SPOKEN BY MR. FOOTE.

Of all the passions that possess mankind,

The love of novelty rules most the mind;
In search of this from realm to realm we roam,
Our fleets come fraught with ev'ry folly home.
From Lybia's desarts hostile brutes advance;
And dancing-dogs in droves skip here from France:
From Latian lands gigantic forms appear,

Striking our British breasts with awe and fear,
As once the Lilliputians--Gulliver.
Not only objects that affect the sight,
In foreign arts and artists we delight.

Near to that spot where Charles bestrides a horse, (In humble prose) the place is Charing-Cross; Close by the margin of a kennel's side,

A dirty dismal entry opens wide:

}

There, with hoarse voice, check'd shirt, and callous hand,

Duff's Indian English trader takes his stand,
Surveys each passenger with curious eyes,
And rustic Roger falls an easy prize:
Here's China porcelaine that Chelsea yields,
And India handkerchiefs from Spittalfields;
With Turkey carpets that from Wilton came,
And Spanish tucks and blades from Birmingham.

B

Factors are forc'd to favour this deceit,

And English goods are smuggled thro' the street.
The rude to polish, and the fair to please,
The hero of to-night has cross'd the seas;
Tho' to be born a Briton be his crime,

He's manufactur'd in another clime.

'Tis Buck begs leave once more to come before ye, The little subject of a former story :

How chang'd, how fashion'd, whether brute or beau,
We trust the following scenes will fully show.
For them and him we your indulgence crave;
'Tis ours still to sin, and yours to save,

THE

Englishman return'd from Paris.

ACT I. SCENE 1.

66

Crab discovered reading.

AND I do constitute my very good friend Giles "Crab, Esq. of St. Martin's in the Fields, exe. "cutor to this my will; and do appoint him guar"dian to my ward Lucinda; and do submit to his "direction the management of all my affairs till the "return of my son from his travels; whom I do in"treat my said executor, in consideration of our "ancient friendship, to advise, to counsel, &c. &c. "JOHN BUCK."

A good, pretty legacy! Let's see; I find myself heir by this generous devise of my very good friend, to ten actions at common law, nine suits in chancery; the conduct of a boy, bred a booby at home, and finished a fop abroad; together with the direction

of a marriageable, and therefore an unmanageable, wench; and all this to an old fellow of sixty-six, who heartily hates bus'ness, is tired of the world, and despises every thing in it. Why, how the devil

came I to merit

Enter SERVANT.

Ser. Mr. Latitat of Staple's Inn.

Crab. So, here begin my plagues. Show the

hound in.

Enter LATITAT, with a bag, &c.

Lat. I wou'd, Mr. Crab, have attended your summons immediately; but I was obliged to sign judgment in error at the common-pleas; sue out of the exchequer a writ of que minus; and surrender in banco regi the defendant, before the return of sci fa, to discharge the bail.

Crab. Pr'ythee, man, none of thy unintelligible law-jargon to me; but tell me, in the language of common sense and thy country, what I am to do?

Lat. Why, Mr. Crab, as you are already possess'd of a probat, and letters of administration de bonis are granted, you may sue or be sued. I hold it sound doctrine for no executor to discharge debts without a receipt upon record; this can be obtained by no means but by an action. Now actions, Sir, are of various kinds: There are special actions; actions on the case, or assumpsits;' actions of trover; actions of clausum fregit;' actions of battery; actions of

Crab. Hey, the devil, where's the fellow running now ?—But hark'ee, Latitat, why I thought all our law-proceedings were directed to be in English.

Lat. True, Mr. Crab.

Crab. And what do you call all this stuff, ha?
Lat. English.

Crab. The devil you do.

Lat. Vernacular, upon my honour, Mr. Crab. For as Lord Coke describes the common law to be he perfection

Crab. So here's a fresh deluge of impertinence.A truce to thy authorities, I beg; and as I find it will be impossible to understand thee without an interpreter, if you will meet me at five, at Mr. Brief's chambers, why, if you have any thing to say, he will translate it for me.

Lat. Mr. Brief, Sir, and translate, Sir!-Sir I would have you to know, that no practitioner in Westminster-hall gives clearer-—————

Crab. Sir, I believe it;-for which reason I have referred you to a man who never goes into Westminster-hall.

Lat. A bad proof of his practice, Mr. Crab. • Crab. A good one of his principles, Mr. Lati

cat.'

Lat. Why, Sir, do you think that a lawyer

Crab. Zounds, Sir! I never thought about a law→ yer-The law is an oracular idol, you are the explanatory ministers; nor should any of my own private concerns have made me bow to your beastly Baal. I had rather lose a cause than contest it.