SCENE I-A room.

HARTOP and JENKINS discovered. Jen. I SHOULD not chuse to marry into such a family.

Har. Choice, dear Dick, is very little concerned in the matter; and, to convince you that love is not the minister of my counsels, know, that I never saw but once the object of my present purpose; and that too at a time, and in a circumstance, not very likely to stamp a favourable impression. What think you of a raw boarding-school girl at Lincoln-Minster, with a mind unpolished, a figure uninformed, and a set of features tainted with the colour of her unwholesome food?

Jen. No very engaging object indeed, Hartop. Har. Your thoughts now were mine then; but some connexions I have since had with her father, have given birth to my present design upon her. You are no stranger to the situation of my circumstances: my neighbourhood to sir Penu

rious Trifle, was a sufficient motive for his advancing what money I wanted by way of mortgage; the hard terms he imposed upon me, and the little regard I have paid to economy, has made it necessary for me to attempt, by some scheme, the re-establishment of my fortune. This young lady's simplicity, not to say ignorance, presented her at once as a proper subject for my purpose.

Jen. Success to you, Jack, with all my soul! a fellow of your spirit and vivacity, mankind ought to support, for the sake of themselves. For whatever Seneca and the other moral writers may have suggested in contempt of riches, it is plain their maxims were not calculated for the world as it now stands. In days of yore, indeed, when virtue was called wisdom, and vice folly, such principles might have been encouraged: but as the present subjects of our enquiry are, not what a man is, but what he has; as to be rich, is to be wise and virtuous, and to be poor, ignorant, and vicious-I heartily applaud your plan.

Har. Your observation is but too just. Jen. But, prithee, in the first place, how can you gain admittance to your mistress? and, in the second, is the girl independent of her father? His consent, I suppose, you have no thought of obtaining?

Har. Some farther proposals concerning my estate; such as an increase of the mortgage, or an absolute sale, is a sufficient pretence for a visit; and, as to the cash, twenty to my knowledge; independent too, you rogue! and besides, an only child, you know; and then, when things are done, they can't be undone and 'tis well 'tis no worse-and a hundred such pretty proverbs, will, 'us great odds, reconcile the old fellow at last. Besides, my papa in passe, has a foible, which, if I condescend to humour, I have his soul, my

dear.

Har. The very abstract of penury! Sir John Cutler, with his transmigrated stockings, was but a type of him. For instance, the barber has the growth of his and his daughter's head once a-year, for shaving the kuight once a fortnight; his shoes are made with the leather of a coach of his grandfather's, built in the year One; his maleservant is footman, groom, carter, coachman, and taylor; his maid employs her leisure hours in plain-work for the neighbours, which sir Penurious takes care, as her labour is for his emolument, shall be as many as possible, by joining with his daughter in scouring the rooms, making the beds, &c. Thus much for his moral character. Then, as to his intellectual, he is a mere charte blanche; the last man he is with must afford him matter for the next he goes to: but a story is his idol; throw him in that, and he swallows it; no matter what, raw or roasted, savoury or insipid, down it goes, and up again to the first person he meets. It is upon this basis I found my favour with the knight, having acquired patience enough to hear his stories, and equipped myself with a quantity sufficient to furnish him. His manner is indeed peculiar, and, for once or twice, entertaining enough. I'll give you a specimen-Is not that an equipage?

Jen. Hey! yes, faith; and the owner an acquaintance of mine: Sir Gregory Gazette, by Jupiter! and his son Tim with him. Now I can match your knight. He must come this way to the parlour. We'll have a scene: but take your cue; he is a country politician.

Har. Nor that.

Sir Gre. May be not. There is, Mr Hartop, one thing that I envy you Londoners in much— quires of newspapers! Now I reckon you read a matter of eight sheets every day?

Har. Not one.

Sir Gre. Wonderful!-Then, may be, you are about court; and so, being at the fountainhead, know what is in the papers before they are printed.

Har. I never trouble my head about them.An old fool! [Aside. Sir Gre. Good Lord! Your friend, Mr Jenkins, is very close.

Jen. Why, sir Gregory, Mr Hartop is much in the secrets above; and it becomes a man so trusted to be wary, you know.

Sir Gre. May be so, may be so. Wonderful! Ay, ay; a great man, no doubt.

Jen. But I'll give him a better insight into your character, and that will induce him to throw off his reserve.

Sir Gre. May be so: do, do; ay, ay.

Jen. Prithee, Jack, don't be so crusty: indulge the knight's humour a little! Besides, if I guess right, it may be necessary for the conduct of your design to contract a pretty strict intimacy there.

