Sca. A most outrageous, roaring fellow, with a down hanging look, contracted brow, with a swelled red face, enflamed with brandy; one that frowns, puffs, and looks big at all mankind; roars out oaths, and bellows out curses enough in a day to serve a garrison a week; bred up in blood and rapine; used to slaughter from his youth upwards; one that makes no more conscience of killing a man, than cracking of a louse; he has killed sixteen; four for taking the wall of him; five for looking too big upon him. In short, he is the most dreadful of all the race of bullies.

Thrifty. Heaven! how do I tremble at the description? But what's this to my business?

Sca. Why, he (as most bullies are) is in want, and I have brought him, by threatening him with all the courses of law, all the assistance of your friends, and your great purse, (in which I ventured my life ten times, for so often he drew and run at me) yet, I say, at last I have made him hearken to a composition, and to null the marriage for a sum of money.

Thrifty. Thanks, dear Scapin, but what sum? Sca. Faith, he was damnably unreasonable at first; and gad, I told him so very roundly.

Thrifty. A pox on him! what did he ask? Sca. Ask! Hang him! why he asked five hundred pounds.

Thrifty. Ouns and heart, five hundred pounds! five hundred devils take him-and fry and frickasee the dog! does he take me for a mad- | man?

Sca. Why, so I said? and, after much argument, I brought him to this: Damme,' says he, I am going to the army, and I must have two good horses for myself, for fear one shonld die; ' and those will cost at least three score guineas.' Thrifty. Hang him, rogue! why should he have two horses? But I care not if I give threescore guineas to be rid of this affair.

Sca. Then, Says he, my pistols, saddle, horse 'cloth, and all, will cost twenty more.'

Thrifty. Why, that's fourscore.

Sca. Well reckoned: 'Faith, this arithmetic is a fine art. Then, I must have one for my boy will cost twenty more.

Thrifty. Oh, the devil! confounded dog! let him go and be damned! I'll give him nothing. Sca. Sir.

Thrifty. Not a sous, damned rascal! let him turn foot-soldier, and be hanged!

Sca. He has a man besides; would you have him go a-foot?

Thrifty. Ay, and his master, too; I'll have nothing to do with him.

Sca. Well, you are resolved to spend twice as much at Doctor's-Commons, you 'are; you will stand out for such a sum as this, do.

Thrifty. O, damned, unconscious rascal! well, if it must be so, let him have the other twenty. Sca. Twenty! why, it comes to forty.

Thrifty. No, I'll have nothing to do in it. Oh, a covetous rogue! I wonder he is not ashamed to be so covetous.

Sca. Why, this is nothing to the charge at Doctor's Commons: and though her brother has no money, she has an uncle able to defend her. Thrifty. O, eternal rogue! well, I must do it; the devil's in him, I think!

Sca. Then, says he, 'I must carry into France money to buy a mule, to carry

Thrifty. Let him go to the devil with his mule; I'll appeal to the judges.

Sca. Nay, good sir, think a little.
Thrifty. No, I'll do nothing.

Sca. Sir, sir; but one little mule?
Thrifty. No, not so much as an ass!
Sca. Consider.

Thrifty. I will not consider; I'll go to law. Sca. I am sure if you go to law, you do not consider the appeals, degrees of jurisdiction, the intricate proceedings, the knaveries, the craving of so many ravenous animals, that will prey upon you! villainous harpies, promoters, tipstaves, and the like; none of which but will puff away the clearest right in the world for a bribe. On the other side, the proctor shall side with your adversary, and sell your cause for ready money: Your advocate shall be gained the same way, and shall not be found when your cause is to be heard. Law is a torment of all torments.

Thrifty. That's true: Why, what does the damned rogue- -reckon for his mule?

Sca. Why, for horses, furniture, mule, and to pay some scores that are due to his landlady, he demands, and will have, two hundred pounds.

Thrifty. Come, come, let's go to law. [THRIFTY walks up and down in a great heat.] Sca. Do but reflect uponThrifty. I'll go to law. Sca. Do not plunge yourselfThrifty. To law, I tell you.

