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Mrs Pen. How, gillfirt? none of your fleers! | I have no objections to the acceleration of their I am glad here's a husband coming that will take nuptials, provided the child is inclined, and a you down : Your tantrums! You are grown too minister may be procured. headstrong and robust for me.
Jen. Wonderful! you are very good, good Suck. Gad, I believe you would be glad to be now! there has been one match already in the taken down the same way!
house to-day: we may have the same parson. Mrs Pen. Oh! you are a pert- -But, Here, Tim! and young gentlewoman! Well, see, your lover approaches. Now, Sukey, be miss! wonderful, and how? has Tim? hey, boy! careful, child : None of your
Is not a miss a fine young lady?
Hur. Faith and sole, father, miss is a charming Enter Jenkins, as Sir Gregory, and Hartop voung woman; all red and white, like Mally
Hum! Jen. Lack-a-day, lady! I rejoice to see you. Jen. Hush, Tim! Well, and miss, how does Wonderful! and your niece ! Tim, the ladies. my boy? he's an honest hearty lad? Has he,
Har. Your servant, mistress! I am glad to see good now! had the art? How d'ye like him, you, Miss Suck. [Salutes her.] Fath and sole, young gentlewoman? mistress, Suck's a fine young woman, more or Suck. Like'n! well enough, I think. less!
Jen. Why, then, miss, with your leave, your Suck. Yes, I am well enough, I believe. aunt and I, here, have agreed, if you are willing, Jen. But, lady, where's my brother Trifle? | to have the wedding over directly where is sir Penurious ?
Suck. Gad! with all my heart.
Ask the Suck. Father's at home, in expectation of you; young man. and aunt and I be coine to town to make prepa- Har. Faith and sole, just as you please ; torations.
dav, to-morrow, or when you will
, more or less. Jen. Ay, wonderful! Pray, lady, shall I, good Jen. Good now, good now! then, get you in now! crave a word in private Tim, will you there; there you will find one to do your busiand your sweetheart draw back a little?
ness : wonderful! matters will soon be managed Har. Yes, father. Come, miss, will you jog a within. Well, lady, this was, good now, so kind! tiny bit this way!
Lack-a-day! I verily believe if dame Winny was Suck. With all
dead, that I should be glad to lead up such anoJen. There is, lady, a wonderful affair has ther dance with you, lady. happened, good now! Son Tim has fallen in love Mrs Pen. You are, sir, something too precipiwith a young woman at his uncle's, and 'tis part- tate : Nor would there, did circumstances con. ly to prevent bad consequences, that I am, lack- cur, as you insinuate, be so absolute a certitude, a day! so hasty to match him: and one of my that I, who have rejected so many matches, men, good now! tells me that he has seen the should instantaneously succumb. wench since we have been in town; she has fol- Jen. Lack-a-day, lady, good now! Ilowed us here, sure as a gun, lady! if Tim sees Mrs Pen. No, sir; I would have you instructthe girl, he'll never marry your niece.
ed, that had not Penelope Trifle made irrefraMrs Pen. It is, indeed, sir Gregory Gazette, a gable resolutions, she need not so long have premost critical conjuncture, and requires the most served her family surname. mature deliberation.
Jen. Wonderful! why, I was only Jen. Deliberation ! lack-a-day, lady, whilst we Mrs Pen. Nor has the title of lady Gazette deliberate the boy will be lost.
such resplendent charms, or such bewitching alMrs Pen. Why, sir Gregory Gazette, what lurements
, as to throw me at once into the arms operations can we determine upon ?
of sir Gregory. Jen. Lack-a-day! I know but one.
Jen. Good now! who saysMrs Pen. Administer your proposition, sir Mrs Pen. Could wealth, beauty, or titles suGregory Gazette: you will have my concur- perior to, perhapsrence, sir, in any thing that does not derogate from the regulations of conduct; for it would be
Enter Sir GREGORY, Roger, and Tim. inost preposterous in one of my character, to de- Tim. Yes, indeed, father; Mr Hartop knew viate from the strictest attention.
on't as well as I, and Mr Jenkins got us a par. Jen. Lack-a-day, lady no such matter is son wanted. But, good now! could not we tack the Sir Gre. Good now, good now! a rare couple young couple together directly? your brother of friends! But I'll be even with them! I'll and I have already agreed.
marr their market! Master Jenkins, you have Mirs Pen. Are the previous preliminaries set- fobbed me finely. tled, sir Gregory Gazette?
