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The flat scene draws. The king is seated, and a grand pantomime entertainment is performed, in the midst of which, enters a captain of the guard.

Capt. To arms! to arms! great Chrononhotonthologos!

The Antipodean powers, from realms below,
Have burst the solid entrails of the earth;
Gushing such cataracts of forces forth,
This world is too incopious to contain them:
Armies on armies march, in form stupendous;
Not like our earthly regions, rank by rank,
But teer o'er teer, high piled from earth to hea

ven;

A blazing bullet, bigger than the sun,

King. This god of sleep is watchful to torment Shot from a huge and monstrous culverin,

me,

And rest is grown a stranger to my eyes:
Sport not with Chrononhotonthologos,

Thou idle slumberer, thou detested Somnus :
For, if thou dost, by all the waking powers,
I'll tear thine eye-balls from their leaden-sockets,
And force thee to out-stare eternity!

[Exit in a huff.

Re-enter RIGDUM and ALDIBORONTI.

Rig. The king is in a most cursed passion! Pray, who the devil is this Mr Somnus, he's so angry withal?

Aldi. The son of Chaos and of Erebus, Incestuous pair! brother of Mors relentless, Whose speckled robe, and wings of blackest hue, Astonish all mankind with hideous glare; Himself with sable plumes, to men benevolent, Brings downy slumbers, and refreshing sleep.

Rig. This gentleman may come of a very good family, for aught I know; but I would not be in his place for the world.

Aldi. But, lo! the king, his footsteps this way bending,

His cogitative faculties immersed

In cogibundity of cogitation:

Let silence close our folding-doors of speech, attention tell our heart the purport Of this profound profundity of thought.

Till apt

Re-enter King, Nobles, and Attendants, &c.

King. It is resolved-Now, Somnus, I defy thee,

And from mankind ampute thy cursed dominion.
These royal eyes thou never more shalt close.
Henceforth, let no man sleep, on pain of death:
Instead of sleep, let pompous pageantry
Keep all mankind eternally awake.
Bid Harlequino decorate the stage
With all magnificence of decoration:
Giants and giantesses, dwarfs and pygmies,
Songs, dances, music in its amplest order,
Minnes, pantomimes, and all the mimic motion
Of scene deceptiovisive and sublime.

Has laid your royal citadel in ashes.

King. Peace, coward! were they wedged like golden ingots,

Or pent so close, as to admit no vacuum,
One look from Chrononhotonthologos
Shall scare them into nothing. Rigdum-Funni-
dos,

Bid Bombardinian draw his legions forth,
And meet us in the plains of Queerummania.
This very now ourselves shall there conjoin him :
Mean time, bid all the priests prepare their tem
ples

For rites of triumph: Let the singing singers,
With vocal voices, most vociferous,

In sweet vociferation, out-vociferize
Even sound itself. So be it as we have ordered.
[Exeunt.

SCENE II.-A magnificent apartment.

Enter QUEEN, TATLANTHE, and two ladies.

Queen. Day's curtain's drawn, the morn begins to rise,

And waking nature rubs her sleepy eyes:
The pretty little fleecy bleating flocks
In baa's harmonious warble through the rocks:
Night gathers up her shades, in sable shrouds,
And whispering oziers tattle to the clouds.
What think you, ladies, if an hour we kill,
At basset, ombre, picquet, or quadrille ?
Tat. Your majesty was pleased to order tea.
Queen. My mind is altered; bring some ratifia.
[They are served round with a dram.
I have a famous fiddler sent from France.
Bid him come in. What think ye of a dance?

Enter Fiddler.

Fid. Thus to your majesty, says the suppliant

muse,

Would you a solo or sonata chuse?

Or boid concerto, or soft Siciliana,
Alla Francese overo in gusto Romano?
When you command, 'tis done as soon as spoke.

Queen. A civil fellow!-play us the Black Joak. [Music plays [Queen and Ladies dance the Black Joak So much for dancing; now let's rest a while. Bring in the tea-things; does the kettle boil? Tat. The water bubbles and the tea-cups skip, Through eager hope to kiss your royal tip. [Tea brought in. Queen. Come, ladies, will you please to chuse your tea;

Or green Imperial, or Pekoe Bohea?

