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SCENE I.-A street.
[Erit. Enter Mrs Highman, pushing John out of
please, you can tell her yourself. the door.
audacity. son I would meet. John. Lord! ma'am, this is not a love-letter Let. I am much at your service, madam. from my master to your niece, if the last was- Mrs High. Oh, madam, I know very well that; this is only from Mrs Lettice, to your ladyship’s and at every one's service, I dare swear, that will woman, to invite her to our house this evening- pay for it: but all the service, madam, that I we are to have a rout.
have for you, is to carry a messagto your masMrs High. A rout, indeed! I'd rout you all ter-I desire, madam, that you would tell him to some tune, were I your mistress. But begone, from me, that he is a very great villain, and that sirrah: I'll listen no longer to your impudence; I entreat him never more to come near my doors ; and tell that saucy jade, Lettice, to send no more for, if I find him within them, I will turn my of her letters to my house.
niece out of them.
Let. Truly, madam, you must send this by
SONG. another messenger : but, pray, what has my master done to deserve it should be sent at all? Would lovers ever doubt their ears,
Mrs High. He has done nothing yet, I believe, (On Delia's vows relying) I thank Heaven and my own prudence; but I The youth would often quit his fears, know what he would do.
And change to smiles his sighing. Let. He would do nothing but what becomes
Your tongue may cheat, a gentleman, I am confident.
And with deceit Mrs High. Oh! I dare swear, madam. Se
Your softer wishes cover; ducing a young lady is acting like a very fine gen
But, Ob! your eyes tleman; but I shall keep my niece out of the
Know no disguise, hands of such fine gentlemen.
Nor ever cheat your lover. Let. You wrong my master, madam, cruelly; I know his designs on your niece are honour- What need he trust your words precise, able.
Your soft desires denying; Mrs High. Hussy, I have another match for When, Oh! he reads within your eyes her : she shall marry Mr Oldcastle.
Your tender heart complying. Let. Oh! then, I find it is you that have a dis
Your tongue may cheat, honourable design on your niece?
And with deceit Mrs High. How, sauciness !
Your softer wishes cover ; Let. Yes, madam; marrying a young lady,
But, Oh! your eyes who is in love with a young fellow, to an old one,
Know no disguise, whom she hates, is the surest way to bring about
Nor ever cheat your lover.
Enter VALENTINE. advise you, madam, and your master both, to keep from my house, or I shall take measures Val. My dearest Charlotte ! this is meeting you won't like.
(Erit. my wishes indeed! for I was coming to wait on Let. I defy you! We have the strongest party; you. and I warrant we'll get the better of you. But Let. It's very lucky that you do meet her here! here comes the young lady herself.
for her house is forbidden ground-you have seen
your last of that, Mrs Highınan swears. Enter CHARLOTTE.
Val. Ha! not go where my dear Charlotte is?
What danger could deter me? Char. So, Mrs Lettice!
Char. Nay, the danger is to be mine-I am to Let. 'Tis pity you had not come a little sooner, be turned out of doors, if ever you are seen in madam : your good aunt is but just gone, and them again. has left positive orders, that you should make Val. The apprehensions of your danger would, more frequent visits at our house.
indeed, put it to the severest proof : but why Char. Indeed !
will my dearest Charlotte continue in the house Let. Yes, ma'am ; for she has forbid my of one who threatens to turn her out of it? Why master ever visiting at yours, and I know it will she not know another home; one where she will be impossible for you to live without seeing would find a protector from overy kind of danhim.
Char. I assure you! Do you think me so fond, Char. How can you pretend to love me, Vathen?
lentine, and ask me that in our present desperate Let. Do I! I know you are : you love nothing circumstances ? else, think of nothing else all day; and, if
Let. Nay, nay, don't accuse him wrongfully : will confess the truth, I dare lay a wager, that I won't, indeed, insist that he gives you any great you dream of nothing else all night.
instance of his prudence by it; but, I'll swear it Char. Then to shew you, madain, how well is a very strong one of his love, and such an inyou know me, the deuce take me if you are not stance, as, when a man has once shewn, no woin the right!
man of any honesty, or honour, or gratitude, can Let. Ah! madam, to a woman practised in refuse him any longer. For my part, if I had love, like me, there is no occasion for confession. ever found a lover who had not wicked, merceFor my part, I don't want words to assure me of nary views upon my fortune, I should have marwhat the eyes tad me. Oh! if the lovers would ried him, whatever he had been. but consult the eyes of their mistresses, we should Char. Thy fortune! not have such sighing, languisbing, and despairing,
Let. My furtune !-Yes, madam, my fortune. as we have.
