I was heartily concerned at her folly, whose affairs render her but just able to bear such an expense. However, I considered, that, according to the British custom of treating women, there is no other method to be used, in removing any of their faults and errors, but conducting their minds from one humour to another, with as much ceremony as we lead their persons from one place to another. I therefore dissembled my concern; and, in compliance with her, as a lady that was to use her feet no more, I begged of her, after a short visit, to let me persuade her not to stay out until it was late, for fear of catching cold as she went into her coach in the dampness of the evening. The malapert knew well enough I laughed at her; but was not ill pleased with the certainty of her power over her husband, who, she knew, would support her in any humour he was able, rather than pass through the torment of an ex postulation to gainsay any thing she had a mind to. As soon as my fine lady was gone, I writ the following letter to my brother:

DEAR BROTHER,

6

those that please to be wretched, with all other necessaries for pensive passion.

And, for the conveniency of such whose affairs will not permit them to leave this town, at the same place they may be furnished, during the season, with opening buds, flowering thyme, warbling birds, sporting lambkins, and fountain water, right and good, and bottled on the spot by one sent down on purpose.

N. B. The nymphs and swains are further given to understand, that, in those happy climes, they are so far from being troubled with wolves, that, for want of even foxes, a considerable pack of hounds have been lately forced to eat sheep.

Whereas, on the sixth instant at midnight, several persons of light honour and loose mirth, having taken upon them in the shape of men, but with the voice of the players belonging to Mr. Powell's company, to call up surgeons at midnight, and send physicians to persons in sound sleep, and perfect health: This is to certify, that Mr. Powell had locked up the legs of his company for fear of mischief that night; and that Mr. Powell will not pay for any damages done by the said persons. It is also further advised, that there were no midwives wanted when those persons called them up in the several parts of Westminster; but that those gentle women who were in the company of the said inposters, may take care to call such useful persons on the sixth of December next.

The Censor having observed, that there are fine wrought ladies' shoes and slippers put out to view at a great shoe-maker's shop towards St. James's end of Pall-mall, which create irregular thoughts and desires in the youth of this nation; the said shopkeeper is required to take in those eyesores, or show cause the next court-day why he continues to expose the same; and he is required to be prepared particularly to answer to the slippers with green lace and blue heels.

I am at present under very much concern at the splendid appearance I saw my sister make in an equipage, which she has set up in your absence. I beg of you not to indulge her in this vanity; and desire you to consider, the world is so whimsical, that though it will value you for being happy, it will hate you for appearing so. The possession of wisdom and virtue, the only solid distinctions of life, is allowed much more easily than that of wealth and quality. Besides which, I must entreat you to weigh with yourself, what it is that the people aim at in setting themselves out to shew in gay equipages and moderate fortunes: You are not by this means a better man than your neighbour is; but your horses are better than his are. And will you suffer care and inquietude, to have it said, as you pass by, Those are very pretty punch nags.?' Nay, when you have arrived at this, there are a hundred worthless fellows who are still four horses happier than you are. Re- It is impossible for me to return the obliging things member, dear brother, there is a certain modesty in Mr. Joshua Barnes has said to me, upon the account the enjoyment of moderate wealth, which, to trans- of our mutual friend Homer. He and I have read gress, exposes men to the utmost derision; and, as him now forty years with some understanding, and there is nothing but meanness of spirit can move great admiration. A work to be produced by one a man to value himself upon what can be purchased who has enjoyed so great an intimacy with an with money, so he that shows an ambition that way, author, is certainly to be valued more than any and cannot arrive at it, is more emphatically guilty of comment made by persons of yesterday. Therefore, that meanness. I give you only my first thoughts according to my friend Joshua's request, I recom on this occasion; but shall, as I am a Censor, enter-mend his work; and, having used a little magic in tain you in my next with my sentiments in general the case, I give this recommendation by way of upon the subject of equipage; and show, that though 'Amulet or charm against the malignity of envious there are no sumptuary laws amongst us, reason backbiters, who speak evil of performances whereof and good sense are equally binding, and will ever themselves were never capable.' If I may use my prevail in appointing approbation or dislike in all friend Joshua's own words, I shall at present say no matters of an indifferent nature, when they are pur-more, but that we, Homer's oldest acquaintance now sued with earnestness.

ADVERTISEMENTS.

I am Sir, &c.

