Heart. [Aside.] I must retire to conceal my [Exit. Lucy. Upon my word, this is very whimsical! What is the reason, miss, that your guardian is gone away without giving me an answer? Miss Har. What a contempt he must have for me, to behave in this manner! [Erit. ces, there are a thousand reasons that destroy so ridiculous a supposition. Enter SIR CHARLES. Sir Cha. Well, Mr Heartly, what are we to hope for? Heart. Upon my word, sir, I am still in the dark; we puzzle about, indeed, but we don't get forward. Sir Cha. What the devil is the meaning of all this? There never sure were lovers so difficult to bring together. But have you not been a little too rough with the lady? For as I passed by her but now, she seemed a little out of humour; and, upon my faith, not the less beautiful for a little pouting. Heart. Upon my word, sir Charles, what I can collect from her behaviour is, that your nephew is not so much in her good graces as he made you believe. Heart. In him, a little vanity is excusable. Sir Cha. I am his vanity's humble servant for that, though. Heart. He is of an age, sir Charles. Sir Cha. 'Egad, like enough. But, hold, hold! this must be looked a little into: If it is so, I Lucy. Extremely well this, and equally fool-would be glad to know, why, and wherefore, I ish, on both sides! But what can be the meaning have been made so ridiculous. Eh, Mr Heartly, of it? Ho, ho, I think I have a glimmering at does he take me for his fool, his beast, his Merlast. Suppose she should not like young Shatter-ry Andrew? By the lord Harrybrains after all; and, indeed, she has never absolutely said she did; who knows but she has at last opened her mind to my good master, and he, finding her taste (like that of other girls at her age) most particularly ridiculous, has not been so complaisant as he used to be. What a shame it is that I don't know more of this matter, a wench of spirit as I am, a favourite of my mistress, and as inquisitive as I ought to be! It is an affront to my character, and I must have satisfaction immediately. [Going.] I will go directly to my young mistress; tease her to death, till I am at the bottom of this; and if threatening, soothing, scolding, whimpering, crying, and lying, will not prevail, I will e'en give her warning, and go upon the stage. Enter HEARTLY. [Exit. Sir Cha. Ay, of an age to be very impertinent; but I shall desire him to be less free with his uncle for the future, I assure him. Enter Lucy. Lucy. I have it, I have it, gentlemen! You need not puzzle any more about the matter. I have got the secret. I know the knight-errant that has wounded our distressed lady. Sir Cha. Well, and who, and what, child? Heart. Not directly. you, sir! What pleasure it is to discover a secret, and then tell it to all the world! I pressed her so much, that she at last confessed. Sir Cha. Well, what? Lucy. That, in the first place, she did not like your nephew. Sir Cha. And I told the puppy so. Heart. The more I reflect upon what has passed, the more I am convinced that she did not intend writing to this young fellow. What am to I think of it, then? Let a man be ever so much upon his guard against the approaches of vanity, yet he will find himself weak in that quarter. Had not my reason made a little stand against my presumption, I might have interpreted some of Harriet's words in my own favour; but-I may well blush, though alone, at my extravagant folly!-riper Can it be possible that so young a creature should even cast a thought of that kind upon me? Upon me! Presumptuous vanity! No, no; I will do her and myself the justice to acknowledge, that, for a very few slight appearan Lucy. That she had a most mortal antipathy for the young men of this age; and that she had settled her affections upon one of riper years, and understanding. Sir Cha. Indeed! Lucy. And that she expected from a lover in his autumn, more affection, more complaisance, more constancy, and more discretion of course. Heart. This is very particular. Sir Cha. Ay, but it is very prudent for all that. Lucy. In short, as she had openly declared against the nephew, I took upon me to speak of his uncle. Sir Cha. Of me, child? Lucy. Yes, of you, sir And she did not say me nay, but cast such a look, and fetched such a sigh, that if ever I looked and sighed in my life, I know how it is with her. Sir Cha. What the devil! Why, surely-Eh, Lucy? You joke for certain. Mr Heartly! Eh? Lucy. Indeed I do not, sir. 