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ENGLISHMAN IN PARIS.
Classic, tutor to Buck.
WOMEN. SUBTLE, an Englishman, settled in Paris, living Mrs SUBTLE, wife to SUBTLE, by the follies of his countrymen.
Lucinda, her ward.
preference, Mr Classic: the traders here are a SCENE I.
sharp-set, cozening people; foreigners are their Enter MR Subtle and Classic.
food; civilities with a-ay, ay! a congee for a
crown, and a shrug for a shilling ; devilish dear, Mr Sub. Well, well, that may be ; but still Mr Classic, devilish dear! I say, that a Frenchman
Class. To avoid their exactions, we are, Mr Class. Is a fop; it is their national disease ; Subtle, recommended to your protection. not one of the qualities for which you celebrate Mr Sub. Ay, and wisely they did who recomthem, but owes its origin to a fuible ; their taste mended you : Buy nothing but on mine or my is trifling, their gaiety grimace, and their polite- lady's recommendation, and you are safe. But ness pride.
where was your charge? Where was Mr Buck Mr. Sub. Hey-day! Why, what the douce last night? My lady made a party at cards on brings you to Paris ihen?
purpose for him, and my ward Lucinda is mightily Class
. A debt to friendship; not but I think taken with him; she longs to see him again. a short residence here a very necessary part in Class. I am afraid with the same set his father every man of fashion's education.
sent him hitber to avoid; but we must endeaMr Sub. Where's the use?
vour to inspire him with a taste for the gallantries Class. In giving thein a true relish for their of this court, and his passion for the lower amuseown domestic happiness; a proper veneration ments of ours will diminish of course. for their national liberties; a contempt for adula- Mr Sub. All the fraternity of men-nakers are tion; and an honour for the extended generous for that purpose without; taylors, perruquiers, commerce of their country.
hatters, hosiers — is not that Mr Buck's Enge Mr Sub. Why, there, indeed, you have the lish servant?
but manage her; but she's so indiscreet, that Enter Roger.
she'll be blown before we have made half our Clas. Oh! ay, honest Roger. So, the old market. I am this moruing to give audience, doings, Roger! what time did your master come on her score, to two counts and a foreign minihome?
Rog. Between five and six, pummelled to a Mr Sub. Then strike whilst the iron's hot! jelly: here has been two of his old comrades fol- but they'll be here before I can talk to my people; lowed un already; I count we shall ha' the whole send them in, prithee. [E.rit Mrs SUBTLE. gang in a se’en-night. Clas. Comrades? who?
Enter Tradesmen. Rog: Dick Daylight, and Bob Breadbasket, So, gentlemen. Oh! hush! we are interrupted: the bruisers; they all went to the show together, if they ask for your bills, you have left them at where they had the devil to pay; belike they had home. been sent to Bridewell, hadn't a great gentleman Enter Buck, Classic, and Roger. in a blue string come by and released them.-I hear master's bell; do, Master Classic, step up and Buck. Ecod, I don't know how it ended, but talk to un; he's now sober, and may hearken to I remember how it begun. Oh! Master Subtle, reason.
how do'st, old buck, hey? Give's thy paw! And Clas. I attend him. Mr Subtle, you won't little Lucy, how fares it with she? Hum! be out of the way?
Mr Sub. What has been the matter, squire ? Mr Sub. I shall talk a little with the trades. Your face seems a little in deshabille. men. A smoky fellow this Classic; but if Lu- Buck. A touch of the times, old boy! a small cinda plays her cards well, we have not much to skirmish ; after I was down, though! a set of cowfear from that quarter : contradiction seems to ardly sons of --! there's George and I will be the life and soul of young Buck.— A tolerable box any five for their sum. expedient this, if it succeeds. Fleece the youn- Mr Sub. But how happened it? The French ker!-Psha! that's a thing of course !-bút by are generally civil to strangers. his means to get rid of Lucinda, and securely Buck. Oh! damned civil! to fall seven or pocket her patrimony; ay! that indeed- eight upon three : Seven or eight! Ecod, we had
the whole house upon us at last. Enter MRS SUBTLE.
