Sir Jac. By no means; let them be free in their choice: I fhan't interfere. Rog. And if your worship has any objection to Crifpin Heel-tap the cobler's being returning officer ? Sir Jac. None, provided the rascal keep himself so ber. Is he there? Rog. Yes, Sir Jacob, make way there; stand farther off from the gate: here is Madam Sneak in a chair along with her husband. Maj. Gad's fo, you will permit me to convoy her in. [Exit Major. Sir Jac. Now here is one of the evils of war. This Sturgeon was as pains-taking a Billingfgate broker as any in the bills of mortality. But the fish is got out of his element; the foldier has quite demolish'd the citizen. Enter Mrs. Sneak, banded by the Major. par Mrs. Sneak. Dear Major, I demand a million of dons. I have given you a profufion of trouble; but my husband is fuch a goofe-cap, that I can't get no good out of him at home or abroad-Jerry, Jerry SneakYour bleffing, Sir Jacob. Sir Jac. Daughter, you are welcome to Garratt. Enter Sneak, with a band-box, a hoop-petticoat under his arm and cardinal, &c. &c. &c. Sneak. Here, lovy. Mrs. Sneak. Here, looby: there, lay these things in the hall, and then go and look after the horse. Are have got. fure you all the things out of the chaise? Sneak. Yes, chuck. you Mrs. Sneak. Then give me my fan. [Jerry drops the things in fearching his pocket for the fan. Mrs. Sneak. Did ever mortal fee fuch a- -I declare, I am quite ashamed to be feen with him abroad: go, get you gone out of my fight.. is Sneak. I go, lovy: Good-day to my father-in-law. Sir Jac. I am glad to fee you, fon Sneak: but where your brother Bruin and his wife? he Sneak. He will be here anon, father Sir Jacob; did but just step into the alley to gather how tickets. were fold. Sir Jac. Very well, fon Sneak.. [Exit Sneak.. Mrs. 6 Mrs. Sneak. Son! yes, and a pretty fon you have provided. Sir Jac. I hope all for the beft: why, what terrible 'work there would have been, had you married fuch a one as your fifter; one house could never have con'tained you-Now, I thought this meek mate Mrs. Sneak. Meek! a mushroom, a milk-fop.' Sir Jac. Look ye, Molly, I have married you to a man; take care you don't make him a monster. [Exit Sir Jacob. Mrs. Sneak. Monfter! Why, Major, the fellow has no more heart than a mouse. Had my kind ftars, indeed, allotted me a military man, I should doubtless have deported myself in a befeemingly manner. Maj. Unquestionably, Madam. Mrs. Sneak. Nor would the Major have found, had it been my fortune to interrmarry with him, that Molly Jollup would have dishonoured his cloth. Maj. I should have been too happy. Mrs. Sneak. Indeed, Sir, I reverence the army: they are all fo brave, fo polite, fo every thing a woman can with. Maj. Oh! Madam Mrs. Sneak. So elegant, fo genteel, fo obliging and then rank; why, who would dare to affront the wife of a major ? Maj. No man with impunity; that I take the freedom to fay, Madam. Mrs. Sneak. I know it, good Sir.. Oh! I am no. ftranger to what I have mifs'd. Maj. Oh, Madam!-Let me die but she has infinite merit.. [Afide. Mrs. Sneak. Then to be join'd to a freaking flovenly cit; a paltry, prying, pitiful pin-maker! Maj. Melancholy !. Mrs. Sneak. To be joftled' and cramm'd with the crowd; no refpect, no place, no precedence; to be choak'd with the fmoke of the city; no country jaunts but to Iflington; no balls but at Pewterer's hall. Maj. Intolerable! Mrs. Sneak. I fee, Sir, you have a proper fenfe of my fufferings.. A 65 Maj.. Maj. And would shed my best blood to relieve them. Maj. The brave must favour the fair. Maj. Divine Mrs. Sneak! Mrs. Sneak. Obliging commander! Maj. Might I be permitted the honour Mrs. Sneak. Sir Maj. Juft to ravish a kiss from your hand. Mrs. Sneak. You have a right to all we can grant. Maj. Courteous, condefcending, complying-Hum -ha! Enter Sneak. Sneak. Chuck, my brother and fifter Bruin are just turning the corner; the Clapham ftage was quite full, and fo they came by water. Mrs. Sneak. I wish they had all been foufed in the Thames-A prying, impertinent