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you, sir, for this communication, and should be L. John. I have heard your story, madam, behappy to have always near me so moral a moni- fore I had the honour of seeing you. It was aftor.
fecting : You'll pardon
the deciaration : it now Crab. You are indebted to France for her becomes interesting. However, it is impossible flattery. But I leave you with a lady, where it I should not congratulate you on the near apwill be better employed.
proach of the happy catastrophe.
Luc. Events that depend upon the will of anoEnter LUCINDA.
ther, a thousand unforeseen accidents may interCrab. This young man waits here till your rupt. puppy is powdered. You may ask him after 'Lord John. Could I hope, madam, your preyour French acquaintance. I know nothing of sent critical condition would acquit me of temehim; but he does not seem to be altogether so rity, I should take the liberty to presume, if the great a fool as your fellow.
[Erit. suit of sir Charles be rejectedLuc. I am afraid, sir, you have had but a disagreeable tête a tété.
Enter CRAB. L. John. Just the contrary, madam. By good Crab. So, youngster! what, I suppose you are sense, tinged with singularity, we are entertained already practising one of your foreign lessons. as well as improved. For a lady, indeed, Mr Perverting the affections of a friend's mistress, Crab's manners are rather too rough.
or debauching his wife, are mere peccadilloes in Luc. Not a jot; I am familiarized to them. modern morality—But at present, you are my I know his integrity, and can never be disobliged care. That way conducts you to your fellowby his sincerity.
traveller. (Exit Lord Joun.}-1 would speak L. John. This declaration is a little particular with you in the library.
[Erit. from a lady, who must have received her first Luc. I shall attend you, sir. Never was so impressions in a place remarkable for its delicacy unhappy an interruption! What could my lord to the fair-sex. But good-sense can conquer even mean? But be it what it will, it ought not, it early habits.
cannot concern me.-Gratitude and duty deLuc. This compliment I can lay no claim to. mand my compliance with the dying wish of my The former part of my life procured me but very benefactor, my friend, my father. But am I little indulgence. The pittance of knowledge I then to sacrifice all my future peace? But reapossess, was taught me by a very severe mistress, son not, rash girl! obedience is thy province. Adversity. But you, sir, are too well acquainted with sir Charles Buck not to have known my si- Though hard the task, be it my part to prove, tuation.
That sometimes duty can give laws to love.
my chaise, had so gated and disordered my hair,
that it required an age to adjust it. Buck at his toilet, attended by three valets de
Lord John. No apology, sir Charles; I have chambre, and MACRUTHEN.
been entertained very agreeably. Mac. NotwITHSTANDING aw his plain deal- Buck. Who have you had, my dear lord, to ing, I doubt whether maister Crab is so honest a entertain you? man.
Lord John. The very individual lady that's Buck. Pr’ythee. Mac, name not the monster. soon to make you a happy husbaud. If I may be permitted a quotation from one of Buck. A happy who? husband ?-_What two their paltry poets,
very opposite ideas have you confounded ensem• Who is knight of the shire, represents them gion in the clime, and ini lor is infected. But
ble!-In my conscience, I believe there's contaall.
pray, mi dear lor, by what accident have you Did ever mortal see such mirrors, such looking- discovered that I was upon the point of becoming glasses, as they have here too? One might as well that happy-Oh, un mari! diable ! address one's self for information to a bucket of Lord John. The lady's beauty and merit, your water.- La Jonquil, mettez-vous le rouge asses. inclinations, and your father's injunctions, made He bien, Mac, miserable ! Hey?
me conjecture that. Mac. 'Tis very becoming.
Buck. And can't you suppose that the lady's Buck. Ay, it will do for this place; I really beauty may be possessed, her merit rewarded, could have forgiven my father's living a year or and my inclinations gratified, without an absolute two longer, rather than be compelled to return to obedience to that fatherly injunction ? this--[Enter LORD Joun.] My dear lord, je Lord John. It does not occur to me. demand mille pardons ; but the terrible fracas in
Buck. No, I believe not, mi lor. Those kind Rac. I have them, knight. 'Fore gad, he is the of talents are not given to every body. Donnez very reverse of a Bantam cock-His comb's on moi mon manchon. And now you shall see me his feet, and his feathers on his head.----Who manage the lady.
have we got here? What are these three fellows?