Mr Sub. But what had you done? Oh! wife! Have you opened the plot? Does the Buck. Done! why, nothing at all. But, girl come into it greedily, hey?
wounds! how the powder flew about, and the Mrs Sub. A little squeamish at first; but I monsieurs scoured! have opened her eyes.' Never fear, my dear; Mr Sub. But what offence had either they or sooner or later, women will attend to their inte- you committed ?
Buck. Why, I was telling Domine. Last night, Mr Sub. Their interest! ay, that's true; but Dick Daylight, Bob Breadbasket, and I, were consider, my dear, how deeply our own interest walking through one of their rues, I think they is concerned, and let that quicken your zeal. call them here, they are streets in London; but
Mrs Sub. D'ye think I am blind? But the girl they have such devilish out-of-the-way names for has got such whimsical notions of honour, and is things, that there is no remembering them; so withal so decent and modest_I wonder where we see crowds of people going into a house, and the deuce she got it; I am sure it was not in my comedy pasted over the door: in we trooped house.
with the rest, paid our cash, and sat down on the Mr Sub. How does she like Buck's person? stage. Presently they had a dance; and one of
Mrs Sub. Well enough. But prithee, husband, the young women, with long hair trailing behind leave her to my management, and consider we her, stood with her back to a rail, just by me: have more irons in the fire than one. Here is the Ecod, what does me! for nothing in the world Marquis de Soleil to meet madame de Farde to- but a joke, as I hope for mercy, but ties her night-And where to put them, unless we can locks to the rails; so, when 'twas her turn to have Buck's apartment --Oh! by the by, has figure out, souse she Alapped on her back; 'twas count Cog sent you your share out of Mr Punt- devilish comical; but they set up such an uproar--well's losings a-Thursday?
One whey-faced son of a bitch, that came to Mr Sub. I intend calling on him this morn- loose the woman, turned up his nose, and called ing.
me bete : Ecod, I lent him a lick in his lanthorn Mrs Sub. Don't fail; he's a slippery chap, you jaws, that will make him remember the spawn of mow.
old Marlborough, I warrant him. Another came Mr Sub. There's no fear. Well, but our pretty up to second bim; but I let drive at the mark, countrywoman lays about her handsomely, ha !- made the soup-maigre rumble in his bread-basHearts by hundreds ! hum!
ket, and laid him sprawling! Then in poured a Mrs Sub. Ay! that's a noble prize, if we could million of them; I was knocked down in a trice; VOL. III.
as we call.
and what happened after, I know no more than Buck. Hold your jaw, and dispatch. you. But where's Lucy? I'll go see her.
Mr Sub. A word with you—I don't think it Clas. Oh fie! ladies are created here with a impossible to get you acquainted with madain de little more ceremony: Mr Subtle, too, has col- Rambouillet. lected these people, who are to equip you for the Buck. An't she a papist? conversation of the ladies.
Mr Sub. Undoubtedly. Buck. Wounds! all these? What, Mr Subtle, Buck. Then I'll ha' nothing to say to her. these are monsieurs too, I suppose ?
Mr Sub. Oh fy! who minds the religion of a Mr Sub. No, squire, they are Englishmen: pretty woman? Besides, all this country are of fashion has ordained, that, as you employ none the same. but foreigners at home, you must take up with Buck. For that reason I don't care how soon your own countrymen here.
I get out of it: Come, let's get rid of you as soon Clas. It is not in this instance alone we are
And what are you, hey? particular, Mr Subtle; I have observed many of Bar. Je suis peruquier, Monsieur. our pretty gentlemen, who condescend to use en- Buck. Speak English, you son of a whore ! tirely their native language here, sputter nothing Bar. I am a perriwig-maker, sir. but bad French in the side-boxes at home. Buck. Then why could not you say so at first?
