173 guage too gross for them. They torture words into such unnatural shapes that the stretchings and disjointings of a Catholic Inquisition would be a pleasure in comparison. They make short, long, and long, short, without mercy. Oh! what agony in their spelling! An ignorant child might mangle us in orthography, with innocence, as he might stick pins through flies, or pull their wings off, not dreaming of the torture he inflicts; but when a man, a statesman,-a military man, and a Great man, like the indomitable, the super-heroic and immortally renowned JACK DOWNING, is thus barbarous and butcherly on the servants of his lips and pen, it is "Above all Greek, above all Roman fame," in the treatment of slaves. But we will not dwell on the misdoings of the Major, in a vain spirit of vindictiveness. He is dead and gone, according to the record of the Portland Courier, "away down in Maine." But, alas! his works remain, disseminating their Vandal influence. Therefore, we earnestly entreat the free, and ought-to-be-enlightened people of the United States, to arise, all as one, in this great cause of Letters, and hunt up and gather together all the writings of said JACK DOWNING, and make ashes of them, to be trodden under foot, so as never more to come near any body's head in the shape and quality of LETTERS. We entreat, also, that the similar writings of his relations,-" Sargent Joel," and the rest,-and all other Il-literati of like stamp, may be put, ashes to ashes, with the Major's. Still further, in behalf of sound learning and ourselves, we beg that all remaining members of the Downing family, may be sought out by the protecting hand of Public Justice, and hurled into that original nothingness, from which, without father or mother, they rose. Or, if the following process shall be deemed of greater utility, we desire that it may be adopted instead, viz:-Let all parents and school-teachers take the afore-mentioned Il-literature, and point out to their children and pupils all the abuses of good grammar and correct spelling therein to be found. Let these abuses be made a sign and a warning to them, never to be guilty of the same. Let this be done, and we will cease from our maledictions on the Downingville heroes and heroines. Yea, we prefer that the last suggestion should be carried into effect. Let the Major, the Sargent, Ezekiel Bigelow, and all the rest of them, live in their works. Who knows but that they are even more beneficent and wise than the world and ourselves have ever dreamed. On reflection, we are more and more inclined to the opinion, that we have been designedly abused in said writings, on purpose to excite public attention and commiseration towards similar abuses experienced by us, every day, from thousands and indeed millions of others in this country. If this afterthought be true, we most cordially take back whatever of severity we may have indulged towards these deep-planning benefactors. We cannot but entertain agreeable anticipations. From the unfound boundary of remotest Maine; yea, from the furthermost point of "Away down East," to the Southwesternmost corner of that Hurrah-Land, called Texas,-we extend our visions of amelioration. We behold pedagogues and parents making use of the Downing writings as a text-book, whereby to illustrate the bad usage of their faithful servants, ourselves. Or at least we behold them watching the bad habits of their own lips, and most sedulously correcting the bad habits of the young as often as they may appear. Now, Sovereign Masters and Mistresses, and Rightful Owners, shall these visions of hope be realized? Shall the condition of our suffering brethren be ameliorated? Shall the era of good grammar, correct spelling, and proper pronunciation, be hastened forward by some benevolent exertions? Shall the present abuses be transmitted to the future or not? Shall the Golden Age of Speech speedily come, and last evermore? That such improvement in their condition may be vouchsafed, is the humble prayer of your supplicants; all whose names, being too numerous to be here subscribed, may be found recorded in Webster's great Dictionary. |