Jen. Lack-a-day, what's the matter now? Jen. Good now! as firm as a rock, lady. Sir Gre. Come, come; none of your lack-a
Mirs Pen. Why, then, to preserve your son, clays ! none of your gambols, nor your tricks to and accomplish the union between our families, me: Goud now, good now! give me my clothes! here, take your tawdry trappings! I have found Har. Madam, in the issue, your family will, I you out at last: I'll be no longer your property., hope, have no great reason to repent. I always
Jen. Wonderful! what's all this, lady ? Good had the greatest veneration for Miss Penelope now, good now! what's here! a stage play? Trife's understanding; if the highest esteem for
Sir Gre. Play me no plays; but give me my her virtues can entitle me to the honour of being wig; and your precious friend, my loving cousin, regarded as her relationpize on the kindred, let'n
Mrs Pen. I shall determine on nothing, Jen. Good now, good now! what are these 'till I am apprised of my brother's resolution. folks? as sure as a gun, they're mad.
Har. For that we must wait. Sir Gregory, I Sir Gre. Mad! no, no ; we are neither mad must intreat you and your son's pardon for some nor fools : no thanks to you, though.
little liberties I have taken with you both. Mr Mrs Pen. What is all this; can you unravel Jenkins, I have the highest obligation to your this perplexity, untwine this mystery, sir Grego- friendship; and, miss, when we become a little ry Gazette ?
better acquainted, I flatter myself the change Sir Gre. He sir Gregory Gazette ? Lack-a- will not prove unpleasing. day, lady! you are tricked, imposed upon, bam- Suck. I know nothing at all about it. boozled : Good now, good now ! 'tis I am sir Har. Sir Gregory, we shall have your compaGregory Gazette.
ny at dinner? Mrs Pen. How?
Sir Gre. Lack-a-day! no, no; that boy has Tim. Faith and sole, 'tis true, mistress; and I spoiled my stomach. Come, Tim, fetch thy rib, am his son Tim, and will swear it.
and let us be jogging towards Wales; but how Mrs Pen. Why, isn't Mr Timothy Gazette thou wilt get off with thy motherwith my niece Susannah Trifle?
Tim. Never fear, fatherTim. Who, me ! Lord, no, 'tis none of I; it is cousio Hartop in any cloaths.
Since you've been pleased our nuptial knot Mrs Pen. What's this? and
less. top, you may now throw off your disguise; the
[Ereunt omnes. knight had like to have embarrassed us.
JIrs Pen. How, Mr Jenkins ! and would you, sir, participate of a plot to
man-but, lack-a-day, sir! how should I know Enter Wingate and Simon.
any thing of him?
Win. Sirrah, I say he could not be 'prentice to Win. Nay, nay, but I tell you I am convinced your master so long, and you live so long in one -I know it is so; and so, friend, don't you think house with him, without knowing his haunts, and to trifle with me;-I know you're in the plot, you all his ways ; and then, varlet, what brings you scoundrel; and if you don't discover all, l'IE here to my house so often?
Sim. Dear heart, sir, you won't give a body Sim. My master Gargle and I, sir, are so untime.
easy about un, that I have been running all over Win. Zookers! a whole month missing, and the town since morning, to enquire for un; and no account of him, far or near; wounds! 'tis un- so in my way, I thought I might as well call accountable-Look ye, friend, don't you pre-beretend
Win. A villain, to give his father all this trouSim. Lord, sir! you're so main passionate, you ble! and so, you have not heard any thing of him, won't let a body speak.
friend? Win. Speak out then, and don't stand mutter- Sim. Not a word, sir, as I hope for marcy! ing: what a lubberly fellow you are! ha, ha !
-though, as sure as you are there, I believe I can Why don't you speak out, you blockhead? guess what's come on un. As sure as any thing,
Sim. Lord, sir, to be sure, the gentleman is a master, the gypsies have gotten held on un, and fine young gentleman, and a sweet young gentle we shall have un come home, as thin as a rake,
like the young girl in the city, with living upon [Mutters to himself.] Bristol- what's all nothing but crusts and water for six-and-twenty this ? days. Win. The gypsies have got hold of him, ye
• Esteemed friend, blockhead! Get out of the room
• Last was 20th ultimo, since none of thine, Simon!