'Twas in vain for me to say, that nothing could be so ridiculous as such a choice. Nay, sir, I went a little farther (you'll excuse me), and told her-Good God, madam! said I, why, he is old and gouty, asthmatic, rheumatic, sciatic, spleen-atic-It signified nothing; she had determined. Sir Cha. But you need not have told her all that. Heart. I am persuaded, sir Charles, that a good heart and a good mind will prevail more with that young lady, than the more fashionable accomplishments. Sir Cha. I'll tell you what, neighbour, I have had my days, and have been well received among the ladies, I have. But, in truth, I am rather in my winter, than my autumn; she must mean somebody else. Now I think again, it can't be me. No, no; it can't be me. Lucy. But I tell you it is, sir. You are the man. Her stars have decreed it; and what they decree, though ever so ridiculous, must come to pass. Sir Cha. Say you so? Why, then, monsieur nephew, I shall have a little laugh with you, ha, ha, ha! The tid bit is not for you, my nice sir. Your betters must be served before you. But here he comes. Not a word for your life. We'll laugh at him most triumphantly, ha, ha! but mum, mum. Enter YOUNG CLACKIT.-Music plays Young Cla. That will do most divinely well! Bravo, bravo, messieurs Vocal and Instrumental! Stay in that chamber, and I will let you know the time for your appearance. [To the musicians.]--Meeting, by accident, with some artists of the string, and my particular friends, I have brought them to celebrate Miss Harriet's and my approaching happiness. [To HEARTLY. Sir Cha. Do you hear the puppy? [To LUCY. Heart. It is time to clear up all mistakes. Sir Cha. Now for it. Heart. Miss Harriet, sir, was not destined for you. Young Cla. What do you say, sir? Heart. That the young lady has fixed her affections upon another! Young Cla. Vous êtes bien drole, mon oncle.-Ha, ha! Sir Cha. Ay, ay, show your teeth; you have nothing else for it. But she has fixed her heart upon another, I tell you. Young Cla. Yery well, sir; extremely well. Sir Cha. And that other, sir, is one to whom you owe great respect. Young Cla. I am his most respectful humble servant. Sir Cha. You are a fine youth, my sweet nephew, to tell me a story of a cock and a bull, of you and the young lady, when you have no more interest in her than the czar of Muscovy. Young Cla. [Smiling.] But, my dear uncle, don't carry this jest too far---I shall begin to be uneasy. Sir Cha. Ay, ay; I know your vanity: You think now that the women are all for you young fellows. Young Cla. Nine hundred and ninety-nine in a thousand, I believe, uncle: Ha, ha, ha! Sir Cha. You'll make a damned foolish figure by and by, Jack! Young Cla. Whoever my precious rival is, he must prepare himself for a little humility; for be he ever so mighty, my dear uncle, I have that in my pocket will lower his top-sails for him. [Searching his pockets. Sir Cha. Well, what's that? Young Cla. A fourteen pounder only, my good uncle---A letter from the lady. [Takes it out of his pocket. Sir Cha. What, to you? Young Cla. To me, sir---This moment received, and overflowing with the tenderest sentiments, Sir Cha. To you! Young Cla. Most undoubtedly, She reproaches me with my excessive modesty. There can be no mistake. Sir Cha. What letter is this he chatters about? [TO HEARTLY. Heart. One written by me, and dictated by the young lady, Sir Cha. What! sent by her to him? Sir Cha. Well, but then---How the devil-----Mrs Lucy !---Eh !---What becomes of your fine story? Lucy. I don't understand it. Heart. [Hesitating.] Nor Young Cla. But I do; and so you will all presently. Well, my dear uncle, what! are you astonished, petrified, annihilated? Sir Cha. With your impudence, Jack !--But I'll see it out, Enter MISS HARRIET. Miss Har. Bless me, Mr Heartly! what is all this music for in the next room? Young Cla. I brought the gentlemen of the string, mademoiselle, to convince you, that I feel, as I ought, the honour you have done me[Showing the letter.] But for Heaven's sake, be sincere a little with these good folks: they tell me here, that I am nobody, and there is another happier than myself; and for the soul of me, I don't know how to believe them, ha, ha, ha! Sir Cha. Let us hear miss speak, Miss Har. It is a most terrible task: but I am compelled to it; and to hesitate any longer would be injurious to my guardian, his friend, this young gentleman, and my own character. Young Cla. Most judicious, upon my soul ! Miss Har. You have all been in an error. My bashfuluess may have deceived you--My heart never did. Young Cla. Ho--ho!- Miss Har. With fear and shame confess--Young Cla. Courage, mademoiselle! Miss Har. That another, not you, sir, has gained a power over my heart. [To YOUNG CLACKIT. Sir Cha. Another, not you; mind that, Jack. Ha, ha! Miss Har. It is a power, indeed, which he despises. I cannot be deceived in his conduct. Modesty may tie the tongue of our sex, but silence in him could proceed only from contempt. Sir Cha. How prettily she reproaches me! But I'll soon make it up with her. Miss Har. As to that letter, sir, your error there is excusable; and I own myself in that particular a little blameable. But it was not my fault that it was sent to you; and the contents must have told you, that it could not possibly be meant for you. [To YOUNG CLACKIT. Sir Cha. Proof positive, Jack: Say no more, Now is my time to begin. Hem! hem!