It is a substantial affliction, when men govern themselves by the rules of good breeding, that by the very force of them they are subjected to the insolence of those, who either never will, or never can, understand them. The superficial part of mankind form to themselves little measures of beha viour from the outside of things. By the force of these narrow conceptions, they act among them selves with applause; and do not apprehend they are contemptible to those of higher understanding, who are restrained, by decencies above their know

The mind foretells whatever comes to pass; A thoughtful mind is Fortune's weather-glass. The advantages which have accrued to those whom I have advised in their affairs, by virtue of this sort of prescience, have been very considerable. A nephew of mine, who has never put his money into the stocks, or taken it out, without my advice, has in a few years raised five hundred pounds to almost so many thousands. As for myself, who look upon riches to consist rather in content than possessions, and measure the greatness of the mind rather by its quality than its ambition, I have sel-ledge, from showing a dislike. Hence it is, that bedom used my glass to make my way in the world, cause complaisance is a good quality in conversabut often to retire from it. This is a by-path to tion, one impertinent takes upon him on all occahappiness, which was first discovered to me by a sions to commend; and because mirth is agreeable, most pleasing apophthegm of Pythagoras: When another thinks fit eternally to jest. I have of late the winds,' says he, rise, worship the echo.' That received many packets of letters, complaining great philosopher (whether to make his doctrines these spreading evils. A lady who is lately arrived the more venerable, or to gild his precepts with the at the Bath acquaints me, there were in the stagebeauty of imagination, or to awaken the curiosity of coach wherein she went down, a common flatterer, his disciples, for I will not suppose, what is usually and a common jester. These gentlemen were, she said, that he did it to conceal his wisdom from the tells me, rivals in her favour; and adds, if there vulgar) has couched several admirable precepts in ever happened a case wherein of two persons one remote allusions, and mysterious sentences. By was not liked more than another, it was in that the winds in his apophthegm, are meant state hur-journey. They differed only in proportion to the de ricanes and popular tumults. When these rise,'gree of dislike between the nauseous and the insays he, worship the echo;' that is, withdraw yourself from the multitude into deserts, woods, solitudes, or the like retirements, which are the usual habitations of the echo.

No. 215.] THURSDAY, AUGUST 24, 1710.

sipid. Both these, characters of men are born out of a barrenness of imagination. They are never fools by nature; but become such out of an impotent ambition of being, what she never intended them, men of wit and conversation. I therefore think fit to declare, that according to the knowa laws of this land, a man may be a very honest genFrom my own Apartment, August 23. tleman, and enjoy himself and his friend, without LYSANDER has writ to me out of the country, and being a wit; and I absolve all men from taking tells me, after many other circumstances, that he pains to be such for the future. As the present had passed a great deal of time with much pleasure case stands, is it not very unhappy that Lysander and tranquillity; until his happiness was inter- must be attacked and applauded in a wood, and rupted by an indiscreet flatterer, who came down Corinna jolted and commended in a stage-coach; into those parts to visit a relation. With the cir- and this for no manner of reason, but because other cumstances in which he represents the matter, he people have a mind to show their parts? I grant, had no small provocation to be offended; for he at- indeed, if these people, as they have understanding tacked him in so wrong a season, that he could not enough for it, would confine their accomplishments have any relish of pleasure in it; though, perhaps, to those of their own degree of talents, it were to at another time it might have passed upon him be tolerated; but when they are so insolent as to without giving him much uneasiness. Lysander interrupt the meditations of the wise, the conversahad, after a long satiety of the town, been so happy tions of the agreeable, and the whole behaviour of as to get to a solitude he extremely liked, and re- the modest, it becomes a grievance naturally in my covered a pleasure he had long discontinued, that of jurisdiction. Among themselves, I cannot only reading. He was got to the bank of a rivulet, overlook, but approve it. I was present the other covered by a pleasing shade, and fanned by a soft day at a conversation, where a man of this height breeze; which threw his mind into that sort of of breeding and sense, told a young woman of the composure and attention, in which a man, though same form, To be sure, madam, every thing must with indolence, enjoys the utmost liveliness of his please that comes from a lady.' She answered, 'I spirits, and the greatest strength of his mind at the know, sir, you are so much a gentleman, that you same time. In this state, Lysander represents that think so.' Why this was very well on both sides; he was reading Virgil's Georgics, when on a sudden and it is impossible that such a gentleman and lady the gentleman above-mentioned surprised him; and, should do otherwise than think well of one another. without any manner of preparation, falls upon him These are but loose hints of the disturbances in at once: What! I have found you at last, after human society, for which there is yet no remedy; searching all over the wood! we wanted you at but I shall in a little time publish tables of respect cards after dinner; but you are much better em- and civility, by which persons may be instructed in ployed. I have heard indeed that you are an ex- the proper times and seasons, as well as at what cellent scholar. But at the same time, is it not a degree of intimacy a man may be allowed to comlittle unkind to rob the ladies, who like you so well, mend or rally his companions; the promiscuous of the pleasure of your company? But that is in-license of which is, at present, far from being among deed the misfortune of you great scholars; you are seldom so fit for the world as those who never trouble themselves with books. Well, I see you are taken up with your learning there, and I will leave you.' Lysander says, he made him no answer, but took a resolution to complain to me.