Let's grasp the forelock of this apt occasion,
To greet the victor, in his flow of glory.
A grand triumph.-Enter CHRONONHOTONTHO-
LOGOS, guards and attendants, &c. met by
RIGDUM-FUNNIDOS and ALDI BORONTIPHOSCO-

PHORNIO.

Aldi. All hail to Chrononhotonthologos!
Thrice trebly welcome to your loyal subjects!
Myself and faithful Rigdum-Funnidos,
Lost in a labyrinth of love and loyalty,

1st Ludy. Never, no, never sure on earth was Intreat you to inspect our inmost souls,

seen,

So gracious, sweet, and affable a queen!

2d Lady. She is an angel!

1st Lady. She's a goddess rather!

And read, in them, what tongue can never utter.
Chro. Aldiborontiphoscophornio,

To thee, and gentle Rigdum-Funnidos,
Our gratulations flow in streams unbounded:

Tat. She's angel, queen, and goddess, altoge- Our bounty's debtor to your loyalty,

ther!

Queen. Away! you flatter me.

1st Lady. We don't indeed:

Your merit does our praise by far exceed.

Which shall, with interest, be repaid e're long.
But where's our queen? where's Fadladinida?
She should be foremost in this gladsome train,
To grace our triumph; but, I see she slights me.
I'll have a sweet and gentle concubine.

Queen. You make me blush: Pray, help me This haughty queen shall be no longer mine, to a fan.

1st Lady. That blush becomes you. Tat. Would I were a man!

Queen. I'll hear no more of these fantastic airs. [Bell rings. The bell rings in: Come, ladies, let's to prayers. [They dance off.

SCENE III.-An anti-chamber.

Enter RIGDUM and ALDIBORONTI.

Rig. Egad, we're in the wrong box! Who the devil would have thought that Chrononhotonthologos should be at that mortal sight of Tippodeans? Why, there's not a mother's child of them to be seen! 'egad, they footed it away as fast as their hands could carry them; but they have left their king behind them. We have him safe, that's one comfort.

Aldi. Would he were still at amplest liberty! For, oh! my dearest Rigdum-Funnidos, I have a riddle to unriddle to thee, Shall make thee stare thyself into a statue. Our queen's in love with this Antipodean. Rig The devil she is! Well, I see mischief is going forward with a vengeance!

Aldi. But, lo! the conqueror comes, all crowned with conquest!

A solemn triumph graces his return.

Rig. Now, my dear little Phoscophorny, for a swinging lie to bring the queen off, and I'll run with it to her this minute, that we may all be in a say. Say she has got the thorough-go-nimble. [Whispers, and steals off. Aldi. Speak not, great Chrononhotonthologos, In accents so injuriously severe, Of Fadladinida, your faithful queen: By me she sends an embassy of love, Sweet blandishments, and kind congratulations, But, cannot, Oh! she cannot, come herself. King. Our rage is turned to fear: What ails the queen?

Aldi. A sudden diarrhea's rapid force
So stimulates the peristaltic motion,
That she by far out-does her late out-doing,
And all conclude her royal life in danger.

King. Bid the physicians of the world assemble
In consultation, solemn and sedate:
More to corroborate their sage resolves,
Call from their graves the learned men of old:
Galen, Hippocrates, and Paracelsus;
Doctors, apothecaries, surgeons, chemists,
All, all attend and see they bring their medi-
cines;

Whole magazines of galli-potted nostrums,
Materialized in pharmaceutic order!

ihe man that cures our queen shall have our em[ Exeunt.

pire.

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Tat. Can I guess what, unless you tell, my queen?

Queen. The king, I mean?

Tat. Just now returned from war, He rides like Mars in his triumphal car. Conquest precedes, with laurels in his hand; Behind him Fame does on her tripos stand; Her golden trump shrill through the air she sounds,

Which rends the earth, and thence to Heaven rebounds;

Trophies and spoils innumerable grace
This triumph, which all triumphs does deface:
Haste then, great queen! your hero thus to

meet,

Who longs to lay his laurels at your feet.

