Daf. What shall I do with her? This is worse than meeting her husband with a blunderbuss in a saw-pit. Enter MRS DOTTEREL, and RUFfle. Dear Mrs Dotterel, this is so obligingRuffle, don't let a soul come near me. [Aloud.] -And hark'e, don't leave us long together, and let every body up that comes. [Aside. Ruf. What a deal of trouble here is about nothing! [Exit RUFFLE. Mrs Dot. In the name of virtue, Mr Daffodil, I hope you have not given any private orders, that may in the least derogate from that absolute confidence which I place in your honour? Daf. You may be perfectly easy under this roof, madam. I hope, I am polite enough not to let my passions of any kind run too great lengths in my own house. Mrs Dot. Nothing but absolute necessity could have made me take this imprudent stepI am ready to faint with my apprehensionsHeigh ho! Daf. Heaven forbid !—I'll call for some assistance. [Going to ring Mrs Dot. Let your bell alone! [Stopping him.] You're always calling for assistance, I think-you never give one time to come to one's self-Mr Dotterel has seen your letter, and vows vengeance and destruction-Why would you be so violent and imprudent? Daf. The devil was in me, madam; but I repent it from my soul; it has cured me of being violent. Mrs Dot. Come, come, don't take it too deeply neither; I thought it proper, at all hazards, to let you know what had happened, and to intreat you, by that affection you have sworn to me, to be careful of my reputation. Daf. That I will indeed, madam; we can't be too careful. Mrs Dot. Well, Mr Daffodil, I am an unhappy woman-married to one I cannot love; and loving one I ought to shun-It is a terrible situation, Mr Daffodil Daf. It is indeed, madam-I am in a terrible one too-Would I was well out of it! [Aside. Mrs Dot. Do you know, Mr Daffodil, that if I had not been very religious, my passions would have undone me--But you must give me time, for nothing but that, and keeping the best company, will ever conquer my prejudices Daf. I should be very ungenerous not to allow you time, madam-three weeks or a month, I hope, will do the business-Though, by my honour, I got the better of mine in half the time -What is Ruffle doing? Aside. Mrs Dot. He's very cold, methinks; but I'll try him further-Look'e, Mr Daffodil, you must curb your passions, and keep your distance VOL. III. Fire is catching, and one does not know the consequences when once it begins to spread. Daf. As you say, madam, fire is catching; 'tis dangerous to play with it; and as I am of the tinder-kind-as one may say we had better, as you say-madam-change the subjectPray did you ever hear of the pug-dog that you advertised? It was a very pretty creature-what was his name, madam? Mrs Dot. Daffodil, sir! [Stifling her passion. Daf. Madam! Mrs Dot. Could I love and esteem any thing, and not call it Daffodil?-What a wretch! [Aside. Daf. You do me honour, madam-I don't like her looks; I must change the discourse. [Aside.] Upon my soul, Mrs Dotterel, this struggle is too much for man: My passions are now tearing me to pieces, and if you will stay, by heaven Ĭ will not answer for the consequences! Mrs Dot. Consequences! What consequences! Thou wretched, base, false, worthless animal! Daf. You do me honour! [Bowing. Mrs Dot. Canst thou think that I am so blinded by my passion, not to see thy treacherous, mean, unınanly evasions?—I have long suspected your infamy, and having this proof of it, I could stab your treacherous heart, and my own weak one-Don't offer to stir, or ring your bell; for, by Heavens, I'll [Catches hold of him. Daf. I stir! I am never so happy, as when I am in your company. Mrs Dot. Thou liest Thou art never sn happy as when thou art deceiving, and betraying our foolish sex-and all for what? Why, for the poor reputation of having that, which thou hast neither power nor spirit to enjoy. Daf. Ha! I hear somebody coming-Now for a rapture [Aside.] Talk not of power or spirit— Heaven, that has made you fair, has made me strong- -O! forgive the madness which your beauty has occasioned ! [Throws himself upon his knees. Enter Servant. Ser. The marquis of Macaroons Enter SOPHIA. [Exit Servant. Mrs Dot. Ha! [Screams.] I am betrayed !