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degrees. Your fifter Calliope would speak it abundantly better; nay, little Clio, that is not quite three years old, could not speak it worse- Give it more energy, child; fet yourself a-heaving like a tragedian out of breath-It fhould be spoke thus-" The swelling throes and tumults of my heart!"


Girl." The fwelling throes and tumults of my heart, "Thou never wouldft thy Sappho's love defert." Mrs Dog. There's a pathetic speech for you! Gul. Very pathetic indeed! and the dear little girl hath spoke it like an angel.

Mrs Dog. I'll now give you a touch of the pompous -"By hell and vengeance!"-I forgot to tell you it is the turnkey's foliloquy in my tragedy of Betty Can



By hell and vengeance, Canning fhall be mine!
"Her, but with life, I never can refign.
"Should Ætna bar my paffage to the dame,
"Headlong I'd plunge into the fulphurous flame;
Or, like the Titans, wage a war with Jove,
"Rather than lofe the object of my love."

Gul. Madam, this must have a fine effect. It will certainly bring the house down whenever it is play'd.

Mrs Dog. You fenfible creature, I muft embrace you for the kind expreffion-Yes, yes, it must have a fine effect, or it never would have had a run of fifty nights-I affure you, it was play'd no less than fifty nights by Mr Flockton's company.

Gul. Flockton's company! Pray, who is Flockton? Mrs Dog. He is master of the best company of―puppets in England.

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Gul. So then your piece has been play'd by wooden actors, ha, ha, ha!

Mrs Dog. Wooden actors! And why this farcafm on wooden actors? Pray, Sir, let me ask you what piece is now-a-days play'd without wooden actors?Well, Mr a-Culpepper

Girl. Lud! mama, what a queer name is that! they call him Gullwell.

Mrs Dog. My dear, I knew his name began with either Gull or Cull- -I ask your pardon, Sir; I am fre quently fo envelop'd in thought, that I even forget my

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own name; I hope therefore you will not take it amifs that I fhould not remember yours.

Gul. No apology, Madam.

Mrs Dog. Well Mr-a-Gullcatcher, if you hear of an amanuenfis, pray give me the most early intelligence.

Gul. But I hope, madam, I fhall not offend you in asking you how he is to be paid?

Mrs Dog. Paid! why I really did not think of this— Let me fee-Suppofe-No, this won't do-hum-ay: He shall have a tenth part of the profits of my future productions-He fhall tythe 'em.

Gul. Madam, I feel for your young mufes, and can diffemble with you no longer. Take my advice. Go immediately home, and burn all your pieces; for I am certain you'll never make a fhilling of them, unless you fell them for wafte paper.

Mrs Dog. Wafte paper! Heaven and earth! such excellent compofitions go for wafte paper!

Girl. Wafte paper indeed! I should not have thought of waste paper!

Gul. Burn them all immediately. Give me your folemn promise to leave off fcribbling; and if any place worthy your acceptance fall in my way, I will endeavour to fix you in it.

Mrs Dog. What! facrifice immortality for a place?I must tell you, Sir, you're an envious, impertinent, selffufficient puppy, to prefume to advise me, who have a million times your understanding.

Girl. Yes, a million times your understanding.

Mrs Dog. Wafte paper! O ye gods!-If I had the wealth of Crafus, I would give it all to be reveng'd on this affronting favage.


Girl. Ah! you're a naughty creature to vex my poor mama in this manner. [Exit.

Gul. So! This comes of my plain-dealing. I am rightly ferv'd for endeavouring to wash the blackamoor white.

Re-enter Mrs Doggerel and Girl.

Mrs Dog. I'm return'd to tell you, that I will have ample vengeance for this indignity. I will immediately


fet about writing a farce called the Register-office, in which I will expofe your tricks, your frauds, your cheats, your impofitions, your chicanries-I'll do for you!-I'll make you repent the hour wherein you had the impudence and ill-nature to advise me to burn all my pieces-By all the gods, I'll write fuch a piece against you!

Then like thy fate fuperior will 1 fit,

And fee thee fcorn'd and laugh'd at by the pit ;
1 with my friends will in the gallery go,

And tread thee finking to the fhades below. [Exite-
Girl. And tread thee finking to the shades below.

[Exit. Gul. The woman takes it mightily in dudgeon! My friend Harry Trickit! What can be his business? Enter Trickit.

receiv'd my letter?

• Trick. Well, Sir, you
Gul. Letter! What letter?

Trick. The letter I fent you this morning.

Gul. Not I indeed! Pray, how did you fend it? Trick. By a ticket-porter, whom I order'd to call in his way to the banker's.