the small errors in conversation,

P.S. The following letter was left, with a request to be immediately answered, lest the artifices used against a lady in distress may come into common practice:

C

so little versed in the world, that they scarce know a horse from an ox; but at the same time will tell you, with a great deal of gravity, that a flea is a rhinoceros, and a snail a hermaphrodite. I have known one of these whimsical philosophers, who has set a greater value upon a collection of spiders than he would upon a flock of sheep, and has sold his coat off his back to purchase a tarantula.

SIR, turned this way, that though they are utter strangers My eldest sister buried her husband about six to the common occurrences of life, they are able to months ago; and at his funeral, a gentleman of discover the sex of a cockle, or describe the gene more art than honesty, on the night of his inter-ration of a mite, in all its circumstances. They an ment, while she was not herself, but in the utmost agony of her grief, spoke to her of the subject of love. In that weakness and distraction which my sister was in, as one ready to fall is apt to lean on any body, he obtained her promise of marriage, which was accordingly consummated eleven weeks after. There is no affliction comes alone, but one brings another. My sister is now ready to lie in. She humbly asks of you, as you are a friend to the I would not have a scholar wholly unacquainted sex, to let her know, who is the lawful father of this with these secrets and curiosities of nature, but child, or whether she may not be relieved from this certainly the mind of man, that is capable of so second marriage; considering it was promised un- much higher exertions, should not be altogether der such circumstances as one may very well sup.fixed upon such mean and disproportioned objects. pose she did not what she did voluntarily, but be- Observations of this kind are apt to alienate us too cause she was helpless otherwise. She is advised much from the knowledge of the world, and to make something about engagements made in gaol, which us serious upon trifles; by which means they exshe thinks the same, as to the reason of the thing. pose philosophy to the ridicule of the witty and But, dear sir, she relies upon your advice, and gives contempt of the ignorant. In short, studies of this you her service; as does your humble servant, nature should be the diversions, relaxations, and amusements; not the care, business, and concern of life.

REBECCA MIDRIFFE.' The case is very hard; and I fear the plea she is advised to make, from the similitude of a man who is in duresse, will not prevail. But though I despair of remedy as to the mother, the law gives the child his choice of his father where the birth is thus legally ambiguous.

TO ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, ESQUIRE.

It is indeed wonderful to consider, that there should be a sort of learned men, who are wholly employed in gathering together the refuse of nature, if I may call it so, and hoarding up in their chests and cabinets such creatures as others industriously avoid the sight of. One does not know how The Humble Petition of the Company of Linen- to mention some of the most precious parts of their drapers, residing within the liberty of Westmin-treasure, without a kind of an apology for it. I ster, have been shown a beetle valued at twenty crowns, and a toad at a hundred; but we must take this for a general rule, That whatever appears trivial or obscene in the common notions of the world, looks grave and philosophical in the eye of a virtuoso.'

'SHEWETH,

That there has of late prevailed among the ladies so great an affectation of nakedness, that they have not only left the bosom wholly bare, but lowered their stays some inches below the former mode.

'That in particular, Mrs. Arabella Overdo has not the least appearance of linen; and our best customers show but little above the small of their

backs.

That by these means your Petitioners are in danger of losing the advantage of covering a ninth part of every woman of quality in Great Britain. "Your Petitioners humbly offer the premises to your Indulgence's consideration, and shall ever,

&c.

Before I answer this Petition, I am inclined to examine the offenders myself.

No. 216.] SATURDAY, AUGUST 26, 1710.
Nugis addere pondus.

