all my reading in Wood, and Nelfon, and Burn; if after twenty years attendance at turnpike meetings, feffions, petty and quarter; if after fettling of rates, licenfing ale-houfes, and committing of vagrants.-But all refpect to authority is loft, and Unus Quorum, nowa-days, is no more regarded than a petty constable. [Knocking] Roger, fee who is at the gate? Why, the fellow is deaf.

Rog. Juftice Sturgeon, the fishmonger, from Brentford.

Sir Jac. Gad's my life! and Major to the Middlesex militia. Uther him in, Roger.

Enter Major Sturgeon.

Sir Jac. I could have wish'd you had come a little fooner Major Sturgeon.

Maj. Why, what has been the matter, Sir Jacob?

Sir Jac. There has, Major, been here an impudent pill monger, who has dared to scandalize the whole body of the bench.

Maj. Infolent companion! had I been here, I would have mittimus'd the rafcal at once.

Sir Jac. No, no, he wanted the Major more than the magiftrate; a few fmart ftrokes from your cane would have fully anfwer'd the purpose.Well, Major, our wars are done; the rattling drum and squeaking fife now wound our ears no more.

Maj. True, Sir Jacob, our corps is difembodied, so the French may fleep in fecurity.

Sir Jac. But, Major, was it not rather late in life for you to enter upon the profeffion of arms?

Maj. A little aukward in the beginning, Sir Jacob: the great difficulty they had was to get me turn out my toes; but ufe-use reconciles all them kind of things: why, after my first campaign, I no more minded the noise of the guns than a flea-bite.

Sir Jac. No!

Maj. No. There is more made of thefe matters than they merit. For the general good, indeed, I am glad of the peace; but as to my fingle felf-And yet we have had fome defperate duty, Sir Jacob.

Sir Jac. No doubt.

Maj. Oh fuch marchings and counter marchings!

A 3

from.

from Brentford to Elin, from Elin to Acton, from Acton to Uxbridge: The duft flying, fun fcorching, men fweating-Why, there was our last expedition to Hounflow, that day's work carried off Major Moloffas. Bunhill-fields never faw a braver commander! He was an irreparable lofs to the fervice.

Sir Jac. How came that about?

Maj. Why, it was partly the Major's own fault: I advised him to pull off his fpurs before he went upon action; but he was refolute, and would not be rul'd. Sir Jac. Spirit; zeal for the service.

Maj. Doubtlefs-But to proceed: In order to get our men in good fpirits, we were quarter'd at Thistleworth the evening before; at day-break, our regiment. form'd at Hounflow town's end, as it might be about here. The Major made a fine difpofition: on we march'd, the men all in high spirits, to attack the gibbet where Gardel is hanging; but turning down a narrow lane to the left, as it might be about there, in order to poffefs a pig's ftye, that we might take the gallows in flank, and at all events fecure a retreat, who fhould come by but a drove of fat oxen for Smithfield. The drums beat in the front, the dogs bark'd in the rear, the oxen fet up a gallop; on they came thundering upon us, broke through our ranks in an inftant, and threw the whole corps in confusion.

Sir Jac. Terrible!

Maj. The Major's horfe took to his heels; away he fcour'd over the heath. That gallant commander stuck both his fpurs into the flank, and for fome time held, by his mane; but in croffing a ditch, the horse threw up his head, gave the Major a dowfe in the chops, and plump'd him into a gravel pit, just by the powdermills.

Sir Jac. Dreadful!

Maj. Whether from the fall or the fright, the Major mov'd off in a month- -Indeed it was an unfortunate day for us all.

Sir Jac. As how!

Maj. Why, as captain Cucumber, Lieutenant PattyPan, Enfign Tripe, and myfelf, were returning to town in the Turnham-Green flage, we were flopp'd near the Ham

Hammerfmith's turnpike, and robb'd and stripp'd by a footpad.

Sir Jac. An unfortunate day indeed!

Maj. But in fome measure to make me amends, I got the Major's commiffion.

Sir Jac. You did.

Maj. O yes. I was the only one of the corps that could ride; otherwise we always fucceeded of course: no jumping over heads; no underhand work among us; all men of honour; and I must do the regiment the justice to say, there never was a fet of more amiable officers. Sir Jac. Quiet and peaceable.

Maj. As lambs, Sir Jacob. Excepting one boxingbout at the Three Compaffes in Acton, between Cap. tain Sheers and the Colonel, concerning a game at allfours, I don't remember a fingle difpute.

Sir Jac. Why, that was mere mutiny; the Captain ought to have been broke.

Maj. He was for the Colonel not only took away his cockade, but his cuftom; and I don't think poor Captain Sheers has done a stitch for him fince.