— [They all stare, and DAFFODIL seemingly astonished.] Sop. Mrs Dotterel, by all that's virtuous !— [Aside.]—Signior Daffodillo-resto confuso, tat I am com si mal-a-proposito. Daf. Dear marquis, no excuse, I beg-nothing at all—a relation of mine-my sister only-Miss Daffodil; this is il Merchese de Maccaroni, an intimate of sir Charles Vainlove's--this was 2 E lucky.-[Aside.]-Well, then, my dear sister, I will wait upon you to-morrow, and settle the whole affair.-[Aloud.]—I am the most miserable of mortals, and have lost the most precious moments of my life. [Aside to MRS DOT. Mrs Dot. You are a villain! I despise you, and detest you, and will never see you more. [Exit MRS DOT. Daf. Ha, ha, ha! my sister has a nohle spirit, my lord. Sop. Mi dispiace infinamente-it tisplis me, tat I haf interrumpato gli affari of you famili. Daf. It is the old family business, my lord; and so old, that, by my honour, I am quite tired of it. Sop. I hate him already.-[Aside.]-Signor Daffodillo, she is una belissima sorella, in verità, a very prit' sis' intit. Daf. I must confess to you, my lord, that my sister is a young distressed damsel, married to an old gentleman of the neighbourhood, ha, ha, ha! Sop. O Cara Inghilterra! vat a fortunata contrée is tis! te olt men marri de yong fine girl, and te yong fine girl visite te yong signorsO, preciosa libertà! Daf. Indeed, my lord, men of fashion, here, have some small privileges; we gather our roses without fear of thorns-husbands and brothers don't deal in poison and stilettos, as they do with you. Sop. Il nostro amico, signor Carlo, has tol me a tousant volti, dat you vas de Orlando Innamorato himself. Daf. But not Furioso, I can assure you, my lord, ha, ha, ha! I am for variety, and badinage, without affection-reputation is the great ornament, and ease the great happiness of life-to ruin women would be troublesome; to trifle and make love to them, amuses one. I use my women as daintily as my tokay; I merely sip of both, but more than half a glass palls me. My lord marquis, here is a letter has started game for you already--the most lucky thought imaginable! Sop. Cosa é questa---cosa, é—vat is? Duf. There are two fine girls, you must know, cousins, who live together; this is a letter from one of them, Sophia is her name; I have addressed them both, but as matters become a little serious on their side, I must raise a jealousy between the friends; discover to one the treachery of the other; and so, in the bustle, steal off as quietly as I can. Sop. O! Spiritoso amico-I can scarce contain myself. [Aside. Daf. Before the mine is sprung, I will introduce you into the town. Sop. You are great generalissimo in verità mà. I feel in miò core vat de poor infelice Sophia vil feel for the loss of signor Daffadillo. Daf. Yes, poor creature! I believe she'll have a pang or two-tender indeed! and I believe will be unhappy for some time. Sop. What a monster! [Aside. Daf. You must dine with our club to-day, where I will introduce you to more of sir Charles's friends, all men of figure and fashion. Sop. I must primo haf my lettere, dat your amici may be assicurati dat I am no impostore. Daf. In the name of politeness, my lord marquis, don't mention your letters again; none but a justice of peace, or a constable, would ever ask for a certificate of a man's birth, parentage, and education, ha, ha, ha! Sop. Il mio proprio gusto-Tukely is right; Sop. Viva, viva il signor Daffodillo ! You shall he's a villain. Aside.]-Signor Daffodillo, vilbe il mio conduttorè in tutte le partite of love you do me de favor to give me stranger, una in- and pleasure. troduzione to some of your signorine; let vostro amico taste a littel, un poco of your dulce tokay. Daf. O, certamente! I have have half a hundred signorines at your service. Sop. Multo obligato, signor Daffodillo. Enter Servant. Ser. Here is a letter for your honour. [Surlily. Daf. What is the matter with the fellow? Ser. Matter, your honour! the lady that went out just now, gave me such a souse on the ear, as I made my bow to her, that I could scarce tell, for a minute, whether I had a head or no. Daf. Ha, ha! poor fellow! there's smart money for you.-[Gives him money.]-[Exit Ser.]