merly by flying into passions: besides, I have | ced? I cannot bear to see him much longer in pawned my honour to Mrs Trippet, never to this condition; I shall discover myself. draw my sword again; and, in her present condition, to break my word might have fatal consequences. Sharp. Pray, sir, don't excuse yourself; the young gentleman may be murdered by this time. Trip. Then my assistance will be of no service to him; however—I'll go to oblige you, and look on at a distance. Mrs Trip. I shall certainly faint, Mr Trippet, if you draw. Enter GUTTLE, disordered, as from sleep. Gut. What noise and confusion is this? Sharp. Sir, there's a man murdered in the street. Gut. Is that all? Zounds! I was afraid you had thrown the supper down-A plague of your noise—I shan't recover my stomach this half hour. Enter GAYLESS and GAD-ABOUT, with MELISSA in boy's clothes, dressed in the French manner. Gad. Well, but my dear Jemmy, you are not burt, sure? Mel. A little with riding post only. Gad. Mr Sharp alarmed us all with an account of your being set upon by four men; that you had killed two, and was attacking the other when he came away; and when we met you at the door, we were running to your rescue. Mel. I had a small rencounter with half adozen villains; but, finding me resolute, they were wise enough to take to their heels: I believe I scratched some of them. [Laying her hand to her sword. Sharp. His vanity has saved my credit. I have a thought come into my head may prove to our advantage, provided Monsieur's ignorance bears any proportion to his impudence. [Aside. Gud. Now my fright's over, let me introduce you, my dear, to Mr Gayless. Sir, this is my nephew. Gay. [Saluting her.] Sir, I shall be proud of your friendship. Mel. I don't doubt but we shall be better acquainted in a little time. Gut. Pray, sir, what news in France? Mel. Faith, sir, very little that I know of in the political way: I had no time to spend among the politicians. I was Gay. Among the ladies, I suppose ? Mel. Too much indeed. Faith, I have not philosophy enough to resist their solicitations; you take me? [To GAYLESS aside. Gay. Yes, to be a most incorrigible fop: 'Sdeath, this puppy's impertinence is an addition to my misery. [Aside to SHARP. Mel. Poor Gayless! to what shifts is he redu [Aside to GAD-ABOUT. Gad. Not before the end of the play: besides, the more his pain now, the greater his pleasure when relieved from it. Trip. Shall we return to our cards? I have a sans prendre here, and must insist you play it out. Ladies. With all my. heart! Mel. Allons donc.-[As the company goes out, SHARP pulls MELISSA by the sleeve.] Sharp. Sir, sir! Shall I beg leave to spea with you? Pray, did you find a bank-note in your way hither? Mel. What, between here and Dover, do you mean? Sharp. No, sir, within twenty or thirty yards of this house. Mel. You are drunk, fellow! Sharp. I am undone, sir, but not drunk, I'll assure you. Mel. What is all this? Sharp. I'll tell you, sir: A little while ago, my master sent me out to change a note of twenty pounds; but I, unfortunately, hearing a noise in the street of, Damn-me, sir! and clashing of swords, and Rascal, and Murder! I runs up to the place, and saw four men upon one: and having heard you was a mettlesome young gentleman, I immediately concluded it must be you; so ran back to call my master; and when I went to look for the note to change it, I found it gone, either stole or lost; and if I don't get the money immediately, I shall certainly be turned out of my place, and lose my charac ter Mel. I shall laugh in his face. [Aside.]—Oh, I'll speak to your master about it, and he will forgive you, at my intercession. Sharp. Ah, sir, you don't know my master. Mel. I'm very little acquainted with him; but I have heard he's a very good-natured man. Sharp. I have heard so too; but I have felt it otherwise: he has so much good-nature, that 'if I could compound for one broken-head a day, I should think myself very well off. Mel. Are you serious, friend? Sharp. Look'e, sir, I take you for a man of honour; there is something in your face that is generous, open, and masculine; you don't look like a foppish effeminate tell-tale; so I'll venture to trust you- -See here, sir, [Shews his head.] these are the effects of my master's good-nature. Mel. Matchless impudence! [Aside.]