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Gally. Ay, brother; but Hippocrates differs from Galen in this cafe.
Capt. Well, but, my jewels, let there be no difference nor falling out between brothers about me; for a small matter will fherve my turn.
Glyft. Sir, you break the thread of our difcourfe. I was obferving, that in gloomy opaque habits the rigidi. ty of the folids caufes a continual friction in the fluids, which, by being conftantly impeded, grow thick and glutinous; by which means they cannot enter the capillary veffels, nor the other finer ramifications of the nerves.
Gally. Then, brother, from your pofition, it will be deducible, that the primæ viæ are first to be clear'd, which must be effected by frequent emetics.
Capt. I fuppofe these are some of the dishes they are to treat me with. How naturally they anfwer one another, like the parish-minister and the clerk!- By my fhoul, jewels, this gibberish will never fill a man's belly.
Clyft. And thus, to fpeak fummatim articulatim, or categorically to recapitulate the feveral remedies in the aggregate, the emetics will clear the first paffages, and reftore the vifcera to their priftine tone, and regulate their periftaltic or vermicular motion; fo that from the fophagus to the rectum, I am for potent emetics.
Gally. And next for fudorifics; as they open the pores, or rather the porous continuity of the cutaneous dermis and epidermis, thence to convey the noxious and melancholy humours of the blood.
Clyft. With cathartics to purge him.
Gally. Cephalics to pose him.
Capt. The devil of fo many dishes I ever heard of in my life. Why, my jewels, there's no need for all this cookery-Upon my fhoul, this is to be a grand entertainment- -Well, they'll have their own way.
Clyft. Suppofe we ufe phlebotomy, and take from him thirty ounces of blood.
Capt Flea my bottom, d'ye fay?
Gally. Or, brother, suppose we use a clyfter.
Capt. Upon my fhoul, i find now how it is: I was invited here to a fcaft, but it is like to be the backward way. Gally. His eyes begin to roll-call the keepers. [Doctors call, and enter keepers with chains.] Capt. Flea my bottom-Oh, my andraferara and fhilela, I want you now!-But here's a chair-Flea my bottom-ye fons of whores-ye gibberish fcoundrels! [Takes up a chair, knocks one of the keepers down. Doctors run off]
Capt. Oh this fon of a whore of a coufin of mine, to bring me to these flaves to flea my bottom! If I meet him, I'll flea his bottom. [Exit.
SCENE, A Street.
Serg. I have been feeking my mafter every where, and cannot find him; I hope nothing has happened to himI think that was one of the gentlemen I saw with him. Enter Sconce.
Serg. Sir, Sir, pray did you fee the Captain, my mafter? Captain O'Blunder, the Irish gentleman.
Sconce. Not I indeed, my friend-I left him laft with Mr Cheatwell-I fuppofe they are taking a bottle together Oh no! here's the Captain.
Enter the Captain running.
Capt. Oh, my dear friend, I had like to be loft, to be ruinated by that scoundrel my coufin ; I ran away with my life from the thieves: But take care there is no doctor or clyfter-pipes nor divel-dums among ye.
Sconce. Why, what's the matter? Capt. That's the thing, my dearleft me at my coufin's houfe
-You know you
Well, I walk'd about
for fome time; to be sure, I thought it an odd fort of a houfe when I faw no furniture-there I expected my coufin every moment; and, my dear jewel, there came in two bird-lime fons of whores with great wigs—they look'd like conjurors and fortune-tellers-So, my dear, one fhits down on this fide of me, and t'other shits down on this fide of me; and I being the turd person, they made me fhit down in the middle-So one takes hold of one of my wrifts, and the other catches hold of my other wrift, I thought by way of compliment; then they fell a chattering gibberish, like a couple of old baboons; and all this difcourfe was conchearning me: They talk'd at first of treating me, and afk'd me if I had a good stomach-One of them faid I had nine appetites-But at length, my jewels, what fhould come of the treat, but they agreed before my faafh to flea my bottom -Oh—if I tell you a word of a lie, I'm not here-My dear, they call'd in the keepers to tie me-I up with chair, for I had given my fhilela and my andrefarara to my coufin -I knock'd one of them down on his tonneen, and runs out, and they after, crying out to the people in the freet, Stop the madman, ftop the madman -Oh hone, my jewel, the people took no notice of them, but run away from me as if the devil had been in the infide of them: And fo I made my escape; and here I am, my dear, and am very glad I have found you, my dear friend.