Hor. 1 Ep. i. 24.
Weight and importance some to trifles give.
R. Wynne.

6

To show this humour in its perfection, I shall present my reader with the legacy of a certain virtuoso, who laid out a considerable estate in natural rarities and curiosities, which upon his death-bed he bequeathed to his relations and friends, in the following words :

The Will of a Virtuoso.

'I, Nicholas Gimcrack, being in sound health of mind, but in great weakness of body, do by this my last will and testament bestow my worldly goods and chattels in manner following

Imprimis, To my dear wife,
One box of butterflies,
One drawer of shells,
A female skeleton,

A dried cockatrice.

Item, To my daughter Elizabeth,

My receipt for preserving dead caterpillars,
As also my preparations of winter May-dew,
and embryo-pickle.
Item, To my little daughter Fanny,

Three crocodile's eggs,

And upon the birth of her first child if she mar with her mother's consent,

The nest of a humming-bird.

Item, To my eldest brother, as an acknowledg-ment for the lands he has vested in my son Charles,

From my own Apartment, August 25.
NATURE is full of wonders; every atom is a
standing miracle, and endowed with such qualities,ries
as could not be impressed on it by a power and wis-
dom less than infinite. For this reason, I would
not discourage any searches that are made into the
most minute and trivial parts of the creation. How-I bequeath,
ever since the world abounds in the noblest fields
of speculation, it is, methinks, the mark of a little
genius, to be wholly conversant among insects, rep-child, I bequeath my
tiles, animalcules, and those trifling rarities that
furnish out the apartment of a virtuoso.

There are some men whose heads are so oddly |
TATLER. Nos. 39 & 40.

My last year's collection of grasshoppers.
Item, To his daughter Susanna, being his only

English weeds pasted on royal paper,
With my large folio of Indian cabbage.
Item, To my learned and worthy friend Doctor

2 C

Johannes Elscrickius, professor in anatomy, and my associate in the studies of nature, as an eternal monument of my affection and friendship for him, I bequeath

My rat's testicles, and
Whale's pizzle,

to him and his issue male; and in default of such issue in the said Doctor Elscrickius, then to return to my executors and his heirs for ever.

Having fully provided for my nephew Isaac, by making over to him some years since,

A horned Scarabæus,

The skin of a rattle-snake, and
The mummy of an Egyptian king,

their chastity. But, alas! the young fellows know they pick out better women in the side-boxes, than many of those who pass upon the world and themselves for modest.

Modesty never rages, never murmurs, never pouts; when it is ill-treated it pines, it beseeches, it languishes. The neighbour I mention is one of your common modest women, that is to say, those who are ordinarily reckoned such. Her husband knows every pain in life with her but jealousy. Now, because she is clear in this particular, the man cannot say his soul is his own, but she cries: No modest woman is respected now-a-days." What adds to the comedy in this case is, that it is very I make no further provision for him in this my will. ordinary with this sort of women to talk in the lanMy eldest son John, having spoken disrespect-guage of distress: they will complain of the forlorn fully of his little sister, whom I keep by me in wretchedness of their condition, and then the poor spirits of wine, and in many other instances behaved helpless things shall throw the next thing they can himself undutifully towards me, I do disinherit, and lay their hands on at the person who offends them. wholly cut off from any part of this my personal Our neighbour was only saying to his wife, she estate, by giving him a single cockle-shell. went a little too fine,' when she immediately pulled his periwig off, and stamping it under her feet, wrung her hands, and said: 'Never modest woman was so used." These ladies of irresistible modesty are those who make virtue unamiable; not that they can be said to be virtuous, but as they live without scandal; and being under the common denomination of being such, men fear to meet their faults in those who are as agreeable as they are innocent.

To my second son Charles I give and bequeath all my flowers, plants, minerals, mosses, shells, pebbles, fossils, beetles, butterflies, caterpillars, grasshoppers, and vermin, not above specified; as also all my monsters, both wet and dry; making the said Charles whole and sole executor of this my last will and testament: he paying, or causing to be paid, the aforesaid legacies within the space of six months after my decease. And I do hereby revoke all other wills whatsoever by me formerly made.'

No. 217.] TUESDAY, AUGUST 29, 1710.
Atque deos atque astra vocat crudelia mater.
Virg. Ecl. v. ver. 23.
She sigh'd, she sobb'd, and furious with despair,
Accused all the gods, and every star.⠀ ⠀ Dryden.
From my own Apartment, August 28.