— Will your lordship give me leave? Daf. With all my heart! you must give me leave, now, my lord, to put on my clothes-in the mean time, if your lordship will step into my study there, if you chuse music, there is a guitar, and some Venetian ballads; or, if you like reading, there's infidelity and bawdy novels for you; call Ruffle, there. [Exit DAE. Sop. Looking after him.]---I am shocked at him; he is really more abandoned than Tukely's jealousy described him. I have got my proofs, and will not venture any further. I am vexed that I should be angry at him, when I should only despise him but I am so angry, that I could almost wish myself a man, that my breeches might demand satisfaction for the injury he has done my petticoats. [Exit. ACT II. SCENE I.-MRS DAMPLY's lodgings. Enter ARABELLA and SOPHIA. Tuke. I can see, madam, that your mind is not disposed to wish, or make me happy. Sop. Did not I bid you not to rely upon looks? for, do you know, now, that my mind is at this Sop. In short, his own declarations, the unex-time most absolutely disposed-to do every thing pected meeting of Mrs Dotterel, his usage of my that you would have me. [Curtsies. letter, and twenty things beside, determined me Tuke. Then I have nothing more to wish, or not to go among the set of them-So, making the ask of fortune. best excuse I could, I got quit of him and his companions. [Kneels, and kisses her hand. Ara. Come, come; this is no time to attend to Ara. All this may be true, Sophy- -every one, when you have so many ladies to take care young fellow has his vanities; fashion has made of. such irregularities accomplishments, and the Tuke. I will not yet enquire into your advenman may be worth having, for all your discove-tures, till I have accomplished my own. The laries. dies within have at last agreed to attend me Sop. What! an abandoned, rash, profligate this evening; where, if you have a mind to finish male-coquette! a wretch, who can assume pas- the picture you have begun this morning, an opsions he never feels, and sport with our sex's frail-portunity may offer. ties-fie, fie, Bell! Sop. I am contented with my sketch-how Ara. Well, well, you are too angry to be mer-ever, I'll make one; and if you have an occasion ciful; if he is such a monster, I am glad you are for a second in any thing-I am your manout of his clutches, and that you can so easily re- command me. sign him to another. Sop. To another! there is not that woman, be she ever so handsome, that I hate enough, to wish her so much evil; and happy it is for you, Bell, that you have a heart to resist his allure ments. Ara. Yes, I thank my stars--I am not so susceptible of impressions of that kind--and yet I won't swear-if an agreeable man-I—I— [Aside. Sop. No, no, Bell, you are not absolute stone -you, you may be mollified--she is confoundedAra. Surely he has not betrayed me---'tis impossible! I cannot be deceived." [Aside. Sop. Well, shall we go in to the ladies and Mr Tukely? Were they not surprized when he opened the business to them? Tuke. A match-from this moment I take you as my second; nay, my first, in every circumstance of our future lives. Ara. Mighty pretty, truly! and so I am to stand cooling my heels, here, while you are making yourselves ridiculous? Sop. Bell's in the right-to business, to business-Mr Tukely, you must introduce me to the ladies; I can at least make as good a figure as Mr Daffodil among them. [Exit SOP. and TUKE, Ara. When Daffodil's real inclinations are known, how those poor wretches will be disappointed! [Exit ARA. SCENE II.-The club-room. Ara. Twas the finest scene imaginable---Yon LORD RACKET, SIR TAN-TIVY, SIR WILLIAM could see, though they all endeavoured to hide their liking to Daffodil, all were uneasy at Tukely's discovery. At first, they objected to his scheme; but they began to listen to his proposal the moment I was called out to you; what farther he intends, is a secret to us all; but here he comes, and without the ladies. Enter TUKELY. Tuke. Pray, Miss Bell-Bless me! Miss Sophy returned! I dare not ask---and yet, if my eyes do not flatter my heart--your looks Sop. Don't rely too much upon looks, Mr Tukely. Tuke. Madam--why, sure Sop. Don't imagine, I