Sir Jac. True, Mafter Lint, and equally skilful in both. Lint. It is your worship's pleasure to say fo, Sir Jacob. Is it your worship's will that I lend a miniftring hand to the maim'd? Sir Jac. By all means. Lint. And to whom muft I bring in my bill?. Lint. Your worship knows, that, kill or cure, I have contracted to phyfic the parish-poor by the great: but this must be a feparate charge. Sir Jac. No, no; all under one : come, Master Lint, don't be unreasonable. Lint. Indeed, Sir Jacob, I can hardly afford it. What with the dearnefs of drugs, and the number of patients the peace has procured me,, I can't get falt to my porridge. Sir Jac. Bad this year, the better the next.- -We muft take things rough and smooth as they run. Lint. Indeed I have a very hard bargain. Sir Jac. No fuch matter; we are, neighbour Lint, a little better inftructed. Formerly, indeed, a fit of illness was very expenfive; but now phyfic is cheaper than food. Lint. Marry, heaven forbid! Sir Jac. No, no; your effences, elixirs, emetics, fweats, drops, and your paftes, and your pills, have filenced your peftles and mortars. Why, a fever that would formerly have coft you a fortune, you may now cure for twelve penn'orth of powder. Lint. Or kill, Sir Jacob. Sir Jac. And then as to your fcurvies, and gouts, rheumatisms, confumptions, coughs and catarrhs, tarwater and turpentine will make you as found as a roach. Lint. Noftrums. Sir Jac. Specifics, fpecifics, Master Lint. Lint. I am very forry to find a man of your worfhip's Sir Jacob, a promoter of puffs; an encourager of quacks, Sir Jacob. Sir Juc. Regulars, Lint, regulars; look at their names- Roger, bring me the news not a foul of them but is either P. L. or M. D. Lint. Plaguy liars; murderous dogs. Roger brings the News Sir Fac. Liars! Here, look at the lift of their cures. The oath of Margery Squab, of Ratcliff-Highway, fpinfter. Lint. Perjuries. Sir Fac. And fee here, the churchwardens have fign ed it. Lint. Fictitious, Sir Jacob. Sir Jac. Sworn before the worshipful Mr Juftice Drowfy, this thirteenth day of Lint. Forgery. Sir Jac. Why, hark'ye, firrah, do you think Mr Juftice Drowfy would fet his hand to a forgery? Lint. I know, Sir Jacob, that woman; fhe has been cured of fifty diseases in a fortnight, and every one of 'em mortal. Sir Jac. You impudent Lint. Of a dropfy, by Weft Sir Jac. Audacious Lint. A cancer, by Cleland. Sir Jac. Arrogant— Lint. A palfy, by Walker Sir Jac. Impertinent Lint. Gout and sciatic, by Rock. Sir Jac. Infolent Lint. Confumption, by Stevens's drops Sir Jac. Paltry Lint. And fquinting by the Chevalier Taylor.- Lint. And as to the juftice, fo the affidavit brings him a fhilling Sir Jac. Why, hark'ye, rafcal, how dare you abuse the commiffion-You blood-letting, tooth-drawing, corn-cutting, worm-killing, blistering, glistering Lint. Blefs me, Sir Jacob, I did not think toSir Jac. What, firrah, do you infult me in my office? Here, Roger, out with him-Turn him out. Lint. Sir, as I hope to be— Sir Jac. Away with him. You fcoundrel, if my clerk was within, I'd fend you this inftant to Bridewell. Things are come to a pretty pass indeed, if after all all my reading in Wood, and Nelson, and Burn; if after twenty years attendance at turnpike-meetings, feffions, petty and quarter; if after fettling of rates,_li-cenfing ale-houses, and committing of vagrants-But all respect to authority is loft, and Unus Quorum, nowa-days, is no more regarded than a petty conftable. [Knocking.] Roger, fee who is at the gate? Why, the fellow is deaf. Rog. Justice Sturgeon, the fishmonger, from Brent ford. Sir Jac. Gad's my life! and Major to the Middlesex militia. Ufher him in, Roger. Enter Major Sturgeon. Sir Fac. I could have wish'd you had come a little fooner, Major Sturgeon.. Maj. Why, what has been the matter, Sir Jacob? Sir Jac. There has, Major, been here an impudent pill-monger, who has dar'd to fcandalize the whole body of the bench... Maj. Infolent companion! had I been here, I would have mittimus'd the rafcal at once... Sir Jac. No, no, he wanted the Major more than the Magiftrate, a few smart ftrokes from your cane would have fully anfwer'd the purpose.Well, Major, our wars are done; the rattling drum and squeaking fife now wound our ears no more.. Maj. True, Sir Jacob, our corps is difembodied, fo the French may fleep in fecurity. Sir Jac. But, Major, was