Har. Well, do as you will.

SIR GREGORY entering, and Waiter.

So.

Sir Gre. Wonderful! a treasure! ay, may be

Jen. And, that you may have him to yourself, I'll go in search of your son.

Sir Gre. Do, do so: Tim is without; just come from his ancle Tregegle's, at Menegizy, in Cornwall. Tim is an honest lad-do so, do so-[Exit JENK.]-Well, Mr Hartop, and so we have a peace, lack-a-day; long-looked-for come at last. But pray, Mr Hartop, how many newspapers may you have printed in a-week? Har. About an hundred and fifty, sir Gregory.

Sir Gre. Good now, good now! and all full, I reckon; full as an egg; nothing but news! Well, well, I shall go to London one of these days. A hundred and fifty? Wonderful! And pray, now, which do you reckon the best?

Har. Oh, sir Gregory, they are various in their excellencies, as their uses. If you are inclined to blacken, by a couple of lines, the reputation of a neighbour, you may do it for two shillings in one paper: if you are displaced or disappointed of a place, a triplet against the ministry will be always well received at the head of another; and then, as a paper of morning amusement, you have the Fool.

Sir Gre, The Fool? good lack! and pray who and what may that same fool be?

Har. Why, sir Gregory, the author has artfully assumed that habit, like the royal jesters of old, to level his satire with more security to himself, and severity to others.

Sir Gre. May be so, may be so! The Fool! ha, ha, ha! Well enough; a queer dog, and no fool, I warrant you. Killigrew; ah, I have heard my grandfather talk much of that same Killigrew, and no fool. But what's all this to news, Mr Hartop? Who gives us the best account of the king of Spain, and the queen of Hungary, and those great folks? Come now, you could give us a little news, if you would; come now-snug! -nobody by. Good now, do; come, ever so little.

Har. Why, as you so largely contribute to the support of the government, it is but fair you should know what they are about. We are at present in a treaty with the pope.

Sir Gre. With the pope! Wonderful! Good now, good now! How, how!

| rare news, rare news! Ten millions of thanks, Mr Hartop. But might not I just hint this to Mr Soakum, our vicar? 'twould rejoice his heart. Har. O fie, by no means!

Sir Gre. Only a line-a little hint-do now? Har. Well, sir, it is difficult for me to refuse you any thing,

Sir Gre. Ten thousand thanks. Good now! the pope-Wonderful! I'll minute it downBoth the Needles?

Har. Ay, both.

Sir Gre. Good now; I'll minute it—the Lizard-point-both the Needles-Scilly-rocks-bishop of Greenland-St Peter's chair-Why then, when this is finished, we may chance to attack the great Turk, and have holy wars again, Mr Hartop.

Har. That's part of the scheme.

Sir Gre. Ah, good now! You see I have a head! Politics have been my study many a day. Ah, if I had been in London to improve by the newspapers! They tell me Dr Drybones is to succeed to the bishoprick of Wisper? Har. No; Doctor—

Sir Gre. Indeed! I was told by my landlord at Ross, that it was between him and the dean

of

Har. To my knowledge.

Sir Gre. Nay, you know best, to be sure. If it should- -Hush! here's Mr Jenkins and son Tim-mum!-Mr Jenkins does not know any thing about the treaty with the pope? Har. Not a word. Sir Gre. Mum!

Enter TIM and MR JENKINS. Jen. Mr Timothy is almost grown out of knowledge, sir Gregory.

Sir Gre. Good now, good now! ay, ay; Ill weeds grow a-pace. Son Tim, Mr Hartop; a great man, child! Mr Hartop, son Tim.

Har. Sir, I shall be always glad to know every branch that springs from so valuable a trunk as sir Gregory Gazette.

Sir Gre. May be so. Wonderful! ay, ay. Har. Sir, I am glad to see you in Herefordshire-Have you been long from Cornwall? Tim. Ay, sir; a matter of four weeks or a month, more or less.

Sir Ge. Well said, Tim! Ay, ay, ask Tim any questions, he can answer for himself. Tim, tell Mr Hartop all the news about the elections, and the tinners, and the tides, and the roads, and the pilchards. I want a few words with Mr Jen

Har. You have been so long absent from your native country, that you have almost forgot it. Tim. Yes sure. I ha' been at uncle Tregegle's a matter of twelve or a dozen year, more or less. Har. Then I reckon you were quite impatient to see your papa and mamma?

Tim. No sure, not I. Father sent for me to

uncle. Sure Menegizy is a choice place! and I could a staid there all my born days, more or less.

Har. Pray, sir, what were your amusements? Tim. Nan! what d'ye say

Har. How did you divert yourself?