say, that you can always see the mind in the face. Whister, SpinNER writing, and DAFFODIL. Daf. What do you say, my lord? that I don't do it in an hour? Lord Rac. Not in an hour and a half, George. Daf. Done with you, my lord! I'll take your seven to five-seventy pound to fifty! Lord Rac. Done--I'll lay the odds again, with you, sir William, and with you, sir Tivy. Sir Wil. Not I, faith; Daffodil has too many fine women-he'll never do it. Daf. I'll go into the country for a week, and not a petticoat shall come near me—I'll take the odds again. Sir Tan. Done, Daffodil ! Lord Rac. You are to hop upon one leg, without changing, mind that-Set it down, Spinner. Spin. I have-Shall I read it? Lord Rac. Silence in the court. Spin. [Reads.] Lord Racket has betted seventy pounds to fifty, with the honourable George Daffodil, that the latter does not walk 'from Buckingham-gate to the Bun-house, at " Chelsea, eat a bun there, run back to the turnpike, and from thence hop upon one leg, with 'the other tied to the cue of his wig, to Buckingham-gate again, in an hour and a half.' Daf. I say, done! Lord Rac. And done! Sir Wil. Consider your women-you'll never do it, George. Daf. Not do it!--[Hops.]---Why, I'll get a Chelsea pensioner shall do it in an hour, with his wooden leg- -What day shall we fix for it? Sir Wil. The first of April, to be sure. Lord Rac. Come, Daffodil, read the betts and matches of to-day---then let us finish our champaigne, and go to the opera. Daf. [Reads.] March 24, 1757, Sir TanTivy has pitted lady Pettitoe, against dowager lady Periwinkle, with sir William Whister, for 'five hundred pounds.' I'll pit my uncle, lord Chalkstone, against them both. Sir Tan. Done! Lord Rac. The odds are against you, Daffodil ----my lord has got to plain Nantz, now, every morning. Daf. And the ladies have been at it, to my knowledge, this half year. Lord Rac. Good again, George! Sir Wil. [Reads. The honourable George 'Daffodil has betted one hundred pounds, with sir William Whister, that he produces a gentleman, before the fifth of June next, that shall live for five days successively, without eating, 'drinking, or sleeping.' He must have no books, George? Daf. No, no, the gentleman I mean, can't read. Sir Wil. 'Tis not yourself, George! Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! 'tis impossible; it must kill him. Daf. Why, then, I'll lose my bet.--[Reads.] 'Lord Racket has matched sir Joslin Jolly, against major Calipash, with sir Tan-Tivy, to run fifty yards upon the Mall, after dinner; if either 'tumbles, the wager is lost-for fifty pounds.' Spin. I'll lay fifty more, neither of them run the ground in half an hour. Daf. Not in an hour! Sir Tan. Done, Daffodil ! I'll bet you a hundred of that. Daf. Done, baronet! I'll double it, if you will. Daf. Impossible, my lord; sır Joslin is damnably out of wind. ་ Lord Rac. What, asthmatic? Daf. No, quite cured of his asthma--he died yesterday morning--Bite. [All.] Bravo, George! Lord Rac. Now you talk of dying, how does your cousin Dizzy? Daf. Lingers on, better and worse-Lives upon asses milk, Panada, and Eringo root. Lord Rac. You'll have a wind-fall there, George; a good two thousand a-year. Daf. Tis better, my lord; but I love Dick so well, and have had so many obligations to him he saved my live once-that I could wish him better health. Sir Wil. Or in a better place; there's devilish fine timber in Staunton woods. Sir Tan. Down with them, Daffodil. Lord Rac. But let Dizzy drop first; a little blast will fell him. Enter DIZZY. Diz. Not so little as you may imagine, my lord-Hugh, hugh– [Coughs. All. Ha, ha, ha! Daf. Angels and ministers! what, cousin! We were got among your trees. Diz. You are heartily welcome to any one of them, gentlemen, for a proper purpose-hugh, hugh! Lord Rac. Well said, Dick! How quick his wit, and how youthful the rogue looks! Daf. Bloomy and plump-the country air is a fine thing, my lord, Diz. Well, well, be as jocular as you please; I am not so ill as you may wish or imagine; I can walk to Knightsbridge in an hour, for a hundred pounds. Lord Rac. I bet you a hundred of that, Dizzy! Daf. I'll lay you a hundred, Dick, that I drive a sow and pigs to your lodgings, before you can get there. Diz. Done, I say! [Draws his purse.] Done! Two hundred-done-three! Lord Rac. I'll take Dizzy against your sow and pigs. Sir Wil, I take the field against Dizzy. Spin. Done! Diz. Damn your sow and pigs! I am so sick with the thoughts of running with them, that I shall certainly faint. [Smells to a bottle.] Hugh, hugh! Daf. Cousin Dizzy can't bear the mention of pork; he hates it-I knew it would work. [Aside to the rest. Diz. I wish you had not mentioned it-I can't stay-Damn your sow and pigs !