nature. froft of age, and gives a new warmth and vigour to all [Falls a coughing. Maria. Dear heart! 1 fhould like to have a scene with him. Sir Jafp. Hey! what's in the wind now? won't take -This My girl fhall have fair play-No old fellow fhall totter to her bed will you rock his cradle? Maria. Sir, I have one fmall doubt-Pray, can I have two hufbands at a time? G. Phil. There's a queftion now! She is again. grown foolish Sir Fafp. Hold ye, hold ye; let me talk of law; I know the law better nor any on ye-Two husbands at once- No, no-Men are scarce, and that's downright poaching. Maria. I am forry for it, Sir For then I can't marry him, I fee. Sir Jafp. Why not? Maria. I am contracted to another. Sir Jafp. Contracted! To whom? Old Phil. That gentleman! that gentleman, Sir. Beau. Yes, Sir, [throws open his gown.] My name is Beaufort And, I hope, Sir Jafper, when you confider my fortune, and my real affection for your daughter, you will generously forgive the ftratagem I have made ufe of. Sir Jafp. Mafter Quagmire! What, are you young Beaufort all this time? Old Phil. That won't take, Sir- -That won't take. Beau. But it must take, SirYou have fign'd the deeds for your daughter's marriage; and Sir Jafper by this inftrument has made me his fon-in-law. Old Phil. How is this, how is this! Then, Sir Jafper, you will agree to cancel the deeds, I fuppofe; for you know Sir Fafp. Catch me at that, an ye can! I fulfill'd my promife, and your fon refused, and fo the wench has looked out flily for herfelf elsewhere. Did I not tell you fhe was a clever girl! I-ben't asham'd o' my girl-Our I Moll, Moll, you have done no harm, and Mr Beaufort is welcome to you with all my heart. I'll ftand to what I have figned, though you have taken me by surprise. Wild. Bravo! my fcheme has fucceeded rarely. Old Phil. And fo here I am bubbled and choufed out of my money- George, George, what a day's work have we made of it!Well, if it must be fo, be it fo I defire, young gentleman, you will come and take my daughter away to-morrow morning-And, I'll tell you what, here, here-take my family-watch into the bargain; and I wifh it may play you just fuch another trick as it has me; that's all- I'll never go intriguing with a family-watch again. Maria. Well, Sir! To G. Phil.] What do you think of me now? An't I connoiffeur, Sir? and a virtuofo? Ha! ha! G. Phil. Yes; and much good may't do your husband I have been connioffeur'd among ye to fome purpofe -Bubbled at play-dup'd by my wench-cudgel'd by a rake-laugh'd at by a girl- -detected by my fatherand there is the fum total of all I have got at this end of the town. Old Phil. This end of the town! I defire never to fee it again while I live-I'll pop into a hackney-coach this moment, drive to Mincing-lane, and never venture back to this fide of Temple-bar. [Going. G. Phil. And, Sir, Sir!fhall I drive you? [Exit. G. Phil. I'll overturn the old hocus at the firft cor • ner. Sir Fafp. They fhan't go zo, neither and crack a bottle. [Following him. they fhall ftay [Exit after them. Maria. Well, brother, how have I play'd my part? Wild. Beau. To a miracle. Maria. Have I?-I don't know how that is- To win your-[To Beaufort.] No! not your's To win your hearts. [To the Audience.] Your hearts to win is now my aim alone; A INTRODUCTION. Enter a Gentleman and two Ladies. GENTLEMAN. ND you never have been at this extraordinary toyfhop, you fay, Madam? 1 La. No, Sir: I have heard of the man, indeed; but moft people fay he's a very impertinent filly fellow. Gent. That's because he fometimes tells them of their faults. 1 La. And that's fufficient. I should think any man impertinent that should pretend to tell me of my faults, if they did not concern him. Gent. Yes, Madam; but people that know him take no exceptions. And really, tho' some may think him impertinent, in my opinion he's very entertaining. 2 La. Pray, who is the man your are talking of? I never heard of him. Gent. He's one who has lately fet up a toy-fhop, Madam; and is, perhaps, the most extraordinary person in his way that ever was heard of. He is a general fatirist, yet not rude or ill-natur'd. He has got a custom of moralizing upon every trifle he fells; and will strike a leffon or inftruction out of a fnuff-box, a thimble, or a cockle-fhell. 1 La. Isn't he craz'd? Gent. Madam, he may be call'd a humorist; but does not want sense, I do assure you. 2 La. Methinks I fhould be glad to fee him. Gent. I dare fay you will be very much diverted. And if you'll give me leave, I'll wait on you. I'm particularly acquainted with him. 2 La. What fay you, Madam, fhall we go? I La. I can't help thinking he's a coxcomb; how ever, to fatisfy my curiofity, I don't care if I do. Gent. I believe the coach is at the door. 2 La. I hope he won't affront us, Gent. He won't defignedly, I'm fure, Madam. [Exeunt.] The SCENE opens and difcovers the toy-fhop; the Mafter Standing behind the counter, looking over his books. M MASTER. ETHINKS I have had a tolerable good day of it to-day. A gold-watch, five-and-thirty guineas: Let me fee- What did that watch ftand me in? *Where is it? O here-- -Lent to Lady Baffet eighteen guineas upon her gold watch. Ay, he died' D 3 Turning to another book backwards and forwards. and and never redeem'd it—A set of old china, five pounds. -Bought of an old-cloaths man for five fhillings. Right. A curious fhell for a fnuff-box, two guineas.-Bought of a poor fifherboy for a halfpenny. Now, if I had offered that shell for fixpence, nobody would have bought it. Well, thanks to the whimfical extravagance and folly of mankind. I believe, from thefe childish toys, and gilded baubles, I fhall pick up a comfortable maintenance. For really, as it is a trifling age, fo nothing but trifles are valued in it. Men read none but trifling authors; purfue none but trifling amusements; and contend for none but trifling opinions. A trifling fellow is preferr'd; a trifling woman admir'd. Nay, as if there were not real trifles enow, they make trifles of the most serious and valuable things. Their time, their health, their money, their reputation, are trifled away. Honefty is become a trifle, confcience a trifle, honour a mere trifle, and religion the greatest trifle of all. Enter the Gentleman and two Ladies. Maft. Sir, your humble fervant; I'm very glad to fee you. Gent. Sir, I am your's. I have brought you fome cuftomers here. Maft. You are very good, Sir. What do you please to want, Ladies? 1 La. Please to want! People feldom please to want any thing, Sir.. Maft. O dear, Madam, yes; I always imagine when people come into a toy-fhop, it must be for fomething they please to want. 2 La. Here is a mighty pretty looking-glass: pray, Sir, what's the price of it? Maft. This looking-glafs, Madam, is the fineft in all England. In this glafs a coquette may fee her vanity, and a prude her hypocrify. Some ladies may fee more beauty than modefty, more airs than graces, and more wit than good-nature. 1 La. [Afide] He begins already. Maft. If a beau was to buy this glafs, and look earneftly into it, he might fee his folly almost as foon as his finery. 'Tis true, fome people may not fee their generofity in it, nor others their charity; yet it is a very clear glafs. |