Sconce. I am forry to fee that your coufin has behaved fo rudely towards you; but any thing that lies in my power
Capt. Oh, Sir, you are a very worthy fhentleman: but, Cheargeant, I must go to fee my brother Tradewell the merchant and his fair daughter-Has the taylor brought home my cloaths?
Serg. Yefs, Sir, and the old gentleman expects you immediately; he fent a man in livery for you.
Capt. Come, my good friend, I won't part with you -I'll step to my lodgings, and flip on my cloaths—that I may pay my due regards to my miftrefs. [Exeunt
SCENE, A Mad-houfe.
Enter Cheatwell, Clyfter, and Gallypot. Cheat. I am forry for this accident.
Clyft. In troth, Mr Cheatwell, he was the most furious madman that I ever met with during the whole course of my practice.
Gally. I'm now furpris'd how he fat so long quiet. Cheat. He'll run riot about the streets; but I hope he'll be taken-Oh, here's Sconce.
Well, what news of the Captain?
Sconce. I just ran to let you know of his motions; he is preparing to dress, in order to pay a vifit to Mifs Lucy, and to pay his refpects to Tradewell-But I have worse news for you; 'tis whisper'd upon 'Change that Tradewell is broke.
Cheat. If it should fall out fo, I fhall eafily refign my pretenfions to the Captain. 'Twas Lucy's purfe, and not. her beauty, that I courted.
Sconce. I must run back to the Captain, and keep in with him to serve a turn; do you at a distance watch us, and proceed accordingly. [Exit.
Cheat. Well, gentlemen, I fhall take care to acknow ledge your trouble the firft time I fee you again. So adieu. (Exit.) [Doctors exeunt..
SCENE, The Captain's Lodgings.
Enter Captain and Sergeant.
Capt. Ara, but who do you think I met yesterday full butt in the ftreet, but Teady Shaghnaffy!
Serg. Well, and how is he?
Capt. Ara, ftaay, and I'll tell you; he wafh at t'oder
Capt. This pocket is fo high, I must be forced to ftoop, for my fnuff-box.
Sconce. Ha! upon my word, Captain, you look as spruce: as a young bridegroom.
Capt. All in good time; and dofh it fhit eafy?
Capt. I think 'tis a little too wide here in the fleeve;; I'm afraid the fellow has'nt left cloth enough to take it in; though I can't blame him neither, for fait Lwas not
by when he took the measure of me. Sergeant, here take this fixpence-halfpenny, and buy me a pair of phite gloves.
Serg. Sir, I have been all about the town, and can't get a pair under two fhillings. Capt. Two tirteens!
Serg. Two tirteens, Sir.
Capt. Two tirteens for a pair of gloves! monomundioul, but my hands fhall go bare-foot all the days of their lives before I'll give two tirteens for a pair of gloves -Come, come along; I'll go without 'em, my mistress will excufe it. [Exeunt.
SCENE, Tradewell's Houfe.
Enter Tradewell and Lucy.
Trad. Well, daughter, I have been examining into the circumstances of Cheatwell, and find he is not worth fixpence; and as for your French lover, he is fome runaway dancing-mafter or hair-catter from Paris: fo that really amongst them all, I cannot find any one comes up to your Irish lover, either for birth, fortune, or character.
Lucy. Sir, you're the best judge in difpofing of me; and indeed I have no real tender for any one of them— as to the Irish Captain, I have not seen him yet.
Trad. You'll fee him prefently; I fent to his lodgings, and expect him every moment. Oh, here comes Monfieur.
Enter Monfieur Ragou.
Trad. Well, Monfieur, I have been trying my daugh ter's affections in regard to you; and as fhe is willing to be guided by me in this affair, I would willingly know by what vifible means you intend to maintain her like a gentlewoman.
Monf. Me have de grand acquaintance with the beau monde; and, fi vous plaira, if you fal please, Sir, to do me de honour of making me your fon-in-law, me vill tranfact your negociations vide all poffible care et belle air. Enter Captain and Betty.
Trad. You are welcome, Sir, to my house-this is my daughter-this, child, is Captain O'Blunder, whom I hope you will receive as he deserves.
Capt. Fairest of creatures, will you gratify me with