Sca. Why, there's for procuration, presentation, councils, productions, proctors, attendance, and scribbling vast volumes of interrogatories, depositions, and articles, consultations and pleadings of doctors, for the register, substitute, judgments, signings-Expedition fees, besides the vast presents to them and their wives. Hang't! the fellow is out of employment; give him the money, give him it, I say!

Thrifty. What, two hundred pounds!

Sca. Ay, ay; why, you'll gain 150 1. by it, I have summed it up; I say, give it him, "i'faith

do.

Thrifty. What, two hundred pounds!

Sca. Ay; besides, you ne'er think how they'll rail at you in pleading, tell all your fornications, bastardings, and commutings, in their courts.

·Thrifty. I defy them; let them tell of my whoring-'tis the fashion!

Sca. Peace! here's the brother.
Thrifty. O Heaven! what shall I do?

Enter SHIFT, disguised like a Bully. Shift. Damme! where's this confounded dog, this father of Octavian? Null the marriage! By all the honour of my ancestors, I'll chine the villain!

Thrifty. Oh, oh!

[Hides himself behind SCAPIN. Sca. He cares not, sir; he'il not give the two hundred pounds.

Shift. By Heaven! he shall be worm's meat within these two hours!

Sca. Sir, he has courage; he fears you not. Thrifty. You lie, I have not courage; I do fear him mortally!

Shift. He, he, he! Ounds he! would all his family were in him, I'd cut off root and branch. Dishonour my sister! This in his guts! What fellow's that? ha!

Sca. Not he, sir.

Shift. Nor none of his friends?

Thrifty. No, sir; hang him, I am his mortal enemy!

Shift. Art thou the enemy of that rascal? Thrifty. Oh! ay, hang him-Oh damned bully! [Aside. Shift. Give me thy hand, old boy; the next sun shall not see the impudent rascal alive. Sca. He'll muster up all his relations against you.

Thrifty. Do not provoke him, Scapin. Shift. Would they were all here-ha, ha, ha! [He forms every way with his sword. Here I had one through the lungs, there another into the heart: Ha! there another into the guts: Ah, rogues! there I was with you-hah! hah! Sca. Hold, sir; we are none of your enemies. Shift. No, but I will find the villains out while blood is up! I will destroy the whole family. Ha, ha, ha! [Exit SHIFT. Thrifty. Here, Scapin, I have two hundred guineas about me, take them. No more to be said. Let me never see his face again. Take them, I say. This is the devil!

my

Sca. Will you not give them him yourself? Thrifty. No, no! I will never see him more:

I shall not recover this these three months! See the business done. I trust in thee, honest Scapin-I must repose somewhere-I am mightily out of order-A plague on all bullies, I say!

[Exit THRIFTY. Sca. So, there's one dispatched; I must now find out Gripe. He's here; how Ileaven brings them into my nets, one after another!

Enter GRIPE.

Oh Heaven! unlooked for misfortune-poor Mr Gripe, what wilt thou do?

[Walks about distractedly. Gripe. What's that he says of me?

Sca. Is there nobody can tell me news of Mr Gripe?

Gripe. What is it?

Sca. I met him a while ago, disordered for something you had said to him, wherein you very idly made use of my name, and, seeking to divert his melancholy, we went to walk upon the pier: Amongst other things, he took particular notice of a new caper in her full trim. The captain invited us on board, and gave us the handsomest collation I ever met with.

Gripe. Well, and where's the disaster of all this?

Sca. While we were eating, he put to sea; and when we were a good distance from the shore, he discovered himself to be an English renegado, that was entertained in the Dutch service, and sent me off in his long-boat to tell you, that if you don't forthwith send him two hundred pounds, he'll carry away your son prisoner: nay, for aught I know, he'll carry him a slave to Algiers.

Gripe. How, in the devil's name? two hundred pounds!

