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Ter. Sir, sir, sir !
Quid. What, is there any more news? What Quid. What's the matter?
has happened now? Ter. Here has been Mr- he with the odd Ter. Oh, madam, madam, forgive me, my dear
madam I did not do it on purpose. I did Quid. Mr D-- that writes the pretty verses not; as I hope for mercy, I did not ! upon all public occasions
Quid. Is the woman crazy? Ter. Ay, Mr Reptile; the same. He
Ter. I did not intend to give it him; I would how there are some assays of his in this paper, have seen him gibbeted first. I found the letter (Searches her pockets.] and he desires you will in your bed-chamber; I knew it was the same give your idear of them.
I delivered to you, and my curiosity did make Quid. That I will let me see !
me peep into it. Says my curiosity, "Now, TerTer. The deuce fetch it! here is something magant, you may gratify yourself by finding out distintangles in my pocket; there it is. [Gives the contents of that letter, which you have so the paper, and drops the letter.] Pray amuse it violent an itching for.' My curiosity d d say before you go to bed; or had not you better go so; and then I own my respect for you did say and read it in bed ?
to me, “ Hussy, how dare you ineddle with what Quid. No, I'll read it here.
does not belong to you? Keep your distance, Ter. Do so; he'll call in the morning. I'll and let your mistress's secrets alone.” And get him to bed, I warrant me; and then Miss then upon that, in comes my curiosity again. Harriet may elope as fast as she will.
• Read it, I tell you, Termagant; a woman of
[Exit TERMAGANT. spirit should know every thing! Let it alone, Quid. Hey! this is an old newspaper, I see. you jade,' says my respect, it is as inuch as What's this? [Takes up the letter.] Here may
your place is worth.'
• What signification's a be some news' To Miss Harriet Quidnunc.'-' place with an old bankrupper” says my curioLet me see ! [Reads.]
sity, there's more places than one; and so read • My dearest Harriet,
' it, I tell you, Termagant.' I did read it ; what Why will you keep me in a state of suspence? could I do? Heaven help me! I did read it; • I have given you every proof of the sincerest I don't go to deny it; I don't
, I don't
, I don't! constancy and love. Surely then, now that you
[Crying very bitterly. see your father's obstinacy, you may determine Quid. And I have read it, too; don't keep such
to consult your own happiness; if you will per- an uproar, woman ! 'mit me to wait on you this evening, I will con- Ter. And after I had read it, thinks me, “I'll 'vey you to a family, who will take the tenderest give this to my mistress again, and her gereina
care of your person, till you resign it to the arms nocus of a father shall never see it. And so, of * Your eternal admirer,
as my ill stars would have it, as I was giving bim · BELMOUR.'
a newspaper, I run my hand into the lion's So, so! here's policy detected— Why Harriet, mouth.
(Crying. daughter! Harriet! She has not made her es- Bel. What an unlucky jade she has been cape, I hope ?-So madam
Har. Well, there's no harm done, Termagant; Enter HARRIET and BELMOUR.
for I don't want to deceive ioy father.
Quid. Yes, but there is harm done. (Knocking.) Hey, the enemy in our camp!
Hey, what's all this knocking? Step and see, Xar. Mr Belmour is no enemy, sir.
Termagant. Quich No! What does he lurk in my house Ter. Yes, sir.
Quid. A waiter from the coffee-house, mayBel. Sir, my designs are honourable; you see, hap, with some news. You shall go to the roundsir, I am above concealing myself.
bouse, friend. [To BELMOUR.] 1'!! carry you Quid. Ay, thanks to Termagant, or I should there myself; and who knows but I may ineet a have been undermined here by you.
parliainent man in the round-house to tell me Ter. (Looking in.) What the devil is here to some politics? do now? I am all over in a quandery. Quid. Now, madam, an't you a false girl-an
Enter RoveWELL. undutiful child? But I can get intelligence, you see-Termagant is my friend, and if it had not Rove. But I say I will come in; my friend been for her
shan't be murdered amongst you.
Bel. 'Sdeath, Rovewell! what brings you Enter TERMAGANT.
Rove. I have been waiting in a hackney-coach Ter. Oh, my stars and garters! here's such a for you these two hours; and split ine but I was piece of work-What shall I do?–My poor afraid they had smothered you between two feadear Miss Harriet
[Crics bitterly. ther-beds!
Quid. What, and am I your father?