---Here, waiter, call a chair--Damn your sow and pigs !--hugh, hugh! [Exit Dizzy. Daf. Poor Dizzy! What a passion he is in! | them, George, and rather conceal a woman's Ha, ha, ha! weakness, than expose it-I hate this work---so, I'll go the coffee-house. [Exit SIR WILLIAM. Lord Rac. The woods are yours, George; you may whet the axe; Dizzy won't live a month. Daf. Poob, this is nothing; he was always weakly. Sir Wil. 'Tis a family misfortune, Daffodil. Enter Waiter. Wait. Mr Dizzy, gentlemen, dropped down at the stair-foot, and the cook has carried him behind the bar. Daf. Lay him upon a bed, and he'll come to himself. [Exit Waiter. Lord Rac. I'll bet fifty pound that he don't live till morning. Sir Wil. I'll lay six to four he don't live a week. Daf. I'll take your fifty pound. Lord Rac. Done, done, done! but I bar all assistance to him; not a physician or surgeon sent for, or I am off. Daf. No, no; we are upon honour. There shall be none, else it would be a bubble betThere shall be none. Lord Rac. Let him go-don't mind him, George; he's married, and past fifty-this will be a fine frolic-devilish high! Daf. Very!-Well, I'll go and prepare myself; put on my surtout, and take my chair to Buckingham-Gate. I know the very spot. Lord Rac. We'll come with flambeaux; you must be surprised, and Daf. I know what to do-Here, waiter, waiter! Enter Waiter. How does cousin Dizzy? Wait. Quite recovered, sir. He is in the Phonix with two ladies, and has ordered a boiled chicken and jellies. Lord Rac. There's a blood for you! without a drop in his veins. Daf. Do you stay with him, then, till I have secured my lady; and in half an hour from this time, come away, and bring Dizzy with you. Lord Rac. If he'll leave the ladies-Don't the Italian marquis dine with us to-morrow? Daf. Certainly. Lord Rac. Well, do you mind your business, and I'll speak to the cook to shew his geniusSir Wil. If I were my lord, now, the physi- Allons! [Exit DAFF.] Tom, bid the cook attend cians should attend him. me to-morrow morning, on special affairs. [Exit LORD RACKET, &C. 2d Wait. I shall, my lord. Enter Waiter, with a letter. Wait. A letter for his honour. [Gives it to DAFFODIL, who reads it to himself. Sir Wil. Daffodil, remember the first of April, and let the women alone. Daf. Upon my soul you have hit it! 'tis a woman, faith! Something very particular; and if you are in spirits for a scheme Lord Rac. Ay, ay; come, come; a scheme, a scheme ! Daf. There, then, have among you! [Throws the letter upon the table. Lord Rac. [Reads, all looking on.] Hum'If the liking your person be a sin, what woman is not guilty?-hum, bum- -at the end of the Bird-cage Walk-about seven—where the 'darkness and privacy will befriend my blushes; "I will convince you what trust I have in your secrecy and honour. Yours, 'INCOGNITA.' Daf. Will you go? Lord Rac. What do you propose! Daf. To go-If after I have been with her half an hour, you'll come upon us, and have a blow up. Sir Wil. There's a gallant for you! Daf. Prithee, sir William, be quiet; must a man be in love with every woman that invites him! Sir Wil. No; but he should be honourable to 1st Wait. I'll lay you, Tom, five sixpences to three, that my lord wins his bett with his honour Daffodil. 2d Wait. Done with you, Harry; I'll take your half-crown to eighteenpence [Bell rings within. 1st Wait. Coming, sir; I'll make it shillings, Tom. 2d Wait. No, Harry, you've the best on't. [Bell rings.] Coming, sir. I'll take five shillings. to two. [Bell rings.] Coming, sir. 1st Wait. Coming, sir.- -No, five to three. 2d Wait. Shillings?-Coming, sir. 1st Wait. No-Sixpences 2d Wait. And done. [Bell rings.] Coming, sir. [Exeunt. |