fet about writing a farce called the Register-office, in which I will expofe your tricks, your frauds, your cheats, your impofitions, your chicanries-I'll do for you!-I'll make you repent the hour wherein you had the impudence and ill-nature to advise me to burn all my pieces-By all the gods, I'll write fuch a piece againft you!

Then like thy fate fuperior will I fit,

And fee thee fcorn'd and laugh'd at by the pit ; 1 with my friends will in the gallery go,

And tread thee finking to the shades below. [Exit.. Girl. And tread thee finking to the shades below.

[Exit. Gul. The woman takes it mightily in dudgeon! My ⚫ friend Harry Trickit! What can be his business? Enter Trickit.

• Trick. Well, Sir, you receiv'd my letter? • Gul. Letter! What letter?

Trick. The letter I fent you this morning.

• Gul. Not I indeed! Pray, how did you fend it? Trick. By a ticket-porter, whom I order'd to call in his way to the banker's.

Gul He must have forgot it-What was't about?` Speak low; there's company in that room:

Trick. My niece is going to file a bill in chancery against me, to fet afide her father's will. She will be fupported by the gentleman with whom fhe now lives. I was told it this morning by a friend who din'd with him a few days ago in Somerfetfhire-Now, Sir, as Mr • Williams is going to leave you, he will perhaps begin to squeak; and then I fhall not only lose my money, • but life into the bargain.

• Gul. It is not in his power to do you any injury: he was not privy to your brother-in law's figning a coun terfeit will, but only called haftily in to witness the fig nature. The other evidence is dead; wherefore there is no danger from that quarter- -Don't be afraid;. I'll anfwer for the validity of the will-I thought you had known the law better in thefe cafes, than to be afraid. of fuch a bugbear as a chancery-fuit!

Trick. You have given me fome comfort: I have been very uneafy these three hours.

Mar. (within) Help! help! murder! help!

Gg. 3

• Enter

• Enter Harwood and Williams.

Har. Ha! my Maria in danger! (Enter Maria.} • What's the matter, my dear?

• Mar. Good Heaven! Is it you, Mr Harwood! I am fo frighted and out of breath, that I can scarce speak A noble villain hath attempted my ruin.

• Har. Let me fecure the door, left these villains * escape, and I shall punish the right honourable scoundrel (Locks the door.) There's the key, Mr Williams Frankly and the officers muft foon be here.

for his lordship.

a

• Trick. My niece and her master!

Gul. The devil they are!

-Now

[Exit.

Enter Harwood, dragging in Lord Brilliant. Har. Now, my Lord, if your life be worth preserving few minutes, draw.

• L. Bril. Sir, this is no proper place for a duel. Har. Not fo proper as the other room for your Lordfhip's intended purpose; however, it will do-Come, my Lord, you muft fight me or ask your life-You can fight, I am fure; for I have been a witnefs of your Lordfhip's courage in Flanders-Why don't you draw?— Do the one or the other, or I fhall dishonour the peerage of my country by kicking your Lordship out of

• the room.

• L. Bril. Sir, in a bad caufe I think it no diminu. tion of my honour to own myself to blame, and wish it were in my power to make her due fatisfaction for the • intended injury.

Har. This is talking like the peer and the gentleman-My Lord, I'm fatisfied-I have fome questions. to afk Mr Trickit, and shall take it as a particular favour if you will be kind enough to leave us for a few

• minutes.

• L. Bril. Sir, I fhall withdraw; and if I can ferve either you or the lady, you may freely command me. • Har. I humbly thank your Lordship-Mr Williams, pray unlock the door. (Exit L. Bril.) I am forry, Mr Trickit, there fhould be fuch a brace of rafcals in the • world as you and your friend; Mr Williams open'd this letter, on a fuppofition of its being relative to the bufinefs of the register-office-I need not tell you it is a ' procf

• proof of a piece of villany fufficient to hang you both: ⚫ however, in confideration of your family, I fhall let your • crime flip unpunished, on condition of your reftoring the money, of which you have robb'd your niece by a

villainous will.