• which will occasion brevity. The reason of my Sim. Sir?
writing to thee at present, is to inform thee, that Win. Where are you going in such a hurry!- 'thy son came to our place with a company of Let me see; what must be done?--A ridiculous strollers, who were taken up by the magistrate, numskull, with his damned Cassanders and Clop- ' and committed, as vagabonds, to jail.'— Zookers! patras and trumpery; with his romances, and I'm glad of it—a villain of a fellow! Let him lie his Odyssey Popes, and a parcel of rascals not there - I ain sorry thy lad should follow worth a groat-wearing stone buckles, and cock-such profane courses; but, out of the esteem I ing his hat-I never wear stone buckles, never bear unto thee, I have taken thy boy out of concock my hat. But, zookers! I'll not put myself 'finement, and sent him off for your city in the in a passion. Simon, do you step back to your waggon, which left this four days ago. He is master, my friend Gargle, and tell him I want to signed to thy address, being the needful froin speak with him—though I don't know what I • thy friend and servant, should send for him for—a sly, slow, hesitativg
· EBEENEEZOR BROADBRIM.' blockhead! he'll only plague me with his physical cant and his nonsense-Why don't you go, Wounds! what did he take the fellow out for? you booby, when I bid you ?
a scoundrel, rascal ! turned stage-player !-I'll Sim. Yes, sir.
[Erit. never see the villain's face.--Who comes there? Win. This fellow will be the death of me at last; I can't sleep in my bed sometimes for him.
Enter Simon. An absurd, insignificant rascal-to stand in his own light! Death and fury, that we can't get Sim. I met my master on the way, sir-our children, without having a love for them! I have cares are over : Here he is, sir. been turmoiling for the fellow all the days of my Win. Let him come in—and do you go down life, and now the scoundrel's run away-Suppose stairs, you blockhead.
[Erit Simon. I advertise the dog, and promise a reward to any one that can give an account of him-well, but
Enter GARGLE. why should I throw away my money after him? why, as I don't say what reward, I may give Win. So friend Gargle, here's a fine piece of that I please when they come-ay, but if the work—Dick's turned vagabund ! villain should deceive me, and happen to be Gar. He must be put under a proper regimen dead; why, then, he tricks me out of two shil- directly, sir: He arrived at my house within lings; my money's Aung into the fire. Zookers ! these ten minutes, but in such a trim! he's now I'll not put myself in a passion; let him follow below stairs; I judged it proper to leave him his nose; 'tis nothing at all to me; what care I! there, till I had prepared you for his reception. -What do you come back for, friend?
Win. Death and fire! what could put it into
the villain's head to turn buttoon! Re-enter Simon.
Gar. Nothing so easily accomted for: Why,
when he ought to be reading the dispensatory, Sim. As I was going out, sir, the post came to there was he constantly reading over plays and the door, and brought this letter.
farces, and Shakespeare. Win. Let me see it- -The gypsies have Win. Ay, that damned Shakespeare! I hear got hold of him! ha, ha! what a pretty fellow the fellow was nothing but a deer-stealer in Waryou are! ha, ha! why don't you step where I bid wickshire: Zookers ! if they had hanged him out you, sirrah?
of the way, he would not now be the ruin of boSim. Yes, sir.
[Erit. nest men's children. But what right had he to Win. Well, well-I'm resolved, and it shall read Shakespeare? I never read Shakespeare ! be soI'll advertise him to-morrow morning, Wounds! I caught the rascal, myself, reading and promise, if he comes home, all shall be for- that nonsensical play of Hamlet, where the prince given: and when the blockhead comes, I may is keeping company with strollers and vagabonds: do as I please-ha, ha! I may do as I please ! - A fine example, Mr Garyle! Let me sce: He had on--a silver-looped hat: I Gar. His disorder is of the malignant kind, never liked those vile.silver-loops-A silver-looped and iny daughter has taken the infection from hat; and-and-Slidikins, what signifies what he him-bless iny heart! she was as innocent as had on?-I'll read my letter, and think no more water-gruel, till he spoilt her. I found her, the about him. Hey! what a plagne have we here? other night, in the very fach
Win. Zookers ! you don't say so ?-caught her Win, 'Sdeath, you're as mad yourself as any of in the fact !
