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Not yet the dust had shunn'd th' unequal strife, Was now dispos’d to crack a jest,
And bid friend Lewis go in quest,
(This Lewis is a cunning shaver, 'Twas doubtful which was rain, and which was dust. And very much in Harley's favour) Ah! where must needy poet seek for aid,
In quest who might this parson be,
What was his name, of what degree;
And whether he were Whig or Tory.
Found out that it was Doctor Swift,
For shunning those of his own coat;
No libertine, nor over nice, Commence acquaintance underneath a shed:
Addicted to no sort of vice,
Went where he pleas'd, said what he thought;
In state opinions à-la-mode,
Had given the faction many a wound,
Of late indeed the paper-stamp
Did very much his genius cramp:
Said Harley, “ I desire to know
[mud, But coldly said, “ Your servant, sir !" Drown'd puppies, stinking sprats, all drench'd in “ Does he refuse me?” Harley cry'd; Dead cats, and turnip-tops, come tumbling down “ He does, with insolence and pride." the flood.
Some few days after, Harley spies
At Charing-cross among the rout,
Where painted monsters are hung out;
He pull'd the string, and stopt his coach,
Beckoning the Doctor to approach. Harley, the nation's great support,
Swift, who could neither fly nor hide, Returning home one day from court,
Came sneaking to the chariot side, (His mind with public cares possess'd,
And offer'd many a lame excuse : All Europe's business in his breast)
He never meant the least abuse Observ'd a parson near Whitehall
My Lord—the honour you design'da Cheapening old authors on a stall.
Extremely proud-but I had din'd The priest was pretty well in case,
I'm sure I never should neglectAnd show'd some humour in his face;
No man alive has more respect," Look'd with an easy, careless mien,
6 Well, I shall think of that no more, A perfect stranger to the spleen;
If you'll be sure to come at four." Of size that might a pulpit fill,
The Doctor now obeys the summons, But more inclining to sit still.
Likes both his company and commons ; My Lord (who if a man may say 't,
Displays his talent, sits till ten; Loves mischief better than his meat)
Next day invited comes again;
ADDRESSED TO THE EARL OF OXFORD.
Soon grows domestic, seldom fails
HORACE, BOOK II. SAT. VI. Either at moruing or at meals : Came early, and departed late ;
I've often wish'd that I had clear,
For life, six hundred pounds a-year,
A handsome house to lodge a friend,
A river at my garden's end, Swift much admires the place and air,
A terrace walk, and half a rood And longs to be a canon there ;
Of land set out to plant a wood.
Well, now I have all this and more,
I ask not to increase my store;
“ But here a grievance seems to lie, No Doctor, you shall be a Dean;
All this is mine but till I die; Two dozen canons round your stall,
I can't but think 'twould sound more clever, And you the tyrant o'er them all:
To me and to my heirs for ever. You need but cross the Irish seas,
If I ne'er got or lost a groat, To live in plenty, power, and ease.
By any trick, or any fauit; Poor Swift departs; and, what is worse,
And if I pray by reason's rules, With borrow'd money in his purse,
And not like sorty other fools : Travels at least an hundred leagues,
As thus, “ Vouchsafe, oh gracious Maker! And suffers numberless fatigues.
To grant me this and t’other acre ; Suppose him now a Dean complete,
Or, if it be thy will and pleasure, Demurely lolling in his seat ;
Direct my plough to find a treasure !” The silver verge, with decent pride,
But only what my station fits, Stuck underneath his cushion side:
And to be kept in my right wits, Suppose him gone through all vexations,
Preserve, Almighty Providence ! Patents, instalments, abjurations,
Just what you gave me, competence : First-fruits and tenths, and chapter-treats ;
And let me in these shades compose Dues, paymeuts, fees, demands, and cheats
Something in verse as true as prose ; (The wicked laity's contriving
Remov'd from all th' ambitious scene, To hinder clergymen from thriving).
Nor puff'd by pride, nor sunk by spleen.” Now all the Doctor's money's spent,
In short, I'm perfectly content, His tenants wrong him in his rent;
Let me but live on this side Trent; The farmers, spitefully combin'd,
Nor cross the Channel twice a year, Force him to take his tithes in kind:
To spend six months with statesmen here. And Parvisol discounts arrears
I must by all means come to town, By bills for taxes and repairs.
'Tis for the service of the Crown. Poor Swift, with all his losses vex'd,
“ Lewis, the Dean will be of use ; Not knowing where to turn him next,
Send for him up, take no excuse. Above a thousand pounds in debt,
The toil, the danger of the seas, Takes horse, and in a mighty fret
Great ministers ne'er think of these; Rides day and night at such a rate,
Or let it cost five hundred pound, He soon arrives at Harley's gate ;
No matter where the money's found, But was so dirty, pale, and thin,
It is but so much more in debt, Old Read would hardly let him in.
And that they ne'er consider'd yet. Said Harley, “ Welcome, Reverend Dean!