To all Gentlemen, Ladies, and others, that delight in soft lines.

living, know best his ways; and can inform the
world, that they are often mistaken when they
think he is in lethargic fits, which we know he was
never subject to; and shall make it appear to be
rank scandal and envy, that of the Latin poet,
-Aliquando bonus dormitat Homerus.
Hor. Ars. Poet. ver. 359
Good old Homer sometimes nods.

No. 144.] SATURDAY, MARCH 11, 1709-10.
Sheer-lane, March 10.

These are to give notice, that the proper time of the year for writing pastorals now drawing near, there is a stage coach settled from the One Bell in the Strand to Dorchester which sets out twice a week, and passes through Basingstoke, Sutton, Stockbridge, Salisbury, Blandford, and so on to Dorchester over the finest downs in England. At all which places, there are accommodations of spread-IN a nation of liberty, there is hardly a person in ing beeches, beds of flowers, turf seats, and purling the whole mass of the people more absolutely nestreams, for happy swains; and thunderstruck oaks, cessary than a Censor. It is allowed, that I have and left-handed ravens, to foretell misfortunes to no authority for assuming this important appellation,

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and that I am Censor of these nations just as one is chosen king at the game of "Questions and Commands: but if in the execution of this fantastical dignity, I observe upon things which do not fall within the cognizance of real authority, I hope it will be granted, that an idle man could not be more usefully employed. Among all the irregularities of which I have taken notice, I know none so proper to be presented to the world by a Censor, as that of a general expense and affectation in equipage. I have lately hinted, that this extravagance must necessarily get footing where we have no sumptuary laws, and where every man may be dressed, attended, and carried, in what manner he pleases. But my tenderness to my fellow subjects will not permit me to let this enormity go unobserved.

tion, our method is, to consider the mein and air of the passenger, and comfort ourselves for being dirty to the ancles, by laughing at his figure and appearance who overlooks us. I must confess, were it not for the solid injustice of the thing, there is nothing could afford a discerning eye greater occasion for mirth, than this licentious huddle of qualities and characters in the equipages about this town. The overseers of the highways and constables have so little skill or power to rectify this matter, that you may often see the equipage of a fellow, whom all the town knows to deserve hanging, make a stop that shall interrupt the lord high chancellor and all the judges in their way to Westminster.

But this evil of vanity in our figure, with many others, proceeds from a certain gaiety of heart, which has crept into man's very thoughts and complexions. The passions and adventures of heroes, when they enter the lists for the tournament in romances, are not more easily distinguishable by their palfreys and their armour, than the secret springs and affections of the several pretenders to show amongst us are known by their equipages in ordinary life. The young bridegroom with his gilded cupids and winged angels, has some excuse in the joy of his heart to launch out into something that may be significant of his present happiness. But to see men, for no reason upon earth but that they are rich, ascend triumphant chariots, and ride through the people, has at the bottom nothing else in it but an insolent transport, arising only from the distinction of fortune.

For the better understanding of things and persons in this general confusion, I have given direcAs the matter now stands, every man takes it in tions to all the coach-makers and coach-painters in his head, that he has a liberty to spend his money as town, to bring me in lists of their several customers; he pleases. Thus, in spite of all order, justice and and doubt not, but with comparing the orders of decorum, we, the greater number of the queen's each man, in the placing his arms on the door of his loyal subjects, for no reason in the world but because chariot, as well as the words, devices, and cyphers, we want money, do not share alike in the division to be fixed upon them, to make a collection which of her majesty's high road. The horses and slaves shall let us into the nature, if not the history, of of the rich take up the whole the street; while mankind, more usefully than the curiosities of any we peripatetics are very glad to watch an opportu- medalist in Europe. nity to whisk across a passage, very thankful that we are not run over for interrupting the machine that carries in it a person neither more handsome, wise, or valiant, than the meanest of us. For this reason, were I to propose a tax, it should certainly be upon coaches and chairs; for no man living can assign a reason, why one man should have half a street to carry him at his case, and perhaps only in pursuit of pleasures, when as good a man as himself wants room for his own person to pass upon the most necessary and urgent occasion. Until such an acknowledgment is made to the public, I shall take upon me to vest certain rights in the scavengers of the cities of London and Westminister, to take the horses and servants of all such as do not become or deserve such distinctions, into their peculiar custody. The offenders themselves I shail allow safe conduct to their places of abode in the carts of the said scavengers, but their horses shall be mounted It is therefore high time that I call in such coaches by their footmen, and sent into the service abroad; as are, in their embellishments, improper for the and I take this opportunity, in the first place, to re- character of their owners. But if I find I am not cruit the regiment of my good old friend the brave obeyed herein, and that I cannot pull down those and honest Sylvius, that they may be as well taught equipages already erected, I shall take upon me to as they are fed. It is to me most miraculous, so un- prevent the growth of this evil for the future, by enreasonable a usurpation as this I am speaking of,quiring into the pretensions of the persons, who shall should so long have been tolerated. We hang a hereafter attempt to make public entries with ornapoor fellow for taking any trifle from us on the road, ments and decorations of their own appointment. and bear with the rich for robbing us of the road If a man, who believed he had the handsomest leg itself. Such a tax as this would be of great satis- in this kingdom, should take a fancy to adorn so faction to us who walk on foot; and, since the dis- deserving a limb with a blue garter, he would justly tinction of riding in a coach is not to be appointed be punished for offending against the most noble oraccording to a man's merit or service to his country, der: and, I think, the general prostitution of equinor that liberty given as a reward for some eminent page and retinue is as destructive to all distinction, virtue, we should be highly contented to see them as the impertinence of one man, if permitted, would pay something for the insult they do us, in the state certainly be to that illustrious fraternity. they take upon them while they are drawn by us.

