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SIR JOHN BUCK, his father.

SUBTLE, an Englishman, settled in Paris, living MRS SUBTLE, wife to SUBTLE,

by the follies of his countrymen.

LUCINDA, her ward.

Scene-Paris.

SCENE I.

Enter MR SUBTLE and CLASSIC.

ACT I

Mr Sub. WELL, well, that may be; but still I say, that a Frenchman

Class. Is a fop; it is their national disease; not one of the qualities for which you celebrate them, but owes its origin to a foible; their taste is trifling, their gaiety grimace, and their politeness pride.

Mr Sub. Hey-day! Why, what the deuce brings you to Paris then?

Class. A debt to friendship; not but I think a short residence here a very necessary part in every man of fashion's education.

Mr Sub. Where's the use?

Class. In giving them a true relish for their own domestic happiness; a proper veneration for their national liberties; a contempt for adulation; and an honour for the extended generous commerce of their country.

Mr Sub. Why, there, indeed, you have the

preference, Mr Classic: the traders here are a sharp-set, cozening people; foreigners are their food; civilities with a-ay, ay! a congee for a crown, and a shrug for a shilling; devilish dear, Mr Classic, devilish dear!

Class. To avoid their exactions, we are, Mr Subtle, recommended to your protection.

Mr Sub. Ay, and wisely they did who recom mended you: Buy nothing but on mine or my lady's recommendation, and you are safe. But where was your charge? Where was Mr Buck last night? My lady made a party at cards on purpose for him, and my ward Lucinda is mightily taken with him; she longs to see him again.

Class. I am afraid with the same set his father sent him hither to avoid; but we must endeavour to inspire him with a taste for the gallantries of this court, and his passion for the lower amusements of ours will diminish of course.

Mr Sub. All the fraternity of men-niakers are for that purpose without; taylors, perruquiers, hatters, hosiers- -is not that Mr Buck's Eng lish servant?

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[Exit.

but manage her; but she's so indiscreet, that she'll be blown before we have made half our market. I am this morning to give audience, on her score, to two counts and a foreign mini

ster.

Mr Sub. Then strike whilst the iron's hot! but they'll be here before I can talk to my people; send them in, prithee. [Exit MRS SUBtle.

Enter Tradesmen.

So, gentlemen. Oh! hush! we are interrupted: If they ask for your bills, you have left them at home.

Enter BUCK, CLASSIC, and ROGER.

Buck. Ecod, I don't know how it ended, but I remember how it begun. Oh! Master Subtle, how do'st, old buck, hey? Give's thy paw! And little Lucy, how fares it with she? Hum!

Mr Sub. What has been the matter, squire?

Mr Sub. I shall talk a little with the trades-Your face seems a little in deshabille. men. A smoky fellow this Classic; but if Lucinda plays her cards well, we have not much to fear from that quarter: contradiction seems to be the life and soul of young Buck.-A tolerable expedient this, if it succeeds. Fleece the younker!-Psha! that's a thing of course!-but by his means to get rid of Lucinda, and securely pocket her patrimony; ay! that indeed

Buck. A touch of the times, old boy! a small skirmish; after I was down, though! a set of cowardly sons of ! there's George and I will

Enter MRS SUBTLE.

Oh! wife! Have you opened the plot? Does the girl come into it greedily, hey?

Mrs Sub. A little squeamish at first; but I have opened her eyes. Never fear, my dear; sooner or later, women will attend to their inte

rest.

Mr Sub. Their interest! ay, that's true; but consider, my dear, how deeply our own interest is concerned, and let that quicken your zeal.

Mrs Sub. D'ye think I am blind? But the girl has got such whimsical notions of honour, and is withal so decent and modest-I wonder where the deuce she got it; I am sure it was not in my house.

box any five for their sum.
Mr Sub. But how happened it? The French
are generally civil to strangers.

Buck. Oh! damned civil! to fall seven or eight upon three: Seven or eight! Ecod, we had the whole house upon us at last.

Mr Sub. But what had you done?

Buck. Done! why, nothing at all. But, wounds! how the powder flew about, and the monsieurs scoured!

Mr Sub. But what offence had either they or you committed?