Queen. Art mad, Tatlanthe? I meant no such thing.

Your talk's distasteful.

Tat. Didn't you name the king?

Queen. I did, Tatlanthe, but it was not thine; The charming king I mean, is only mine.

Tat. Who else, who else, but such a charming fair,

In Chrononhotonthologos should share?
The queen of beauty, and the god of arms,
In him and you united, blend their charms.
Oh! had you seen him, how he dealt out death,
And, at one stroke, robbed thousands of their
breath:

While on the slaughtered heaps himself did rise,
In pyramids of conquest to the skies:

The gods all hailed, and fain would have him stay; But your bright charms have called him thence

away.

Queen. This does my utmost indignation raise : You are too pertly lavish in his praise. Leave me for ever! [TATLANTHE kneeling. VOL. III.

Tat. Oh! what shall I say?

Do not, great queen, your anger thus display! O frown me dead! let me not live to hear My gracious queen and mistress so severe ! I've made some horrible mistake, no doubt! Oh! tell me what it is!

Queen. No, find it out.

Tat. No, I will never leave you; here I'll

grow,

Till you some token of forgivenness show: Oh! all ye powers above, come down, come down!

And from her brow dispel that angry frown. Queen. Tatlanthe, rise; you have pravailed at

last:

Offend no more, and I'll excuse what's past. [TATLANTHE aside, rising. Tat. Why, what a fool was I, not to perceive her passion for the topsy-turvy king, the gentleman that carries his head where his heels should be? But I must tack about I see.

[To the QUEEN. Excuse me, gracious madam! if my heart Bears sympathy with your's in every part; With you alike I sorrow and rejoice, Approve your passion, and commend your choice;

The captive king

Queen. That's he! that's he! that's he! I'd die ten thousand deaths to set him free: Oh! my Tatlanthe! have you seen his face, His air, his shape, his mien, his every grace? In what a charming attitude he stands! How prettily he foots it with his hands! Well, to his arms, no, to his legs I fly, For I must have him, if I live or die. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-A bed chamber. CHRONONHOTONTHOLOGOS asleep.

Rough music. viz. Salt-boxes and rolling-pins grid-irons and tongs; sow-gelders' horns, marrow-bones and cleavers, &c. &c.

[He wakes.

Chron. What heavenly sounds are these that charm my ears!

Sure 'tis the music of the tuneful spheres.

Enter Captain of the guards.

Capt. A messenger from general Bombardini

an

Craves instance audience of your majesty. Chron. Give him admittance.

Enter Herald.

Her. Long life to Chrononhotonthologos! Your faithful general, Bombardinian, Sends you his tongue, transplanted in my mouth,

M

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The cannon's thunder, and the trumpet's blast;
While I, in front of mighty myrmidons,
Receive my king in all the pomp of war.

She sees thy tender passion,
Lilly, &c. da capo.

AIR.-Changes.

To thee I yield my power divine,
Dance over the lady Lee.
Demand whate'er thou wilt, 'tis thine,
My gay lady.

Take this magic wand in hand,
Dance, &c.

All the world's at thy command,
My gay, &c. da capo.

Cupid descends, and sings.

AIR.

Are you a widow, or are you a wife? Gilly flower, gentle rosemary.

Chron. Tell him I come; my flying steed pre- Or are you a maiden, so fair and so bright?

pare:

Ere thou art half on horse-back I'll be there.

As the dew that flies over the mulberry

tree.

[Exeunt. Queen. Would I were a widow, as I am a wife!

Gilly flower, &c.

SCENE III-A prison. The king of the Anti-But I'm, to my sorrow, a maiden as bright,

podes discovered asleep on a couch.

Enter QUEEN.

Queen. Is this a place-Oh! all ye gods
above!

This a reception for the man I love?
See in what sweet tranquillity he sleeps,
While nature's self at his confinement weeps.
Rise, lovely monarch! see your friend appear,
No Chrononhotonthologos is here;

Command your freedom, by this sacred ring; Then command me: What says my charming king?