Until they have made us some reparation of this kind, we, the peripatetics of Great Britain, cannot think ourselves well treated, while every one that is able is allowed to set up an equipage.

As for my part, I cannot but admire how persons, conscious to themselves of no manner of superiority above others, can, out of mere pride or laziness, expose themselves at this rate to public view, and put us all upon pronouncing those three terrible syllables, Who is that? When it comes to that ques

ADVERTISEMENT.

The censor having lately received intelligence, that the ancient simplicity in the dress and manners of that part of this island called Scotland begins to decay; and that there are at this time, in the good town of Edinburgh, beaux, fops, and coxcombs: his late correspondent from that place is desired to send up their names and characters with all expedition, that they may be proceeded against accordingly, and proper officers named to take in their canes, snuff

boxes, and all other useless necessaries commonly give it such a sudden stroke on its imagination, that worn by such offenders.

though it may play from bough to bough, and strive to avert its eyes from it for some time, yet it comes nearer and nearer by little intervals of looking another way, until it drops into the jaws of the animal, which it knew gazed at it for no other reason but to ruin it. I did not believe this piece of philosophy until that night I was just now speaking of; but I then saw the same thing pass between an ogler and a coquette. Mirtillo, the most learned of the former, had for some time discontinued to visit Flavia, no less eminent among the latter. They industriously avoided all places where they might probably meet, but chance brought them together to the playhouse, and seated them in a direct line over-against each other, she in a front bor, he in the pit next the stage. As soon as Flavia had received the looks of the whole crowd below her with that air of insensibility, which is necessary at the first entrance, she began to had so long absented himself from her circle; and when she first discovered him, she looked upon him with that glance, which, in the language of oglers, is called the scornful, but immediately turned her observation another way, and returned upon him with the indifferent. This gave Mirtillo no small resentment; but he used her accordingly. He took care to be ready for her next glance. She found his eyes full in the indolent, with his lips crumpled up, in the posture of one whistling. Her anger at this usage immediately appeared in every muscle of her face; and after many emotions, which glistened in her eyes, she cast them round the whole house, and gave them softnesses in the face of every man she had ever seen before. After she thought she had reduced all she saw to her obedience, the play began, and ended their dialogue. As soon as the first act was over, she stood up with a visage full of dissembled alacrity and pleasure, with which she This representation of the present state of affairs overlooked the audience, and at last came to him; between the two sexes gave me very much alarm; he was then placed in a side way, with his hat and I had no more to do, but to recollect what I had slouched over his eyes, and gazing at a wench in the seen at any one assembly for some years last past, side-box, as talking of that gipsy to the gentleman to be convinced of the truth and justice of this re- who sat by him. But, as she fixed upon him, he monstrance. If there be not a stop put to this evil turned suddenly with a full face upon her, and, with art, all the modes of address, and the elegant em- all the respect imaginable, made her the most obbellishments of life, which arise out of the noble pas-sequious bow in the presence of the whole theatre. sion of love, will of necessity decay. Who would This gave her a pleasure not to be concealed; and be at the trouble of rhetoric, or study the bon mien, she made him the recovering, or second courtesy, when his introduction is so much easier obtained by with a smile that spoke a perfect reconciliation. Bea sudden reverence in a downcast look at the meet-tween the ensuing acts, they talked to each other with ing the eye of a fair lady, and beginning again to gestures and glances so significant, that they ridi ogle her as soon as she glances another way? I re- culed the whole house in this silent speech, and made member very well, when I was last at an opera, I an appointment that Mirtillo should lead her to her could perceive the eyes of the whole' audience cast coach. into particular cross angles one upon another, without any manner of regard to the stage, though king Latinus was himself present when I made that observation. It was then very pleasant to look into the hearts of the whole company; for the balls of sight are so formed, that one man's eyes are spectacles to another to read his heart with. The most ordinary beholder can take notice of any violent agitation in the mind, any pleasing transport, or any inward grief, in the person he looks at: but one of these oglers can see a studied indifference, a concealed love, or a smothered resentment, in the very glances that are made to hide those dispositions of thought. The naturalists tell us, that the rattlesnake will fix himself under a tree where he sees a squirrel playing; and, when he has once got the exchange of a glance from the pretty wanton, will