Buck. Why, I was telling Domine. Last night, Dick Daylight, Bob Breadbasket, and I, were walking through one of their rues, I think they call them here, they are streets in London; but they have such devilish out-of-the-way names for things, that there is no remembering them; so we see crowds of people going into a house, and comedy pasted over the door: in we trooped with the rest, paid our cash, and sat down on the stage. Presently they had a dance; and one of the young women, with long hair trailing behind her, stood with her back to a rail, just by me: Ecod, what does me! for nothing in the world but a joke, as I hope for mercy, but ties her locks to the rails; so, when 'twas her turn to figure out, souse she flapped on her back; 'twas devilish comical; but they set up such an uproar---One whey-faced son of a bitch, that came to loose the woman, turned up his nose, and called me bete: Ecod, I lent him a lick in his lanthorn jaws, that will make him remember the spawn of old Marlborough, I warrant him. Another came Mr Sub. There's no fear. Well, but our pretty up to second him; but I let drive at the mark, Countrywoman lays about her handsomely, ha!-made the soup-maigre rumble in his bread-basHearts by hundreds! hum!

Mr Sub. How does she like Buck's person? Mrs Sub. Well enough. But prithee, husband, leave her to my management, and consider we have more irons in the fire than one. Here is the Marquis de Soleil to meet madame de Farde tonight-And where to put them, unless we can have Buck's apartment-Oh! by the by, has Count Cog sent you your share out of Mr Puntwell's losings a-Thursday?

Mr Sub. I intend calling on him this morning.

Mrs Sub. Don't fail; he's a slippery chap, you know.

Mrs Sub. Ay! that's a noble prize, if we could
VOL. III.

ket, and laid him sprawling! Then in poured a million of them; I was knocked down in a trice;

U

and what happened after, I know no more than you. But where's Lucy? I'll go see her.

Clas. Oh fie! ladies are treated here with a little more ceremony: Mr Subtle, too, has collected these people, who are to equip you for the conversation of the ladies.

Buck. Wounds! all these? What, Mr Subtle, these are monsieurs too, I suppose?

Mr Sub. No, squire, they are Englishmen : fashion has ordained, that, as you employ none but foreigners at home, you must take up with your own countrymen here.

Clas. It is not in this instance alone we are particular, Mr Subtle; I have observed many of our pretty gentlemen, who condescend to use entirely their native language here, sputter nothing but bad French in the side-boxes at home.

Buck. Look you, sir; as to you, and your wife, and Miss Lucy, I like you all well enough; but the devil a good thing else have I seen since I lost sight of Dover. The men are all puppies, miucing and dancing, and chattering, and grinning: the women are a parcel of painted dolls; their food's fit for hogs; and as for their language, let them learn it that like it, I'll none on't; no, nor their frippery neither: So here you may all march to the place from whence you-Hark'e! What, are you an Englishman?

Barb. Yes, sir.

Buck. Domine! look here, what a monster the monkey has made of himself?-Sirrah, if your string was long enough, I'd do your business myself, you dog, to sink a bold Briton into such a sneaking, snivelling-the rascal looks as he had not had a piece of beef and pudding in his paunch these twenty years. I'll be hanged if the rogue han't been fed on frogs ever since he came over! Away with your trumpery!

Clas. Mr Buck, a compliance with the customs of the country in which we live, where neither our religion nor our morals are concerned, is a duty we owe ourselves.

Mr Sub. Besides, squire, Lucinda expects that you should usher her to public places; which it would be impossible to do in that dress. Buck. Why not?

Mr Sub. You'd be mobbed.

Buck. Mobbed! I should be glad to see that— No, no! they han't spirit enough to mob here; but come, since these fellows here are English, and it is the fashion, try on your fooleries.

Mr Sub. Mr Dauphine, come, produce-Upon my word, in an elegant taste, sir-This gentle man has had the honour to

Dauph. To work for all the beaux esprits of the court. My good fortune commenced by a small alteration in a cut of the corner of the sleeve for count Crib; but the addition of a ninth plait in the skirt of Marshal Tonerre, was applauded by madam la duchess Rambouillet, and totally established the reputation of your humble

servant.

Buck. Hold your jaw, and dispatch.

Mr Sub. A word with you-I don't think it impossible to get you acquainted with madam de Rambouillet. Buck. An't she a papist?

Mr Sub. Undoubtedly.

Buck. Then I'll ha' nothing to say to her.

Mr Sub. Oh fy! who minds the religion of a pretty woman? Besides, all this country are of the same.

Buck. For that reason I don't care how soon I get out of it: Come, let's get rid of you as soon as we can. And what are you, hey?

Bar. Je suis peruquier, Monsieur.

Buck. Speak English, you son of a whore !
Bar. I am a perriwig-maker, sir.

Buck. Then why could not you say so at first ? What, are you ashamed of your mother-tongue? I knew this fellow was a puppy, by his pig-tail. Come, let's see your handy-work.