Raz. [Looks at him.) Oh, my dear sir! (EmTer. More misfortunes! here comes the braces him, and powders him all over.] 'tis he watch.
sure enough! I remember the mole on his cheek Quid. The best news I ever heard !
I shaved his first beard.
Quid. Just returned from the West Indies, I Enter Watchman.
suppose ? Here, thieves ! robbery! murder! I charge Rove. Yes, sir; the owner of a rich plantathem both; take them directly.
tion. Watch. Stand and deliver in the king's name ! Quid. What, by studying politics? seize them; knock them down!
Rove. By a rich planter's widow; and I have Bel. Don't frighten the lady; here's my sword; now fortune enough to make you happy in your I surrender.
Rove. You scoundrels ! Stand off, rascals ! Raz. And I hope I shall shave him again? Watch, Down with him! down with him! Rove. So thou shalt, honest Razor. In the
[Fight. mean time, let me entreat you bestow my sister
upon my friend Belmour here. Enter Razor, with the Gazette in his hand.
Quid. He may take her as soon as he pleases ; Raz. What, a fray at my master Quidnunc's ! | 'twill make an excellent paragraph in the news knock him down ! knock him down !
papers. (Folds up the Gazette, puts himself in a boring Ter, There, madam, calcine your person to
attitude, and fights with the watchmen.] him. Quid. That's right; hold him fast !
Quid. What are the Spaniards doing in the [Watchmen seize Rovewell. Bay of Honduras ? Rove. You have overpowered me, you rascals ! Rove. Truce with politics for the present, if
Ter. I believe as sure as any thing, as how you please, sir. We'll think of our own affairs he's a highwayman, and as how it was he that first, before we concern ourselves about the barobbed the mail.
lance of power. Quid. What! rob the mail, and stop all the Raz. With all my heart ; I'm rare happy! news! Search him, search bim! he may have the letters belonging to the mail in his pockets Come, Mr Quidpunc, now with news ha' done, now: Ay, here's one letter, “ To Mr Abraham Blessed in your wealth, your daughter, and your Quidnunc. Let's see what it is Your dutiful son; son, John Quidnunc,'
May discord cease, faction no more be seen : Rove. That's my name, and Rovewell was but Be high and low for country, king, and queen. assumed.
you that this young lady, my friend's ward, Enter Sir CHARLES ClackIt, Young CLACKIT, age are all coxcombs; and, I am afraid, you are
has a liking to you? The young fellows of this and Servant.
10 exception to this general rule. Ser. Please to walk this way, sir.
Young Cla. Thank you, uncle; but, may I this Sir Cha. Where is your master, friend? instant be struck old and peevish, if I would put Ser. In his dressing-room, sir.
you upon a false scent to expose you, for all the Young Cla. Let him know, then
fine women in Christendom. I assure you again Sir Cha. Prithee, be quiet, Jack; when I am and again, and you may take my word, uncle, that in company, let me direct. 'Tis proper and de- Miss Harriet has no kind of aversion to your necent.
phew and most humble servant. Young Cla. I am dumb, sir.
Sir Cha. Ay, ay, vanity, vanity! but I never Sir Cha. Tell Mr Heartly, his friend and neigh- take a young fellow's word about women; they'll bour, Sir Charles Clackit, would say three words lie as fast, and with as little conscience, as the to him.
Brussels Gazette. Produce your proofs. Ser. I shall, sir.
[Erit SER Young Cla. Can't your eyes see them, uncle, Sir Cha. Now, nephew, consider once again, without urging me to the indelicacy of repeating before I open the matter to my neighbour Heart-them? ly, what I am going to undertake for you. Why Sir Cha. Why, I see nothing but a fool's head don't you speak !
and a fool's coat, supported by a pair of most Young Cla. Is it proper and decent, uncle? unpromising legs. Have you no better proofs?
Sir Cha. Psha! don't be a fool, but answer Young Cla. Yes, I have, my good infidel unme-Don't you flatter yourself:—What assurance cle, half a hundred.
Sir Cha. Out with them, then.