Tum. Oh, we ha' pastimes enow there; we ha' bull-baiting, and cock-fighting, and fishing, and hunting, and hurling, and wrestling.

Har. The two last are sports, for which that country is very remarkable;-in those, I presume, you are very expert?

Tim. Nan! What?

Har. I say you are a good wrestler.

Tim. Oh, yes sure, I can wrestle well enow :but we don't wrestle after your fashion; we ha' no tripping, fath and sole! we go all upon close hugs, or the flying mare. Will you try a fall, master? -I won't hurt you, fath and sole.

Har. We had as good not venture though. But have you left in Cornwall nothing that you regret the loss of more than hurling and wrestling?

Tim. Nan! What?

Har. No favourite she!

Tim. Arra, I coupled Favourite and Jowler together, and sure they tugged it all the way up. Part with Favourite! no, I thank you for nothing. You must know I nursed Favourite myself: uncle's huntsman was going to Mill-pond to drown all Music's puppies; so I saved she. But fath, I'll tell you a comical story; at Lanston, they both broke loose, and eat a whole loin-a'-veal, and a leg of beef: Crist! How landlord sweared! fath the poor fellow was almost amazed; it made me die wi' laughing. But how came you to know about our Favourite?

Har. A circumstance so material to his son, could not escape the knowledge of sir Gregory Gazette's friends. But here you mistook me a little, 'Squire Tim; I meant whether your affections were not settled upon some pretty girl.-Has not some Cornish lass caught your heart?

Tim. Hush! cod, the old man will hear; jog a tiny bit this way-won't a' tell father?

Har. Upon my honour!

Tim. Why then, I'll tell you the whole story more or less. Do you know Mally Pengrouse? Har. I am not so happy.

Tim. She's uncle's milk-maid ;-she's as handsome, Lord! her face all red and white, like the inside of a shoulder of mutton; so I made love to our Mally: and just, fath, as I had got her good-will to run away to Exeter and be married, uncle found it out, and sent word to father, and father sent for me home-but I don't love her a bit the worse for that. But i'cod, if you tell father, he'll knock my brains out; for he says, I'll disparage the family, and mother's as mad as a March hare about it-so father and mother ha' brought me to be married to some young body in these parts.

Har. What, is my lady here? Tim. No, sure; dame Winnifred, as father calls her, could not come along.

Har. I am sorry for that; I have the honour to be a distant relation of her ladyship's.

Tim. Like enough, fath!-she's a-kin to half the world, I think. But don't you say a word to father about Mally Pengrouse. Hush!

Jen. Mr Hartop, sir Gregory will be amongst us some time-he is going with his son to sir Penurious Trifle's- -there is a kind of a treaty of marriage on foot between Miss Sukey Trifle and Mr Timothy.

Har. The devil! [Apart.] I shall be glad of every circumstance that can make me better acquainted with sir Gregory.

Sir Gre. Good now, good now! may be so, may be so!

Tim. Father, sure the gentleman says as how mother and he are a-kin!

Sir Gre. Wonderful! Lack-a-day, lack-a-day! how, how? I am proud to—but how, Mr Hartop, how?

Har. Why, sir, a cousin-german of my aunt's first husband intermarried with a distant relation of a collateral branch by the mother's side, the Apprices of Lantrindon; and we have ever since quartered in a 'scutcheon of pretence the three goat's tails rampant, divided by a cheveron, fieldargent; with a leek pendant in the dexter point, to distinguish the second house:

Sir Gre. Wonderful! wonderful! nearly, nearly related! Good now, good now, if dame Winnifred was here, she'd make them all out with a wet finger-but they are above me. Prithee, Tim, good now, see after the horses—and, d'ye hear? try if you can get any newspapers. Tim. Yes, father-But, cousin what-d’ye-callum, not a word about Mally Pengrouse ! Har. Mum!

[Exit TIM.

Sir Gre. Good now, that boy will make some mistake about the horses now! I'll go myself. Good now, no farther, cousin; if you please, no ceremony-A hundred and fifty newspapers a week! the Fool! ha, ha, ha! wonderful! an odd dog! [Erit SIR GREgory. Jen. So, Jack, here's a fresh spoke in your wheel.

Har. This is a cursed cross incident! Jen. Well, but something must be done to frustrate the scheme of your new cousin's. Can you think of nothing?

Har. I have been hammering: pray, are the two knights intimate? are they well acquainted with each other's person?

Jen. Faith, I can't tell; but we may soon know.

Har. Could yon recommend me a good spirited girl, who has humour and compliance to follow a few directions, and understanding