Bur. As I found you were in a hurry, I have brought you, sir, something that will do for the present: But a peruque is a different ouvrage, another sort of a thing here from what it is en Angleterre; we must consult the colour of the complexion, and the tour de visage, the form of the face; for which end it will be necessary to regard your countenance in different lights: A little to the right, if you please.

Buck. Why, you dog, d'ye think I'll submit to be exercised by you?

Bar. Oh mon Dieu! Monsieur, if you don't, it will be impossible to make your wig comme il faut.

Buck. Sirrah, speak another French word, and I'll kick you down stairs.

Bar. Gad's curse! Would you resemble some of your countrymen, who, at the first importation, with nine hairs of a side to a brawny pair of checks, look like a Saracen's head! Or else their water-gruel jaws, sunk in a thicket of curls, appear for all the world like a lark in a soupdish!

Mr Sub. Come, squire, submit; 'tis but for

once.

Buck. Well, but what must I do? [Places him in a chair. Bar. To the right, sir-now to the leftnow your full-and now, sir, I'll do your business.

Mr Sub. Look at yourself a little; see what a revolution this has occasioned in your whole figure.

Buck. Yes, a bloody pretty figure indeed! But 'tis a figure I am damnably ashamed of: I would not be seen by Jack Wildfire or Dick Riot for fifty pounds in this trim, for all that.

Mr Sub. Upon my honour, dress greatly im proves you! Your opinion, Mr Classic?

Clas. They do mighty well, sir; and in a little time Mr Buck will be easy in them.

Buck. Shall I? I am glad on't, for I am dam

nably uneasy at present, Mr Subtle. What must I do now?

Mr Sub. Now, sir, if you'll call upon my wife, you'll find Lucinda with her, and I'll wait on you presently.

Buck. Come along, Domine! But harkee, Mr Subtle, I'll out of my trammels when I hunt with the king.

Mr Sub. Well, well.

to Paris to study fashions; four citizens come to settle here for a month, by way of seeing the country; ditto, their wives; ten French valets, with nine cooks, all from Newgate, where they had been sent for robbing their masters; nine figure dancers, exported in September, ragged and lean, imported well clad, and in good case; twelve dogs, ditto bitches, with two monkeys, aud a litter of puppies, from Mother Midnight's,

Buck. I'll on with my jemmies; none of your in the Hay-market a precious cargo! Postblack bags and jack-boots for me.

Mr Sub. No, no.

Buck. I'll show them the odds on't, old Silver- old gentleman whose name I can't learn!

tail! I will. Hey?

Mr Sub. Ay, ay.

Buck. Hedge, stake, or stile, over we go!
Mr Sub. Ay; but Mr Classic waits.
Buck. But d'ye think they'll follow?

Mr Sub. Oh no! Impossible!

Buck. Did I tell you what a chase she carried me last Christmas eve? We unkennelled at

Mr Sub. I am busy now; at any other time. Buck. You'll follow us. I have sent for my hounds and horses.

Mr Sub. Have you?

Buck. They shall make the tour of Europe with me: and then there's Tom Atkins the huntsman, the two whippers-in, and little Joey the groom, comes with them. Damme, what a strange place they'll think this! But no matter for that; then we shall be company enough of ourselves. But you'll follow us in? [Erit.

cript. One of the coasters is just put in, with
his grace the duke of
, my lord, and an
Gadso! Well, my dear, I must run, and try to
secure these customers; there's no time to be
lost.
[Exit.

Enter CLASSIC.

Mrs Sub. So, Mr Classic; what, have you left the young couple together?

Clas. They want your ladyship's presence, madam, for a short tour to the Thuilleries. I have received some letters, which I must answer immediately.

Mrs Sub. Oh! well, well; no ceremony; we are all of a family, you know. Servant! [Erit. Enter ROGER.

Clas. Roger!
Rog. Anon!

Mr Sub. In ten minutes-an impertinent jack- Clas. I have just received a letter from your anapes! But I shall soon ha' done with him.-old master; he was landed at Calais, and will be So, gentlemen; well, you see we have a good subject to work upon. Harkee, Dauphine, I must have more than twenty per cent out of that

suit.

Dauph. Upon my soul, Mr Subtle, I can't! Mr Sub. Why, I have always that upon new. Dauph. New, sir! why, as I hope to beMr Sub. Come, don't lie; don't damn yourself, Dauphine; don't be a rogue; did not I see at Madam Fripon's, that waistcoat and sleeves upon Colonel Crambo?

Dauph. As to the waistcoat and sleeves, 1 own; but for the body and lining-may I never

see

Mr Sub. Come, don't be a scoundrel; fiveand thirty, or I've done.

Dauph. Well, if I must, I must.