puppy! Maj. Next time I will clap a centinel to fecure the door. Mrs. Sneak. Major Sturgeon, permit me to withdraw for a moment; my drefs demands a little repair. Maj. Your ladyship's most entirely devoted. Mrs. Sneak. Ladyfhip! he is the very Broglio and Belleifle of the army ! Sneak. Shall I wait upon you, dove? Mrs. Sneak. No, dolt; what, would you leave the Major alone? is that your manners, you mongrel? Maj. Oh,. Madam, I can never be alone idera will be my conftant companion. ; your fweet Mrs. Sneak, Mark that: I am forry, Sir, I am obli gated to leave you. Maj. Madam Mrs. Sneak. Efpecially with fuch a wretched compa nion. Maj. Oh, Madam Mrs. Sneak. But as foon as my dress is restored, I fhall fly to relieve your distress. Maj. For that moment I shall wait with the greatest impatience. Mrs. Sneak. Courteous commander ! Mrs. Mrs. Sneak. Adieu! Maj. Adieu! [Exit Mrs. Sneak. Sneak. Notwithstanding, Sir, all my chicken has faid, am fpecial company when the is not by. Maj. I doubt not, Mr. Sneak. Sneak. If you would but come one Thursday night to our club, at the Nagg's-Head in the Poultry, you would meet fome roaring, rare boys, i'faith: There's Jemmy Perkins the packer, little Tom Simkins the grocer, honeft mafter Muzzle the midwife Maj. A goodly company! Sneak. Ay, and then sometimes we have the Choice Spirits from Comus's Court, and we crack jokes and are fo jolly and funny: I have learnt myself to fing "An old woman clothed in gray." But I durft not fing out loud, because my wife would overhear me; and the fays as how I bawl worfer than the broom-man. Maj. And you must not think of difobliging your lady. Sneak. I never does: I never contradicts her, not I. Maj. That's right: she is a woman of infinite merit. Sneak. O a power! And don't you think she is very pretty withal? Maj. A Venus ! Sneak. Yes, werry like Wenus-Mayhap you have known her fome time? Maj. Long. Sneak. Belike before fhe was married?. Maj. I did, Master Sneak.. Sneak. Ay, when she was a wirgin. I thought you was an old acquaintance by your kiffing her hand; for we ben't quite fo familiar as that-But, then, indeed we han't been married a year. Maj. The mere honey-moon. Sneak. Ay, ay, I fuppofe we shall come to it by degrees. Bruin (within.) Come along, Jane; why, you are as purfy and lazy, you jade— Enter Bruin and Wife: Bruin with a cotton cap on; his wife with his wig, great-coat, and fifbing-rod. Bruin. Come, Jane, give me my wig: you flut, how. how you have toufled the curls! Mafter Sneak, a goo morning to you. Sir, I am your humble fervant known. Enter Roger. Rog. Mrs. Sneak begs to speak with the Major. un Sneak. Don't tarry an inftant; you can't think how impatient she is. [Exit Major.] A good morrow to you, brother Bruin; you have had a warm walk across the fields. Mrs. Bruin. Good Lord, I am all in a muck Bruin. And who may you thank for it, huffy ? If you had got up time enough, you might have secured the ftage; but you are a lazy lie-a-bed Mrs. Bruin. There's Mr. Sneak keeps my fifter a chay. Bruin. And fo he may; but I know better what to do with my money : Indeed if the war had but continued awhile, I don't know what mought ha' been done; but this plaguy peace, with a pox to't, has knock'd up all the trade of the Alley. Mrs. Bruin. For the matter of that, we can afford it. well enough as it is. Bruin. And how do you know that? Who told you as much, Mrs. Mixen? I hope I know the world better than to trust my concerns with a wife: no, no, thank you for that, Mrs. Jane. Mrs. Bruin. And pray, who is more fitterer to be trusted? Bruin. Hey-day! Why, the wench is bewitched : Come, come, let's have none of your palaver hereTake twelve-pence and pay the waterman.- -But firft fee if he has broke none of the pipes-And, d'ye hear, Jane, be fure to lay the fishing-rod fafe. [Exit Mrs. Bruin.. Sneak. Od's me, how finely fhe's manag'd! What would I give to have my wife as much under! Bruin. It is all your own fault, brother Sneak. ture. Bruin. A vixen.. Sneak. Why, to fay the truth, she does now and then hector |