Buck. Look you, sir; as to you, and your wife, What, are you ashamed of your mother-tongue? and Miss Lucy, I like you all well enough; but I knew this fellow was a puppy, by his pig-tail. the devil a good thing else have I seen since I Come, let's see your handy-work. lost sight of Dover. The men are all puppies, Bur. As I found you were in a hurry, I havc iniucing and dancing, and chattering, and grin- brought you, sir, something that will do for the ning: the women are a parcel of painted dolls; present : But a peruque is a different ouvrage, their food's fit for hogs; and as for their language, another sort of a thing here from what it is en let them learn it that like it, I'll none on't ; no, Angleterre ; we must consult the colour of the vor their frippery neither: So here you may all complexion, and the tour de visage, the form of march to the place from whence you-Hark'e! the face ; for which end it will be necessary to What, are you an Englishman?
regard your countenance in different lights: A Barb. Yes, sir.
little to the right, if you please, Buck. Domine! look here, what a monster the Buck. Why, you dog, d'ye think I'll submit to monkey has made of himself?—Sirrah, if your be exercised by you? string was long enough, I'd do your business my- Bar. Oh mon Dieu ! Monsieur, if you don't, self, you dog, to sink a bold Briton into such a it will be impossible to make your wig comme il sneaking, snivelling—the rascal looks as he had faut. not had a piece of beef and pudding in his paunch Buck. Sírrah, speak another French word, and these twenty years. I'll be hanged if the rogue (I'll kick you down stairs. han't been fed on frogs ever since he came over ! Bar. Gad's curse! Would you resemble some Away with your trumpery!
of your countrymen, who, at the first importaClas. Mr Buck, a compliance with the customs tion, with nine bairs of a side to a brawny pair of the country in which we live, where neither of cheeks, look like a Saracen's head! Or else our religion nor our morals are concerned, is a their water-gruel jaws, sunk in a thicket of curis, duty we owe ourselves.
appear for all the world like a lark in a soupMr Sub. Besides, squire, Lucinda expects that dish! you should usher her to public places; which it Air Sub. Come, squire, subniit; 'tis but for would be impossible to do in that dress. Buck. Why not?
Buck. Well, but what must I do? Mr Sub. You'd be mobbed.
(Places him in a chair. Buck. Mobbed! I should be glad to see that- Bar. To the right, sir-now to the leftNo, no! they han't spirit enough to mob here; now your full--and now, sir, I'll do your busibut come, since these fellows here are English, ness. and it is the fashion, try on your fooleries. Mr Sub. Look at yourself a little; see what a
Mr Sub. Mr Dauphine, come, produce-Upon revolution this has occasioned in your whole iny word, in an elegant taste, sira-This gentle figure. man has had the honour to
Buck. Yes, a bloody pretty figure indeed! But Dauph. To work for all the beaux esprits of 'tis a figure I am damnably ashamed of: I would the colirt. My good fortune commenced by a not be seen by Jack Wildfire or Dick Riot for small alteration in a cut of the corner of the fifty pounds in this trim, for all that. sleeve for count Crib; but the addition of a ninth Mr Sub. Upon my honour, dress greatly implait in the skirt of Marshal Tonerre, was ap- proves you! Your opinion, Mr Classic? plauded by madam la duchess Rambouillet, and Clas. They do mighty well, sir; and in a little iotally established the reputation of your humble time Mr Buck will be easy in them. servaat.
B«ck. Shall I? I am glad on't, for I am dam
nably uneasy at present, Mr Subtle. What must to Paris to stndy fashions; four citizens come to I do now?
settle here for a month, by way of seeing the Mr Sub. Now, sir, if you'll call upon my wife, country ; ditto, their wives; ten French valets, you'll find Lucinda with her, and I'll wait on you with nine cooks, all from Newgate, vihere they presently.
had been sent for robbing their masters; nine tiBuck. Come along, Domine! But harkee, Mr , gure dancers, exported in September, ragged and Subtle, I'll out of my tramınels when I hunt with lean, imported well clad, and in good case; the king.
twelve dogs, ditto bitches, with two monkeys, Mr Sub. Well, well.
aud a litter of puppies, from Mother Midnight's, Buck. I'll on with my jemmies; none of your in the Ilay-market : a precious cargo! Postblack bags and jack-boots for me.
cript. One of the coasters is just put in, with Mr Sub. No, no.
