Adeste, O quotquot sunt, Veneres, Gratiæ, Cupidines. Faces, vincula, spicula; All ye Venuses, Graces, and Cupids attend: Your weapons here choose, and your empire extend. T. I take it to be a rule, proper to be observed in all occurrences of life, but more especially in the domestic, or matrimonial part of it, to preserve always a disposition to be pleased. This cannot be sup ported but by considering things in their right light, and as Nature has formed them, and not as our own fancies or appetites would have them. He then who took a young lady to his bed, with no other consideration than the expectation of scenes of dalliance, and thought of her (as I said before) only as she was to administer to the gratification of desire; as that desire flags, will, without her fault, think her charms and her merit abated: from hence must follow indifference, dislike, peevishness, and rage. But the man who brings his reason to support his passion, and beholds what he loves, as liable to all the calamities of human life both in body and mind, and even at the best what must bring upon him new cares and new relations; such a lover, I say, will form himself accordingly, and adapt his mind to the nature of his circumstances. This latter person will be prepared to be a father, a friend, an advocate, a steward for people yet unborn, and has proper affections ready for every incident in the marriage state. Such a man can hear the cries of children with pity instead of anger; and, when they run over his head, he is not disturbed at their noise, but is glad of their mirth and health. Tom Trusty has told me, that he thinks it doubles his attention to the most intricate affair he is about, to hear his children, for whom all his cares are applied, make a noise in the next room: on the other side, Will Sparkish cannot put on his periwig, or adjust his cravat at the glass, for the noise of those damned nurses and squalling brats; and then ends with a gallant reflection upon the comforts of matrimony, runs out of the hearing, and drives to the chocolate-house. According as the husband has disposed in himself, every circumstance in his life is to give him torment or pleasure. When the affection is well placed, and is supported by the considerations of duty, honour, and friendship, which are in the highest degree engaged in this alliance, there can nothing rise in the common course of life, or from the blows or favours. of fortune, in which a man will not find matters of some delight unknown to a single condition. He that sincerely loves his wife and family, and studies to improve that affection in himself, conceives pleasure from the most indifferent things; while the married man, who has not bid adieu to the fashions and false gallantries of the town, is perplexed with No. 479.] TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 1712. every thing around him. In both these cases men' cannot, indeed, make a sillier figure, than in repeat-Dare jura maritis.-HOR. Ars Poet. 398. ing such pleasures and pains to the rest of the world: To regulate the matrimonial life. but I speak of them only, as they sit upon those who MANY are the epistles I every day receive from are involved in them. As I visit all sorts of people, husbands who complain of vanity, pride, but, above I cannot indeed but smile, when the good lady tells all, ill-nature in their wives. I cannot tell how it her husband what extraordinary things the child is, but I think I see in all their letters that the cause spoke since he went out. No longer than yesterday of their uneasiness is in themselves; and indeed II was prevailed with to go home with a fond hushave hardly ever observed the married condition un- band; and his wife told him, that his son, of his own happy, but from want of judgment or temper in the head, when the clock in the parlour struck two, said man. The truth is, we generally make love in a style papa would come home to dinner presently. While and with sentiments very unfit for ordinary life: they the father has him in a rapture in his arms, and is are half theatrical, half romantic. By this means, drowning him with kisses, the wife tells me he is but we raise our imaginations to what is not to be ex-just four years old. Then they both struggle for pected in human life; and because we did not beforehand think of the creature we are enamoured of, as subject to dishumour, age, sickness, impatience, or-sullenness, but altogether considered her as the object of joy; human nature itself is often imputed to her as her particular imperfection, or defect. him, and bring him up to me, and repeat his obser vation of two o'clock. I was called upon, by looks upon the child, and then at me, to say something: and I told the father that this remark of the infant' of his coming home, and joining the time with it, was a certain indication that he would be a great his torian and chronologer. They are neither of them fools, yet received my compliment with great acknowledgment of my prescience. I fared very well at dinner, and heard many other notable sayings of their heir, which would have given very little entertainment to one less turned to reflection than I was: but it was a pleasing speculation to remark on the happiness of a life, in which things of no moment give occasion of hope, self-satisfaction, and triumph. On the other hand, I have known an ill-natured coxcomb, who has hardly improved in any thing but bulk, for want of this disposition, silence the whole family as a set of silly women and children, for recounting things which were really above his own capacity. married state, with and without the affection suitable to it, is the completest image of heaven and hell we are capable of receiving in this life.