Or who poetic justice dares dispute,
When, mildly melting at a lover's suit,
The wife's a Liquid, her good man a Mute?
Even in the homelier scenes of honest life,
The coarse-spun intercourse of man and wife,
Initials I am told have taken place

Of Deary, Spouse, and that old-fashioned race;
And Cabbage, ask'd by Brother Snip to tea,
Replies "I'll come-but it don't rest with me-
I always leaves them things to Mrs. C."
O should this mincing fashion ever spread
From names of living heroes to the dead,
How would Ambition sigh, and hang the head,
As each lov'd syllable should melt away-
Her Alexander turned into Great A-

A single C. her Cæsar to express―
Her Scipio shrunk into a Roman S-

And nick'd and dock'd to these new modes of speech,

Great Hannibal himself a Mr. H.

MR. H

A FARCE, IN TWO ACTS.

ACT I.

SCENE. A Public Room in an Inn-Landlord, Waiters, Gentlemen, &c.

Enter MR. H.

Mr. H. Landlord, has the man brought home my boots?

Landlord. Yes, Sir.

Mr. H. You have paid him?

Landlord. There is the receipt, Sir, only not quite filled up, no name, only blank-" Blank, Dr. to Zekiel Spanish for one pair of best hessians." Now, Sir, he wishes to know what name he shall put in, who he shall say "Dr." Mr. H. Why, Mr. H. to be sure.

Landlord. So I told him, Sir; but Zekiel has

some qualms about it. He says, he thinks that Mr. H. only would not stand good in law.

Mr. H. Rot his impertinence, bid him put in Nebuchadnezzar, and not trouble me with his scruples.

Landlord. I shall, Sir.

Enter a Waiter.

[Exit.

Waiter. Sir, Squire Level's man is below, with a hare and a brace of pheasants for Mr. H.

Mr. H. Give the man half-a-crown, and bid him return my best respects to his master. Presents it seems will find me out, with any name,

or no name.

Enter 2d Waiter.

2d Waiter. Sir, the man that makes up the Directory is at the door.

Mr. H. Give him a shilling, that is what these fellows come for.

2d Waiter. He has sent up to know by what name your Honour will please to be inserted.

Mr. H. Zounds, fellow, I give him a shilling for leaving out my name, not for putting it in. This is one of the plaguy comforts of going ano[Exit 2d Waiter.

nymous.

Enter 3d Waiter.

3d Waiter. Two letters for Mr. H.

[Exit.

Mr. H. From ladies (opens them). This from Melesinda, to remind me of the morning call I promised; the pretty creature positively languishes to be made Mrs. H. I believe I must indulge her (affectedly). This from her cousin, to bespeak me to some party, I suppose (opening it)-Oh, "this evening". "Tea and cards"(surveying himself with complacency). Dear H. thou art certainly a pretty fellow. I wonder what makes thee such a favourite among the ladies I wish it may not be owing to the concealment of thy unfortunate

:

-pshaw !

Enter 4th Waiter.

4th Waiter. Sir, one Mr. Printagain is enquir

ing for you.

Mr. H. Oh, I remember, the poet; he is publishing by subscription. Give him a guinea, and tell him he may put me down.

4th Waiter. What name shall I tell him, Sir? Mr. H. Zounds, he is a poet; let him fancy a [Exit 4th Waiter.

name.

Enter 5th Waiter.

5th Waiter. Sir, Bartlemy the lame beggar, that you sent a private donation to last Monday, has by some accident discovered his benefactor, and is at the door waiting to return thanks.

Mr. H. Oh, poor fellow, who could put it into his head? Now I shall be teazed by all his tribe, when once this is known. Well, tell him I am glad I could be of any service to him, and send him away.

5th Waiter. I would have done so, Sir; but the object of his call now, he says, is only to know who he is obliged to.

Mr. H. Why, me.

5th Waiter. Yes, Sir.

Mr. H. Me, me, me, who else, to be sure? 5th Waiter. Yes, Sir; but he is anxious to know the name of his benefactor.

Mr. H. Here is a pampered rogue of a beggar, that cannot be obliged to a gentleman in the way of his profession, but he must know the name, birth, parentage, and education of his benefactor. I warrant you, next he will require a certificate of one's good behaviour, and a magistrate's licence in one's pocket, lawfully empower