- Good Mr. Dean, go change your gown, What makes your worship look so lean ?
Let my Lord know you're come to town.” Why, sure you wou't appear in town
I hurry me in haste away, In that old wig and rusty gown?
Not thinking it is levee-day; I doubt your heart is set on pelf
Aud find his honour in a pound, So much, that you neglect yourself.
Hemm’d by a triple circle round, What! I suppose, now stocks are high
Chequerid with ribbons blue and green: You've some good purchase in your eye?
How should I thrust myself between?
Some Or is your money out at use ?" —
wag observes me thus perplex’d, “ Truce, good my Lord, I beg a truce,"
And, smiling, whispers to the next,
To justle here among the crowd!"
Tells me I have more zeal than wit,
“ So eager to express your love, And 'twas a folly to contest ;
You ne'er consider whom you shove, Then, since you have now done your worst,
But rudely press before a duke." Pray leave me where you found me first.”
I own, I'm pleas'd with this rebuke,
“ I thought the Dean had been too proud,
Another, in a surly fit,
UPON LENDING RIS HOUSE TO THE BISHOP OF NEATE,
TILL HIS PALACE WAS RE-BUILT.
And take it kindly meant, to show
They stand amaz'd, and think me grown What I desire the world should know.
The closest mortal ever known. I get a whisper, and withdraw;
Thus in a sea of folly tost, When twenty fools I never saw
My choicest hours of life are lost s Come with petitions fairly pennid,
Yet always wishing to retreat, Desiring I would stand their friend.
Oh, could I see my country seat! This humbly offers me his ease
There leaning near a gentle brook, That begs my interest for a place
Sleep, or peruse some ancient book ; A hundred other men's affairs,
And there in sweet oblivion drown Like bees, are humming in my ears.
Those cares that haunt the court and tewn. “ To-morrow my appeal comes on; Without your help the cause is gone The duke expects my lord and you,
A True and Faithful INVENTORY of the Goods boAbout some great affair, at two_"
longing to Dr. Swift, Vicar of Laracor ; “ Put my Lord Bolingbroke in mind, To get my warrant quickly sign'd: Consider, 'tis my first request.” Be satisfy'd I'll do my best. Then presently he falls to teaze,
An oaken, broken elbow-chair ; “ You may for certain, if you please :
A cawdle-cup, without an ear ; I doubt not, if his lordship knew
A batter'd, shatter'd ash bedstead; And, Mr. Dean, one word from you"
A box of deal, without a lid; "Tis (let me see) three years and more,
A pair of tongs, but out of joint; (October next it will be four)
A backsword-poker without point ; Since Harley bid me first attend,
A pot that's crack'd across, around And chose me for an humble friend ;
With an old knotted garter bound; Would take me in his coach to chat,
An iron lock, without a key; And question me of this and that;
A wig, with hanging quite grown gray ; As, “'What's o'clock?” And,“ How's the wind ?" A curtain, worn to half a stripe : “ Whose chariot's that we left behind?"
A pair of bellows, without pipe ; Or gravely try to read the lines
A dish, which might good meat afford once ; Writ underneath the country signs;
An Ovid, and an old Concordance; Or,“ Have you nothing new to-day
A bottle bottom, wooden platter, From Pope, from Parnell, or from Gay !"
One is for meal, and one for water: Such tattle often entertains
There likewise is a copper skillet, My Lord and me as far as Staines,
Which runs as fast out as you fill it; As once a week we travel down
A candlestick, snuff-dish, and save-all: To Windsor, and again to town,
And thus his household goods you have all. Where all that passes inter nos
These to your Lordship as a friend, Might be proclaim'd at Charing-cross.
Till you have built, I freely lend: Yet some I know with envy swell,
They'll serve your Lordship for a shift;
Why not, as well as Doctor Swift?
CADENUS AND VANESSA.
WRITTEN AT WINDSOR, 1713.
The shepherds and the nymphs were seen
Pleading before the Cyprian Queen. Of some express arriv'd at court :
The counsel for the fair began, I'm stopp'd by all the fools I meet,
Accusing the false creature man. And catechis'd in every street.
The brief with weighty crimes was charg'd, “ You, Mr. Dean, frequent the great ;
On which the pleader much enlarg'd; Inform us, will the Einperor treat ?
That Cupid now has lost his art, Or do the prints and papers lie;"
Or blunts the point of every dart; Faith, sir, you know as much as I.
His altar now no longer smokes, " Ah, Doctor, how you love to jest !
His mother's aid no youth invokes ; 'Tis now no secret"-I protest
This tempts freethinkers to refine, 'Tis one to me—“ Then tell us, pray,
And bring in doubt their powers divine ; When are the troops to have their pay?".