Enter CRAB. Ser. Young squire Racket and sir Toby Tally- Crab. And is this one of your newly-acquired hoe, who call themselves your honour's old ac- accomplishments, letting your mistress languish quaintances.
-but you have company, I see. Buck. Oh the brutes! By what accident could Buck. O yes; I have been inexpressibly hapthey discover my arrival? Mi dear, dear lor, aid py.— These gentlemen are kind enough to treat me to escape this embarras.
me, upon my arrival, with what I believe they
call, in this country, a route- My dear lor, if Racket and TALLYHOE without.
vou don't favour my flight- -But see if the
toads an't tumbling my toilet ! Hoic a hoy, hoic a hoy!
Lord John. Now's your time, steal off.—I'll Buck. Let me die if I do not believe the Hot-cover your retreat. tentots have brought a whole hundred of hounds Buck. Mac, let La Jonquil follow to resettle with them. But, they say, forms keep fools at a my cheveur.- -Je vous remercie mille, mille fois, distance. I'll receive them en ceremonie.
mon cher mi lor.
Rac. Hola, sir Toby, stole away!
Buck. Omur Dieu !
Tal. Poh, rot him; let him alone. He'll ueTal. Hey boy; hoics, my little Buck! ver do for our purpose. You must know we in
Buck. Monsieur le Chevalier, votres tres hum- tended to kick up a riot to-night at the playble serviteur.
house, and we wanted him of the party; but that Tal. Hey?
fop would swoon at the sight of a cudgel. Buck. Monsieur Racket, je suis charmé de vous Lord John. Pray, sir, what is your cause of voir.
contention? Rac, Anan! what?
Tal. Cause of contention ! IIcy, faith, I know Buck. Ne m'entendez vous? Don't you know nothing of the matter. Racket, what is it we are French?
angry about? Rac. Know French ! No, nor you neither, I Rac. Angry about :-Why, you know we are think. Sir Toby, 'fore Gad, I believe the papists to demolish the dancers. ha' bewitched him in foreign parts.
Tul. True, truc; I had forgot. Tul. Bewitched, and transformed him too. Let make one? me perish, Racket, if I don't think he's like one Lord John. I beg to be excused. of the folks we used to read of at school, in Ovid's Rac. Mayhap you are a friend to the French ? Metamorphosis ; they have turned biin into a Lord John. Not I, indeed, sir- But if the ocbeast!
casion will permit me a pun, though I am far Rac. A beast ! No; a bird, you fool. Lookee, from being a well-wisher to their arıns, I have sir Toby, by the lord Harry, here are his wings! no objection to the being entertained by their
Tal. Hey! ecod, and so they are, ba, ha! I legs. reckon, Racket, he came over with the wood- Tal. Ay ?-Why then, if you'll come to-night, cocks.
you'll split your sides with laughing; for I'll be Buck. Voila des véritable Anglois. The rustic, rot if we don't make them caper higher, and run rude ruffians !
faster, than ever they have done since the battle Ruc. Let us see what the devil he has got upon of Blenheim. Come along, Rackett. bis pole, sir Toby.
[Erit. Tal. Ay.
Lord John. Was there ever such a contrast? Buck. Do, dear savage, keep your distance ! Crab. Not so remote as you imagine; they are
Tal. Nay, 'fore Gcorge we will have a scru- scions from the same stock, set in different soils. tiny.
The first shrub, you see, flowers most prodigally, Rar. Ay, ay, a scrutiny.
but matures nothing; the last slip, though stunted, Buck. En
grace, La Jonquil! mi lor! protect me bears a little fruit; crabbed, 'tis true, but still frorn these pirates !
the growth of the clime. Come, you'll follow Lord John. A little compassion, I beg, gentle- your friend.
[Erit. men. Consider, sir Charles is upon a visit to his bride.
Enter LUCINDA, with a Servant.
