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SCENE I.-A parlour in AILWOULD's house, brought you up here, I'm afraid every moment

with a table and chairs.

Enter PRUDENCE, followed by WAG. Wag. WELL, but Mrs Prudence, don't be in a passion!

Pru. Mr Wag, I will be in a passion; and its enough to put any one in a passion to have to do 'with such indiscreet people as your master. I believe he's out of his senses, for my part. Wag. He's in love, Mrs Prudence, and that's half way.

Pru. So often as he has been forbid either to come or send after my mistress, to persist, in spite of all our cautions and interdictions

Wag. He does not come or send, child. Pru. No-What do you do here, then, and be hanged to you!

Wag. I only bring a letter.

Pru. Very pretty jesting, truly! I was afraid that some of the family would take notice of my talking to you in the hall. But, in truth, here is no place of safety in the house; for now I've VOL. III.

of my master's surprising us.

Wag. Does the old gentleman always keep the house, then?

Pru. Keep the house!-he generally keeps his chamber, and very often his bed. You must know he's one of those folks, that are always sick, continually complaining, ever taking physic, and, in reality, never ailing any thing. I'm his nurse, with a plague to him! and he worries me out of my life.

Wag. Would I were sick upon the same conditions!

Pru. Come, come, no fooling. You said you had a letter from your master to my young lady: give it me, and I'll deliver it to her.

Wag. There it is, my dear.

Pru. But am I not a very naughty wench, to be accessary, in this manner, to a clandestine correspondence?

Wag. The billet is perfectly innocent, I can assure you; and such as your lady will read with pleasure.

Pru. Well, now, go away. 3 $

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Wag. Ay! how! what the devil's the mat

ter?

Pru. Very pretty, in troth, after the blow I have got!

Ail. You have left me to bawl and call, till I am hoarse again.

Pru. And you have made me get a great bump on my forehead; so put one against the other, and we're quit.

Ail. How, Mrs Impudence?
Pru. If you scold, I'll cry.

Ail. To desert me in such a mannner!
Pru. [Crying.] Oh, oh, oh!

Ail. Are you at it again? Why,you pert, brazen, audacious, provoking, abominable, insolent -Shan't I be allowed to have the pleasure of finding fault with yon?

Pru. You may have that pleasure, if you Pru. My master's bell, my master's bell! He will; and it's as fair that I should have the rings again! Down the back stairs, and let your-pleasure of crying, if I like it. self out at the street-door. I can't stay to talk Take away to you any longer now- Adieu!

[Exit. Wag. [As he is going off] Hey, what a ringing's here! one would think the house was on fire. [Exit. AILWOU'D comes through the back-scene in a night-gown and flannel-cap, his crutch in one hand, and a small bell in the other.

Ail. Well, well, I have done. these things, and get me my medicine. It's three hours and two minutes since I took it— and don't you know the prescription says every three hours? I feel the bad effect of my omission already.

Pru. Lord, sir, why will you drench yourself with such nasty slops? One would think the physicians and apothecaries could find sufficient stuff for your craving bowels; but you must go to the quacks, too: and this Doctor Last, with his universal, balsamic, restorative cordial, that turns water into asses milk.

Ail. That's a good girl! go on!

Pru. Methinks, if one was to take physic, one would rather choose to go to a regular physician than to a quack.

Ail. And why so, my dainty adviser?

Ail. O lord, O lord, here's usage for a poor, helpless, sick man! There's nobody in the house! sure, there can be nobody; they're all deserted me, and left me alone to expire without assisttance. -I made shift to muster up sufficient strength to crawl thus far; and now, I can die here. [Drops into the arm-chair with a piteous groan; then, after a short pause, starting and staring.] Mercy on me, what's the matter with me! I am suddenly seized with a shivering fit! And now, I burn like a red-hot coal of fire!-shire warehouse. And now again-shiver, shiver, shiver! as if my blood was turned into snow-water! Prudence, Nancy, Mrs Ailwou'd, love, wife! They're all deaf! and my bell is not loud enough neither! Prudence, I say!

Enter PRUDENCE.

Pru. Here, sir, here! What's the matter?
Ail. Ah, you jade, you slut!

Pru. [Pretending to have hurt her head.]The deuce take your impatience! you hurry people so, you have made me break my head against the window-shutter.

