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this Means I frequently carry about me a whole Sheetfull of Hints, that would look like a Rhapsody of Nonfenfe to any Body but my felf: There is nothing in them but Obfcurity and Confufion, Raving and Inconfiftency. In fhort, they are my Speculations in the first Principles, that (like the World in its Chaos) are void of all Light, Distinction, and Order.

ABOUT a Week fince there happened to me a very odd Accident, by Reason of one of these my Papers of Minutes which I had accidentally dropped at Lloyd's Coffee-houfe, where the Auctions are ufually kept. Before I miffed it, there w was a Clufter of People who had found it, and were diverting themfelves with it at one End of the Coffee-Houfe: It had raised so much Laughter among them before I had obferved what they were about, that I had not the Courage to own it. The Boy of the Coffee-houfe, when they had done with it, carried it about in his Hand, asking every Body if they had dropped a written Paper; but no Body challenging it, he was ordered by thofe merry Gentlemen who had before perufed it, to get up into the Auction Pulpit, and read it to the whole Room, that if any one would own it, they might. The Boy accordingly mounted the Pulpit, and with a very audible Voice read as follows.

MINUTES.

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Sir ROGER DE COVERLEY'S Country Seat for I hate long Speeches Query, if a good Chriftian may be a Conjurer Childermas-day, Saltfeller, HoufeDog, Screech-Owl, Cricket Mr. Thomas Inkle of London, in the good Ship called the Achilles. Yarico

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Agrefcitque medendo Ghoft's The Lady's Library -Lion by Trade a Taylor - Dromedary called Bucephalus Equipage the Lady's fummum bonum Charles Lillie to be taken Notice of. Short Face a Relief to Envy Redundancies in the three Profeffions King Latinus a Recruit Jew devouring an Ham of Bacon Wefiminfler-Abby-Grand Cairo Procraftination- April Fools Blue Boars, Red Lions, Hogs in Armour Enter a King and two Fidlers folus Admiffion into the Ugly Club- Beau *y, how improveable - Families of true and falfe Hu

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mourSATION The Parrot's School-Miftrefs Face half Pict half British No Man to be an Hero of a Tragedy under fix Foot- Club of Sighers - Letters from Flower-Pots, Elbow-Chairs, Tapeftry-Figures, Lion, Thunder The Bell rings to the Puppet-Show- Old Woman with a Beard married to a fmock-faced Boy Coat to be turned

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My next

Pactolus in
Bamboos,

with Blue up Fable of Tongs and Gridiron. Flower Dyers The Soldier's PrayerThank ye for nothing, fays the Gally-Pot Stockings, with golden Clocks to them Cudgels, Drum-sticks Slip of my Landlady's eldest Daughter The black Mare with a Star in her Forehead The Barber's Pole- WILL HONEYCOMB'S · Coat-pocket Cafar's Behaviour and my own in Pa- rallel Circumftances Poem in Patch-workgravis eft percuffus Achilles. The Female Conventicler The Ogle-Mafter.

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The reading of this Paper made the whole Coffeehoufe very merry; fome of them concluded it was writ-ten by a Madman, and others by fome Body that had been taking Notes out of the Spectator. One who had the Appearance of a very fubftantial Citizen, told us, with feveral politick Winks and Nods, that he wifhed there was no more in the Paper than what was expreffed in it: That for his part, he looked upon the Dromedary, the Gridiron, and the Barber's Pole, to fignifie fomething more than what is ufually meant by thofe Words; and that he thought the Coffee-man could not do better, than to carry the Paper to one of the Secretaries of State, He further added, that he did not like the Name of the outlandish Man with the Golden Clock in his Stockings. A young Oxford Scholar, who chanced to be with his Uncle at the Coffee-house, discovered to us who this Paftolus was; and by that Means turned the whole Scheme of this worthy Citizen into ridicule. While they were making their feveral Conjectures upon this innocent Paper, I reached out my Arm to the Boy, as he was coming out of the Pulpit, to give it me; which he did accordingly. This drew the Eyes of the whole Company upon me; but after having caft a curfory Glance over it, and fhook my Head twice or thrice at the reading of it, twifted it into a kind of Match, and litt my Pipe with it. My pro

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found Silence, together with the Steadiness of my Countenance, and the Gravity of my Behaviour during this whole Tranfaction, raised a very loud Laugh on all Sides of me; but as I had efcaped all Sufpicion of being the Author, I was very well fatisfied, and applying my felf to my Pipe and the Pofman, took no further Notice of any thing that paffed about me.

MY Reader will find, that I have already made ufe of above half the Contents of the foregoing Paper; and will eafily fuppofe, that thofe Subjects which are yet untouched, were fuch Provifions as I had made for his future Entertainment. But as I have been unluckily prevented by this Accident, I fhall only give him the Letters which relate to the two laft Hints. The first of them I fhould not have published, were I not informed that there is many an Husband who fuffers very much in his private Affairs by the indifcreet Zeal of fuch a Partner as is hereafter mentioned; to whom I may apply the barbarous Infcription quoted by the Bishop of Salisbury in his Travels; Dum nimia pia eft, facta eft impia.