Now love is dwindled to intrigue, And, though I solemnly declare
And marriage grown a money league. I know no more than my lord mayor,
Which crimes aforesaid (with her leave)
k me gre Were (as he humbly did conceive)
Else she must interpose a cloud:
For if the heavenly folk should know
These pleadings in the courts below, - lesti Against her dignity and crown:
That mortals here disdain to love,
She ne'er could show her face above ;
To value that which men despise. tbees; And, what no lawyer ever lack'd,
And then, said she, my son and I drzwi With impudence own'd all the fact;
Must stroll in air,'wixt land and sky; But, what the gentlest heart would vex,
Or else, shut out from heaven and earth,
Fly to the sea, my place of birth;
There live, with daggled mermaids pent,
And keep on fish perpetual Lent. mer of ' A fire celestial, chaste, refin'd,
But, since the case appear'd so nice, icar of La Conceiv'd and kindled in the mind;
She thought it best to take advice.
The Muses, by their king's permission,
Though foes to love, attend the session, In different breats together burn,
And on their right hand took their places
In order; on the left, the Graces :
To whom she might her doubts propose 1 ead; And only know the gross desire.
On all emergencies that rose.
The Muses oft were seen to frown;
The Graces half-asham'd look down; ; A dog, a parrot, or an ape,
And 'twas observ'd, there were but few
Of either sex among the crew,
Whom she or her assessors knew.
The goddess soon began to see,
Things were not ripe for a decree;
And said she must consult her books,
The lovers' Fletas, Bractons, Cokes. From equipage and park-parades,
First to a dapper clerk she beckon'd,
To turn to Ovid, book the second ;
She then referr'd them to a place
In Virgil (vide Dido's case):
As for Tibullus's reports,
They never pass'd for law in courts : You hardly see the current flow;
For Cowley's briefs, and pleas of Waller,
Still their authority was smaller.
There was on both sides much to say: d And in its narrow circle gathers
She'd hear the cause another day.
And so she did ; and then a third
She heard it--there she kept her word:
But, with rejoinders or replies,
Long bills, and answers stuff’d with lies,
Demur, imparlance, and essoign,
The parties ne'er could issue join :
For sixteen years the cause was spun,
And then stood where it first begun.
Now, gentle Clio, sing or say,
What Venus meant by this delay.
The goddess, much perplex'd in mind
To see her empire thus deelin'd,
Conceiv'd a project in her head
In a glad hour Lucina's aid
To try a new experiment, -)
When first this grand debate arose,
To work her ends; which, if it sped,
Produc'd on earth a wondrous maid,
She threw her law-books on the shelf,
Then sows within her tender mind And thus debated with herself.
Seeds long unknown to womankind; Since men allege, they ne'er can find
For manly bosoms chiefly fit, Those beauties in a female mind,
The seeds of knowledge, judgment, wit. Which raise a flame that will endure
Her soul was suddenly endued For ever uncorrupt and pure ;
With justice, truth, and fortitude; If 'tis with reason they complain,
With honour, which no breath can stain, This infant shall restore my reign.
Which malice must attack in vain; I'll search where every virtue dwells,
With open heart and bounteous hand. From courts inclusive down to cells:
But Pallas here was at a stand; What preachers talk, or sages write;
She knew, in our degenerate days, These I will gather and unite,
Bare virtue could not live on praise ; And represent them to mankind
That meat must be with money bought:
She therefore, upon second thought,
Some small regard for state and wealth;
Of which, as she grew up, there staid Three times refin'd in Titan's rays;
A tincture in the prudent maid: Then calls the Graces to her aid,
She manag'd her estate with care, And sprinkles thrice the new-born maid :
Yet lik'd three footmen to her chair. From whence the tender skin assumes
But, lest he should neglect his studies, A sweetness above all perfumes :
Like a young heir, the thrifty goddess From whence a cleanliness remains,
(For fear young master should be spoil'd) Incapable of outward stains:
Would use him like a younger child; From whence that decency of mind,
And, after long computing, found So lovely in the female kind,
'Twould come to just five thousand pound. Where not one careless thought intrudes,
The Queen of Love was pleas'd, and proud, Less modest than the speech of prudes;
To see Vanessa thus endow'd: Where never blush was call'd in aid,
She doubted not but such a dame That spurious virtue in a maid,
Through every breast would dart a flame: A virtue but at second-hand ;
That every rich and lordly swain They blush, because they understand.
With pride would drag about her chain;
That scholars would forsake their books,
To study bright Vanessa's looks;
As she advanc'd, that womankind Their work was half already done,
Would by her model form their mind, The child with native beauty shone;
And all their conduct would be try'd The outward form no help requir'd:
By her, as an unerring guide; Each, breathing on her thrice, inspir’d
Offending daughters oft would hear That gentle, soft, engaging air,
Vanessa's praise rung in their ear: Which in old times adorn'd the fair:
Miss Betty, when she does a fault, And said, 66 Vanessa be the name
Lets fall her knife, or spills the salt,
Will thus be by her mother chid,
For when in time the martial maid
But in the poets we may find
Vanessa, by the gods inrollid:
But still the work was not complete :
Wisdom's above suspecting wiles :