-T. No. 480.] WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 10, 1712. He, Sir, is proof to grandeur, pride, or pell, THE other day, looking over those old manuscripts When I say all this, I cannot deny but there are of which I have formerly given some account, and perverse jades that fall to men's lots, with whom it which relate to the character of the mighty Phararequires more than common proficiency in philoso-mond of France, and the close friendship between phy to be able to live. When these are joined to him and his friend Eucrate, I found among the let men of warm spirits, without temper or learning, ters, which had been in the custody of the latter, an they are frequently corrected with stripes; but one epistle from a country gentleman to Pharamond, of our famous lawyers is of opinion, that this ought wherein he excuses himself from coming to court. to be used sparingly; as I remember, those are his The gentleman, it seems, was contented with his convery words; but as it is proper to draw some spi-dition, had formerly been in the king's service; but ritual use out of all afflictions, I should rather re- at the writing the following letter had, from leisure commend to those who are visited with women of and reflection, quite another sense of things than that spirit, to form themselves for the world by patience which he had in the more active part of his life. at home. Socrates, who is by all accounts the un"Monsieur Chezluy to Pharamond. doubted head of the sect of the hen-pecked, owned "DREAD SIR, and acknowledged that he owed great part of his virtue to the exercise which his useful wife constantly gave it. There are several good instructions may be drawn from his wise answers to the people of less fortitude than himself on her subject. A friend, with indignation, asked how so good a man could live with so violent a creature? He observed to him, that they who learn to keep a good seat on horseback, mount the least manageable they can get; and, when they have mastered them, they are sure never to be discomposed on the backs of steeds less restive. At several times, to different persons, on the same subject he has said, " My dear friend, you are beholden to Xantippe, that I bear so well your flying out in a dispute.' To another," My hen clacks very much, but she brings me chickens. They that live in a trading street are not disturbed at the passage of carts." I would have, if possible, a wise man be contented with his lot, even with a shrew; for, though he cannot make her better, he may, you see, make himself better by her means. "I have from your own hand (enclosed under the cover of Mr. Eucrate, of your majesty's bed-chamber) a letter which invites me to court. I understand this great honour to be done me more out of respect and inclination to me, rather than regard to your own service; for which reason I beg leave to lay before your majesty my reasons for declining to depart from home; and will not doubt but as your motive in desiring my attendance was to make me a happier man, when you think that will not be effected by my remove, you will permit me to stay where I am. Those who have an ambition to appear in courts, have either an opinion that their persons or their talents are particularly formed for the service or orna ment of that place; or else are hurried by downright desire of gain, or what they call honour, to take upon themselves whatever the generosity of their master can give them opportunities to grasp at. But your goodness shall not be thus imposed upon by me: I will therefore confess to you, that frequent solitude, But, instead of pursuing my design of displaying and long conversation with such who know no arts conjugal love in its natural beauties and attractions, which polish life, have made me the plainest crea I am got into tales to the disadvantage of that state ture in your dominions. Those less capacities of of life. I must say, therefore, that I am verily per-moving with a good grace, bearing a ready affability suaded, that whatever is delightful in human life is to all around me, and acting with ease before many, to be enjoyed in greater perfection in the married have quite left me. I am come to that, with regard than in the single condition. He that has this pas-to my person, that I consider it only as a machine f sion in perfection, in occasions of joy, can say to am obliged to take care of, in order to enjoy my soul himself, besides his own satisfaction, "How happy in its faculties with alacrity; well remembering that will this make my wife and children!" Upon oc- this habitation of clay will in a few years be a meaner currences of distress or danger, can comfort himself, piece of earth than any utensil about my house. "But all this while my wife and children are safe." When this is, as it really is, the most frequent reflec There is something in it, that doubles satisfactions, tion I have, you will easily imagine