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SIR,

'I Am one of those unhappy Men that are plagued with

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a Gofpel-Goffip, fo common among Diffenters (efpecially Friends.) Lectures in the Morning, ChurchMeetings at Noon, and Preparation-Sermons at Night, take up fo much of her Time, 'tis very rare fhe knows what we have for Dinner, unlefs when the Preacher is to be at it. With him come a Tribe, all Brothers and Sifters it seems; while others, really fuch, are deemed no Relations. If at any time I have her Company alone, fhe is a meer Sermon Popgun, repeating and difcharging Texts, Proofs, and Applications fo perpetually, that however weary I may go to Bed, the Noise in my Head will not let me fleep till towards Morning. The Mifery of my Cafe, and great Numbers of fuch Sufferers, plead your Pity and fpeedy Relief; otherwise must expect, in a little time, to be lectured, preached, and prayed ⚫ into Want, unless the Happiness of being fooner talked to Death prevent it.

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I am, &c.

R.. G. THE

THE fecond Letter, relating to the Ogling Mafter, runs thus.

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Mr. SPECTATOR,

1 Am an Irish Gentleman, that have travelled many Years for my Improvement; during which time I have accomplished my felf in the whole Art of Ogling, as it is at prefent practifed in all the polite Nations of Europe. Being thus qualified, I intend, by the Advice of my Friends, to fet up for an Ogling-Mafter. I teach the Church Ogle in the Morning, and the Play-house Ogle by Candle-light. I have alfo brought over with me a new flying Ŏgle fit for the Ring; which I teach in the Dusk of the Evening, or in any Hour of the Day by darkning one of my Windows. I have a Manufcript by me called The Compleat Ogler, which I fhall be ready · to fhew you upon any Occafion. In the mean time, Í beg you will publish the Subftance of this Letter in an Advertisement, and you will very much oblige,

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Yours, &c.

N° 47.

MR

Tuesday, April 24.

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R. Hobbs, in his Discourse of Human Nature, which, in my humble Opinion, is much the best of all his Works, after fome very curious Obfervations upon Laughter, concludes thus: The Passion of Laughter is nothing elfe but fudden Glory arifing from fome fudden Conception of fome Eminency in our felves by Comparison with the Infirmity of others, or with our own formerly: For Men laugh at the Follies of themfelves paft, when they come fuddenly to Remembrance, except they bring with them any present Dishonour. ACCORDING to this Author therefore, when we here a Man laugh exceffively, inftead of faying he is very Merry, we ought to tell him he is very Proud. And in

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deed,

deed, if we look into the bottom of this Matter, we shall meet with many Obfervations to confirm us in his Opi uion. Every one laughs at fome Body that is in an inferior State of Folly to himfelf. It was formerly the Custom for every great House in England to keep a tame Fool dreffed in Petticoats, that the Heir of the Family might have an opportunity of joking upon him and diverting himself with his Abfurdities. For the fame Reafon Idiots are ftill in request in moft of the Courts of Germany, where there is not a Prince of any great Magnificence who has not two or three dreffed, diftinguifhed, undifputed Fools in hisRetinue, whom the rest of the Courtiers are alwaysbreaking their Jefts upon..

THE Dutch, who are more famous for their Industry and Application, than for Wit and Humour, hang up in feveral of their Streets what they call the Sign of the Gaper, that is the Head of an Idiot dreffed in a Cap and Bells, and gaping in a moft immoderate manner: This is a standing Jeft at Amfterdam.

THUS every one diverts himself with fome Perfon or other that is below him in Point of Understanding, and triumphs in the Superiority of his Genius, whilft he has fuch Objects of Derifion before his Eyes. Mr. Dennis has very well expreffed this in a Couple of humorous Lines,, which are part of a Translation of a Satyr in Monfieur Boileau.

Thus one Fool lolls his Tongue out at another,
And Shakes his empty Noddle at his Brother.

Mr. Hobbs's Reflection gives us the Reafon why the infignificant People above-mentioned are Stirrers up of Laughter among Men of a grofs Tafte: But as the more understanding Part of Mankind do not find their Rifibility affected by fuch ordinary Objects, it may be worth the while to examine into the feveral Provocatives of Laughter in Men of fuperior Senfe and Knowledge,

IN the first Place I muft obferve, that there is a Set of merry Drolls, whom the common People of all Countries admire, and feem to love fo well, that they could eat them, according to the old Proverb: I mean thofe circumforaneous Wits whom every Nation calls by the Name of that Dish of Meat which it loves beft. In Holland they are

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