• Trick. Sir, I acknowledge my offence, and will make whatever reftitution you require.

• Har. Enough, Sir-Mr Williams, I fee Frankly and the officers at the door- -Pray step out, and tell

• him we have made up the affair. • Wil. I fhall, Sir, [Exit. • Trick. I beg leave to inform you. by way of leffening my offence, that this villain put me upon the fraud, and afterwards infifted on a thousand pounds for his advice and fecrecy.

Har. I am forry it is not in my power to make an • example of him, without expofing or punishing you• however, if he will not agree to reftore the money, he shall be given up to juftice.

Gul. Sir, I fhall reftore it whenever the lady pleases.
Enter Frankly and Williams.

Fran. Well, you've brought them to terms I find?
Har. Ay, thanks to my friend Williams, we have."
Enter Irishman.

Irish. My dear cufhin, after I went away before, 1 forgot to remember to pay you for your fhivility; therefore I am going to come back again to be out of your debt.

Gul. Never mind it, coufin-any other time.

Irish. Arra! I am a perfon of more honour than to continue in nobody's debt, when I owe him nothing. Besides, if I fhould be taken sick, and die of a confump tion to-night, you may tell me to my face the next time I feed you, that I ftole out of the world on purpofe to cheat you-There, my dear cufhin.

[Beats Gul. Enter Scotchman and Highland Piper.

Gul. Oh, oh, oh! murder, murder!

Irish. Upon my fhoul, you lie now, honey, for it was

only a fhivel beating.

Gul. A plague on fuch civility, fay I!

Enter

Enter Frenchman.

Scot. Lay on, lad; for the deel burft me an I bid ye hald your hand, gin ye skelp him this fix hours-Here's Wully tells me he's as great a faw as ever fwang in a helter.

French. Begar, fo fay Monfieur la Fricafie.

Enter Williams.

Wil Gentlemen, what is the matter between you and this office-keeper?

Irish. Matter, my dear joy! Nothing at all—I am only paying him for getting me a place in the WeftAh! the devil West you, my dear!—Your Weft is fome of the plantations in the Eaft Indies, where pickpockets are fent to-This kidnapping rafcal was going to fend me into the other world to be turn'd into a black negro

I had gone fure enough, but for Macarrell O'Neil, whom I overtook, as we run against one another in your English St Patrick's church-yard-St Paul's-He told me this fcoundrel had transported three Irish hay-makers over land to the plantations, on pretence of getting them places in the Weft—I'll plantation you, you tief of the world!

Scat. And troth, Wully tells me he play'd e'en fic a trick to twa of my countrymen.

French. Begar! me vill have one kick at the fanfaron for my von cheling and tree-alfpence.

Irish. Hold, my dear creature! Don't lift a hand at him, I beseech you! For no foreigners but the Irish must pretend to kick an Englishman.

French. Den pray give him von kick for me.

Irish. Kick him for a Frenchman! I would fooner lend him a hand to kick all you outlandish pickpockets out of the nation.

Scot. What think ye, lad, an we tak him to the neift horfe-pool, an wafh the fleas aff him?

Irish. The devil burn me but that is the very thing I was just going to think of; my dear cufhin, you must go along with us.

Gul. I befeech you, gentlemen, don't difgrace me so publicly.

Scot. Troth, we'le no care a bawbie for that-Come,

gie's a lilt; we'fe carry him aff i' mufical triumph-Do ye guard him behind, man.

Irifh. Let me alone for that, honey-If he offer to run away, I'll knock him down as dead as ever he was born. [They hurry him off.

Wil. Your humble fervant, Mr Gulwell-Were I not affured of the innate baseness of his principles, I could pity him; but, great as his punishment may be, it falls Thort of his crimes. The abufe of a public benefit (for fuch the proper management of a register-office muft.be) and general utility, fruftrated by trick, villany, and chicanery, merits not only the cenfure, but the heavieft effects of refentment from every injur❜d individual.

[Exeunt omnes.

CYMON