how well I should because others participate them; and dispels afflic- become a drawing-room; add to this, what shall a tions because others are exempt from them. All who man without desires do about the generous Pharaare married without this relish of their circumstance mond? Monsieur Eucrate has hinted to me, that are in either a tasteless indolence and negligence you have thoughts of distinguishing me with titles. which is hardly to be attained, or else live in the As for myself, in the temper of my present mind, hourly repetition of sharp answers, eager upbraid-appellations of honour would but embarrass discourse, ings, and distracting reproaches. In a word, the • Bractor. and new behaviour towards me perplex me in every habitude of life. I am also to acknowledge to you. that my children, of whom your majesty condescended fortunes of my family forced me up to town, where a profession of the politer sort has protected me against infamy and want. I am now clerk to a lawyer, and, in times of vacancy and recess from business, have made myself master of Italian and French; and though the progress I have made in my business has gained me reputation enough for one of my standing, yet my mind suggests to me every day, that it is not upon that foundation I am to build my fortune. to inquire, are all of them mean, both in their per-school, where I learned Latin and Greek. The missins and genius. The estate my eldest son is heir to, is more than he can enjoy with a good grace. My self-love will not carry me so far as to impose upon mankind the advancement of persons (merely for their being related to me) into high distinctions, who ought for their own sakes, as well as that of the public, to affect obscurity. I wish my generous prince, as it is in your power to give honours and offices, it were also to give talents suitable to them; were it so, the noble Pharamond would reward the zeal of my youth with abilities to do him service in my age. Those who accept of favour without merit, sup port themselves in it at the expense of your majesty. Give me leave to tell you, Sir, this is the reason that we in the country hear so often repeated the word prerogative. That part of your law which is reserved in yourself, for the readier service and good of the public, slight men are eternally buzzing in our ears, to cover their own follies and miscarriages. It would be an addition to the high favour you have done me, if you would let Eucrate send me word how often, and in what cases, you allow a constable to insist upon the prerogative. From the highest to the lowest officer in your dominions, something of their own carriage they would exempt from examination, under the shelter of the word prerogative. I would fain, most noble Pharamond, see one of your officers assert your prerogative by good and gracious actions. When is it used to help the afflicted, to rescue the innocent, to comfort the stranger? Uncommon methods, ap; parently undertaken to attain worthy ends, would never make power invidious. You see, Sir, I talk to you with the freedom your noble nature approves in all whom you admit to your conversation. "The person I have my present dependance upon has it in his nature, as well as in his power, to advance me, by recommending me to a gentleman that is going beyond sea in a public employment. I know the printing this letter would point me out to those I want confidence to speak to, and I hope it is not in your power to refuse making any body happy. "Yours, &c. September 9, 1712. T. "M. D." No. 481.] THURSDAY, SEPT. 11, 1712. -Uti non Compositus melius cum Bitho Bacchius. In jus Acres procurruntHok. Sat. 1. vii. 19. Who shall decide when doctors disagree, And soundest casuists doubt like you and me ?-Porg. different notions which different persons have of the Ir is sometimes pleasant enough to consider the same thing. If men of low condition very often set are in a higher station of life, there are many things a value on things which are not prized by those who these esteem which are in no value among persons of an inferior rank. Common people are, in particular, very much astonished when they hear of those solemn contests and debates, which are made among the great upon the punctilios of a public ceremony; and wonder to hear that any business of consequence should be retarded by those little circumstances, which they represent to themselves as with a porter's decision in one of Mr. Southern's trifling and insignificant. I am mightily pleased But, to return to your majesty's letter, I humbly conceive that all distinctions are useful to men, only as they are to act in public; and it would be a romantic madness for a man to be a lord in his closet. Nothing can be honourable to a man apart from the world, but the reflection upon worthy actions; and be that places honour in a consciousness of well-plays, which is founded upon that fine distress of a doing, will have but little relish for any outward virtuous woman's marrying a second husband, while homage that is paid him; since what gives him dis- the first was yet living. The first husband, who was tinction to himself, cannot come within the observa- supposed to have been dead, returning to his house, tion of his beholders. Thus all the words of lordship, the tragic part of the play. In the meanwhile the after a long