Luc. When Mr Crab or sir Charles inquire for VOL. III.
me, you will conduct them hither. [Erit Ser- Crab. I know from what fountain this fool has runt | How I long for an end to this important drawn his remarks; the author of the Chinese inte ex! Not that I have any great expecta- Orphan, in the preface to which Mr Voltaire calls tions from the issue; but still in my circumstances the principal works of Shakespeare monstrous a state of suspence is of all situations most dis- farces. agreeable. But hush, they come.
Lord John. Mr Crab is right, madam. Mr Enter Sir CHARLES, MacRuthen, Lord JOHN
Voltaire has stigmatized with a very unjust and
a very invidious appellation, the principal works and Crab,
of that great master of the passions ; and his apBuck. Mac, announce me.
parent motive renders him the more inexcuse Mac. Madam, sir Charles Buck craves the ho-able. nour of kissing your hand.
Luc. What could it be, my lord ? Buck. Tres humble serviteur. Et comment sa Lord John. The preventing has countrymen porte, Mademoiselle ? I am ravished to see thee, from becoming acquainted with our author, that ma chere petite Lucinde-Eh bien, ma reine ! he might be at liberty to pilfer from him with Why you like divinely, child. But, mon enfant, the greater security. they have dressed you most diabolically. Why Luc. Ungenerous, indeed ! what a coiffeure must you have! and, oh mon Buck. Palpable defamation. Dieu ! a total absence of rouge. But perhaps Luc. And as to the exhibition, I have been you are out. I had a cargo from Deffreny the taught to believe, that for a natural, pathetic, day of my departure : Shall I have the honour to and spirited expression, no people upon earthsupply you?
Buck. You are imposed upon, child; the Le Tuc. You are obliging, sir : but I confess my- quesne, the Lanouc, the Grandval, the Dumenil
, se!f a convert to the chaste customs of this coun- the Caussen, what dignity, what action ! But, try; and, with a commercial people, you know, à propos, I have myself wrote a tragedy in sir Charles, ali artifice
French. Buck. Artitice! You inistake the point, ma Luc. Indeed! chere. A proper portion of red is an indispen- Buck. En terité, upon Voltaire's plan. sable part of your dress; and, in my private opi- Crab. That must be a precious piece of work. nion, a woman might as well appear in public Buck. It is now in repetition at the French without powder or a petticoat.
comedie. Grandval and La Gaussen perform Crab. And in my private opinion, a woman the principal parts. Oh, what an eclat! What who puts on the first, would make very little dif- a burst will it make in the parterre, when the ficulty in pulling off the last.
king of Ananamaboo refuses the person of the Buck. Oh, Monsieur Crab's judgment must be princess of Cochineal ! decisire in dress. Well, and what amusements, Luc. Do you remember the passage? what spectacles, what parties, what contrivances, Buck. Entire; and I believe I can convey it to conquer father Time, that foe to the fair? I in their manner. fancy one must ennuier considerablement in your Luc. That will be delightful. London here.
Buck. And first the king. Luc. Oh, we are in no distress for diversions. Ma chere princesse, je vous aime, c'est orai ; We have an opera.
De ma femme vous portez les charmants attraits. Buck. Italien, I suppose ; pitieable, shocking, Mais ce n'est pas honétte pour un homme tel que assoimant! Oh, there is no supporting their hi, moi, hi, hi, hi. Ah mon Dieu ! Ah, chassé brilliant De tromper ma femme, ou de rompre ma foi. soleil,
Buck. Now the princess; she is, as you may
in extreme distress.
Luc. No doubt. There's music and melody,
Buck. Mon grand roi, mon cher adorable, Luc. What a fop!
Ayez pitié de moi, je suis inconsolable.! Buck. But proceed, ma princesse.
(Then he turns his back upon her; at which she, Luc. Oh, then we have plays.
in a fury) Buck. That I deny, child.
Monstre, ingrat, affreux, horrible, funeste, Luc. No plays !
Oh que je vous aime, ah que je vous deteste! Buck. No.
[Then he] Luc. The assertion is a little whimsical. Pensez vouz, Madame, à me donner la loi ?
Buck. Ay, that may be; you have here drama- Votre baine, tótre amour, sont les mêmes choses a tic things, farcical in their composition, and ridi- moi. culous in their representation.