No. 145.] TUESDAY, MARCH 14, 1709-10. Nescio quis teneros oculus mihi fascinat agnos. Virg. Ecl. iii. 103. Ah! what ill eyes bewitch my tender lambs? White's Chocolate-house, March 13. THIS evening was allotted for taking into consideration a late request of two indulgent parents, touching the care of a young daughter, whom they design to send to a boarding-school, or keep at home, according to my determination; but I am diverted from that subject by letters which I have received from several ladies, complaining of a certain sect of professed enemies to the repose of the fair sex, called Oglers. These are, it seems, gentle-look round her, and saw the vagabond Mirtillo, who men who look with deep attention on one object at the play-houses, and are ever staring all round them in churches. It is urged by my correspondents, that they do all that is possible to keep their eyes off these ensnarers; but that, by what power they know not, both their diversions and devotions are interrupted by them in such a manner, as that they cannot attend to either, without stealing looks at the persons whose eyes are fixed upon them. By this means, my petitioners say, they find themselves grow insensibly less offended, and in time enamoured of these their enemies. What is required of me on this occasion is, that as I love and study to preserve the better part of mankind, the females, I would give them some account of this dangerous way of assault; against which there is so little defence, that it lays ambush for the sight itself, and makes them seeingly, knowingly, willingly, and forcibly, go on to their own captivity.

The peculiar language of one eye, as it differs from another as much as the tone of one voice from another, and the fascination or enchantment, which is lodged in the optic nerves of the persons concerned in these dialogues is, I must confess, too nice a subject for one who is not an adept in these specu lations; but I shall, for the good and safety of the fair sex, call my learned friend Sir William Read to my assistance, and, by the help of his observations on this organ, acquaint them when the eye is to be believed, and when distrusted. On the contrary, I shall conceal the true meaning of the looks of ladies, and indulge in them all the art they can acquire in the management of their glances: all which is but too little against creatures who triumph in falsehood, and begin to forswear with their eyes, when their tongues can be no longer believed

It is indeed wonderful to consider, how men are able to raise affliction to themselves out of every thing. Lands and houses, sheep and oxen, can "convey happiness and misery into the hearts of reasonable creatures. Nay, I have known a muff, a scarf, or a tippet, become a solid blessing or misfortune. A lap-dog has broke the hearts of thousands. Flavia, who had buried five children and two husbands, was never able to get over the loss of her parrot. How often has a divine creature been thrown into a fit by a neglect at a ball or an asthe last masquerade, and is in greater danger of her sembly? Mopsa has kept her chamber ever since life upon being left out of it, than Clarinda from the violent cold which she caught at it. Nor are these dear creatures the only sufferers by such imaginary calamities. Many an author has been dejected at idiot: and many a hero cast into a fit of melancholy, the censure of one whom he ever looked upon as an because the rabble have not hooted at him as he passed through the streets. Theron places all his happiness in a running horse, Suffenus in a gilded chariot, Fulvius in a blue string, and Florio in a tulip-root. It would be endless to enumerate the many fantastical afflictions that disturb mankind; but as a misery is not to be measured from the nature of the evil, but from the temper of the sufferer, I shall present my readers, who are unhappy either in reality or imagination, with an allegory, for which I am indebted to the great father and prince of poets.