it not rather late in life for you to enter upon the profeffion of arms? Maj. A little aukward in the beginning, Sir Jacob: the great difficulty they had was to get me to turn out my toes; but ufe-use reconciles all them kind of things: why, after my firft campaign, I no more minded. the noife of the gúns than a flea-bite. Sir Jac. No! Maj. No. There is more made of these matters than they merit. For the general good, indeed, I am glad of the peace; but as to my fingle felf-And yet we have had. fome defperate duty, Sir Jacob. Sir Jac. No doubt. Maj. Oh fuch marchings and counter-marchings!! A 3 from 1 from Brentford to Elin, from Elin to Acton, from Acton to Uxbridge: The duft flying, fun feorching, men fweating-Why, there was our laft expedition to Hounflow, that day's work carried off Major Moloffas. Bunhill-fields never faw a braver commander! He was an irreparable loss to the service. Sir Jac. How came that about? Maj. Why, it was partly the Major's own fault: I advised him to pull of his fpurs before he went upon action; but he was refolute, and would not be rul❜d. Sir Jac. Spirit; zeal for the fervice. Maj. Doubtlefs-But to proceed: In order to get our men in good fpirits, we were quarter'd at Thistleworth the evening before; at day-break, our regiment form'd at Hounslow town's end, as it might be about here. The Major made a fine difpofition: on we march'd, the men all in high fpirits, to attack the gibbet where Gardel is hanging; but turning down a narrow lane to the left, as it might be about there, in order to poffefs a pig's-ftye, that we might take the gallows in flank, and at all events fecure a retreat, who should come by but a drove of fat oxen for Smithfield. The drums beat in the front, the dogs bark'd in the rear, the oxen fet up a gallop; on they came thundering upon us, broke through our ranks in an inftant, and threw the whole corps in confusion. Sir Jac. Terrible ! Maj. The Major's horse took to his heels; away he fcour'd over the heath. That gallant commander stuck both his fpurs into the flank, and for fome time held by his mane; but in croffing a ditch, the horse threw up his head, gave the Major a dowfe in the chops, and plump'd him into a gravel-pit, juft by the powdermills. Sir Fac. Dreadful! Maj. Whether from the fall or the fright, the Major mov'd off in a month- -Indeed it was an unfortunate day for us all. Sir Fac. As how? Maj. Why, as Captain Cucumber, Lieutenant Patty. Pan, Enfign Tripe, and myfelf, were returning to town in the Turnham-Green ftage, we were ftopp'd near the Ham Hammersmith turnpike, and robb'd and ftripp'd by a footpad. Sir Jac. An unfortunate day indeed! Maj. But in fome measure to make me amends, Í got the Major's commiffion. Sir Jac. You did. Maj. O yes. I was the only one of the corps that could rid; otherwife we always fucceeded of course: no jumping over heads; no underhand work among us; all men of honour; and I must do the regiment the justice to say, there never was a fet of more amiable officers. Sir Fac. Quiet and peaceable. Maj. As lambs, Sir Jacob. Excepting one boxingbout at the Three Compaffes in Acton, between Captain Sheers and the Colonel, concerning a game at allfours, I don't remember a fingle difpute. Sir Jac. Why, that was mere mutiny; the Captain ought to have been broke. Maj. He was for the Colonel not only took away his cockade, but his custom; and I don't think Captain Sheers has done a stitch for him fince. poor Sir Fac. But you foon fupplied the lofs of Moloffas? Maj. In part only: no, Sir Jacob, he had great experience; he was train'd up to arms from his youth: at fixteen he trail'd a pike in the artillery-ground; at eighteen got a company in the Smithfield pioneers; and by the time he was twenty, was made aid-de-camp to Sir Jeffery Grub, knight, alderman, and colonel of the Yellow. Sir Jac. A rapid rife! Maj. Yes, he had a genius for war; but what I wanted in practice, I made up by doubling my diligence.. Our porter at home had been a ferjeant of marines ? fo after fhop was fhut up at night, he us'd to teach me my exercife; and he had not to deal with a dunce, Sir Jacob. Sir Jac. Your progrefs was great? Maj. Amazing. In a week I could fhoulder, and reff, and poize, and turn to the right, and wheel to the left; and in lefs than a month, I could fire without winking or blinking. Sir Jac. A perfect Hannibal! Maj |