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an honour; and hope you'll look on me as' a poor unfortunate young fellow, that has not a shilling, nor the means of getting one, upon the face of the earth.
Capt. Oh! upon my shoul, then, cousin Cheatwell, I pity your condition with all my heart; and since things are so bad with you, if you'll take a trip with me to my Irish plantation along with my dear creature here, l’íl give you sool. to stock a farm upon my own estate at Ballymafcushlane, in the county of Monaghan, and the barony of Coogasighy, Fait, and here's Betty, a tight little girl ; and since you cou'd not get the mistress, if you'll take up with the maid, my dear here shall give her a couple of hundreds to fortune her off.
Betty. Captain, I'm very much oblig'd to you for getting me a husband; if Mr Cheatwell has any tenders for me, I have a thousand pound left me as a legacy, which is at his service.
Capt. Ara, what's that, my dear! a servant-maid with a tousand pound !-by my shoul, there is many a lady in my country, that goes to plays, and balls, and masquerades, that has not half the money; and scorns to make her own smock.
Cheat. I shou'd be blind to my own interest not to accept of such valuable proposals, and with gratitude take your hand, promising for the future to lead a life which shall be a credit both to myself and benefactor.
Capt. Well then, without compliment, I am glad I have made one poor man happy; and since we have made a double match, hey for Ireland, where we will live like Irish kings.
Lucy. This generofity amazes me, and greatly preju. dices me in the honesty and goodness of the Irith.
Capt. Oagh, my dear little charmer, I've another song juft à propose Of all the husbands living an Irishman's the best,
With my fal, lal, &c. No nation on the globe like him can stand the test,
With my fal, lal, &c. The English they are drones, as plainly you may fee; But we're all brisk and airy, and lively as a bee. With my fal, lal, &c.
Written and Spoken by Mr FOOTE.
With freso materials furnish out the stage!
Those who adorn the orb of higher life,
To dass the poet's ineffectual claim,
Once on a time, a son and fire, we're told,
They might as well have carry'd be at least." The pair, still pliant to the partial voice, Dismount and bear the assom Then what a noise!. Huzzas, loud laughs, low gibe, and bitter joke, From the yet filent fire these words provoke: " Proceed, my boy, nor beed their farther call, “ Vain bis attempt wbosirives to please them all!"
A C T I.
Governor CAPE and ROBIN.
Rob. Most certainly. Gov. You have given him no intimation that his for. tunes might mend?
Rob. Not a distant hint.
Rob. Calmly enough: when I told him that his hopes from abroad were at an end, that the friend of his deceased father thought he had done enough in putting it in his power to earn his own livelihood, he replied, 'twas no more than he had long expected, charged me with his warmest acknowledgments to his concealed benefactor, thanked me for my care, fighed, and left me.
Gov. And how has he lived since ?
Rob. Poorly, but honestly: to his pen he owes all his subsistence, I am fure my heart bleeds for him : confi. der, Sir, to what temptations you expose him.
Gov. The severer his trials, the greater his triumph. Shall the fruits of my honett industry, the purchase of many perils, he lavish'd on a lazy luxurious booby, who has to other merit than being born five-and-twenty years after me? No, no, Robin; him, and a profusion of debis, were all that the extravagance of his mother left me.
Rob. You lov'd her, Sir?
Gov. Fondly, nay, foolishly, or necessity had not compell’d me to seek for shelter in another climate. 'Tis true, forrune has been favourable to my labours; and when George convinces me that he inherits my spirit, he shall share my property, not else.
Rob. Consider, Sir, he has not your opportunities. Gov. Nor had I his education.
Rob. As the world goes, the worst you cou'd have given him. Lack-a-day! Learning, learning, Sir, is no commodity for this market: nothing makes money here, Sir, but monty; or fome certain fashionable qualities that you would not with your fon to poflefs.
Gov. Learning useless! Impossible !-Where are the Oxfords, the Halifaxes, the great protectors and patrons of the liberal arts ?
Rob. Patron !--The word has lost its use ; a guineasubscription at the request of a lady, whose chambermaid is acquainted with the author, may be now and then pick'd up-Protector !-Why, I dare believe there's more money laid out upon Islington turnpike in a month than upon all the learned men in Great Britain in leven years.
Gov. And yet the press groans with their produce tions! How do they all exift?
Rob. In garrets, Sir; as, if you will step to your fon's apartment in the next &reet, you will fee.
Gov. But wliat apology hall we make for the visit?
Rob. That you want the aid of his profession; a well. penn'd address now from the subjects of your late go. veroment, with your gracious reply, to put into the newspapers.
Gov. Ay! is that part of his practice !--Well, lead on, Robin. SCENE draws, and discovers Young Cape with the Prin
ter's Devil. Cape, Prithee, go aboat thy business—Vanish, dear devil.
Devil. Master bid me not come without the proof; he says as how there are two other Answers ready for the press; and if yours don't come out a Saturday, 'twon't pay for the paper.
you are always so lazy: I have more plague with you. There's Mr Guzzle, the trans. lator, never keeps me a minute-unless the poor gentle. man happens to be fuddled.
Cape. Why, you little, footy, fniv'ling, diabolical puppy, is it not sufficient to be plagu'd with the stupidity of your abfurd master, but I must be pester'd with your impertinence ?
Devil. Impertinence! Marry come up, I keep as good company as your worship every day in the yearThere's Mr Clench, in Little Britain, does not think it beneath him to take part of a pot of porter with me, VOL. III. T