Sca. Yes, sir; and more than that, he has allowed me but an hour's time; you must advise quickly what course to take, to save an only son!

Gripe. What a devil had he to do a shipboard? Run quickly, Scapin, and tell the villain, I'll send my lord chief justice's warrant after him. Sca. O la! his warrant in the open sea! d'ye think pirates are fools?

Gripe. I' th' devil's name, what business had he a shipboard?

Sca. There is an unlucky fate, that often hurries men to mischief, sir.

Gripe. Scapin, thou must now act the part of a faithful servant.

Sca. As how, sir!

Gripe. Thou must go bid the pirate send me my son, and stay as a pledge in his room, till I can raise the money.

Sca. Alas, sir! think you the captain has so little wit as to accept of such a poor rascally fellow as I am, instead of your son?

Gripe. What the devil did he do a shipboard? Sca. D'ye remember, sir, that you have but an hour's time?

Gripe. Thou sayest he demands

Scu. Two hundred pounds.

Gripe wo hundred pounds! Has the fellow no conscience?

Sca. O la! the conscience of a pirate! why, very few lawful captains have any.

Gripe. Has he not reason neither? Does he know what the sum two hundred pounds is?

Sca. Yes, sir; tarpawlins are a sort of people that understand money, though they have no great acquaintance with sense. But, for Heaven's sake, dispatch!

Gripe. Here, take the key of my counting house.

Sca. So!

Gripe. And open it.

Sca. Very good!

Gripe. In the left-hand window lies the key of my garret; go, take all the clothes that are in the great chest, and sell them to the brokers to redcem my son.

Sca. Sir, you're mad! I shan't get fifty shillings for all that's there, and you know that I am straitened for time.

Gripe. What a devil did he do a shipboard ! Sca. Let shipboard alone, and consider, sir, your son. But Heaven's my witness, I have done for him as much as was possible; and if he be not redeemed, he may thank his father's kindness.

Gripe. Well, sir, I'll go see if I can raise the money-was it not ninescore pounds you spoke

of?

Sca. No; two hundred pounds.

Gripe. What, two hundred pounds Dutch, ha? Sca. No, sir; I mean English money; two hundred pounds sterling.

Gripe. I' th' devil's name, what business had he a shipboard? Confounded shipboard!

Sca. This shipboard sticks in his stomach. Gripe. Hold, Scapin! I remember I received the very sum just now in gold, but did not think I should have parted with it so soon.

[He presents SCAPIN his purse, but will not

let it go; and in his transportments, pulls his arm to and fro, whilst ScAPIN reaches at it.

Sea. Ay, sir.

Gripe. That I will never forgive him, dead or alive.

Sca. very good.

Gripe. And that if ever I light on him, I'll murder him privately, and feed dogs with him. [He puts up his purse, and is going away. Sca. Right, sir.

Gripe. Now, make haste, and go and redeem my son

Sca. Ay; but d'ye hear, sir? where's the money?

Gripe. Did I not give it thee?

Sca. Indeed, sir, you made me believe you would, but you forgot, and put it in your pocket again.

Gripe. Ha-my griefs and fears for my son make me do I know not what!

Sca. Ay, sir; I see it does indeed. Gripe, What a devil did he do a shipboard? damned pirate! damned renegade! all the devils in hell pursue thee! [Exit.

Sca. How easily a miser swallows a load, and how difficultly he disgorges a grain! But I'll not leave him so; he's like to pay in other coin, for telling tales of me to his son.

Enter OCTAVIAN and LEANDER.

Well, sir, I have succeeded in your business; there's two hundred pounds, which I have squeezed out of your father.

Oct. Triumphant Scapin!
Sca. But for you I can do nothing.

[To LEANDER. Lean. Then may I go hang myself. Friends both, adieu !

Sca. D'ye hear, d'ye hear? the devil has no such necessity for you yet, that you need ride post. With much ado I've got your business done, too.

Lean. Is't possible?

Sca. But on condition that you permit me to revenge myself on your father, for the trick he has served me.