-Sweet young lady !---hem! whose charms are so mighty, so far transcending every thing that we read of in history or fable, how could you possibly think that my silence proceeded from contempt? Was it natural or prudent, think you, for a man of sixty-five, nay, just entering into his sixty-sixth year Young Cla. O Misericorde! What, is my uncle my rival! Nay, then, I shall burst, by Jupiter! Ha, ha, ha! VOL. III. Miss Har. Don't imagine, sir, that, to me, your age is any fault. Sir Cha. [Bowing.] You are very obliging, madam. Miss Har. Neither is it, sir, a merit of that extraordinary nature, that I should sacrifice to it an inclination which I have conceived for another. Sir Cha. How is this? Young Cla. Another! not you---mind that, uncle. Lucy. What is the meaning of all this? Young Cla. Proof positive, uncle--and very positive. Sir Cha. I have been led into a mistake, madam, which I hope you will excuse; and I have made myself very ridiculous, which I hope I shall forget: And so, madam, I am your humble servant. This young lady has something very extraordinary about her! Heart. What I now see, and the remembrance of what is past, force me to break silence, Young Cla. Ay, now for it, Hear him, hear him! Heart. O my Harriet! I too must be disgraced in my turn. Can you think that I have seen and conversed with you unmoved? Indeed I have not. The more I was sensible of your merit, the stronger were my motives to stifle the ambition of my heart. But now I can no longer resist the violence of my passion, which casts ine at your feet, the most unworthy, indeed, of all your admirers, but of all the most affectionate, Young Cla. So, so! the moon has changed, and the grown gentlemen begin to be frisky! Lucy. What, my master in love, too! I'll never trust these tye-wigs again. [Aside. Miss Har. I have refused my hand to sir Charles and this young gentleman: The one accuses me of caprice, the other of singularity. Should I refuse my hand a third time [Smiling], I might draw upon myself a more severe reproach; and therefore I accept your favour, sir, and will endeavour to deserve it. Heart. And thus I scal my acknowledgments, and from henceforth devote my every thought, and all my services, to the author of my happiness. [Kisses her hand. Sir Cha. Well, my dear discreet nephew, are you satisfied with the fool's part you have given me, and played yourself, in the farce? Young Cla. What would you have me say, sir? I am too much a philosopher to fret myself, because the wind, which was cast this morning, is now west. The poor girl, in pique, has killed herself, to be revenged on me; but hark ye, sir, I believe Heartly will be cursed mad to have me live in his neighbourhood.-------A word to the wise Sir Cha. Thou hast a most incorrigible vanity, 2 I Jack, and nothing can cure thee, Mr Heartly, I have sense enough, and friendship enough, not to be uneasy at your happiness. Heart. I hope, sir Charles, that we shall still continue to live as neighbours and friends, For you, my Harriet, words cannot express my wonder or my joy; my future conduct must tell you what a sense I have of my happiness, and how much I shall endeavour to deserve it. For every charm that ever yet blessed youth, SCENE I—An apartment in FREEMAN's house. Enter FREEMAN and Lovel. Free. A COUNTRY boy! ha, ha, ha!How long has this scheme been in your head? Lov. Some time.———I am now convinced, of what you have often been hinting to me, that I am confoundedly cheated by my ser vants. Free. Oh, are you satisfied at last, Mr Lovel? I always told you, that there is not a worse set of servants in the parish of St James's, than in your kitchen. Lov. 'Tis with some difficulty I believe it now, Mr Freeman; though, I must own, my expences often make me stare.- Philip, I am sure is an honest fellow; and I will swear for my blacks. -If there is a rogue among my folks, it is that surly dog Tom. | Free. You are mistaken in every one. Philip is an hypocritical rascal; Tom has a good deal of surly honesty about him; and for your blacks, they are as bad as your whites. Lov. Prithee, Freeman, how came you to be so well acquainted with my people? None of the wenches are handsome enough to move the affections of a middle-aged gentleman as you are--ha, ha, ha! Free. You are a young man, ́ Mr Lovel, and take a pride in a number of idle unnecessary servants, who are the plague and reproach of this kingdom. Lov. Charles, you are an old-fashioned fellow. Servants a plague and reproach! ha, ha, ha I would have forty more, if my house would hold them. Why, man, in Jamaica, before I was (en years old, I had a hundred blacks kissing my feet every day. Free. You gentry of the Western Isles are |