I take the Bully among men, and the Scold among women, to draw the foundation of their actions from the same defect in the mind. A Bully thinks he nour consists wholly in being brave; and therefore has regard to no one rule of life if he preserves himself from the accusation of cowardice. The froward woman knows chastity to be the first merit in a woman; and therefore, since no one can call her one ugly name, she calls all mankind all the rest.

These ladies, where their companions are so imprudent as to take their speeches for any other than exercises of their own lungs and their husbands' patience, gain by the force of being resisted, and flame with open fury, which is no way to be opposed but by being neglected; though at the same time philosophy of contemning even frivolous reproach. human frailty makes it very hard to relish the There is a very pretty instance of this infirmity in

and jealousy, first entered their breasts; Adam grew moody, and talked to his wife, as you may find it in the three hundred and fifty-ninth page, and ninth book of Paradise Lost, in the octavo edition, which, out of heroics, and put into domestic style, would run thus:

the man of the best sense that ever was, no less a As I was passing by a neighbour's house this person than Adam himself. According to Milton's morning, I overheard the wife of the family speak- description of the first couple, as soon as they had ing things to her husband which gave me much dis-fallen, and the turbulent_passions of anger, hatred, turbance, and put me in mind of a character which I wonder I have so long omitted, and that is, an outrageous species of the fair sex, which is distinguished by the term Scolds. The generality of women are by nature loquacious; therefore mere volubility of speech is not to he imputed to them, but should be considered with pleasure when it is used to express such passions as tend to sweeten or adorn conversation ; but when through rage females are vehement in their eloquence, nothing in the world has so ill an effect upon the features; for, by the force of it, I have seen the most amiable become the most deformed; and she that appeared one of the graces, immediately turned into one of the furies. I humbly conceive, the great cause of this evil may proceed from a false notion the ladies have of what we call a modest woman. They have too narrow a conception of this lovely character; and believe they have not at all forfeited their pretensions to it, provided they have no imputations on

Madam, if my advices had been of any authority with you, when that strange desire of gadding pos sessed you this morning, we had still been happy; but your cursed vanity and opinion of your own conduct, which is certainly very wavering when it seeks occasion of being proved, has ruined both ysurself and me, who trusted you.'

Eve had no fan in her hand to ruffle, or tucker to pull down; but with a reproachful air she answered:

Sir, do you impute that to my desire of gåðding, which might have happened to yourself, with all your wisdom and gravity? The serpent spoke so excellently, and with so good a grace, that

If it were possible that the beauteous could but rage a little before a glass, and see their pretty countenances grow wild, it is not to be doubted it would have a very good effect: but that would require temper; for lady Firebrand, upon observing her features swell when her maid vexed her the other day, stamped her dressing-glass under her In this case, when one of this temper is moved, she is like a witch in an operation, and makes all things turn round with her. The very fabric is in a vertigo when she begins to charm. In an instant, whatever was the occasion that moved her, blood, she has such intolerable servants, Betty is so awkward, Tom cannot carry a message, and her husband has so little respect for her, that she, poor woman, is weary of this life, and was born to be unhappy.

The season now coming on at which the town will begin to fill, Mr. Bickerstaff gives notice, That from the first of October next he will be much wittier than he has hitherto been.

The gentleman of the house told me, 'If I delighted in flowers, it would be worth my while; for that he believed he could show me such a blow of tulips, as was not to be matched in the whole country.' I accepted the offer, and immediately found that they had been talking in terms of gardening, and that the kings and generals they had mentioned were only so many tulips, to which the gardeners, according to their usual custom, had given such No. 219.] SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 1710. high titles and appellations of honour.

He told me, that he valued the bed of flowers which lay before us, and was not above twenty yards in length and two in breadth, more than he would the best hundred acres of land in England;' and added, that it would have been worth twice the money it is, if a foolish cook-maid of his had not Tom Mercet has as quick a fancy as any almost ruined him the last winter, by mistaking a living; but there is no reasonable man can handful of tulip-roots for a heap of onions, and by him half an hour. His purpose is to entertain, and that means," says he, 'made me a dish of porridge it is of no consequence to him what is said, so it ke that cost me above a thousand pounds stirling.'what is called well said; as if a man must be He then shewed me what he thought the finest of bis tulips, which I found received all their value from their rarity and oddness, and put me in mind of your great fortunes, which are not always the greatest beauties.