Gul He must have forgot it-What was't about?` Speak low; there's company in that room.

Trick. My niece is going to file a bill in chancery against me, to fet afide her father's will. She will be fupported by the gentleman with whom fhe now lives. I was told it this morning by a friend who din'd with him a few days ago in Somerfetfhire-Now, Sir, as Mr • Williams is going to leave you, he will perhaps begin to fqueak; and then I fhall not only lose my money, but life into the bargain.

• Gul. It is not in his power to do you any injury: he was not privy to your brother-in law's figning a coun*terfeit will, but only called haftily in to witnefs the fig nature. The other evidence is dead; wherefore there is no danger from that quarter- -Don't be afraid;. I'll anfwer for the validity of the will-I thought you had known the law better in these cafes, than to be afraid. of such a bugbear as a chancery-fuit!


• Trick. You have given me fome comfort: I have been $ very uneafy these three hours.

• Mar. (within) Help! help! murder! help!

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• Enter

• Enter Harwood and Williams.

Har. Ha! my Maria in danger! (Enter Maria.) • What's the matter, my dear?

'Mar. Good Heaven! Is it you, Mr Harwood! I am fo frighted and out of breath, that I can scarce speak A noble villain hath attempted my ruin.

• Har. Let me fecure the door, left these villains escape, and I fhall punish the right honourable fcoundrel (Locks the door.) There's the key, Mr Williams • Frankly and the officers muft foon be here. -Now for his lordfhip.


• Trick. My niece and her mafter!

• Gul. The devil they are!

• Enter Harwood, dragging in Lord Brilliant. Har. Now, my Lord, if your life be worth preserving a few minutes, draw.

• L. Bril. Sir, this is no proper place for a duel. Har. Not fo proper as the other room for your Lordfhip's intended purpose; however, it will do-Come, my Lord, you must fight me or ask your life-You can fight, I am fure; for I have been a witness of your Lordfhip's courage in Flanders-Why don't you draw?— Do the one or the other, or I fhall dishonour the peer• age of my country by kicking your Lordship out of the room.

• L. Bril. Sir, in a bad caufe I think it no diminu. tion of my honour to own myself to blame, and with it • were in my power to make her due fatisfaction for the intended injury.

Har. This is talking like the peer and the gentleman-My Lord, I'm fatisfied—I have some questions to afk Mr Trickit, and shall take it as a particular favour if you will be kind enough to leave us for a few

• minutes.

• L. Bril. Sir, I fhall withdraw; and if I can ferve either you or the lady, you may freely command me. • Har. I humbly thank your Lordship-Mr Williams, pray unlock the door. (Exit L. Bril.) I am forry, Mr • Trickit, there fhould be fuch a brace of rafcals in the world as you and your friend; Mr Williams open'd this letter, on a fuppofition of its being relative to the bufinefs of the register-office-I need not tell you it is a

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proof of a piece of villany fufficient to hang you both: however, in confideration of your family, I shall let your crime flip unpunished, on condition of your reftoring the money, of which you have robb'd your niece by a

• villainous will.

• Trick. Sir, I acknowledge my offence, and will make whatever reftitution you require.

Har. Enough, Sir-Mr Williams, I fee Frankly and the officers at the door-Pray step out, and tell • him we have made up the affair.

• Wil. I fhall, Sir,


• Trick. I beg leave to inform you. by way of leffening my offence, that this villain put me upon the fraud, and • afterwards infifted on a thousand pounds for his advice ♦ and secrecy. ́

Har. I am forry it is not in my power to make an • example of him, without expofing or punishing you— however, if he will not agree to reftore the money, he fhall be given up to juftice.

Gul. Sir, I fhall reftore it whenever the lady pleases. Enter Frankly and Williams. 'Fran. Well, you've brought them to terms I find? Har. Ay, thanks to my friend Williams, we have." Enter Irishman.

Irish. My dear cufhin, after I went away before, I forgot to remember to pay you for your shivility; therefore I am going to come back again to be out of your debt.

Gul. Never mind it, coufin- -any other time.

Irish. Arra! I am a perfon of more honour than to continue in nobody's debt, when I owe him nothing. Befides, if I fhould be taken fick, and die of a confump tion to-night, you may tell me to my face the next time I feed you, that I ftole out of the world on purpofe to cheat you-There, my dear cufhin.

[Beats Gul.

Enter Scotchman and Highland Piper. Gul. Oh, oh, oh! murder, murder!

Irish. Upon my fhoul, you lie now, honey, for it was only a fhivel beating.

Gul. A plague on fuch civility, fay I!


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