them! Gar. Ay, in the very fact of reading a play- Gar. And continuing to run in the same book in bed.
ductsW'in. O, is that the fact you mean? Is that Win. Ducks! Damn your ducks !-Who's beall? though that's bad enough,
low there? Gar. But I have done for my young madam : Gar. The texture of the brain becomes disorI have confined her to her room, and locked up dered, and—(Wingate walks about uneasily, all her books.
and GARGLE follows.]-thus, by the pressure on Win. Look ye, friend Gargle, I'll never see the nerves, the head is disturbed, and so your the villain's face : Let him follow his nose, and son's malady is contracted. bite the bridle.
Win. Who's without there?-Don't plague me Gar. Lenitives, Mr Wingate, lenitives are so, man. properest at present : His habit requires gentle Gar. But I shall alter the morbid state of the alteratives: but leave him to my management; juices, correct his blood, and produce laudable about twenty ounces of blood, with a cephalic chyle. tincture, and he may do very well.
Win. Zookers, friend Gargle, don't teaze me Win. Where is the scoundrel ?
so; don't plague me with your physical nonsense Gur. Dear sir, moderate your anger, and don't - Who's below there? Tell that fellow to come use such harsh language.
up. Win. Harsh language! Why, do you think, Gar. Dear sir, be a little cool-Inflammaman, I'd call him a scoundrel, if I had not a re- tories may be dangerous. Do, pray, sir, modegard for himn? You don't hear me call a stranger rate your passions. a scoundrel ?
Win. Prithee, be quiet, man—I'll try what I Gar. Dear sir, he may still do very well; the can do Here he comes. boy has very good sentiments. Win. Sentiment! a fig for sentiment! let him
Enter Dick, get money, and never miss an opportunity-I never missed an opportunity; got up at five in the Dick. Now, my good father, what's the matmorning ; struck a light; made my own fire; ter ? worked my finger's ends; and this vagabond of a Win. So, friend, you have been upon your trafellow is going his own way—with all my heart; vels, have you? You have bad your frolic? Look what care I ? let him follow his nose; let him ye, young man, I'll not put myself in a passion : follow his nose--a ridiculous
But, death and fire, you scoundrel, what right Gar. Ay, ridiculous, indeed, sir-Why, for a have you to plague me in this manner? Do you long time past, he could not converse in the lan- think I must fall in love with your face, because guage of common sense. Ask him but a trivial I am your father? question, and he'd give some cramp answer out Dick. A little more than kin, and less than of some of his plays that had been running in his kind. head, and so there's no understanding a word he Win. Ha, ha! what a pretty figure you cut
now! ha, ha!-why don't you speak, you blockWin. Zookers ! this comes of his keeping com- head? Have you nothing to say for yourself? pany with wits, and be damned to them for wits, Dick. Nothing to say for yourself !-What an ha, ha! Wits! a fine thing indeed, ha, ha! 'Tis old prig it is! the most beggarly, rascally, contemptible thing Win. Mind me, friendI have found you out; on earth!
I see you'll never come to good. Turn stageGar. And then, sir, I have found out that he player! Wounds ! you'll not have an eye in your went three times a-week to a spouting-club. head in a month, ba, ha! you'll have them
Win. A spouting-club, friend Gargle! What's knocked out of the sockets with withered apples; a spouting-club?
remember I tell you so. Gar. A meeting of 'prentices and clerks, and Dick. A critic too! [Whistles.) Well done, giddy young men, intoxicated with plays; and so old Square-toes ! they meet in public-houses to act speeches; there Win. Look ye, young man; take notice of what they all neglect business, despise the advice of I say: I made my own fortune, and I could do their friends, and think of nothing but to become the same again. Wounds! if I were placed at actors.
the bottom of Chancery-lane, with a brush and Win. You don't say so!---a spouting-club! black-ball
, I'd make my own fortune again-you wounds! I believe they are all mad.
read Shakespeare !-Get Cocker's Arithmetic; Gar. Ay, mad indeed, sir: Madness is occa- you may buy it for a shilling on any stall—best sioned in a very extraordinary manner; the spi- book that ever was wrote. rits flowing in particular channels
Dick. Pretty well, that; ingenious, faith!