Ail. You baggage, you'tis above an hour

Pru. [Crying.] Dear me, how it smarts! Ail. Above an hour that I have been wanting somebody.

Pru. Oh, oh!

Pru. For the same reason, that, if I wanted a pair of shoes, I would rather go to an established shoe-maker, than lay out my money at a York

Ail. If I hear any more of your impudence,
I'll break your head to some purpose; it shan't
be a bump in the forehead will serve you.
Pru. Eh, you old fanciful, foolish-

[Aside.
Ail. Go, and call my daughter Nancy to me;
I have something to say to her.
Pru. She's here, sir.

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Pru. Ay, sir, so you would.

Ail. I should, indeed, for it does me a prodigious deal of good; though I must take a little

Ail. Hold your tongue, hussy, till I scold cooling physic, too, in order to correct the juices.

you!

[Erit.

Nan. Prudence.

Pru. Madam?

Nan. Look on me a little.

Pru. Well, I do look on you.

Nan. Prudence!

tell you, that, perhaps, you little expect. Here's
a match proposed to me for you. You smile at
that! Ah, nature, nature! By what I perceive,
then, I need not ask you if you are willing?
Nan. I am ready to submit to your commands

Pru. Well, what would you have with Pru- in every thing, sir. Dear Prue, this is beyond dence?

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my hopes!

Pru. Mr Hargrave has kept his word, ma

dam.

Ail. What are you whispering about?
Nan. Nothing, sir.

Ail. Well, child, at any rate, I am glad to find you in so complying a disposition; for, to tell you the truth, I was resolved on the thing before I mentioned it to you, and had even given my

Nan. Or would you have me insensible to the word to put it as expeditiously as possible into extender protestations which he makes me ?

Pru. Heaven forbid !

Nan. Prithee, tell me now, Prudence, don't you really think there was something of destiny in the odd adventure, that brought us acquainted?

Pru. Certainly.

Nan. Was there not something uncommonly brave and gentleman-like in that action of rescuing me, without knowing any thing of me?

Pru. Very genteel and gentleman-like, indeed!

Nan. And was it possible for any one to make a more generous use of it?

Pru. Impossible.

ecution.

Pru. I am sure you are very much in the right of it, sir; 'tis the wisest thing you ever did in your life.

Ail. I have not seen the gentleman yet, but I am told he will be every way to the satisfaction of us both.

Nan. That, sir, I am certain of, for I have seen him already.

Ail. Have you?

Nan. Since your consent, sir, encourages me to discover my inclinations, you must know, that good fortune has lately brought us acquainted; and that the proposal, which has been made to you, is the effect of that esteem, which, at the

Nan. Then, Prue, he has a most charming first interview, we conceived for one another. person. Don't you think so?

Pru. Who can think otherwise?

Nan. Something very noble in his air?

Pru. Very noble !

Nan. Then, he talks like an angel.

Pru. Ay, and writes like an angel, too, I dare
swear, madam, as this letter will show.
Nan. From Mr Hargrave! You wicked girl,
why would you keep it from me so long?

[Snatches it from her, and reads it to
herself.]

Pru. Well, madam, what does the gentleman

say?

Nan. Every thing, dear Prue; every thing in the world, that I could wish or desire. He says he can't live happy without me; and that he will, by the means of a common friend, immediately make a formal proposal for me to my father.

Pru. But do you think, madam, that your father will listen?

Nan. He can have no objection, Prudence. Pru. No, madam; but your mother-in-law may, who governs him, and I am sure bears you no good will. The best joke is, she thinks she has wheedled me into her interests

Ŋan. Hush, here's my father!

Enter AILWOOD.

Ail. That's more than I knew, but no matter; the smoother things go on, the better I am pleased-He is but a little man I am told.

Nan. He's well made, sir.
Ail. Agreeable in his person?
Nan. Very agreeable.
Ail. In his address?
Nan. Perfectly elegant.

Ail. Really that's much-Very much, upon my word, that a man of low birth, and bred up to a mean profession-for, though the doctor has now fifteen thousand pounds in the funds, and gets eight or nine hundred a-year, he owes all to his medicinal secrets.

Nan. Sir!

