tures, this still added further to my encouragement and comfort, and also gave a great blow to that objection, to wit, "That the Scriptures could not agree in the salvation of my soul." And now remained only the hinder part of the tempest, for the thunder was gone beyond me, only some drops did still remain, that now and then would fall upon me; But because my former frights and anguish were very sore and deep, therefore it oft befell me still, as it befalleth those that have been scared with the fire. I thought every voice was Fire! Fire! Every little touch would hurt my tender Conscience.

But one day, as I was passing into the field, and that too with some dashes on my conscience, fearing lest yet all was not right, suddenly this sentence fell upon my soul, "Thy righteousness is in heaven;" and methought withal, I saw with the eyes of my soul, Jesus Christ at God's right hand; there, I say, as my righteousness; so that wherever I was, or whatever I was doing, God could not say to me, "He wants my righteousness," for that was just before him. I also saw moreover, that it was not my good frame of heart that made my righteousness better, nor yet my bal frame that made my righteousness worse; · for my righteousness was Jesus Christ himself, "the same yesterday, to-day and for ever."

Now did my chains fall off my legs indeed; I was loosed from my afflictions and irons; my temptations also fled away; so that from that time those dreadful Scriptures of God left off to trouble me: now went I also home rejoicing, for the grace and love of God; so when I came home. I looked to see if I could find that sensence, “Thy righteousness is in heaven," but could not find such a saying; wherefore my heart began to sink again, only that was brought to my remembrance, "He is made arto us of God, wisdom, righteousness, sancfideation, and redemption." By this word I saw the other sentence true.

For by this Scripture I saw that the man Christ Jesus, as he is distinct from us, as touching his bodily presence, so he is our righteousness and sanctification before God. Here therefore I lived, for some time, very stly at peace with God through Christ. Ok! methought, Christ! Christ! there was nothing but Christ that was before my eyes: I was now only for looking upon this and the other be netits of Christ apart, as of his blood, burial, or his resurrection, but considering

him as a whole Christ! as he in whom all these, and all other virtues, relations, offices, and operations met together, and that he sat on the right hand of God in heaven.

'Twas glorious to me to see his exaltation, and the worth and prevalency of all his benefits, and that because now I could look from myself to him, and would reckon, that all those graces of God that now were green on me, were yet but like those cracked groats and four-pence-half-pennies that rich men carry in their purses, when their gold is in their trunks at home: Oh! I saw my gold was in my trunk at home! In Christ my Lord and Saviour. Now Christ was all; all my righteousness, all my sanctification, and all my redemption.

Further, the Lord did also lead me into the mystery of the union with the Son of God, that I was joined to him, and that I was flesh of his flesh, and bone of his bone, and now was that a sweet word unto me, in Ephes. v. 30. By this also was my faith in him, as my righteousness, the more confirmed in me; for if he and I were one, then his righteousness was mine, his merits mine, his victory also mine. Now I could see myself in heaven and earth at once, in heaven by my Christ, by my head, by my righteousness and life, though on earth by body or person.

Now I saw Christ Jesus was looked upon of God; and should also be looked upon by us, as that common or public person, in whom the whole body of his elect are always to be considered and reckoned; that we fulfilled the law by him, died by him, rose from the dead by him, got the victory over sin, death, and hell, by him; when he died, we died; and so of his resurrection. "Thy dead men shall live together, with my dead body shall they arise," saith he. And again, "After two days he will revive us, and the third day we shall live in his sight." Which is now fulfilled by the sitting down of the Son of man on the right hand of the Majesty in the heavens, according to that of the Ephesians, "He hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus."

Ah! these blessed considerations and Scriptures, with many others of like nature, were in those days made to spangle in mine eye, so that I have cause to say, "Praise ye the Lord God in his sanctuary, praise him in the firmament of his power: praise him for his mighty acts; praise him according to his excellent greatness.