, my lord, and au Buck. I'll show them the odds on't, old Silver- old gentleman whose name I can't learn ! tail! I will. Hey?
Gadso! Well, my dear, I must run, and try to Mfr Sub. Ay, ay.
secure these customers; there's no time to be Buck. Hedge, stake, or stile, over we go! lost.
[Erit. Mr Sub. Ay; but Mr Classic waits. Burk. But d'ye think they'll follow
Enter CLASSIC. Mr Sub. Oh no! linpossible ! Buck. Did I tell you what a chase she carried Mrs Sub. So, Mr Classic; what, harc you
left me last Christmas eve? We unkennelled at- the young couple together?
Mfr Sub. I am busy now; at any other time. Clas. T'hey want your ladyship's presence, ma
Buck. You'll follow us. I have sent for any dam, for a short tour to the Thuilleries. I have bounds and horses.
received some letters, which I must answer imMr Sub. Have you?
mediately. Buck. They shall make the tour of Europe Mrs Sub. Oh! well, well; no ceremony; we with me: and then there's Tom Atkins the hunts are all of a family, you know. Serrant! [Erit. man, the two whippers-in, and little Jocy the groom, comes with them. Damme, wbat a
Enter Roger. strange place they'll think this ! But no matter for that; then we shall be company enough of Clas. Roger! ourselves. But you'll follow us in? [Erit. Rog. Anon!
Jr Sub. In ten minutes-an impertinent jack- Clas. I have just received a letter from your anapes! But I shall soon ha' done with him.-old master; he was landed at Calais, and will be So, gentlemen; well, you see we have a good this evening at Paris. It is absolutely necessary subject to work upon. Harkee, Dauphine, I that this circumstance should be concealed from must have more than twenty per cent out of that his son; for which purpose, you must wait at suit.
the Piccardy gate, and deliver a letter, I shall Dauph. Upon my soul, Mr Subtle, I can't!
give you, into his own hand. Mr Sub. Why, I have always that upon new.
you. Dauph. New, sir ! why, as I hope to be Clas. But, Roger, he secret. Mr Sub. Come, don't lie; don't damn your- Rog. O lud! never you fear.
Eril. self, Dauphine; don't be a rogue ; did not I see Clas. So, Mr Subtle, I see your aim. A at Madam Fripon's, that waistcoat and sleeves pretty lodging we have bit upon; the mistress a upon Colonel Crambo?
coinmode, and the master a---
-But who can Dauph. As to the waistcoat and slecves, 1 this ward be? Possibly the neglected punk of own; but for the body and lining-may I never some riotous man of quality. 'Tis lucky Mr sce
Buck's father is arrived, or my authority would Mr Sub. Come, don't be a şcoundrel; five-prove but an insufficient match for my pupil's and thirty, or I've done.
obstinacy. This mad hoy! How difficult, how Dauph. Well, if I must, I must.
disagreeable a task have I undertaken! And how
[Exit Dauph. general, yet how dangerous, an experiment is it to Mr Sub. I must keep these fellows under, or expose our youth, in the very fire and fury of I shall have a fine time on't; they know they their blood, to all the follies and extravagance of can't do without me.
this fantastic court! Far different was the prule
dent practice of our forefathers : Enter MRS SUBTLE.
They scorned to truck, for base unmanly arts, Mrs Sub. The Calais letters, my dear.