absence, raises a noble perplexity for honour, and grace, are only repetitions to a man that the king has ordered him to be called so; but no that would ensue in such a case, honest Samson thinks nurse and the porter conferring upon the difficulties evidences that there is any thing in himself, that the matter may be easily decided, and solves it very would give the man, who applies to him, those ideas, judiciously by the old proverb, that, if his first master There is nothing in my time which has so much sur be still living," the man must have his mare again." prised and confounded the greatest part of my honest Count Rechteren and Monsieur Mesnager, which emcountrymen, as the present controversy between ploys the wise heads of so many nations, and holds all the affairs of Europe in suspense. without the creation of his master. "I have, most noble Pharamond, all honours and all titles in your own approbation: I triumph in them as they are your gift, I refuse them as they are to give me the observation of others. Indulge me, my noble master, in this chastity of renown; let me know myself in the favour of Pharamond; and look down upon the applause of the people. "SIR, "I am, in all duty and loyalty, "I need not tell with what disadvantages men of low fortunes and great modesty come into the world; what wrong measures their diffidence of themselves, and fear of offending, often oblige them to take; and what a pity it is that their greatest virtues and qualities, that should soonest recommend them, are the main obstacle in the way of their preferment. "This, Sir, is my case; I was bred at a country Upon my going into a coffee-house yesterday, and lending an ear to the next table, which was encompassed with a circle of inferior politicians, one of them, after having read over the news very atten tively, broke out into the following remarks: "I am afraid," says he, "this unhappy rupture between the footmen at Utrecht will retard the peace of Christendom. I wish the pope may not be at the bottom of it. His holiness has a very good hand at fomenting a division, as the poor Swiss cantons have lately experienced to their cost If Monsieur Whatd'ye-call-him's domestics will not come to an accom modation, I do not know how the quarrel can be ended but by a religious war.” Why, truly," says a wiseacre that sat by him, were I as the king of France, I would scorn to take part with the footmen of either side: here's all the business of Europe stands still, because Monsieur Mesnager's man has had his head broke. If Count Rectrum had given them a pot of ale after it, all would bave been well, without any of this bustle; but they say he's a warm man, and does not care to be made mouths at." now stands, if you will have my opinion; I think they ought to bring it to referees." I heard a great deal more of this conference, but I must confess with little edification; for all I could learn at last from these honest gentlemen was, that the matter in debate was of too high a nature for such heads as theirs, or mine, to comprehend.-O. Floriferis ut apes in saltibus omnía libant.-Lock, iii. 11. Upon this, one that had held his tongue hitherto, No. 482.1 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 1712. began to exert himself; declaring, "that he was very well pleased the plenipotentiaries of our Christian princes took this matter into their serious consideration; for that lackeys were never so saucy and pragmatical as they are now-a-days, and that he should be glad to see them taken down in the treaty of peace, if it might be done without prejudice to the public affairs." WHEN I have published any single paper that falls in with the popular taste, and pleases more than ordinary, it always brings me in a great return ef letters. My Tuesday's discourse, wherein I gave One who sat at the other end of the table, and several admonitions to the fraternity of the henseemed to be in the interests of the French king, pecked, has already produced me very many corre told them, that they did not take the matter right, spondents; the reason I cannot guess at, unless it for that His Most Christian majesty did not resent be, that such a discourse is of general use, and every this matter because it was an injury done to Mon- married man's money. An honest tradesman, who sieur Mesnager's footman; "for," says he, "what dates his letter from Cheapside, sends me thanks in are Monsieur Mesnager's footmen to him? but be- the name of a club, who, he tells me, meet as often cause it was done to his subjects. Now," says he, as their wives will give them leave, and stay toge "let me tell you, it would look very odd for a sub-ther till they are sent for home. He informs me, ject of France to have a bloody nose, and his sovereign not to take notice of it. He is obliged in honour to defend his people against hostilities; and if the Dutch will be so insolent to a crowned head, as in any wise to cuff or kick those who are under his protection, I think he is in the right to call them to an account for it." that my paper has administered great consolation to their whole club, and desires me to give some further account of Socrates, and to acquaint them in whose reign he lived, whether he was a citizen or a courtier, whether he buried Xantippe, with many other par ticulars: for that, by his sayings, he