Lean. With all my heart; at thy own discre

Sca. Hold your hand; there's two hundred pounds.

Lean. My thanks are too many to pay now: Farewell, dear son of Mercury, and be prosper

VOL. III.

SCENE I.

Enter LUCIA and CLARA.

Luc. Was ever such a trick played, for us to run away from our governesses, where our careful fathers had placed us, to follow a couple of young gentleman, only because they said they loved us? I think 'twas a very noble enterprize! I am afraid the good fortune we shall get by it, will very hardly recompense the reputation we have lost by it.

Cla. Our greatest satisfaction is, that they are men of fashion and credit; and, for my part, I long ago resolved not to marry any other, nor such an one neither, till I had a perfect confirmation of his love; and 'twas an assurance of Octavian's that brought me hither.

Luc. I must confess, I had no less a sense of the faith and honour of Leander.

Cla. But seems it not wonderful, that the circumstances of our fortune should be so nearly allied, and ourself so much strangers? Besides, if I mistake not, I see something in Leander, so much resembling a brother of mine of the same name, that, did not the time since I saw him make me fearful, I should be often apt to call him so.

Luc. I have a brother too, whose name's Octavian, bred in Italy, and just as my father took his voyage, returned home; not knowing where to find me, I believe is the reason I have not seen him yet. But if I deceive not myself, there is something in your Octavian that extremely refreshes my memory of him.

ming creatures our careful fathers had designed us!

Cla. Parents think they do their daughters the greatest kindness in the world, when they get them fools for their husbands; and yet are very apt to take it ill, if they make the right use of them.

Luc. I'd no more be bound to spend my days in marriage to a fool, because I might rule him, than I would always ride an ass, because the creature was gentle.

Cla. See, here's Scapin, as full of designs and affairs, as a callow statesman at a treaty of peace.

Sca. Ladies!

Enter SCAPIN.

Cla. Oh, monsieur Scapin! What's the reason you have been such a stranger of late?

Sca. Faith, ladies, business, business has taken up my time; and truly I love an active life, love my business extremely.

Luc. Methinks though, this should be a diffi cult place for a man of your excellencies to find employment in.

Sca. Why faith, madam, I'm never shy to my friends: My business is, in short, like that of all other men of business, diligently contriving how to play the knave, and cheat to get an honest livelihood.

Cla. Certainly men of wit and parts need never be driven to indirect courses.

Luc. The worst, at last, is but to be forsaken by our fathers: And, for my part, I had rather lose an old father than a young lover, when I may with reputation keep him, and secure myself against the imposition of fatherly authority. Cla. How unsufferable is it to be sacrificed to the arms of a nauseous blockhead, that has no other sense than to eat and drink, when 'tis provided for him, rise in the morning, and go to bed at night, and with much ado be persuaded to keep himself clean!

Luc. A thing of mere flesh and blood, and that of the worst sort too, with a squinting meagre hang-dog countenance, that looks as if he always wanted physic for the worms.

Cla. Yet such their silly parents are generally most indulgent to; like apes, never so well pleased as when they are fondling with their ugly

issue.

Luc. Twenty to one, but to some such char

enough.

Luc. You're grown very much out of humour with wit, Scapin; I hope yours has done you no prejudice of late?

Sca. No, madam; your men of wit are good for nothing, dull, lazy, restive snails; 'tis your undertaking, impudent, pushing fool, that commands his fortune.

Cla. You are very open and plain in this procecding, whatever you are in others.

Sca. Dame Fortune, like most others of the female sex (I speak all this with respect to your ladyship), is generally most indulgent to the nimble mettled blockheads; men of wit are not for her turn, ever too thoughtful when they should be active: Why, who believes any man of wit to have so much as courage? No, ladies, if ye've any friends that hope to raise themselves, advise thein to be as much fools as they can, and they'll never want patrons: And for honesty, if your ladyship think fit to retire a little further,

you shall see me perform upon a gentleman that's coming this way.