Ail. At least so Mr Trash the book-seller, that vends his medicines, tells me; through whose mediation, indeed, this proposal is made. Nan. Mr Trash! Has Mr Hargrave any thing to do, then—

Ail. Hargrave! Who the devil's he? I am talking of the person you are to marry, Dr Last, whose cordial has done me so much service. It seems he is a widower, and has a mind to get a second wife, that may do him some credit; such as his worldly circumstances intitle him to. Nan. Well, but my dear sir

Ail. Yes, child, I know it's very well—The Doctor is to be brought here to-day to be intro

Ail. Nancy, child, I have a piece of news to duced to me, and I am really concerned that I

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Ail. Come hither, come hither. [Still following her.] Nancy, stop her there; don't let her pass.

appointed Dr Coffin, Dr Skeleton, and Dr Bulruddery, to hold a consultation upon my case this morning; for, I have found so much benefit from Dr Last's medicine, that I think he will be Pru. I believe no father but yourself ever the properest person to find out what's the mat-thought of such a thing. ter with me.

Nan. Well, but, sir, give me leave to tell you, that Dr Last was very far from my thoughts, when we began this conversation. In short, papa, all this while you have been talking of one person, and I of another.

Pru. Poh, poh, madam, make yourself easy; my master can have no such ridiculous design as he has been mentioning to you-Marry a young lady of family and fortune to a scoundrel quack!

Ail. And what business have you to be meddling, impudence!

Pru. No business at all, sir; but, if you are really serious in your design about this marriage, give me leave to ask you, what can have put it into your head?

-I

Ail. You have nothing to do with thathave told the girl the party I propose for her is rich; but if you must know what most inclined, and, indeed, determined me, as it were, to accept of Dr Last for a son-in-law, is the number of invaluable secrets he possesses; and this alliance will intitle me to take his medicines gratis, as my various infirmities may require- -a thing that we ought all to consider, my last year's apothecary's bill amounting to two hundred and nineteen pounds four shillings and eleven-pence. Pru. A very pretty reason for marrying your daughter to a quack, indeed! But, after all, sir, tell me, upon your honour, now, does any thing ail you?

Ail. Eh! how! any thing ail me? Pru. Ay, sir, are you sick in earnest? and, if so, what's the matter with you?

Ail. It's my misfortune not to know-Would to Heaven I did!-But to cut short all these impertinences, look you, daughter, I lay my commands upon you to prepare yourself to receive the husband I propose for you.

Pru. And Ì, madam, on my part, command you to have nothing to do with him.

Ail. Help me to catch her, daughter, or I'll ncver give you my blessing.

Pru. Never mind him, madam.

Ail. An audacious, impudent, insolent

Pru. Ay, ay, you may abuse me, if you please : but I won't give my consent to the match for all that.

Ail. Cockatrice, jade, slut! [Chasing her round the stage.] Oh, oh, I can support it no longer; she has killed, she has murdered me.

[Falls into his chair. Pru. Your humble servant, sweet sir-Come away, madam. [Exeunt PRU. and NAN, Ail. Love! wife! Mrs Ailwou'd !

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Mrs Ail. Well, my heart!

Ail. They have been teazing and fretting me here out of the small portion of life and spirit I have left.

Mrs Ail. No, sweet, I hope not! Who has angered thee?

Ail. That jade, Prudence. She is grown more saucy and impudent than ever!

Mrs Ail. Don't put yourself in a passion with her, my soul!

Ail. I don't believe I shall ever recover it.
Mrs Ail. Yes, yes, compose yourself.
Ail. She has been contradicting me-

Mrs Ail. Don't mind her.

Ail. And has had the impudence to tell me I'm not sick; when you know, my lamb, how it with me.

[Going off. Ail. Why, you impudent slut, shall a chamber-is maid take the liberty

Pru. She shan't marry the quack.
Ail. Shan't she? we'll see that, if I get near
enough to lay my cane across your shoulders.
[Rising in a fury.

Nan. Dear sir-
Pru. Oh, don't hinder him, madam; give him
leave to come; he's welcome to do his worst.
Ail, If I lay hold of you-

[Following her. Pru. I say I won't let you do a foolish thing, if I can help it. [Getting behind a chair.

Mrs Ail. I know, my heart, very well, you are feeble and weak-Heaven help thee!

Ail. That jade will bring me to my grave. She is the cause of half the phlegm I breed; and I have desired, a hundred and a hundred times, that you would turn her off.

Mrs Ail. My child, there are no servants but have their faults; and we must endure their bad qualities, that we may have the use of their good ones. However, I will give Mrs Prudence a lecture for her impertinence, I assure you-Who's there? Prudence, I say!