-Why do you live with him, then, after such usage? Sharp. He's worth a great deal of money; and when he's drunk, which is commonly once a-day, he's very free, and will give me any thing: but I design to leave him when he's married, for all that. Mel. Is he going to be married then? Sharp. To-morrow, sir; and between you and I, he'll meet with his match, both for humour and something else too. Mel. What! she drinks, too? company is in the next room, and must have gone Sharp. Damnably, sir; but mum-You must know this entertainment was designed for madam to-night; but she got so very gay after dinner, that she could not walk out of her own house; so her maid, who was half gone too, came here with an excuse, that Mrs Melissa had got the vapours and so she had indeed violently, here, here, sir. [Pointing to his head. Mel. This is scarcely to be borne. [Aside.]—I Melissa! I have heard of her; they say she's very whimsical. Sharp. A very woman, an't please your honour; and, between you and I, none of the mildest and wisest of her sex-But to return, sir, to the twenty pounds. Mel. I am surprised, you, who have got so much money in his service, should be at a loss for twenty pound, to save your bones at this junc Mel. Allez vous en. Sharp. Five, sir. [Knocking. Mel. Je ne puis pas. [Aside. [Exit, and returns immediately, draw ing in a table. Come, come, my boys, be quick; the company Enter GAYLESS, and stares. [Aside to GAYLESS. Gay. Hold, hold! necessity obliges me, against my inclination, to favour the cheat, and feast at my neighbour's expence. Cook. Hark you, friend, is that your master? Sharp. Ay; and the best master in the world. Cook. I'll speak to him then-sir, I have, according to your commands, dressed as genteel a supper as my art and your price would admit of. Sharp. Good again, sir; 'tis paid for. care. [Aside to GAYLESS. Gay. I don't in the least question your abiSharp. Je ne puis pas !-I find we shan't un-lities, Mr Cook; and I'm obliged to you for your derstand one another; I do but lose time; and if I had any thought, I might have known these young fops return from their travels generally with as little money as improvement. [Erit SHARP. Enter SHARP, before several persons, with dishes | way. Cook. I am afraid I have mistook the house. Is this Mr Treatwell's? Sharp. The same, the same: What, don't you know me? Cook. Know you!-Are you sure there was a supper bespoke here? Sharp. Yes, upon my honour, Mr Cook; the you Cook. Sir, you are a gentleman-And if would look but over the bill, and approve it, [Pulls out a bill.] you will, over and above, return the obligation. Sharp. Oh, the devil! Gay. [Looking on a bill.] Very well, I'll send my man to pay you to-morrow. Cook. I'll spare him the trouble, and take it with me, sir-I never work but for ready money. Gay. Ha! [Aside.—My master is busy now, friend: Do Cook. No matter what I think; either my meat, or my money. Sharp. 'Twill be very ill-convenient for him to pay you to-night. Cook. Then I'm afraid it will be ill-convenient to pay me to-morrow; so, d'ye hear Enter MELISSA. Gay. Prithee be advised: 'sdeath, I shall be discovered! [Takes the Cook aside. Mel. [To SHARP.] What's the matter? Sharp. The cook has not quite answered my master's expectations about the supper, sir, and he's a little angry at him; that's all. Mel. Come, come, Mr Gayless, don't be uneasy; a batchelor cannot be supposed to have things in the utmost regularity; we don't expect it. Cook. But I do expect it, and will have it. Mel. What does that drunken fool say? Cook. That I will have my money, and I won't stay till to-morrow-and-and- Sharp. [Runs and stops his mouth.] Hold, hold! what are you doing? Are you mad? could not. it straight, sir Remember what I told you-about Gay. Sir, sir-[TO MELISSA.-I beg to speak a word with you: my servant, sir, tells me he has had the misfortune, sir, to lose a note of mine of twenty pounds, which I sent him to receive-and the bankers' shops being shut up, and having very little cash by me, I should be much obliged to you if you would favour me with twenty pieces till to-morrow. Mel. Oh, sir, with all my heart-[Taking out her purse.]-and as I have a small favour to beg of you, sir, the obligation will be mutual. Gay. How may I oblige you, sir? Mel. You are to be married, I hear, to Mc Gay. To-morrow, sir. Mel. What do you stop the man's breath for? Sharp. Sir, he was going to call you names.