6 I am speaking figuratively. I often do. As treasurer of this Club, I am compelled to do it. I would respectfully submit to you, sir, whether this room would not echo more if it were larger. You are a philosopher, Mr. Speaker,—(Here Bardolph cried out several times, hear! hear and then proceeded)-and I am happy to observe that your opinion on this point evidently coincides with mine. Echo answers, where. If echo would be more distinct in her answers, I should be profoundly gratified. No matter; I have no desire to track them out. In one sense they may be said to have tracked themselves out. Let them go. I have at least one satisfaction. For the first time in my life, I constitute a quorum. Yes, sir, I am a quorum. I can pass any vote I please through this Club, as easily as this Club can pass itself through that door. I can do it unanimously. I can elevate any individual here present to the Chair, or rather, as the chair seems horizontal just now, I can elevate the chair to any individual here present. This is a great privilege. I never possessed it before, and I thank those fellows (Here Bardolph interrupted himself by crying out-order! order!) Why am I interrupted, sir?-Fellows, I say, fellows (order! order! no ungentlemanly language !) I beg pardon, Mr. Speaker. In the heat of excitement I may have used an improper epithet, though I have often seen it applied, in the catalogue, to President Day and other distinguished gentlemen. I thank those humble individuals,' then, sir-(very sarcastically)—that they have given me this opportunity of passing a vote of censure on their conduct. I notify you, sir, that before I sit down, a resolution, embodying my sentiments on this subject, may be expected. Mr. Speaker, I have a personal grudge against Lean Jack. Passing along the street with him the other day, I happened to say that the day before I had been taken for So-and-so, naming a certain distinguished literary man. 'Taken" exclaimed he, in pretended astonishment; why, what did So-and-so suspect you of? Nothing criminal, I hope.' I explained, Mr. Speaker. Told him I had been thought to look like So-and-so. Oh! quite a mis-apprehension, But what had So-and-so been doing? Forging, I suppose.' I explained again, and having elucidated my meaning, asked him with surprise, how he came to think it possible that such a distinguished man as So-and-so could be guilty of forging. Distinguished,' said he, 'why, I thought he was a blacksmith! A pun so detestable as that, was more than I could bear, Mr. Speaker. I was enraged. I told him he had overstepped the bounds of politeness. Glancing down at his long legs he coolly replied that he was sorry for it, but thought himself excusable for overstepping almost anything.' Mr. Speaker, I cannot endure a punster. He disregards the decencies of society, he is a perpetual infliction, he is a public nuisance. I may even go so far as to say, sir, that he is-is-is-very disagreeable. (Cheers.) So much for Jack. I think, Mr. Speaker, I hear a noise at the door. oquently.) Let some one be immediately dispatched to ascertain the fact, if fact it be; and the cause, if cause there be. Not yourself, Mr. Speaker: (Here Bardolph moved toward the door,) not yourself, sir, I pray. I have too much respect for you, sir, to permit it. (Moving all the while, bowing and waving his hand.) I'll go; pardon my impoliteness, but really, sir, you must not expose yourself to the night air. Besides, (coughing,) I perceive you have a bad cold. (Opens the door, looks out, shuts it, and returns.) Nobody there. As I supposed, Mr. Speaker-a false alarm. I thought the gentleman who suggested the idea was mistaken. His ears deceived wasn't it?' said he. (Grandil him. They are too sensitive, owing to their length, I suppose. But if any body really was listening, sir, I don't wonder he ran away. The account which I was giving of dence has been sufficiently pun-ished. poor Jack's witticisms, must have been too much for him. Let him run. His impu "Mr. Speaker, I come now to Hal, and the rest. I speak of them, sir, I solemnly assure you, Just as I should, if they were present. Hal, sir, is a scapegrace. I regret to bay, sir, he has no respect for the sex divine. I'll prove it to you. First, observe, how he mangled our records in the last number of Maga. He distorted them shame Cupid. fully; and for what purpose? Transparent, Mr. Speaker, as glass; we all saw through his design at once. Only to ridicule the tender passion. How he quizzed Love, a tale of the imagination.' How unmercifully he garbled that speech of Jowl, in defense of did himself immortal honor in that speech. Now, I abominate Jowl, sir, as much as I do Hotspur, but I must say Jowl touching, grand. Jowl has been a lover. Jowl is a lover. I have no doubt of it, It was spontaneous, original, fervid, sir; nobody could doubt it after hearing that speech. You remember, sir, the