Cla. Prithee, Lucia, let us retreat a little, and take this opportunity of some divertisement, which has been very scarce here hitherto.

Enter SHIFT, with a Sack.

Sca. Oh, Shift!

Shif. Speak not too loud; my master's coming. Sca. I'm glad on't, I shall teach him to betray the secrets of his friend. If any man puts a trick upon me without return, may I lose this nose!

Shift. I wonder at thy valour; thou art continually venturing that body of thine, to the indignity of bruises, and indecent bastinadoes.

Sca. Difficulties in adventures make them pleasant when accomplished.

Shift. But your adventures, how comical soever in the beginning, are sure to be tragical in the end.

Sca. Tis no matter; I hate your pusillanimous spirit: revenge and lechery are never so pleaant as when you venture hard for them; begone! Here comes my man. [Exit SHIFT.

Sca. Listen! who are these?

Gripe. God forgive me! Lord have mercy upon us!

Sca. No, there's nobody: Look, if you'll save your life, go into this sack presently.

Gripe. Oh! who's there?

Sca. Nobody: Get into the sack, and stir not, whatever happens: I'll carry you as a bundle of goods, through all your enemies, to the major's house of the castle.

Gripe. An admirable invention! Oh, Lord! quick. [Gets into the suck. Sca. Yes, 'tis an excellent invention, if you knew all. Keep in your head. Oh, here's a rogue coming to look for you!

SCAPIN counterfeits a Welshman.

Do you hear, I pray you? where is Leander's father, look you?

In his own voice.

Enter GRIPE.

Gripe. What's the matter, man?

Sca. Heaven! is this a time to ask questions? Will you be murdered instantly? I am afraid you will be killed within these two minutes!

Gripe. Mercy on me! killed! for what?
Sca. They are every where looking out for you.
Gripe. Who? Who?

Sca. The brother of her whom your son has married; he's a captain of a privateer, who has all sorts of rogues, English, Scotch, Welsh, Irish, French, under his command, and all lying in wait now, or searching for you to kill you, because you would null the marriage: They run up and down, crying, Where is the rogue Gripe? Where is the dog? Where is the slave Gripe? They watch for you so narrowly, that there's no getting home to your house.

Gripe. Oh, Scapin! what shall I do? What will become of me?

Sca. Nay, Heaven knows; but, if you come within their reach, they will De Wit you; they will tear you in pieces! Hark!

Gripe. O Lord!

Sca. Hum! 'tis none of them.

Gripe. Canst thou find no way for my escape, dear Scapin?

Sca. I think I have found one.

Gripe. Good Scapin, show thyself a man, now. Sca. I shall venture being most immoderately beaten.

Gripe. Dear Scapin, do: I will reward thee bounteously: I'll give thee this suit, when I have worn it eight or nine months longer.

He affront the captain! He meddles with no

inan.

You lye, sir, look you, and hur will give you beatings and chastisements for your contradictions, when hur Welse ploods up, look you, and hur will cudgel your pack and your nootles for it; take you that, pray now.

[Beats the sack, Hold, hold; will you murder me? I know not where he is, not I.

Hur will teach saucy jacks how they provoke hur Welse ploods and hur collars: and for the old rogue, hur will have his guts and his plood, look you, sir, or hur will never wear leek upon St Tary's day more, look you.

Oh! He has mawled me! A damned Welsh rascal!

Gripe. You! The blows fell upon my shoulders. Oh!

Sca. 'Twas only the end of the stick fell on you; the main substantial part of the cudgel lighted on me.

Gripe. Why did you not stand further off?
Sca. Peace-Here's another rogue,

In a Lancashire dialect.

Yaw fellee wi' th' sack there, done yaw knaw whear th' awd rascal Griap is?

Not I; but he is no rascal.

Yaw leen, yaw douge; yaw knaw weel enugh whear he is, an yawden tell, and that he is a fow rascot as any in aw the town; I's tell a that by'r lady.

Not I, sir; I know neither, not I.