-lissa? Don't be abusive, Cook; the gentleman is a man of honour, and said nothing to you: pray be pacified; you are in liquor. Cook. I will have my Sharp. [Holding still.] Why, I tell you, fool, you mistake the gentleman; he's a friend of my master's, and has not said a word to you. Pray, good sir, go into the next room; the fellow's drunk, and takes you for another.-You'll repent this when you are sober, friend.-Pray, sir, don't stay to hear his impertinence. Gay. Pray, sir, walk in-He's below your anger. Mel. Damn the rascal! What does he mean by affronting me?Let the scoundrel go; I'll polish his brutality, I warrant you. Here's the best reformer of manners in the universe. [Draws his sword.] Let him go, I say! Sharp. So, so, you have done finely now-Get away as fast as you can; he's the most courageous, mettlesome man, in all England-Why, if his passion was up, he could eat you-Make your escape, you fool. Cook. I won't-eat me! he'll find me damned hard of digestion, though Sharp. Prithee, come here; let me speak with [They walk aside. you. Enter KITTY. Kitty. Gad's me! is supper on the table already? Sir, pray defer it for a few moments; ny mistress is inuch better, and will be here immediately. Gay. Will she, indeed? Bless me!--I did not expect-but however-Sharp! Kitty. What success, madam? [Aside to MELISSA. Mel. As we could wish, girl; but he is in such pain and perplexity, I can't hold it out much longer. Kitty. Ay; that holding out is the ruin of half our sex. Sharp. I have pacified the cook; and if you can but borrow twenty pieces of that young prig, all may go well yet: you may succeed, though I VOL. III. Mel. Then you'll oblige me, sir, by never seeing her again. Gay. Do you call this a small favour, sir? Mel. A mere trifle, sir; breaking of contracts, suing for divorces, committing adultery, and such like, are all reckoned trifles now-a-days and smart young fellows, like you and myself, Gayless, should be never out of fashion. Gay. But, pray, sir, how are you concerned in this affair? Mel. Oh, sir, you must know I have a very great regard for Melissa, and indeed she for me: and, by the by, I have a most despicable opinion of you; for, entre nous, I take you, Charles, to be a very great scoundrel. Gay. Sir! Mel. Nay, don't look fierce, sir, and give yourself airs-Damme, sir, I shall be through your body, else, in the snapping of a finger! Gay. I'll be as quick as you, villain! [Draws, and makes at MELISSA. Kit. Hold, hold! murder! You'll kill my mistress-the young gentleman, I mean. Gay. Ah, her mistress! [Drops his sword. Sharp. How! Melissa! Nay, then, drive away cart-all's over now. Enter all the company, laughing. Gad. What, Mr Gayless, engaging with Melissa before your time? Ha, ha, ha! Kitty. Your humble servant, good Mr Politician-[To SHARP.]-This is, gentlemen and ladies, the most celebrated and ingenious Timothy Sharp, schemer-general, and redoubted squire to the most renowned and fortunate adventurer, Charles Gayless, knight of the woeful countenance ha, ha, ha! Oh, that dismal face, and more dismal head of yours! [Strikes SHARP upon the head. Sharp. Tis cruel in you to disturb a man in his last agonies. Mel. Now, Mr Gayless! What, not a word? You are sensible I can be no stranger to your R misfortunes; and I might reasonably expect an excuse for your ill treatment of me. Gay, No, madam, silence is my only refuge; for to endeavour to vindicate my crimes, would show a greater want of virtue than even the commission of them. Mel. Oh, Gayless! 'twas poor to impose upon a woman, and one that loved you, too! Gay. Oh, most unpardonable! but my necessities Sharp. And mine, madam, were not to be matched, I'm sure, o' this side starving. Mel. His tears have softened me at onceYour necessities, Mr Gayless, with such real contrition, are too powerful motives not to affect the breast already prejudiced in your favour. You have suffered too much already for your extravagance; and as I take part in your sufferings, 'tis easing myself to relieve you: Know, therefore, all that's past I freely forgive. Gay. You cannot mean it, sure? I am lost in wonder! Mel. Prepare yourself for more wonder-You have another friend in masquerade here. Mr Cook, pray throw aside your drunkenness, and make your sober appearance. Don't you know that face, sir? Cook. Ay, master! what, have you forgot your friend Dick, as you used to call me? Gay. More wonder indeed! Don't you live with my father? Mel. Just after your hopeful servant, there, had left me, comes this man from sir William with a letter