pathos with which he alluded to a young gentleman who had 'recently entered college,' to his love, his proposal, his rejection, his broken heart, his sudden and alarming decline, and his final dissolution of the ties that had bound him to college. All this Hal left out of the reported speech. He did it from disrespect to the sex. More, sir; he had the unblushing impudence the other day, to tell me, on his honor, that he had rejected, during the past year, eighteen proposals of matrimony from as many lovely damsels. Think of that, Master Brook.' As for Hotspur and Jowl, they are bores of the first water. I should weary your patience, Mr. Speaker, and that of my audience, if I were to go into a discussion of their characters. (Bardolph here cried, go on! go on!) Beg pardon, gentlemen, I shall not go on. Having recently risen from a bed of sickness-being indeed, at this moment, as I may say, (pointing to the coffin,) almost at death's door-exhausted nature stops my gushing tongue. Jowl is a miserable sinner-he's in love. Hotspur's modesty is about an equal balance for his conscience he cannot be mitigated. (A noise outside was heard, but as it instantly died away, no notice was taken of it.) And now, Mr. Speaker, I proceed to my last agonizing duty. (Low murmurs of grief, from Bardolph.) I wonder not, sir, at those tones of anguish which strike my listening ear. (Groans again.) Poor innocents! How it rends my heart of hearts thus to consign you (seizing the candle) to by the way, Mr. Speaker, that resolution of censure. (Cheers himself.) I said it might be expected before I should sit down. I do not intend to sit down at all. I shall finish this business, and then adjourn myself. The resolution, therefore, may continue to be expected." Bardolph here applied the light, and, as the blaze flared up, began to stamp and cheer vociferously. He cheered not alone! A tremendous burst of applause, in full chorus with his own, echoed and re-echoed without. He sprang from the room, caught a glimpse of two very long legs and five or six short ones at the bottom of the stair-way, and that was all. He gathered up the ashes; stored them safely away, and put up the coffin in silence; meditating the while, on the somewhat free criticisms of character, in which he had been indulging. Recovering, however, from his momentary chagrin, he moved" that the Secretary be instructed to record the proceedings of this meeting in his journal;" and "that this meeting do forthwith adjourn to his room," both of which motions he declared to have been "passed," and, having received no reply to his inquiry whether the decision of the Chair was “doubted," added that "the vote was unanimous," and walked off. Cigars ordered, and lighted. Hotspur arose, and, after to state that "an acquaintance of his had commissioned The Secretary read as follows: * 8 o'clock, January 29th. a long whiff, begged leave him to present an article." MESSRS. EDITORS-It was at a dinner of pork that I fell in love. My sweet Sally is a bright-eyed, rosy-cheeked, country lass, and I am a country boy. We had served up to us, one day when I dined with her father, a "spare-rib." The name of the dish was apropos. I was witty upon it. Wit is my vein. Sally laughed, said I was a good-for-nothing fellow, and ran out of the room, carrying with her one heart more than she had brought into it. I came to college and have not seen her since. But as it was pork that brought me into trouble, so pork, if any thing, shall bring me out. I believe in curing yourself by "a hair of the dog that bit you." I have therefore provided myself with the extremity of a pig's curl. I have bent it into the form of a circle, as an emblem of eternal affection, and neatly decorated it with blue ribbon. I shall send it to Sally, as a Valentine, accompanied by the following lines, which you will, no doubt, be glad to publish. If I should prove successful in my suit, I will let you Yours, Q. know. Oh! Sally, there are seasons when the soul, Her glorious vigor, bravely soars above From her proud height above the midway air, Down to the miry depths of dire distress, Curtailed of all her hope and happiness. Curl not that ripe and rosy lip in scorn! Light not with wrath that black and lustrous eye! Too long this breast a hopeless grief hath borne, And I must tell my tale of wo or die. Gaze on this emblem of th' eternal flame That crisps my heart, and pity while you blame. Voted, That the lines be rejected, and Hotspur reprimanded for disrespect to the Club. Some typographical errors were passed over without correction in the first part of "Recollections of Sicily," which appeared in the last number. This was because the author, being in Philadelphia, had no opportunity to read the proofs. If we could possibly find room for a list of errata, we would insert one here. But we trust that this explanation will satisfy both author and readers. |