Enter SERJEANT CIRCUIT and CHARLOTTE. Char. I TELL you, sir, his love to me is all a pretence; it is amazing that you, who are so acute, so quick in discerning on other occasions, should be so blind upon this. Ser. But where are your proofs, Charlotte? What signifies your opening matters which your evidence cannot support? Char. Surely, sir, strong circumstances in every court should have weight. Ser. So they have collaterally, child; that is, by way, as it were, of corroboration, or where matters are doubtful; then, indeed, as Plowden wisely observes, Les circonstances ajout beaucoup depoids aux faits.' You understand me? Char. Not perfectly well. Ser. Then to explain by case in point: A, we will suppose, my dear, robs B of a watch upon Hounslow-heath-d'ye mind, child? Char. I do, sir. Ser. A is taken up and is indicted; B swears positively to the identity of A. D'ye observe? Char. Attentively. Ser. Then what does me A, but sets up the alibi C to defeat the affidavit of B. You take me? Char. Clearly. Ser. So far you see, then, the balance is even. Char. True. Ser. But then, to turn the scale, child, against A, in favour of B, they produce the circumstance D, viz. B's watch, found in the pocket of A; upon which the testimony of C being contradicted by B-no, by D-why then, A, that is to say, C —no, D—joining B, they convict C – no, no, A— against the affidavit of C. So, this being pretty clear, child, I leave the application to you. Char. Very obliging, sir. But suppose now, sir, it should appear, that the attention of sir Luke Limp is directed to some other object, would not that induce you to Ser. Other object! Where? Ser. Mighty well! Char. I hope, sir, at least you will allow it a misfortune? Ser. Indeed! Char. A pretty thing truly, for a girl, at my time of life, to be tied to a man with one foot in the grave. Ser. One foot in the grave! the rest of his Ser. Here! why the girl is non compos; there's nobody here, child, but a parcel of Abi-body is not a whit the nearer for that. There gails. Char. No, sir! Ser. No. Char. Yes, sir, one person else. Ser. Who is that? Char. But remember, sir, my accusation is confined to Sir Luke. Ser. Well, well. Char. Suppose then, sir, those powerful charms which made a conquest of you, may have extended their empire over the heart of Sir Luke? Ser. Why, hussy, you don't hint at your mother-in-law? Char. Indeed, sir, but I do. Ser. Ay! why this is point blank treason against my sovereign authority! but can you, Charlotte, bring proof of any overt acts? Char. Overt acts! Ser. Ay; that is, any declaration by writing, or even word of mouth, is sufficient; then let them demur if they dare. Char. I can't say that, sir; but another organ has been pretty explicit. Ser. Which? Char. In those cases a very infallible onethe eye. Ser. Pshaw! nonsense and stuff!-The eye! Ser. Hark you, hussy? why you would not file an information against the virtue of madam your mother? you would not insinuate that she has been guilty of crim. con.? Char. Sir, you mistake me; it is not the lady, but the gentleman, I am about to impeach. Ser. Have a care, Charlotte! I see on what ground your action is founded-jealousy. Char. You were never more deceived in your life; for it is impossible, my dear sir, that jealousy can subsist without love. Ser. Well? has been only an execution issued against part of his personals; his real estate is unincumbered and free-besides, you see he does not mind it a whit, but is as alert, and as merry, as a defendant after non-suiting a plaintiff for omitting Ser. Cite them. Char. The paltry ambition of levying and following titles. Ser. Titles! I don't understand you. Char. I mean the poverty of fastening in public upon men of distinction, for no other reason but because of their rank; adhering to sir John till the baronet is superseded by my lord; quitting the puny peer for an earl; and sacrificing all three to a duke. Ser. Keeping good company! a laudable ambition! Char. True, sir, if the virtues that procured the father a peerage could with that be entailed on the son. Ser. Have a care, hussy!-there are severe Char. And from that passion, (thank Heaven) laws against speaking evil of dignities— I am pretty free at present, Ser. Indeed! Char. A sweet object to excite tender desires! Char. First, as to his years. Ser. What then? Char. Sir! Ser. Scandalum magnatum is a statute must not be trifled with: why, you are not one of those vulgar sluts that think a man the worse for being a lord? Char. No, sir; I am contented with only not Char. I own, sir, age procures honour, but I thinking him the better, believe it is very rarely productive of love. Ser. For all this, I believe, hussy, a right ho- | sic. He is directed, in the first, by Mynheer Van nourable proposal would soon make you alter Eisel, a Dutch dauber; and, in the last, is but your mind. the echo of Signora Florenza, his lordship's mistress, and an opera singer. Char. Not unless the proposer had other qualities than what he possesses by patent. Besides, sir, you know sir Luke is a devotee to the bottle. Ser. Not a whit the less honest for that. Char. It occasions one evil at least; that when under its influence, he generally reveals all, sometimes more than he knows. Ser. Proofs of an open temper, you baggage.! but, come, come, all