to me; upon which (being by that wholly convinced of your necessitous condition) I invented, by the help of Kitty and Mrs Gadabout, this little plot, in which your friend Dick, there, has acted miracles, resolving to tease you a little, that you might have a greater relish for a happy turn in your affairs. Now, sir, read that letter, and complete your joy. Gay. Reads.] Madam, I am father to the ' unfortunate young man, who, I hear, by a friend of mine (that by my desire has been a continual spy upon him), is making his addresses to you: if he is so happy as to make himself agreeable to you (whose character I am charm'ed with), I shall own him with joy for my son, ' and forget his former follies. 'I am, madain, "Your most humble servant, WILLIAM GAYLESS.' 'P. S. I will be soon in town myself, to congratulate his late reformation and marriage.' Oh, Melissa, this is too much! Thus let me show my thanks and gratitude-[Kneeling, she raises him.]-for here 'tis only due. Sharp. A reprieve! A reprieve! A reprieve! Kitty. I have been, sir, a most bitter enemy to you; but, since you are likely to be a little more conversant with cash than you have been, I am now, with the greatest sincerity, your most obedient friend, and humble servant. And I hope, sir, all former enmity will be forgotten. Gay. Oh, Mrs Pry, I have been too much indulged with forgivenness myself, not to forgive lesser offences in other people. Sharp. Well, then, madam, since my master has vouchsafed pardon to your handmaid Kitty, Ihope you'll not deny it to his footman Timothy? Mel. Pardon! for what? Sharp. Only for telling you about ten thousand lies, madam; and, among the rest, insinuating that your ladyship would Mel. I understand you; and can forgive any thing, Sharp, that was designed for the service of your master and if Pry and you will follow our example, I'll give her a small fortune as a reward for both your fidelities. Sharp. I fancy, madam, 'twould be better to halve the small fortune between us, and keep us both single; for as we shall live in the same house, in all probability we may taste the comforts of matrimony, and not be troubled with its inconveniences-What say you, Kitty? Kitty. Do you hear, Sharp? before you talk of the comforts of matrimony, taste the comforts of a good dinner, and recover your flesh a little; do, puppy. Sharp. The devil backs her, that's certain! and I am no match for her at any weapon. Mel. And now, Mr Gayless, to show I have not provided for you by halves, let the music prepare themselves, and, with the approbation of the company, we'll have a dance. All. By all means a dance! Gut. By all means a dance-after supper, though. Sharp. Oh, pray, sir, have supper first; or I'm sure I shan't live till the dance is finished. Gay. Behold, Melissa, as sincere a convert as ever truth and beauty made. The wild impetuous sallies of my youth are now blown over, and a most pleasing calm of perfect happiness succeeds. Thus Ætna's flames the verdant earth con- But milder heat makes drooping nature bloom; SCENE I-A street. ACT I. Enter CAPTAIN LOVEIT and PUFF. Capt. THIS is the place we were directed to; and now, Puff, if I can get no intelligence of her, what will become of me? Puff. And me too, sir?--You must consider I am a married man, and can't bear fatigue as I have done. But, pray, sir, why did you leave the army so abruptly, and not give me time to fill my knapsack with common necessaries? Half a dozen shirts, and your regimentals, are my whole | the particulars of your passion, that I may be the better enabled to serve you. Capt. You shall have them.-When I left the university, which is now seven months since, my father, who loves his money better than his son, and would not settle a farthing upon me— Puff. Mine did so by me, sir Capt. Purchased me a pair of colours at my own request; but before I joined the regiment, which was going abroad, I took a ramble into the country with a fellow-collegian, to see a relation of his who lived in Berkshire Puff. A party of pleasure, I suppose? Capt. During a short stay there, I came acquainted with this young creature: she was just come from the boarding-school; and though she had all the simplicity of her age, and the country, yet it was mixed with such sensible vivacity, that I took fire at once. Puff. I was tinder myself at your age. But pray, sir, did you take fire before you knew of her fortune? Capt. Before, upon my honour! |