Sir Cha. No, faith, I am serious; and had I Young Cla. First, then-Whenever I see her, a daughter to recommend to you, you should say she never looks at me :- That's a sign of love.- me nay more than once, I assure you, neighbour Whenever I speak to her, she never answers me: Heartly, before I would quit you. Another sign of love. And whenever I speak to Heart. I am much obliged to you. any body else, she seems to be perfectly easy: Sir Cha. But, indeed, you are a little too much That's a certain sign of love.
of the philosopher, to think of being troubled with Sir Cha. The devil it is!
women and their concerns. Young Cla. When I am with her she is always Heart. I beg your pardon, sir Charles Though grave; and the moment I get up to leave her, there are many who call themselves philosophers, ihen the poor thing begins: Why will you leave that live single, and, perhaps, are in the right of .me, Mr Clackit? can't you sacrifice a few mo it, yet, I cannot think that marriage is at all inments to my bashfulness ? —Stay, you agreeable cousistent with true philosophy.--A wise man runaway, stay; I shall soon overcome the fears will resolve to live like the rest of the world, with your presence gives me.'- I could say more, this only difference, that he is neither a slave to But a man of honour, uncle
passions nor events. It is not because I have a Sir Cha. What, and has she said all these little philosophy, but because I am on the wrong things to you?
side of forty, sir Charles, that I desire to be exYoung Cla. O yes, and ten times more-- with cused.
Sir Cha. As you please, sir; and, now, to my Sir Cha. With her eyes ! ---Eyes are very equi- business.--You have no objection, I suppose, to vocal, Jack.---However, if the young lady has tie up your ward, Miss Harriet, though you have any liking to you, Mr Heartly is too much a slipped the collar yourself? ha, ha, ha! man of the world, and too much my friend, to Heart. Quite the contrary, sir; I have taken oppose the match ; so do you walk into the gar- her some time from the boarding school, and den, and I will open the matter to him.
brought her home, in order to dispose of her Young Cla. Is there any objection to my stay- worthily, with her own inclination. ing, uncle? The business will be soon ended Sir Cha. Her father, I have heard you say, reyou will propose the match; he will give his con- commended that particular care to you, when sent, I shall give mine; miss is sent for, and l'af- she had reached a certain age. fair est fait.
(Snapping his finger. Heart. He did so; and I am the more desiSir Cha. 'And so you think that a young heau- rous to obey him scrupulously in this circumstance, tiful heiress, with forty thousand pounds, is to as she will be a most valuable acquisition to the be had with a scrap of French, and a snap of person who shall gain her; for, not to mention your finger? Prithee get away, and don't pro- her fortune, which is the least consideration, her
sentiments are worthy ber birth; she is gentle, Young Cla. Nay, but my dear uncle- modest, and obliging. In a word, my friend, I
Sir Cha. Nay, but my impertinent nephew, never saw youth more anniable or discreet; but, either retire, or I'll throw up the game.
perhaps, I am a little partial to her.
[Putting him out. Sir Cha. No, no; she is a delicious creature, Young Cla. Well, well, I am goue, uncle.-- every body says so. But, I believe, neighbour, When you come to the point, I shall be ready to something has happened that you little think of. make my appearance.--Bon voyage !
Heart. What! pray, sir Charles ? Sir Cha. The devil's in these young fellows, I Sir Cha. My nephew, Mr Heartlythink!
--We send them abroad to cure their sheepishness, and they get above proof the other
Enter Young CLACKIT,
Young Cla. Here I am, at your service, sirEnter MR HEARTLY.
my uncle is a little unhappy in his manner; but,
I'll clear the matter in a moment-Miss Harriet, Good-morrow to you, neighbour.
sir- your ward--Heart. And to you, sir Charles; I am glad to
Sir Cha. Get away, you puppy! see you so strong and healthy.
Young Cla. Miss Harriet, sir, your ward—a Sir Cha. I can return you the compliment, my most accomplished young lady, to be surefriend: Without flattery, you don't look more Sir Cha. Thou art a most accomplished coxthan thirty-five; and, between ourselves, you are comb, to be sure! on the wrong side of forty---But mum for that. Heart. Pray, sir Charles, let the young gentle
Heart. Ease and tranquillity keep me as you man speak. see.