[She puts the ring in his mouth, he bends the sea-crab, and makes a roaring noise. Queen. What can this mean! he lays his feet at mine,

Is this of love or hate his country's sign?
Ah! wretched queen! how hapless is thy lot,
To love a man that understands thee not!
Oh! lovely Venus, goddess all divine!
And gentle Cupid, that sweet son of thine,
Assist, assist me, with your sacred art,
And teach me to obtain this stranger's heart.

Venus descends in her chariot, and sings.
AIR.

Ven. See Venus does attend thee,
My dilding, my dôiding,

Love's goddess will befriend thee,
Lilly bright and shinee.

With pity and compassion,

My dilding, my dolding,

As the dew, &c.

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Doc. My lord, he's dead.

With all that art and nature can produce. Traverse from pole to pole; sail round the globe,

Bring every eatable that can be eat;

The king shall eat, though all mankind be starved.

Cook. I am afraid his majesty will be starved, before I can run round the world, for a dinner; besides, where's the money?

King. Ha! dost thou prattle, contumacious slave?

Guards, seize the villain! broil him, fry him, stew him;

Ourselves shall eat him out of mere revenge. Cook. O, pray your majesty, spare my life; there's some nice cold pork in the pantry: I'll hash it for your majesty in a minute.

Chron. Be thou first hashed in hell, audacious slave !

[Kills him, and turns to BOMBARDINIAN. Hashed pork! shall Chrononhotonthologos Be fed with swine's flesh, and at second-hand? Now, by the gods! thou dost insult us, general ! Bom. The gods can witness, that I little thought

Your majesty to other flesh than this
Had aught the least propensity,

[Points to the ladies. King. Is this a dinner for a hungry monarch? Bom. Monarchs as great as Chrononhotonthologos,

Have made a very hearty meal of worse. King. Ha! Traitor! dost thou brave me to my teeth?

Take this reward, and learn to mock thy master. [Strikes him. Bom. A blow! shall Bombardinian take a blow?

Blush! Blush, thou sun! Start back, thou rapid ocean!

Hills! vales! seas! mountains! all commixing, crumble,

And into chaos pulverize the world;
For Bombardinian has received a blow,
And Chrononhotonthologos shall die.

[Draws.

[The women run off, crying, Help, Murder, &c.

King. What means the traitor?

Bom. Traitor, in thy teeth!

Thus I defy thee!

[They fight; he kills the king. Ha! What have I done? Go, call a coach, and let a coach be called; And let the man that calls it be the caller; And, in his calling, let him nothing call, But coach! coach! coach! Oh! for a coach, ye gods! [Exit raving.

Returns with a Doctor.

Bom. How fares your majesty?

Bom. Ha! dead! impossible! it cannot be ! I would not believe it, though himself should swear it.

Go, join his body to his soul again,

Or, by this light, thy soul shall quit thy body! Doc. My lord, he's far beyond the power of physic;

His soul has left his body, and this world.
Bom. Then go to the other world and fetch it
back,
[Kills him.

And, if I find thou triflest with me there,
I'll chase thy shade through myriads of orbs,
And drive thee far beyond the verge of nature.
Ha! Call'st thou, Chrononhotonthologos?
I come! your faithful Bombardinian comes!
He comes, in worlds unknown, to make new
wars,

And gain thee empires numerous as the stars.
[Kills himself.

Enter QUEEN and others.

Aldi. O horrid! horrible! and horridest horror!

Our king! our general! our cook! our doctor!
All dead! stone dead! irrevocably dead!
Oh !-
[All groan, a tragedy groan.
Queen. My husband dead! Ye gods! What
is't you mean,

To make a widow of a virgin queen?
For, to my great misfortune, he, poor king,
Has left me so; is not that a wretched thing?
Tat. Why, then, dear madam! make no far-

ther pother,

Were I your majesty, I would try another.
Qeeen. I think 'tis best to follow thy advice.
Tat. I'll fit you with a husband in a trice:
Here's Rigdum-Fuunidos, a proper man;
If any one can please a queen, he can.

Rig. Ay, that I can, and please your majesty. So, ceremonies apart, let us proceed to business. Queen. Oh! but the mourning takes up all

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