appears to have been a very wise man, and a good Christian. An This distinction set the controversy upon a new other, who writes himself Benjamin Bamboo, tells foot, and seemed to be very well approved by most me that, being coupled with a shrew, he had endea that heard it, until a little warm fellow, who had de-voured to tame her by such lawful means as those clared himself a friend to the house of Austria, fell which I mentioned in my last Tuesday's paper, and most unmercifully upon his Gallic majesty, as en- that in his wrath he had often gone further that. couraging his subjects to make mouths at their bet-Bracton allows in those cases; but that for the futers, and afterward screening them from the punish-ture he was resolved to bear it like a man of temper ment that was due to their insolence. To which he and learning, and consider her only as one who added, that the French nation was so addicted to lives in his house to teach him philosophy. Tom grimace, that, if there was not a stop put to it at the Dapperwit says, that he agrees with me in that whole general congress, there would be no walking the discourse, excepting only the last sentence, where I streets for them in a time of peace, especially if they affirm the married state to be either a heaven or a continued masters of the West Indies. The little hell. Tom has been at the charge of a penny upon man proceeded with a great deal of warmth, declaring this occasion to tell me, that by his experience it is that, if the allies were of his mind, he would oblige neither one nor the other, but rather that middle kind the French king to burn his galleys, and tolerate the of state, commonly known by the name of purgatory. Protestant religion in his dominions, before he would The fair sex have likewise obliged me with their sheath his sword. He concluded with calling Mou-reflections upon the same discourse. A lady, who sieur Mesnager an insignificant prig. a The dispute was now growing very warm, and one does not know where it would have ended, had not young man of about one-and-twenty, who seems to have been brought up with an eye to the law, taken the debate into his hand, and given it as his opinion, that neither Count Rechteren nor Monsieur Mesnager had behaved themselves right in this affair. "Count Rechteren," says he, "should have made affidavit that his servants had been affronted, and then Monsieur Mesnager would have done him justice, by taking away their liveries from them, or some other way that he might have thought the most proper; for, let me tell you, if a man makes a mouth at me, I am not to knock the teeth out of it for his pains. Then again, as for Monsieur Mesnager, upon his servants being beaten, why, he might have had his action of assault and battery. But as the case Count Rechteren. calls herself Euterpe, and seems a woman of letters, asks me whether I am for establishing the Salic daw in every family, and why it is not fit that a woman who has discretion and learning should sit at the belm, when the husband is weak and illiterate? Another, of a quite contrary character, subscribes herself Xantippe, and tells me that she follows the example of her namesake; for being married to a bookish man, who has no knowledge of the world, she is forced to take their affairs into her own hands, and to spirit him up now and then, that he may not grow musty, and unfit for conversation. After this abridgment of some letters which are come to my hands upon this occasion, I shall púbe lish one of them at large. MR. SPECTATOR, "You have given us a lively picture of that Lind of husband who comes under the denomination of the hen-pecked; but I do not remember that you' can tell you what sin it was that set such a man's house on fire, or blew down his barns. Talk to her of an unfortunate young lady that lost her beauty by the small-pox, she fetches a deep sigh, and tells you, that when she had a fine face she was always looking on it in her glass. Tell her of a piece of good fortune that has befallen one of her acquaintance, and she wishes it may prosper with her, but her mother used one of her nieces very barbarously. Her usual remarks turn upon people who had great estates, but never enjoyed them by reason of some flaw in their own or their father's behaviour. She can give you the reason why such a one died childless; why such a one was cut off in the flower of his youth; why such a one was unhappy in her marriage; why one broke his leg on such a parti cular spot of ground; and why another was killed with a back-sword, rather than with any other kind of weapon. She has a crime for every misfortune that can befal any of her acquaintance; and when she hears of a robbery that has been made, or a murder that has been committed, enlarges more on the guilt of the suffering person, than on that of the thief, or the assassin. In short, she is so good a Christian, that whatever happens to herself is a trial, and whatever happens to her neighbours is a judgment. have ever touched upon one that is of the quite dif- ceal under the name of Nemesis, is the greatest disferent character, and who, in several places of Eng-coverer of judgments that I have met with. She land, goes by the name of a cot-quean.' I have the misfortune to be joined for life with one of this character, who in reality is more a woman