Having thus in a few words given you a taste of the sorrow and affliction that my soul went under, by the guilt and terror that these my wicked thoughts did lay me under; and having given you also a touch of my deliverance therefrom, and of the sweet and blessed comfort I met with afterward, which comfort dwelt above a twelve-month with my heart, to my unspeakable admiration; I will now, (God willing,) before I proceed any further, give you in a word or two, what as I conceive, was the cause of this temptation; and also after that, what advantage at the last, it became unto my soul.

For the causes, I conceived they were principally two; of which two also I was deeply convinced all the time this trouble lay upon me. The first was, for that I did not, when I was delivered from the temptation that went before, still pray to God to keep me from the temptations that were to come for though, as I can say in truth, my soul was much in prayer before this trial seized me; yet then I prayed only, or at the most principally, for the removal of present troubles, and for fresh discoveries of his love in Christ, which I saw afterward was not enough to do; I also should have prayed that the great God would keep me from the evil that was to come.

Of this I was made deeply sensible by the prayer of holy David, who, when he was under present mercy, yet prayed that God would hold him back from sin and temptation to come; "For then," said he, "shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent of the great transgression." By this very word was I galled and condemned quite through this long temptation.

That was also another word that did much condemn me for my folly, in the neglect of this duty: "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.". This I had not done, and therefore was suffered to sin and fall, according to what is written, "Pray that ye may not enter into temptation." And truly this very thing is to this day of such weight and awe upon me, that I dare not, when I come before the Lord, go off my knees, until I entreat him for help and mercy against the temptations that are to come; and I do beseech thee, reader, that thou learn to beware of my negligence, by the afflictions, that for this thing I did for days, and months, and years, with sorrow undergo.

Another cause of this temptation was, that I had tempted God; and on this manner did I do,

it: Upon a time my wife was great with child, and before her full time was come, her pangs, as of a woman in travail, were fierce and strong upon her, even as if she would have immediately fallen in labour, and been delivered of an untimely birth; now at this very time it was, that I had been so strongly tempted to question the being of God; wherefore, as my wife lay crying by me, I said, but with all secrecy imaginable, even thinking in my heart, "Lord, if now thou wilt remove this sad affiction from my wife, and cause that she be troubled no more therewith this night, (and now were her pangs just upon her,) then I shall know that thou canst discern the most secret thoughts of the heart."

I had no sooner said it in my heart, but her pangs were taken from her, and she was cast into a deep sleep, and so continued till morning; at this I greatly marvelled, not knowing what to think: but after I had been awake a good while and heard her cry no more, I fell asleep also; so when I awaked in the morning, it came upon me again, even what I had said in my heart the last night, and how the Lord had showed me, that he knew my secret thoughts, which was a great astonishment unte me for several weeks after.

Well, about a year and a half afterward, that wicked and sinful thought, of which I have spoken before, went through my wicked I eart. even this thought, "Let Christ go if he will:" so when I had fallen under guilt for this, the remembrance of my other thought, and of the effect thereof, would also come upon me with this retort, which also carried rebuke along with it, "Now you may see that God doh know the most secret thoughts of the heart."

And with this, that of the passages that were betwixt the Lord and his servant Gideon fell upon my spirit; how because that Gideon tempted God with his fleece, both wet and dry. when he should have believed and venturel upon his words; therefore the Lord did afterward so try him, as to send him against an innumerable company of enemies, and that to% as to outward appearance, without any strengt or help. Thus he served me, and that justly; for I should have believed his word, and not have put an if upon the all-seeingness of trod.

And now to show you something of the advantages that I also have gained by this temp tation: And, first, by this I was made continually to possess in my soul a very wonderful sense both of the blessing and glory of God, and of his beloved Son; in the temptation that

went before, my soul was perplexed with unbelief, blasphemy, hardness of heart, questions about the being of God, Christ, the truth of the word, and certainty of the world to come; I say, then I was greatly assaulted and tormented with atheism, but now the case was acherwise; now was God and Christ continually before my face, though not in a way of comfort, but in a way of exceeding dread and terror. The glory of the holiness of God, did at this time break me to pieces; and the bowels and compassion of Christ did break me as on the wheel; for I could not consider him but as a lest and rejected Christ, the remembrance of which was as the continual breaking of my bones.

