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fhould make her afraid to speak her Mind, and there"fore fhe is impertinently Blunt to all her Acquaintance, and unfeasonably Imperious to all her Family. Dear Sir, be pleafed to put fuch Books in our Hands, as may make our Virtue more inward, and convince fome of us that in a Mind truly virtuous the Scorn of Vice is always accompanied with the Pity of it. This, and other things, are impatiently expected from you by our whole Sex; among the reft by,

R

SIR, Your most Humble Servant;

B. D.

N° 80.

Friday, June 1.

I.

Calum non animum mutant qui trans mare currunt.

IN

Hor.

N the Year 1688, and on the fame Day of that Year, were born in Cheapfide, London, two Females of exquifite Feature and Shape; the one we fhall call Brunetta, the other Phillis. A clofe Intimacy between their Parents made each of them the first Acquaintance the other knew in the World: They played, dreffed Babies, acted Vifitings, learned to Dance and make Curtefies, to gether. They were infeparable Companions in all the little Entertainments their tender Years were capable of: Which innocent Happinefs continued till the Beginning of their fifteenth Year, when it happened that Mrs. Phillis had an Head-drefs on which became her fo very well, that instead of being beheld any more with Pleasure for their Amity to each other, the Eyes of the Neighbourhood were turned to remark them with Comparison of their Beauty. They now no longer enjoyed the Ease of Mind and pleafing Indolence in which they were formerly happy, but all their Words and Actions were mifinterpreted by each other, and every Excellence in their Speech and Behaviour was looked upon as an Act of Emulation to furpafs the other. Thefe Beginnings of Difinclination foon improved into a Formality of Behaviour, a general Coldnefs, and by natural Steps into an irreconcileable Hatred.

THESE

was,

THESE two Rivals for the Reputation of Beauty, were in their Stature, Countenance and Mein fo very much alike, that if you were fpeaking of them in their Absence, the Words in which you defcribed the one must give you an Idea of the other. They were hardly diftinguishable, you would think, when they were apart, tho' extreamly different when together. What made their Enmity the more entertaining to all the rest of their Sex that in Detraction from each other neither could fall upon Terms which did not hit her felf as much as her Adverfary. Their Nights grew restless with Meditation of new Dreffes to outvie each other, and inventing new Devices to recall Admirers, who obferved the Charms of the one rather than those of the other on the last Meeting. Their Colours failed at each other's Appearance, flushed with Pleasure at the Report of a Disadvantage, and their Countenances withered upon Inftances of Applaufe. The Decencies to which Women are obliged, made thefe Virgins ftifle their Refentment fo far as not to break into open Violences, while they equally fuffered the Torments of a regulated Anger. Their Mothers, as it is ufual, engaged in the Quarrel, and fupported the feveral Pretentions of the Daughters with all that ill-chofen Sort of Expence which is common with People of plentiful Fortunes and mean Tafte. The Girls preceded their Parents like Queens of May, in all the gaudy Colours imaginable on every Sunday to Church, and were expofed to the Examination of the Audience for Superiority of Beauty.

DURING this conftant Struggle it happened, that Phillis one Day at publick Prayers fmote the Heart of a gay Weft-Indian, who appeared in all the Colours which can affect an Eye that could not diftinguish between being fine and tawdry. This American in a Summer-Ifland Suit was too fhining and too gay to be refifted by Phillis, and too intent upon her Charms to be diverted by any of the laboured Attractions of Brunetta. Soon after, Brunetta had the Mortification to fee her Rival difpofed of in a wealthy Marriage, while fhe was only addreffed to in a. Manner that fhewed fhe was the Admiration of all Men,but the Choice of none. Phillis was carried to the Habitation of her Spoufe in Barbadoes : Brunetta had the ill Nature to en

quire for her by every Opportunity, and had the Misfortune to hear of her being attended by numerous Slaves, fanned into Slumbers by fucceffive Hands of them, and carried from Place to Place in all the Pomp of barbarous Magnificence. Brunetta could not endure thefe repeated Advices, but employed all her Arts and Charms in laying Baits for any of Condition of the fame Island, out of a mere Ambition to confront her once more before fhe died. She at laft fucceeded in her Design, and was taken to Wife by a Gentleman whofe Eftate was contiguous to that of her Enemy's Husband. It would be endless to enumerate the many Occafions on which these irreconcileable Beauties laboured to excel each other; but in procefs of Time it happened that a Ship put into the Island configned to a Friend of Phillis, who had Directions to give her the Refufal of all Goods for Apparel, before Brunetta could be alarmed of their Arrival. He did fo, and Phillis was dreffed in a few Days in a Brocade more gorgeous and coftly than had ever before appeared in that Latitude. Brunetta languished at the Sight, and could by no Means come up to the Bravery of her Antagonist. She communicated her Anguish of Mind to a faithful Friend, who by an Intereft in the Wife of Phillis's Merchant, procured a Remnant of the fame Silk for Brunetta. Phillis took Pains to appear in all publick Places where fhe was fure to meet Brunetta; Brunetta was now prepared for the Infult, and came to a publick Ball in a plain black Silk Mantua, attended by a beautiful Negro Girl in a Petticoat of the fame Brocade with which Phillis was attired. This drew the Attention of the whole Company, upon which the unhappy Phillis fwooned away, and was immediately conveyed to her House. As foon as fhe came to her felf fhe fled from her Husband's Houfe, went on board a Ship in the Road, and is now landed in inconfolable Defpair at Plymouth.