than I am. He was bred up under the tuition of a tender mother, till she had made him as good a housewife as herself. He could preserve apricots, and make jellies, before he had been two years out of the nursery. He was never suffered to go abroad, for fear of catching cold; when he should have been hunting down a buck, he was by his mother's side learning how to season it, or put it in crust; and was making paper boats with his sisters, at an age when other young gentlemen are crossing the seas, or travelling into foreign countries. He has the whitest hand that you ever saw in your life, and raises paste better than any woman in England. These qualifications make him a sad husband. He is perpetually in the kitchen, and has a thousand squabbles with the cook-maid. He is better acquainted with the milk-score than his steward's accounts. I fret to death when I hear him find fault with a dish that is not dressed to his liking, and instructing his friends that dine with him in the best pickle for a walnut, or sauce for a haunch of venison. With all this he is a very good-natured husband, and never fell out with me in his life but once, upon the over-roasting of a dish of wild fowl. At the same time I must own, I would rather he was a man of a rough temper, that would treat me harshly sometimes, than of such an effeminate busy nature, in a province that does not belong to him. Since you have given us the character of a wife who wears the breeches, pray say something of a husband that wears the petticoat. Why should not a female character be as ridiculous in a man, as a male character in one of our sex? "I am," &c. 0. The very description of this folly, in ordinary life, is sufficient to expose it: but, when it appears in a pomp and dignity of style, it is very apt to amuse and terrify the mind of the reader. Herodotus and Plutarch very often apply their judgments as impertinently as the old woman I have before mentioned, though their manner of relating them makes the folly itself appear venerable. Indeed, most historians, as well Christian as Pagan, have fallen into this idle superstition, and spoken of ill success, unforeseen disasters, and terrible events, as if they had been let into the secrets of Providence, and made acquainted with that private conduct by which the world is governed. One would think several of our own historians in particular had many revelations of this kind made to them. Our old English monks seldom let any of their kings depart in peace, who had endeavoured to diminish the power or wealth of which the ecclesiastics were in those times possessed. William the Conqueror's race generally found their judgments in the New Forest, where their father had pulled down churches and monasteries. In short, read one of the chronicles written by an author of this frame of mind, and you would think you were reading a history of the kings of Israel or Judah, where the historians were actually inspired, and where, by a particular scheme of Providence, the kings were distinguished by judgments, or blessings, according as they promoted idolatry, or the worship of the true God. No. 483.] SATURDAY, SEPT. 13, 1712. Nec deus intersit, nisi dignus vindice nodus IncideritHOR. Ars Poet. ver. 191. Never presume to make a god appear. But for a business worthy of a god.-RoscoMMON. WE cannot be guilty of a greater act of uncharitableness than to interpret the afflictions which befal our neighbours as punishments and judgments. It aggravates the evil to him who suffers, when he looks upon himself as the mark of Divine vengeance, and abates the compassion of those towards him who regard him in so dreadful a light. This humour, of turning every misfortune into a judgment, proceeds from wrong notions of religion, which in its own nature produces good-will towards men, and puts the mildest construction upon every accident that befals them. In this case, therefore, it is not religion that sours a man's temper, but it is his temper that sours his religion. People of gloomy uncheerful imaginations, or of envious malignant tempers, I cannot but look upon this manner of judging whatever kind of life they are engaged in, will dis- upon misfortunes, not only to be very uncharitable cover their natural tincture of mind in all their in regard to the person on whom they fall, but very thoughts, words, and actions. As the finest wines presumptuous in regard to him who is supposed t have often the taste of the soil, so even the most re- inflict them. It is a strong argument for a state o ligious thoughts often draw something that is parti- | retribution hereafter, that in this world virtuous cular from the constitution of the mind, in which persons are very often unfortunate, and vicious per they arise. When folly or superstition strike in with sons prosperous; which is wholly repugnant to the this natural depravity of temper, it is not in the nature of a Being who appears infinitely wise and power even of religion itself, to preserve the charac-good in all his works, unless we may suppose that ter of the person who is possessed with it from ap- such a promiscuous and undistinguishing distribupearing highly absurd and ridiculous. tion of good and evil, which was necessary for carry. "An old maiden gentlewoman, whom I shall con-ing on the logo g of Providvee in this life, will b |