Young Cla. You'll excuse me, Mr Heartly Sir Cha. Why don't you marry, neighbour? A My uncle does not set up for an orator-little good wife would do well for you.
confused, or so, sir..You see me what I am Heart. For me! You are pleased to be merry, But I ought to ask pardon for the young lady and sir Charles.
myself.-We are young, sir---I must confess we.
were wrong to conceal it from you—But my un- Heart. (To Sın Cua.)-We have gone too far, cle, I see, is pleased to be angry; and, therefore, sir Charles. We must excuse her delicacy, and I shall say no more at present.
give her time to recover : I had better talk with Sir Cha. If you don't leave the room this mo- her alone; we will leave her now. Be persuadment, and stay in the garden till I call you--- (d, that no endeavours shall be wanting, on my
Young Cla. I am sorry I have displeased you part, to bring this affair to a happy and speedy --I did not think it was mal-a-propos; but you conclusion. must have your way, uncle---You coinmand I Sir Cha. I shall be obliged to you, Mr Heartsubmit--Mr Heartly, yours.
ly. Young lady, your servant. What grace and [Erit Young CLACKIT. modesty! She is a most engaging creature, and I Sir Cha. Puppy! (Aside.]. My nephew's a lit- shall be proud to make her one of my family. tle unthinking, Mr Heartly, as you see; and, Heurt. You do us honour, sir Charles. therefore, I have been a little cautious how I
[Ereunt Sir Cua. and Heart. have proceeded in this affair : But, indeed, he Lucy. Indeed, Miss Harriet, you are very parhas in a manner persuaded me, that your ward ticular; you was tired of the boarding-school, and he are not ill together,
and yet seem to have no inclination to be marriHeart. Indeed! this is the first notice I have ed. What can be the meaning of all this ? that had of it, and I cannot conceive why Miss llar- smirking old gentleinan is uncle to Mr Clackit; riet should conceal it from me; for i have often and, my life for it, he has made soine proposals assured her, that I would never oppose her in- to your guardian. clination, though I might endeavour to direct it. Miss Hur. Prithee, don't plague me about Mr
Sir Cha. 'Tis human nature, neighbour. We Clackit. are so ashamed of our first passion, that we Lucy. But why not, miss? though he is a litwould willingly hide it from ourselves—But will tle fantastical, loves to hear himself talk, and is you mention my nephew to her?
somewhat self-sufficient; you must consider he Heart. I must beg your pardon, sir Charles. is young, has been abroad, and keeps good comThe name of the gentleman whom she chooses, pany: the trade will soon be at an end, if young must first come from herself. My advice or im- ladies and gentlemen grow over nice and excepportunity shall never influence her: If guardians tious. would be less rigorous, young people would be Miss Har. But if I can find ove without these more reasonable; and I am so unfashionable to faults, I may surely please myself. think, that happiness in marriage can't be bought Lucy. Without these faults! and is he young, too dear-I am still on the wrong side of forty, miss? sir Charles.
Miss Har. He is sensible, modest, polite, afSir Cha. No, no; you are right, neighbour.--- fable, and generous; and charms from the natuBut here she is. Don't alarm her young heart ral impulses of his own heart, as much as others too much, I beg of you. Upon my word, she is disgust by their senseless airs, and insolent affeca sweet morsel !
Lucy. Upon my word! But why have you Enter Miss HARRIET and Lucy. kept this secret so long? Your guardian is kind
to you beyond conception. What difficulties can Miss Har. He is with company--I'll speak to you bave to overcome? him another time.
Miss Hur. Why, the difficulty of declaring my
[ Retiring. sentiments. Lucy. Young, handsome, and afraid of being Lucy. Leave that to me, miss. But your seen! You are very particular, miss.
spark, with all his accomplishments, must have Heart. Miss Harriet, you must not go.--[Har- very little penetration, not to have discovered his RIET returns.]--Sir Charles, give me leave to in- good fortune in your eyes. troduce you to this young lady. You know, I Miss Har. I take care that my eyes don't tell suppose, the reason of this gentleman's visit to too much; and he has too much delicacy to inme?
[To Harriet. terpret looks to his advantage. Besides, he Miss Har. Sir!
(Confused. would certainly disapprove my passion; and if I Heart. You may trust me, my dear. Don't should ever make the declaration, and incet with be disturbed; I shall not reproach you with any a denial, I should absolutely die with shame. thing but keeping your wishes a seciet from me Lucy. I'll insure your life for a silver thimble. so long.
But what can possibly hinder your coming togeMiss Har. Upon my word, sir~ Lucy! ther?
Lucy. Well, and Lucy! I'll lay my life 'tis a Miss Har. His excess of merit. treaty of marriage! Iš that such a dreadful Lucy. His excess of a fiddlestick! But come, thing? Oh, for shame, madam! Young ladies of I'll put you in the way : You shall trust me with fashion are not frightened at such things, now-a- the secret; I'll intrust it again to half a dozen days.
friends; they shall intrust it to half a dozen VOL. III,