Enter PRUDENCE.

Pru. Did you call me, madam?

[Very demurely. Mrs Ail. Come hither, mistress-What is the meaning, that you fret and thwart your master, and put him into passions?

Pru. Who, I, madam! Bless my soul, I don't know what you mean! I'm sure my study, morning, noon, and night, is how to please and obey him.

Ail. Don't believe her, my dear; she's a liar;| she neither pleases nor obeys me, and has behaved in the most insolent manner.

Mrs Ail. Well, my soul, I'm sure what you say is right; but compose yourself. Look you, Prudence, if ever you provoke your master again, I'll turn you out of doors. Here, give me his pillows, and help me to settle him in his chairHe sits I know not how-Pull your night-cap over your ears, my dear. There's nothing gives people cold so much as letting wind in at their

ears.

Ail. Ah! my love, I shall never be able to repay all the care you take of me.

Mrs Ail. Raise yourself a little, that I may put this under you this behind your back-and this to lean your head upon.

Pru. And this to cover your brains.

[Claps a pillow rudely on his head. Ail. You cursed jade! do you want to stifle me?

[Gets up in a passion, throws the pillows at her, and drives her out.]

Mrs Ail. Hold, hold! what did she do to you? Ail. Do to me! the serpent! She'll be the death of me, if you continue to keep her in the house.

Mrs Ail. Well, but, jewel, you are too apt to Alurry yourself.

Ail. My sweet, you are the only comfort I have; and, in order to requite your tenderness in the best manner I am able, I have resolved, as I have told you, to make my will.

Mrs Ail. Ah! don't talk to me in that manner! don't, Mr Ailwould, I beseech you, unless you have a mind to break my heart!

Ail. Alas! my love, we are all mortal; but don't cry, Biddy, for you'll make me weep, too. Mrs Ail. Oh! oh! oh!

Ail. Nay, dearest

Mrs Ail. You said something of your will, did'nt you?

Ail. I desired you would speak to your attorney about it.

Mrs Ail. Yes; but I cannot speak to him about any such thing; it would cut me to the heart.

Ail. It must be done, Biddy.

Mrs Ail. No, no, no. However, I have desired him to come hither to-day, and you may speak to him about it yourself.

Ail. I would fain be informed in what manner I may cut off my children, and leave all to you.

Mrs Ail. Alas! my dear, if you should be taken away, I'll stay no longer in the world.

Ail. My only concern, when I die, will be, that I never had a child by you; and Dr Bulruddery, the Irish physician, promised me I should have twins.

Mrs Ail. But do you think, my dear, that you will be able to cut off your two daughters, and leave me all?

Ail. If not my landed estate, at any rate I can leave you my ready money; and, by way of precaution, I will make over to you immediately four thousand pounds, which I have in the three per cents, and bonds for near the same sum, which I lent to sir Timothy Whisky.

Mrs Ail. I will have nothing to do with them indeed, Mr Ailwould; you shan't put them into my hands, I assure you; all the riches in the world will be nothing to me, if I lose you.-How much do you say you have in the three per cents?

Ail. Four thousand pounds, my love.

Mrs Ail. To talk to me of money, when I am deprived of the only person, with whom I could enjoy it!-And how much more in bonds?

Ail. About the same sum, sweet-but don't take on so, Biddy; pray now don't; you'll throw yourself into some illness; and to have us both sick

Enter PRUDENCE.

Pru. Sir, there are the three doctors below, in the parlour, that were to call upon you this morning.

Ail. Ay, they are come to consult upon my case. I'm sorry I spoke to them; but it's too late now.

Pru. And there's another gentleman at the door, in a chariot, with Mr Trash the bookseller, who desired me to tell you he had brought Dr Last.

Ail. I hope the gentlemen in the parlour did not see him!

Pru. No, sir; no.

Ail. Very well, then shew the physicians up. Do you, my love, go and entertain Dr Last till I can come to you. I will dispatch these as soon as I can; but one must keep up the forms of civility. [Exit MRS AILWOULD.

Enter DR COFFIN, DR SKELETON, Dr Bul

RUDDERY.

Cof. Mr Ailwould, your servant. I have obeyed your commands, you see; and am come, with my brothers Skeleton and Bulruddery, to have a consultation upon your case.-How do you find yourself this morning?

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