Luc. Bravo! Luc. Sir, I own myself unequal to the contro- Lord John. Bravo, bravo! versy; but surely Shakespeare My lord, this subject calls upon you for its defence.
Buck. Ay, there's passion and poetry, and rea- Luc. Foreign ! son and rhime. Oh, how I detest blood and Buck. Ay, something so English in his manblank verse ! There is soinething so soft, so mu
ner? sical, and so natural, in the rich rhimes of the Luc. Foreign and English! I don't compretheatre Francois !
Lord John. I did not know sir Charles was so Buck. Why that is, he has not the case, the totally devoted to the belles lettres.
je ne scai quoi, the bon ton.-In a word, he does Buck. Oh, entirely. 'Tis the ton, the taste. not resemble ine now. I am every night at the Coffe Procope ; and had Luc. Not in the least. not I had the misfortune to be born in this curst Buck. Oh, I thought so. He is to be pitied, country, I make no doubt but you would have poor devil; he can't help it. But, entre nous, ma seen my name among the foremost of the French chere, the fellow has a fortune, academy.
Lui. How does that concern me, sir Charles? Crab. I should think you might casily get over Buck. Why, je pense, ma reine, that your eyes that difficulty, it you will be but so obliging as have done execution there. publicly to renounce us. I dare engage nut one Luc. My eyes execution ! of your countrymen should contradict or claim Buck. Ay, child, is there any thing so you.
traordinary in that? nia foi, I thought, by the Buck. No!-Impossible. From the barbarity vivacity of his praise, that he had already sumof my education, I must ever be taken for un moned the garrison to surrender. Anglois.
Luc. To carry ou the aliusion, I believe my Crab. Never.
lord is too good a combinander to cominence a Buck. En verité ?
fruitless siege. lle could not but know the conCrab. En verité.
dition of the town. Buck. You flatter me?
Buck. Condition ! Explain, ma chere. Crab. But common justice.
Luc. I was in hopes your interview with Mr Mac. Nay, Maister Crab is in the right ; for Crab had made that unnecessary. I have often heard the French themselves say, is Buck. Oh, ay, I do recollect something of a it possible that gentleman can be British? ridiculous article about marriage in a will. But
Buck. Obliging creatures! And you all con- what a plut against the peace of two poor people! cur with them?
Well, the malice of some men is amazing! Not Crab. Entirely.
contented with doing all the mischiet they can Luc. Entirely.
in their life, they are for entailing their maleLord John. Entirely.
volence, like their estates, to latest posterity, Buck. How happy you make me !
Luc. Your contempt of me, sir Charles, I reCrub. Egregious puppy! But we lose time. ceive as a compliment. But the infinite obligaA truce to this trumpery. You have read your tions I owe to the man who had the mistortune father's will?
to call you son, compel me to iusist, that, in my Buck. No; I read no English. When Mac presence at least, no indignity be viered to his has turned it into French, I inay run over the items.
Buck. Heyday! What, in heroics, ma rtine? Crab. I have told you the part that concerns Luc. Ungrateful, unfilial wretch! so soon to this girl. And as your declaration upon it trample on bis ashes, the greatest load of whose will discharge me, I leave you to what you fond heart, in his last hour, were his fears for will call an ecclaircissement. Come, my Lord. thy future welfare.
Buck. Nay, but Monsieur Crab, ini Lor, Buck. Ma foi, elle est folle; she is mad, sans Mac!
doute. Crab. Along with us.
Luc. But I am to blame. Can he, who breaks [Ereunt Crab and Lord John. through one sacred relation, regard another? Can Buck. A comfortable scrape I am in! What the monster, who is corrupt enough to contem the deuce am I to do? In the language of the the place of his birth, reverence those who gave place, I am to make love, I suppose. A pretty him being ?- Impossible. en Luc. I fancy my hero is a little puzzled with loquy this, child. employment !
Buck. Ah, a pretty monologue ! a fine solihis part. But now for it.