these are but trifling objections. Char. You mean, sir, they prove the object a trifle? Ser. Why, you pert jade, do you play on my words? I say sir Luke is Char. What, sir! a man who is not suffered to hear, see, smell, or, in short, to enjoy the free use of any one of his senses; who, instead of having a positive will of his own, is denied even a paltry negative; who can neither resolve or reply, consent or deny, without first obtaining the leave of his lady: an absolute monarch to sink into the sneaking state of being a slave to one of his subjects—Oh fye! Ser. Why, to be sure, зir Harry Hen is, as I may sav Char. Nobody, sir, in the fullest sense of the word-Then your client, Lord Solo. Ser. Heyday! Why, you would not annihilate a peer of the realm, with a prodigious estate, and au allowed judge, too, of the elegant arts? Char. O yes, sir, I am no stranger to that nobleman's attributes; but then, sir, please to consider, his power as a peer he gives up to a proxy; the direction of his estate to a rapacious, artful attorney and, as to his skill in the elegant arts, I presume you confine them to painting and mu Ser. Mercy upon us! at what a rate the jade runs! Char. In short, sir, I define every individual, who, ceasing to act for himself, becomes the tool, the mere engine, of another man's will, to be nothing more than a cypher. Ser. At this rate the jade will half unpeople the world: but what is all this to sir Luke? to him not one of your cases apply. Char. Every one-sir Luke has not a first principle in his whole composition; not only his pleasures, but even his passions, are prompted. by others; and he is as much directed to the objects of his love and his hatred, as in his eating, drinking, and sleeping. Nay, though he is active, and eternally busy, yet his own private affairs are neglected; and he would not scruple to break an appointment that was to determine a considerable part of his property, in order to exchange a couple of hounds for a lord, or to buy a pad-nag for a lady. In a word-but he's at hand, and will explain himself best; I hear his stump on the stairs. Ser. I hope you will preserve a little decency before your lover at least? Char. Lover! ha, ha, ha! Enter SIR LUKE LIMP. Sir Luke. Mr Serjeant, your slave !—Ah! are you there, my little-O Lord! Miss, let me tell you something for fear of forgetting-Do you know that you are new-christened, and have had me for a gossip? Char. Christened! I don't understand you. Says Sir Luke. Then lend me your car—Why, last night, as colonel Kill 'em, sir William Weezy, lord Frederick Foretop and I, were carelessly sliding the Ranelagh round, picking our teeth, after a damned muzzy dinner at Boodle's, who should trip by but an abbess, well known about town, with a smart little nun in her suit. Weezy (who, between ourselves, is as husky as hell) Who is that? odds flesh, she's a delicate wench! Zounds! cried lord Frederick, where can Weezy have been, not to have seen the Harrietta be fore? for you must know Frederick is a bit of a Macaroni, and adores the soft Italian termination in a. Char. He does? Sir Luke. Yes, a dilletanti all over. Before? replied Weezy; crush me if ever I saw any thing half so handsome before !-No! replied I in an instant; colonel, what will Weezy say when he sees the Charlotta?-Hey! you little Char. Meaning me, I presume? Sir Luke. Without doubt; and you have been toasted by that name ever since. Sir Luke. Why, it was but last summer at Tunbridge, we were plagued the whole season with a bullet-headed Swiss from the canton of Berne, who was always boasting what and how much he dared do; and then, as to pain, no Stoic, not Diogenes, held it more in contempt. By gods, he vas ne more minds it dan nothings at all -So, foregad, I gave my German a challenge. Ser. As how!-Mind, Charlotte. Sir Luke. Why, to drive a corkin-pin into the calves of our legs. Ser. Well, well? Sir Luke. Mine, you may imagine, was easily but when it came to the baron done Sir Luke. Our modern Cato soon lost his cool Sir Luke. No, damn it, I am much betterLook there-Ha!-What is there I am not ableness and courage, screwed his nose up to his to do! To be sure I am a little aukward at run- foretop, rapped out a dozen oaths in High Dutch, ning; but then, to make me amends, I'll hop limped away to his lodgings, and was there laid with any man in town for his sum. up for a month-Ha, ha, ha! Ser. Ay, and I'll go his halves. Enter a Servant, and delivers a card to SIR Sir Luke. Then as to your dancing, I am cut out at Madam Cornelly's, I grant, because of the crowd; but as far as a private set of six couple, or moving a chair-minuet, match me who can! Sir Luke. [Reads.]— Sir Gregory Goose deChar. A chair-minuet! I don't understandsires the honour of sir Luke Limp's company 'to dine. An answer is desired.' Gadso! a little unlucky; I have been engaged for these three weeks. you. Sir Luke. Why, child, all grace is confined to the motion of the head, arms, and chest, which may, sitting, be as fully displayed as if one had as many legs as a polypus-As thus-tol de rol don't you sce? Ser. Very plain. Ser. What, I find sir Gregory is returned for the corporation of Fleesum. Sir Luke. Is he so? Oh ho!-That alters the case.