Their native plainness, and their honest heart; Mr Sub. (Reads.]—Ah! ah! Calais--the Do- Whene'er they deigned to visit haughty France, ver packet arrived last night, loading as follows: 'Twas armed with bearded dart, and pointed Six tailors, ditto barbers; five milliners, bound lance,
No pompous pageants lured their curious Far other views attract our modern race, eye,
Trulls, toupees, trinkets, bags, brocade, and No charins for them had fops or flattery;
lace; Paris, they knew, their streamers waved a- A flaunting form, and a fictitious face. round,
Rouse! Reassume ! Refuse a Gallic reign! There Britons saw a British Harry crowned. Nor let their arts win that their arms could
Mr Sub, Who?
Mrs Sub. The language master : he may be Enter Mr Classic and ROGER. easily equipt for the expedition; a second-hand
tawdry suit of cloaths will pass him on our counRog. Old maister's at a coffee-house next tryman for a marquis; and then, to excuse his street, and will tarry till you send for 'un. speaking our language so well, he may have been
Clas. By-and-by; in the dusk, bring him up educated early in England. But hush! The the back-stairs. You must be careful that no- squire approaches ; don't seem to observe him. body sees himn. Rog. I warrant you.
Enter Buck. Clus. Let sir John know that I would wait on him myself, but I don't think it safe to quit the For my part, I never saw any thing so altered house an instant.
since I was born : In my conscience, I believe Rog. Ay, ay,
(Exit Roger. she's in love with him. Clas. I suppose, by this time, matters are pret- Buck. Hush !
(Aside. ty well settled within, and my absence only Mr Sub. D’ye think so ? wanted to accomplish the scene; but I shall take Mrs Sub. Why, where's the wonder? He's a care tom Oh! 'Mr Subtle and his lady! pretty, good-humoured, sprightly fellow: and,
[Exit Clas. for the time, such an improvement! Why, he
wears his clothes as easily, and inoves as genEnter Mr and MRS SUBTLE.
teelly, as if he had been at Paris these twenty
years. Mrs Sub. Oh, delightfully! Now, my dearest, Mr Sub, Indeed! How does he dance ? I hope you will no longer dispute my abilities for Mrs Sub. Why, he has had but three lessons forming a female?
from Marseil, and he moves already like Dupre. Mr Sub. Never, never : How the baggage Oh! three months stay here will render him a leered !
perfect model for the English court! Mrs Sub. And the booby gaped!
Mr Sub. Gadso! No wonder, then, with these Mr Sub. So kind, and yet so coy; so free, but qualities, that he has caught the heart of my then so reserved : Oh, she has him!
ward; but we inust take care that the girl does Mrs Sub. Ay, ay; the fish is hooked: but nothing imprudent. then safely
land him -Is Classic suspi- Mrs Sub. Oh, dismiss your fears; ber family, cious ?
good sense, and, more than all, her being eduMr Sub. Not that I observe; but the secret cated under my eye, render them unnecessary; must soon be blazed.
besides, Mr Buck" is too much a man of honour Mrs Sub. Therefore dispatch: I have laid a trap to inflame his affection. Alr Sub. How?
[He interrupts them. Mrs Sub. He sball be treated with a display Buck. Damn me if I an't ! of Lucy's talents; her singing and dancing. Mrs Sub. Bless me, sir ! you here? I did not
Mr Sub. Psha! Her singiug and dancing ! expect
Mrs Sub. Ah ! You don't know, husband, half Buck. I beg pardon : but all that I heard was, the force of these accomplishments in a fashion- that Mr Buck was a man of honour. I wanted able figure,
to have some chat with you, madam, in private. Mr Sub. I doubt her execution.
Mr Sub. Then I'll withdraw. You see I dare Mrs Sub. You have no reason; she does both trust you alone with my wife. well enough to fatter a fool, especially with love Buck. So you may safely; I have other game for her second: besides, I have a coup de maitre, in view. Servant, Mr Subtle. a sure card.
Mrs Sub. Now for a puzzling scene : I long to Mr Sub. What's that?
know how he'll begin.-- Aside. --Well, M. Mrs Sub. A rival.
Buck, your commands with me, sir?