Bates. Do you go about your business, and leave the rest to me. [Erit NEPHEW. me to wear a pig-tail! Bates. Then he is far gone indeed! Tho. As sure as you are there, Mr Bates, a pig-tail !----we have had sad work about it---I made a compromise with him to wear these ruffled shirts which he gave me; but they stand in my way-----I am so listless with themthough have tied up my hands for him, I won't tie up my head, that I am resolute. Bates. This it is to be in love, Thomas? Tho. He may make free with himself, he shan't make a fool of me---he has got his head into a bag, but I won't have a pig-tail tacked to mine--and so I told him. Bates. What did you tell him? Tho. That as I, and my father, and his father before me, had wore their own hair as heaven had sent it, I thought myself rather too old to set up for a monkey at my time of life, and wear a pig-tail---he, he, he !--he took it. Bates. With a wry face, for it was wormwood. Tho. Yes, he was frumped, and called me old blockhead, and would not speak to me the rest of the day---but the next day he was at it again --he then put me into a passion--and I could not help telling him, that I was an Englishman born, and had my prerogative as well as he; and that as long as I had breath in my body I was for liberty, and a strait head of hair! Bates. Well said, Thomas !---he could not answer that. Tho. The poorest man in England is a match for the greatest, if he will but stick to the laws of the land, and the statute books, as |