Sir Jac. But you foon fupplied the lofs of Moloffas ? Maj. In part only: no, Sir Jacob, he had great experience; he was trained up to arms from his youth: at fixteen, he trail'd a pike in the artillery ground; at eighteen, got a company in the Smithfield pioneers; and by the time he was twenty, was made aid-de camp to Sir Jeffrey Grub, knight, alderman, and colonel of the Yellow.

Sir Jac. A rapid rise !

Maj. Yes, he had a genius for war; but what I wanted in practice, I made up by doubling my diligence. Our porter at home had been a fergeant of marines fo after shop was fhut up at night, he us'd to` teach me my exercife; and he had not to deal with a dunce, Sir Jacob.

Sir Jac. Your progrefs was great?

Maj. Amazing. In a week I could shoulder, and reft, and poize, and turn to the right, and wheel to the left; and in lefs than a month, I could fire without winking or blinking.

Sir Jac. A perfe&t Hannibal!!

A 4

Maji

Maj. Ah, and then I learnt to form lines, and hollows, and fquares, and evolutions and revolutions: Let me tell you, Sir Jacob, it was lucky that Monfieur kept his myrmidons at home, or we should have pepper'd his flat bottom'd boats.

Sir Jac. Ay, marry, he had a marvellous escape.

Maj. We would a taught him what a Briton can do, who is fighting pro arvis and focus.

Sir Jac. Pray now, Major, which do you look upon as the beft difciplin'd troops, the London regiments, or the Middlefex militia?

Maj. Why, Sir Jacob, it does not become me to fay; but lack-a-day, they have never seen any ferviceHoliday foldiers! Why, I don't believe, unless indeed upon a lord mayor's day, and that mere matter of accident, that they were ever wet to the skin in their lives.

Sir Jac. Indeed!

:

Maj. No foldiers for fun-fhine; Cockneys; they have not the appearance, the air, the freedom, the Jenny fequi that-Oh, could you but fee me falute: You have never a fpontoon in the house?

Sir Jac. No; but we could get you a shove-pike.

Maj. No matter. Well, Sir Jacob, and how are your fair daughters, fweet Mrs Sneak, and the lovely Mrs. Bruin? is she as lively and as brilliant as ever?

Sir Jac. Oh ho, now the murder is out; this vifit was intended for them: come, own now, Major, did not you expect to meet with them here? You officers are men of fuch gallantry!

Maj. Why, we do tickle up the ladies, Sir Jacob; there is no refifting a red coat.

Sir Jac. True, true, Major.

Maj. But that is now all over with me.

"Farewell

to the plumed feeds and neighing troops," as the black man fays in the play; like the Roman cenfurer, I fhall retire to my favin field, and there cultivate cabbages.

Sir Jac. Under the fhade of your laurels.

Maj. True; I have done with the major, and now return to the magiftrate; Cedunt arma togge.

Sir Jac. Still in the fervice of your country.

Maj

Maj. True; man was not made for himself; and fo, thinking that this would prove a bufy day in the jufticing way, I am come, Sir Jacob, to lend you a hand. Sir Jac. Done like a neighbour.

Maj. I have brought, as I suppose most of our bufinefs will be in the battery way, fome warrants, and mittimufes ready fill'd up, with all but the names of the parties, in order to fave time.

Sir Jac. A provident magiftrate.

Maj. Pray, how shall we manage as to the article of fwearing; for I reckon we shall have oaths as plenty as hops.

Sir Jac. Why, with regard to that branch of our bufinefs to-day, I believe the law must be suffer'd to fleep.

Maj. I fhould think we might pick up fomething that's pretty that way.

Sir Jac. No; poor rafcals, they would not be able to pay; and as to the stocks, we should never find room for their legs.

Maj. Pray, Sir Jacob, is Matthew Marrowbone, the butcher of your town, living or dead ?

Sir Jac. Living..

Maj. And fwears as much as he used?

Sir Jac. An alter'd man, Major; not an oath comes out of his mouth.

Maj. You furprise me; why, when he frequented our town of a market-day, he has taken out a guinea in oaths-And quite chang'd?

Sir Jac. Entirely they fay his wife has made him a methodist, and that he preaches at Kennington Com

mon..

Maj. What a deal of mifchief thofe rafcals do in the country!Why then we have entirely loft him? Sir Jac. In that way; but I got a brace of bindovers from him last week for a couple of baftards. Maj. Well done, Mafter Matthew-but pray now, Sir Jacob[Mob without, buzza! Sir Jac. What's the matter now, Roger?

Enter Roger.

Rog. The electors defire to know if your worship has

any body to recommend.