[Exit DAUPH. Mr Sub. I must keep these fellows under, or I shall have a fine time on't; they know they can't do without me.

Enter MRS SUBTLE.

Mrs Sub. The Calais letters, my dear.
Mr Sub. [Reads.]-Ah! ah! Calais-the Do-
ver packet arrived last night, loading as follows:
Six tailors, ditto barbers; five milliners, bound

this evening at Paris. It is absolutely necessary
that this circumstance should be concealed from
his son; for which purpose, you must wait at
the Piccardy gate, and deliver a letter, I shall
give you, into his own hand.

Rog. I'll warrant you.
Clas. But, Roger, he secret.
Rog. O lud! never you fear.

[Exit.

Clas. So, Mr Subtle, I see your aim. A pretty lodging we have hit upon; the mistress a commode, and the master a- -But who can this ward be? Possibly the neglected punk of some riotous man of quality. 'Tis lucky Mr Buck's father is arrived, or my authority would prove but an insufficient match for my pupil's obstinacy. This mad boy! How difficult, how disagreeable a task have I undertaken! And how general, yet how dangerous, an experiment is it to expose our youth, in the very fire and fury of their blood, to all the follies and extravagance of this fantastic court! Far different was the prudent practice of our forefathers:

They scorned to truck, for base unmanly arts, Their native plainness, and their honest hearts; Whene'er they deigned to visit haughty France, 'Twas armed with bearded dart, and pointed lance.

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Clas. Let sir John know that I would wait on him myself, but I don't think it safe to quit the house an instant.

Rog. Ay, ay. [Exit ROGER. Clas. I suppose, by this time, matters are pretty well settled within, and my absence only wanted to accomplish the scene; but I shall take -Oh! Mr Subtle and his lady!

care to

[Exit CLAS.

Enter MR and MRS SUBTLE.

Mrs Sub. Oh, delightfully! Now, my dearest, I hope you will no longer dispute my abilities for forming a female?

Mr Sub. Never, never: How the baggage leered!

Mrs Sub. And the booby gaped!

Mr Sub. So kind, and yet so coy; so free, but then so reserved: Oh, she has him!

Mrs Sub. Ay, ay; the fish is hooked: but then safely to land him-Is Classic suspicious?

Mr Sub. Not that I observe; but the secret must soon be blazed.

Mrs Sub. Therefore dispatch: I have laid a trap to inflame his affection.

Mr Sub. How?

Mrs Sub. He shall be treated with a display of Lucy's talents; her singing and dancing.

Mr Sub. Psha! Her singing and dancing! Mrs Sub. Ah! You don't know, husband, half the force of these accomplishments in a fashionable figure.

Mr Sub. I doubt her execution.

Mrs Sub. You have no reason; she does both well enough to flatter a fool, especially with love for her second: besides, I have a coup de maitre, a sure card.

Mr Sub. What's that? Mrs Sub. A rival.

Mr Sub. Who?

Mrs Sub. The language master: he may be easily equipt for the expedition; a second-hand tawdry suit of cloaths will pass him on our countryman for a marquis; and then, to excuse his speaking our language so well, he may have been educated early in England. But hush! The squire approaches; don't seem to observe him.

Enter BUCK.

For my part, I never saw any thing so altered since I was born: In my conscience, I believe she's in love with him.

Buck. Hush!

Mr Sub. D'ye think so?

[Aside.

Mrs Sub. Why, where's the wonder? He's a pretty, good-humoured, sprightly fellow and, for the time, such an improvement! Why, he wears his clothes as easily, and moves as genteelly, as if he had been at Paris these twenty years.

Mr Sub. Indeed! How does he dance?

Mrs Sub. Why, he has had but three lessons from Marseil, and he moves already like Dupre. Oh! three months stay here will render him a perfect model for the English court!

Mr Sub. Gadso! No wonder, then, with these qualities, that he has caught the heart of my ward; but we must take care that the girl does nothing imprudent.

Mrs Sub. Oh, dismiss your fears; her family, good sense, and, more than all, her being educated under my eye, render them unnecessary; besides, Mr Buck is too much a man of honour

to

[He interrupts them.]

Buck. Damn me if I an't!

Mrs Sub. Bless me, sir! you here? I did not expect

Buck. I beg pardon: but all that I heard was, that Mr Buck was a man of honour. I wanted to have some chat with you, madam, in private.

Mr Sub. Then I'll withdraw. You see I dare trust you alone with my wife.

Buck. So you may safely; I have other game in view. Servant, Mr Subtle.

Mrs Sub. Now for a puzzling scene: I long to know how he'll begin.[Aside.]——Well, Mr Buck, your commands with me, sir?

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