I was worth fifty-six pounds before I put into
the lottery; what it will be now I can't tell; but Old. It is a lie ! I want several months of you know soinebody must get the great prize, and it. why not I?
Let. If you did not, I think we may get over Val. Oh, Charlotte ! would you had the same this: one half of your fortune makes a very sufsentiments with me! for, by Heavens! I appre- ficient amends for your age. hend no danger but that of losing you; and, be- Old. We shall not fall out about that. lieve me, love will sufficiently reward us for all Let. Well, sir; then there is, in the second the hazards we run on his account.
place, your terrible, ungevteel air; this is a grand Let. Hist, hist! get you both about your bu- obstacle with ber, who is doatingly fond of every siness ; Oldcastle is just turned the corner, and thing that is fine and fuppish; and, yet, I think, if he should see you together, you are undone. we may get over this, too, by the other half of [E.reunt VALENTINE and CHARLOTTE.) Now will your fortune. -And now, there remains but one, I banter this old cuscomb severely; for, I think which, if you can find any thing to set aside, Í it is a most impertinent thing in these old fellows believe I may promise you, you shall have her; to interpose in young people's sport.
and that is, sir, that horrible face of yours, which
it is impossible for any one to see without being Enter OLDCASTLE.
frightened. Old. Hem, hem! I profess it is a very severe Ol. Ye impudent baggage ! I'll tell
mis easterly wind, and if it was not to see a sweet- tress !-I'll have you turned off! heart, I believe I should scarce have stirred Let. That will be well repaying me, indeed, abroad all day.
for all the services I have done you. Let. Mr Oldcastle, your very humble servant. Old. Services !
Old. Your very humble servant, madam: I Let. Services! Yes, sir, services; and to let ask your pardon; but I profess I have not the ho- you see I think you fit for a husband, I'll have nour of knowing you.
you myself Who can be more proper for a Let. Men of your figure, sir, are known by husband, than a man of your age?" for, I think more than they are themselves able to remem- you could not have the conscience, nay, the imber; I am a poor handmaid of a young lady of pudence, to live above a year, or a year and half, your acquaintance, Miss Charlotte Highman. at most: and a good plentiful jointure would
Old. Oh! your very humble servant, madam. make amends for one's enduring you as long as I hope your lady is well?
that, provided we live in separate parts of the Let. Hum! so, so: she sent me, sir, of a house, and one had a good handsome groom of small message to you.
the chamber to attend one; though, really, in my Old. I am the happiest man in the world! opinion, you'd much better remain single, both Let. To desire a particular favour of you. for your character and constitution. [Erit LET. Old. She honours me with ber commands. Old. Get along, you damned saucy baggage !
Let. She begs, if you have the least affection I thought this cursed easterly wind would blow for her, that she may never see your face again. me no good.—I'm resolved I won't stir out again Old. What! what?
till it changes.
[Erit. Let. She is a very well-bred, civil, good-natured lady, and does not care to send a rude message ; SCENE II.-A room in VALENTINE's house. therefore, only bids me tell you, she hates you, scorns you, detests you more than any creature Enter John, meeting VALENTINE. upon the earth; that, if you are resolved to marry, John. Sir, a gentleman desires to see you. she would recommend you to a certain excellent Val, Shew him in.
[Erit John. dry nurse; and lastly, she bids me tell you, in this cold weather, never to go to bed without a
Enter SLAP. good warm treacle-posset; and by no means lie Val. Your most obedient servant, sir; I have without, at least, a pair of flannel waistcoats, not the honour of knowing you, sir. and a double flannel night-cap.
Slap. I believe you do not, Sir; I ask pardon, Old. Hold your impertinent, saucy tongue ! but I have a small writ against you.
Let. Nay, sir, don't be angry with me, I only Val. A writ against me! deliver my message; and that, too, in as civil Slap. Don't be uneasy, sir; it is only for a and concise a manner as possible.
trille, sir; about 2001. Old. Your mistress is a pert young hussy; and Val. What must I do, sir ? I shall tell her mother of ber.