The Scriptures also were wonderful things unto me; I saw that the truth and verity of them were the keys of the kingdom of heaven; those that the Scriptures favour, they must inherit bliss; but those that they oppose and condemn, must perish for evermore. Oh! this word, "For the Scriptures cannot be broken," would rend the caul of my heart; and so would that ocher, “Whose sins ye remit, they are remitted; but whose sins ye retain, they are retained." Now I saw the apostles to be the elders of the city of refuge, those that they were to receive i, were received to life; but those that they shut out were to be slain by the avenger of bloot.

Oh! one sentence of the Scripture did more aflict and terrify my mind, I mean those sentences that stood against me, (as sometimes I thought every one of them did,) more, I say, than a y army of forty thousand men that might come against me. Woe be to him against whom the Scriptures bend themselves!

By this temptation I was made to see more into the nature of the promises than ever I had efore; for I lay now trembling under the mighty hand of God, continually torn and rent the thundering of his justice; this made with careful heart, and watchful eye, with Text fearfulness to turn over every leaf, and with much diligence mixed with trembling, to consider every sentence, together with its nat

force and latitude.

E this temptation also I was greatly holden off from my former foolish practice of putting by the word of promise when it came into my miad; for now, though I could not suck that comfort and sweetness from the promise, as I had done at other times, yet like to a man sinking, I would catch at all I saw. Formerly I thought I might not meddle with the promise,

unless I felt its comfort, but now it was time thus to do; the avenger of blood too hardly did pursue me.

Now therefore was I glad to catch at that word, which yet I feared I had no ground or right to own; and even to leap into the bosom of that promise, that yet I feared did shut its heart against me. Now also I would labour to take the word as God hath laid it down, without restraining the natural force of one syllable thereof. Oh! what did I see in that blessed 6th chapter of St. John: "And him that cometh unto me, I will in no wise cast out." Now I began to consider that God hath a bigger mouth to speak with, than I had a heart to conceive with; I thought also with myself, that he spake not his words in haste, or in an unadvised heat, but with infinite wisdom and judgment, and in very truth and faithfulness. (2 Sam. iii. 28.)

I would in these days, often in my greatest agonies, even flounce towards the promise, as the horses do towards sound ground that yet stick in the mire; concluding, though as one almost bereft of his wits through fear, on this will I rest and stay, and leave the fulfilling of it to the God of heaven that made it. Oh! many a pull hath my heart had with Satan, for that blessed 6th chapter of St. John. I did not now, as at other times, look principally for comfort, though, oh, how welcome would it have been unto me! But now a word, a word to lean a weary soul upon, that it might not sink for ever! it was that I hunted for.

Yea, often when I have been making to the promise, I have seen as if the Lord would refuse my soul for ever, I was often as if I had run upon the pikes, and as if the Lord had thrust at me, to keep me from him, as with a flaming sword. Then would I think of Esther, who went to petition the king contrary to law. (Esther iv. 16.) I thought also of Benhadad's servants, who went with ropes upon their heads to their enemies for mercy, (1 Kings xx. 31.) &c. The woman of Canaan also, that would not be daunted, though called dog by Christ, (Matt. xv. 22,) &c., and the man that went to borrow bread at midnight, (Luke i. 5, 6, 7, 8,) &c., were also great encouragement to me.