Luc. Contemptible! But I am cool. Buck. A queer creature, that Crab, ma petite. Buck. I am mightily glad of it. Now we shall But, à propos, How d’you like my lord?
understand one another, I hope. Luc. lle seems to have good sense, and good Luc. We do understand one another. You breeding.
have already been kind enough to refuse me. Buck. Pas trop. But don't you think he has Nothing is wanting but a forinal rejection something of a foreigu kind of air about hin?
under your hand, and so concludes our acquaint- | air is a copy from thy barber;
for thy dress thoa ance.
art indebted to thy tailor. Thou hast lost thy Buck. Vous allez trop vite ; you are too quick, native language, and brought home none in exma chere. If I recollect, the consequence of change for it. this rejection is my paying you twenty thousand Buck. Extremément bien ! pounds.
Luc. Had not thy vanity so soon exposed thy Luc. True,
villany, I might, in reverence to that name, Buck. Now that, have not I the least inclina- to which thou art a disgrace, have taken a tion to do.
wretched chance with thee for life. Luc. No, sir ? Why you own that mar- Buck. I am obliged to thee for that; and a riage
pretty pacific partner I should have had. Why, Buck. Is my aversion. I'll give you that un- look'e, child, you have been, to be sure, very ela der my hand, if you please; but I have a pro-quent, and, upon the whole, not unentertaining : digious love for the louis.
though, by the by, you have forgot in your cataLuc. Oh, we'll soon settle that dispute'; the logue one of my foreign acquisitions ; d'est à dire, law
that I can, with a most intrepid sang froid, with Buck. But, hold, ma reine. I don't find that out a single emotion, support all this storm of femy provident father has precisely determined the male fury. But, adieu, ma belle ; and when a time of this comfortable conjunction. So, though cool hour of reflection has made you sensible of I am condemned, the day of execution is not the propriety of my proposals, I shall expect the fixed.
honour of a card. Luc, Sir!
[Erit. Buck. I say, my soul, there goes no more Luc. I am ashamed this thing has had the to your dying a maid, than my living a bache power to move me thus. Who waits there? lor.
Desire Mr Crab-
Enter Lord John and CRAB.
Lord John. We have been unwillingly, maBuck. I'll name two. And first, mon enfante, dam, silent witnesses to this shameful scene. I though I have an irresistible antipathy to the blush, that a creature, who wears the outward conjugal knot, yet I ain by no means blind to marks of humanity, should be in his morals so your personal charms : in the possession of much belowwhich if you please to place me, not only Crab. Prithee, why didst thou not call thy the aforesaid twenty thousand pounds, but maids, and toss the booby in a blanket? the whole terre of your devoted shall fall at Lord John. If I might be permitted, madam, your
to conclude what I intended saying, when interLuc. Grant me patience!
rupted by Mr CrabBuck. Indeed you want it, my dear. But if Luc. My lord, don't think me guilty of affecyou flounce, I fly.
tation; I believe I guess at your generous deLuc. Quick, sir, your other ! For this is sign: but my temper is really so ruffled—besides, Buck. I grant, not quite so fashionable as my I am meditating a piece of female revenge on other. It is then, in a word, that you would let this coxcomb. this lubberly lord make you a lady, and appoint Lord John. Dear madam, can I assist? me his assistant, his private friend, his cisisbei. Luc. Only by desiring my maid to bring hiAnd as we are to be joint partakers of your per-ther the tea. My lord, I am confounded at the son, let us be equal sharers in your fortune, ma liberty, butbelle.
Lord John. No apology-You honour me, Luc. Thou mean, abject, mercenary thing! madam.
[Erit. Thy inistress! Gracious Heaven !-Universal Crab. And, prithee, wench, what is thy empire should not bribe me to be thy bride.scheme? And what apology, what excuse, could a woman Luc. Oh, a very harmless one, I promise you. of the least sense or spirit make for so unnatural Crab. Zounds, I am sorry for it. I long to a connection !
see the puppy severely punished, methinks. Buck, Fort bien !
Luc. Sir Charles, I fancy, can't be yet got out Luc. Where are ihy attractions? Canst thou of the house. Will you desire him to step hibe weak enough to suppose thy frippery dress, ther? thy affectation, thy grimace, could influence be- Crab. I'll bring him. yond the borders of a brothel ?
Luc. No, I wish to have him alone. Buck. Très bien !
Crab. Why, then, I'll send him. Luc. And what are thy improvements? Thy