Slap. Oh, sir ! whatever you please ! only pay Let. That will never do; 'tis I am your friend, the money, or give bail; which you please. and if we can get over three little obstacles, Í Val. I can do neither of them this instant, and don't despair of marrying you to her, yet. I expect company every moment. I suppose, sir, Old. What are those obstacles?
you'll take my word till to-inorrow morning? Let. Why, sir, there is, in the first place, your Slap. Oh, yes, sir, with all my heart. If you great age ; you are at least seventy-fire ! will be so good as to step to my house hard by, your word.
you shall be extremely well used, and I'll take Roke. But, my dear Lettice, I do not approve
of this match in our family. Val. Your house ! 'Sdeath! you rascal.
Let. Why so? Slap. Nay, sir, 'tis in vain to bully.
Rake. Why, you know how desperate ValenVal, Nay, then-Who's there !--my servants! (tine's circumstances are, and she has no for
tune. Enter Servants.
Let. She hath, indeed, no fortune of her own;
but her aunt Highman is very rich. And then, Here, kick this fellow down stairs.
you know, we've hopes enow! There is hopes of Slup. This is a rescue, remember that a res- my young master's growing better, for I am sure cuc, sir. I'll have my lord chief justice's war- there is no possibility of his growing, worse; [Slap is forced off by the servants. hopes of my old master's staying abroad; hopes [Exit ValENTINE. of his being drowned, if he attempts coming
home; hopes of the stars fallingEnter Rakeit and LETTICE.
Rake. Dear Mrs Lettice, do not jest with such Rake. You perceive, Mrs Lettice, the strength serious things as hunger and thirst. Do you realof my passion, by my frequent visits to you. I ly think that all your master's entertainments are saw Oldcastle part from you just now; pray, at an end? what has he been entertaining you with?
Let. So far from it, that he is this day to give Let. With his passion for your young mistress, a grand entertainment to your mistress, and or rather her passion for him. I have been ban- about a dozen more gentlemen and ladies. tering him till he is in such a rage, that I actually Rake. My chops begin to water. I find your doubt whether he will not beat her or no. master is a very honest fellow; and, it is possible,
Rake. Will you never leave off your frolics, may bold out two or three weeks longer. since we must pay for them? You have put bim Let. You are mistaken, sir; there will be no out of humour; now will he go and put my lady danger of his giving any more entertainments; for out of humour; and, then, we may be all beaten there is a certain gentleman, called an upholfor aught I know.
sterer, who, the moment that the company is Let. Well, sirrah! and do you think I had gone, is to make his entrance into the house, and Rot rather twenty such as you should be beaten carry every thing out on't. to death, than my master should be robbed of Rak. A very good way, faith, of furnishing a his mistress?
house to receive a wife in your master has set Rake. Your humble servant, madam ; you me a very good pattern against you and I marneed not take any great pains to convince me of rying, Mrs Lettice. your fondness for your master. I believe he has Let. Sauce-box ! Do you think I'll have you? more mistresses than what are in our house; but, Rake. Unless I can provide better for myself. hang it, I am too polite to be jealous; and if he Let. Well, that I am fond of thee, I am cerhas done me the favour with you, why, perhaps, tain; and what I am fond of, I can't imagine, I may return it one day with some body else.' 1 unless it be thy invincible impudence. am not the first gentieman of the party-coloured Rake. Why, faith, I think I have the impuregiment, who has been even with his master. dence of a gentleman, and there is nothing better
Let. Why, indeed, masters and their men are to succeed with the ladies. often, both in dress and behaviour, so very like, Let. Yes, yes, and be hanged to you! You that a woman may be innocently false, and inis know the power you have over us too well; and, take the one for the other. Nay, I don't know though we are thoroughly acquainted with your whether such a change as you mention may not falsehood, yet we are, nine in ten of us, fools be sometimes for the better.
enough to be caught.
SCENE I.-A square, with Valentine's house. Let. He would be much more pleased to hear Enter GOODALL and servant, with a portmanteều. you were at the Cape of Good Hope yet.
(Aside. LETTICE comes out of the house.