I never saw those heights and depths in grace, and love, and mercy, as I saw after this temptation; great sins do draw out great grace; and where guilt is most terrible and fierce, there the mercy of God in Christ, when showed to the soul, appears most high and mighty. When Job had passed through his captivity, he had

twice as much as he had before. (Job xlii. 13.) Blessed be God for Jesus Christ our Lord. Many other things I might here make observation of, but I would be brief, and therefore shall at this time omit them; and do pray God that my harms may make others fear to offend, lest they also be made to bear the iron yoke as I did. I had two or three times, at or about my deliverance from this temptation, such strange apprehensions of the grace of God, that I could hardly bear up under it; it was so out of measure amazing, when I thought it could reach me, that I do think if that sense had abode long upon me, it would have made me incapable for business.

Now I shall go forward to give you a relation of other of the Lord's dealings with me at sundry other seasons, and of the temptations I then did meet withal. I shall begin with what I met with when first I did join in fellowship with the people of God in Bedford. After I had propounded to the church, that my desire was to walk in the order and ordinances of Christ with them, and was also admitted by them; while I thought of that blessed ordinance of Christ, which was his last supper with his disciples before his death, that Scripture, "Do this in remembrance of me," was a very precious word unto me; for by it the Lord did come down upon my conscience with the discovery of his death for my sins; and as I then felt, did as if he plunged me in the virtue of the same. But behold, I had not been long a partaker at that ordinance, but such fierce and sad temptation did attend me at all times therein, both to blaspheme the ordinance, and to wish some deadly thing to those that then did eat thereof; that lest I should at any time be guilty of consenting to these wicked and fearful thoughts, I was forced to bend myself all the while, to pray to God to keep me from such blasphemies; and also to cry to God to bless the bread and cup to them, as it were from mouth to mouth. The reason of this temptation, I have thought since, was because I did not with that reverence that became me, at first approach to partake

thereof.

Thus I continued for three quarters of a year, and could never have rest nor ease; but at last the Lord came in upon my soul with that same Scripture, by which my soul was visited before; and after that, I have been usually very well and comfortable in the partaking of that blessed ordinance; and have, I trust, therein discerned the Lord's body, as

broken for my sins, and that his precious blood had been shed for my transgressions.

Upon a time I was something inclining to a consumption, wherewith about the spring I was suddenly and violently seized, with much weakness in my outward man; insomuch that I thought I could not live. Now began [ afresh to give myself up to a serious examination after my state and condition for the future, and of my evidences for that blessed world to come; for it hath, I bless the name of God, been my usual course, as always, so especially in the day of affliction, to endeavour to keep my interest in the life to come, clear before mine eyes..

But I had no sooner began to recall to mind my former experience of the goodness of God to my soul, but there came flocking into my mind an innumerable company of my sins and transgressions; amongst which these were at this time most to my affliction, namely, my deadness, dulness, and coldness in my holy duties; my wanderings of heart, my wearsomeness in all good things, my want of love to God, his ways and people, with this at the end of all, "Are these the fruits of Chr tianity? Are these the tokens of a blessed man ?"

At the apprehensions of these things my sickness was doubled upon me, for now I was sick in my inward man, my soul was clogged with guilt; now also was my former expertence of God's goodness to me, quite taken u of my mind, and hid as if they had never bern, or seen; now was my soul greatly pinchol between these two considerations, “Live I must not, die I dare not." Now I sunk and fell in my spirit, and was giving up all for lost; but as I was walking up and down in t house, as a man in a most woeful state, that word of God took hold of my heart, "Ye an justified freely by his grace, through the re demption that is in Christ Jesus.” But eh' what a turn it made upon me!

Now was I as one awaked out of sun troublesome sleep and dream; and listen to this heavenly sentence, I was as if I· heard it thus spoken to me: "Sinner, ta thinkest, that because of thy sins and infir ties, I cannot save thy soul; but behold, a Son is by me, and upon him I book, and s on thee, and shall deal with thee according I am pleased with him." At this I was greath, enlightened in my mind, and made to unders stand, that if God could justify a sinner at any time, it was but bis looking upon Christ, auc