-George, give my compliments to sir Gre Sir Luke. A leg! a redundancy! a mere no-gory, and I'll certainly come and dine there. thing at all. Man is from nature an extravagant creature. In my opinion, we might all be full as well as we are with but half the things that we have. Char. Ay, sir Luke? how do you prove that? Sir Luke. By constant experience. You must have seen the man who makes and uses pens without hands? Ser. I have. Order Joe to run to alderman Inkle's in Threadneedle-street; sorry can't wait upon him, but confined to bed two days with new influenza. Char. You make light, sir Luke, of these sort of engagements? Sir Luke. What can a man do? These damned fellows (when one has the misfortune to meet them) take scandalous advantages-teaze-when will you do me the honour, pray, sir Luke, to Sir Luke. And not a twelvemonth agone, I take a bit of mutton with me? do you name the lost my way in a fog, at Mile-end, and was con-day-They are as bad as a beggar, who attacks ducted to my house in May-fair by a man as blind as a beetle. your coach at the mounting of a hill; there is no getting rid of them, without a penny to one and a promise to t'other. Ser. True; aud then for such a time, too— three weeks! I wonder they expect folks to remember. It is like a retainer in Michaelmas term for the summer assizes. Sir Luke. Not but upon these occasions, no man in England is more punctual than— -Mons. Duport-fail-Dinner upon table at 'five-Gadso! I hope sir Gregory's servant an't gone? a coach-horse for brigadier Whip; after that must run into the city to borrow a thousand for young At-all at Almack's; send a Cheshire Serv. Immediately upon receiving the answer. cheese, by the stage, to sir Timothy Tankard in Sir Luke. Run after him as fast as you can-Suffolk; and get, at the Herald's office, a coat of tell him, quite in despair-recollect an engage- arms to clap on the coach of Billy Bengal, a na→ ment that can't in nature be missed-and return bob newly arrived: so you see I have not a moin an instant. ment to lose. for Char. You see, sir, the knight must give way my lord. Ser. True, true. Sir Luke. At your toilet to-morrow, at ten, Sir Luke. No, faith, it is not that, my dear | you mayCharlotte; you saw that was quite an extempore business.-No, hang it, no, it is not for the title; but, to tell you the truth, Brentford has more wit than any man in the world; it is that makes me fond of his house. Char. By the choice of his company he gives an unanswerable instance of that. Sir Luke. You are right, my dear girl. But now to give you a proof of his wit. You know Brentford's finances are a little out of repair, which procures him some visits that he would very gladly excuse. Ser. What need he fear? His person is sacred; for, by the tenth of William and MarySir Luke. He knows that well enough; but for all that Ser. Indeed, by a late act of his own house, (which does them infinite honour) his goods or chattels may be— Sir Luke. Seized upon, when they can find them; but he lives in ready-furnished lodgings, and hires his coach by the month. Enter a servant abruptly, and runs against Can't you see where you are running, you ras- Serv. Sir, his grace, the duke of Sir Luke. Grace! where is he?-WhereServ. In his coach at the door. If you an't better engaged, would be glad of your company into the city, and take a dinner at Dolly's. Sir Luke. In his own coach, did you say? Serv. Yes, sir. to go Sir Luke. With the coronets-or- Sir Luke. There's no resisting of that.-Bid Serv. He is already gone to alderman Inkle's. Sir Luke. Then do you step to the knighthey!-no-you must go to my lord's-hold, hold, no-I have it-Step first to sir Greg's, then pop in at lord Brentford's just as the company are Ser. Nay, if the sheriff return non inven-going to dinnertus' Sir Luke. A pox o'your law, you make me lose sight of my story! One morning, a Welch coachmaker came with his bill to my lord, whose name was unluckily Loyd. My lord had the man up. You are called, I think, Mr Loyd?—At your lordship's service, my lord.-What! Loyd with an L? -It was with an L indeed, my lord.-Because in your part of the world, I have heard that Loyd and Floyd were synonymous, the very same names. Very often, indeed, my lord.-But you always spell yours with an L-Always.-That, Mr Loyd, is a little unlucky; for you must know I am now paying my debts alphabetically, and in four or five years you might have come in with an F; but I am afraid I can give you no hopes for your L.-Ha, ha, ha! Enter a Servant. Sero. There was no overtaking the servant. Serv. What shall I say to sir Gregory? Sir Luke. Any thing-what I told you before. Sir Luke. What!-Why, tell him, that my Char. Well, sir, what d'ye think of the proofs? I flatter myself I have pretty well established my case. Ser. Why, hussy, you have hit upon points; but then they are but trifling flaws, they don't vitiate the title, that stands unimpeached; andBut, madam, your mother. Enter MRS CIRCUIT. Mrs Cir. What have you done with the knight? Sir Luke. Pardon, dear Serjeant and Char-Why, you have not let him depart? lotte! have a thousand things to do for half a million of people, positively promised to procure a husband for lady Cicely Sulky, and match VOL. III. Char. It was not in my power to keep him. Mrs Cir. I don't wonder at that; but what took him away? 3 X |