POSTSCRIPT.

AFTER the above melancholy Narration, it may perhaps be a Relief to the Reader to perufe the following Expostulation,

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6

To Mr. SPECTATOR.

The just Remonftrance of affronted THAT. THO'I deny not the Petition of Mr. Who and Which, yet You should not fuffer them to be rude and to call honeft People Names: For that bears very hard on fome of thofe Rules of Decency, which you are juftiy • famous for eftablishing. They may find Fault, and correct Speeches in the Senate and at the Bar: But let them try to get themselves fo often and with fo much Eloquence repeated in a Sentence, as a great Orator doth frequently introduce me.

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MY Lords! (fays he) with humble Submiffion, That that I fay is this: that, That that, that Gentleman has advanced, is not That, that he should have proved to your Lordships. Let thofe two queftionary Petitioners try to do thus with their Who's and their Whiches.

WHAT great Advantage was I of to Mr. Dryden in his Indian Emperor,

YOU force me ftill to answer You in That, to furnish out a Rhime to Morat? And what a poor Figure would Mr. Bayes have made without his Egad and • all That? How can a judicious Man diftinguish one thing from another, without faying This here, or That there? And how can a fober Man without using the Expletives ⚫ of Oaths (in which indeed the Rakes and Bullies have a great Advantage over others) make a Difcourfe of any ⚫ tolerable Length, without That is; and if he be a very grave Man indeed, without That is to fay? And how inftructive as well as entertaining are thofe ufual Expreffions, in the Mouths of great Men, Such Things as That, and The like of That.

I am not againft reforming the Corruptions of Speech You mention, and own there are proper Seafons for the • Introduction of other Words befides That; but I fcorn as much to fupply the Place of a Who ora Which at every Turn, as they are unequal always to fill mine; and I expect good Language and civil Treatment, and hope to receive it for the future: That, that I fhall only add is, that I am,

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VOL. I.

Yours,

THAT

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A

The INDE X.

A.

BIGAILS, (male) in Fa-
fhion among the Ladies,

N. 45.

Abfence in Converfation, a
remarkable Inftance of it in
Will. Honeycomb, N. 77. The
Occafion of this Abfence, ib.
and Means to conquer it, ib.
The Character of an abfent
Man, out of Bruyere, ibid.
Acroftick, a Piece of Falfe Wit,
divided into Simple and Com-
pound, N. 60.
Act of Deformity, for the ufe
of the Ugly Club, N. 17.
Advertisements, of an Italian
Chirurgeon, N. 22. From St.
James's Coffee - houfe, 24.
From a Gentlewoman that
teiches Birds to fpeak, 36.
From another that is a fine
Flefh-Painter, 41.
Advice; no Order of Perfons
too confiderable to be advi-
fed, N. 34.
Affectation, a greater Enemy
to a fine Face than the Small-
Pox, N. 33. it deforms Beau-
ty, and turns Wit into Abfur-
dity, 38. The Original of it,
ibid. found in the wife Man
as well as the Coxcomb, ibid.
The way to get clear of it, ib.
Age, rendred ridiculous, N. 6;
how contemned by the Athe

nians, and refpected by the
Spartans, ibid.
Alexander the Great, wry-
neck'd, N. 32.
Ambition never fatisfied, N, 27.
Americans, their Opinion of
Souls, N. 56; exemplifyed
in a Vision of one of their
Country-men, ibid.
Ample, (Lady) her Uneafiness,
and the Reafon of it, N. 32.
Anagram, what, and when first
produced, N. 60.
Andromache, a great Fox-hunt-
er, N. 57.

April (the firft of) the merrieft
Day in the Year, N. 47.
Aretine made all the Princes of
Europe his Tributaries, N. 23.
Arietta, her Character, N. 11;
her Fable of the Lion and the
Man, in answer to the Story
of the Ephefian Matron, ibid.
her Story of Inkle and Yarico,
ibid.

Ariftotle, his Obfervation upon
the Iambick Verfe, N. 39.
Upon Tragedies, 40, 42.
Arsinoe, the first musical Opera
on the English Stage, N. 18.
Avarice, the Original of it, N.
55.
55. Operates with Luxury,
ibid; at War with Luxury, ib.
its Officers and Adherents, ib,
comes to an Agreement with
Luxury, ibid.

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