Good. I hope I shall find my poor boy at Good. Tuis cursed stage-coach from Ports- home; I dare swear he will die with joy to see mouth hath fatigued me more than my voyage from the Cape of Good Hope; but, Heaven be Let. I believe he is half dead already; but praised, I am once more arrived within sight of now for you, my good master.—[Aside.] -Bless my own doors. I cannot help thinking how me! What do I see? An apparition ! pleased my son will be to see me returned a full Good. Lettice! year sooner than my intention.
Let. Is it my dear master, Goodall, returned,
or is it the devil in his shape? Is it you, sir? Is Good. Good conduct! Owing money good conit positively you yourself?
duct ! Good. Even sö. How do you do, Lettice ? Let. Yes, sir; he hath bought a house at the
Let. Much at your honour's service. I am price of two thousand pounds, which every one heartily glad—it really makes me cry—to see says is worth more than four; and this he could your honour in such good health. Why, the air not have done without borrowing this thousand of the Indies hath agreed vastly with you. In- pound. I am sure, sir, I, and he, and Trusty, deed, sir, you ought to have staid a little longer ran all over the town to get the money, that he there, for the sake of your health, I would to might not lose so good a bargain. He'll pay the the Lord vou had ! [Aside. money fast enough, now.
[ Aside. Good. Well; but how does my son do? And Good. I am overjoyed at my son's behaviour. how hath he behaved himself in my absence? I Sir, you need give yourself no pain about the hope he hath taken great care of my affairs? money ; return to-morrow morning, and you Let
. I'll answer for him; he hath put your af- shall receive it. fairs into a condition that will surprise you. Sec. Sir, your word is sufficient for a much
Good. I warrant you, he is every day in the greater sum; and I am your very humble serAlley: Stocks have gone just as I imagined; vant.
(Exit Sec. and if he followed my advice, he must have Good. Well, but tell me a little-in what part amassed a vast sum of money.
of the town hath my son bought this house? Let. Not a farthing, sir.
Let. In what part of the town? Good. How, how, how !
Good. Yes; there are, you know, some quarLet. Sir, be hath paid it out as fast as it came ters better than others—as, for example, this in.
hereGood. How !
Let. Well, and it is in this that it stands. Let. Put it out, I mean, sir, to interest, to in- Good. What, not the great house, yonder, is terest. Sir, why, our house hath been a perfect it? fair ever since you went; people coming for mo
Lat. No, no, no. Do you see that house yonDey every hour of the day.
der-where the windows seem to have been just Good. That's very well done; and I long to cleaned? see my dear boy.-[TO LETTICE.]-Knock at the Good. Yes. door,
Let. It is not that—and, a little beyond, you Let. He is not at home, sir ; and if you have see another very large house, higher than any such a desire to see him
other in the square ?
Good. I do
Let. But it is not that. Take particular no
tice of the house opposite to it; a very handsome Sec. Your servant, Mrs Lettice.
house, is it not? Let. Your servant, Mr Security. Here's a Good. Yes; indeed it is. rogue of a usurer, who hath found a proper time Let. That is not the house. But you may see to ask for his noney in !
(Aside. one with great gates before it, almost opposite Sec. Do you know, Mrs Lettice, that I am to another that fronts a street; at the end of weary of following your master, day after day, which stands the house which your son bath in this manner, without finding him; and that if bought. he does not pay me to-day, I shall sue out an Good. There is no good house in that street, execution directly. A thousand pounds are a as I remember, but Mrs Highman's.
Let. That's the very house. Good. What, what? what's this I hear?
Good. That is a very good bargain, indeed; Lat. I'll explain it to you by and by, sir? but how comes a woman in her circumstances to
Good. Does my son owe you a thousand sell her house? pounds?
Let. It is impossible, sir, to account for peoSec. Your son, sir !
ple's actions ; besides, poor dear, she is out of Good. Yes, sir; this young woman's master, her senses. who lives at that house; "Mr Valentine Goodall Good. Out of her senses ! is my son.
Let. Yes, sir; her family hath taken out a Sec. Yes, sir, he does; and I am very glad you commission of lunacy against her; and her son, are returned to pay it
who is a most abandoned prodigal, has sold all Good. There go two words, though, to that she had for half its value. bargain.
Good. Son! why she was not married when I Let. I believe, sir, you will do it with a great went away; she could not have a son. deal of joy, when you know that his owing this Let, () yes she could, sir_She's not married, money, is purely an effect of his good conduct. to be sure; but to the great surprise of every.